TAGSTRAVAGANZA II - Gauntlet 1

[Ryan Ro [NAPW]]

TAGSTRAVAGANZA II

The NAPW Tag Team champions will put their titles on the line... against 11 other teams. Two separate, random entrance gauntlet matches will take place. The winning team of each gauntlet match will then go on to the main event, a tag match for the Championships within the confines of a 15 foot high STEEL CAGE. LDK and Banks have their work cut out for them, but will their new alliance with NAPW Owner Rex Caliber give them an advantage? They already have the champion advantage, entering last in the smaller bracket...

This is a huge opportunity not only for the titles, but for one team to make a huge statement to the wrestling world. Expect surprises, intensity and violence, all for the coveted NAPW tag team titles!

Gauntlet 1
Chris Casino & Sebastien Martyr
The Foundation (REBEL tag champs)
The Crusher & Warren
Mystic Ninja & The Expositioner
Raiyn & Jared Cypress
Stylin' Kyle Roberts & The Assman
Ravager & Simply Beautiful

[Chris Casino]

"So it begins again. The thrill of the hunt, the lure of gold. Looking back it's apparent that my long run as Pure Honor Champion...Made me complacent. Lazy. By the time I faced Ravager I was so used to winning that I didn't take him seriously enough. Don't take that statement as an excuse, that evening Ravager was the better man. Hell, he kicked my ass and won my belt. But in that loss, I found my fire once again. My desire to wear gold kicked in the second I saw Ravager walk out of that ring with my Pure Honor Title draped over his shoulder. Now the time has come for not only myself but for my new tag team partner to conquer the odds and walk out...The NAPW Tag Team Champions."

- Canada -

In a posh hotel suite we find Chris Casino & Monique sitting at a round table in the rooms office. Several sheets of paper along with 8x10 photographs cover the surface of the table. It seems that Casino is scouting the competition.

Monique: How about these guys?

She holds up a picture of the REBEL Tag Team Champions, The Foundation.

Casino: They're garbage wrestlers. Well, they look like homeless people. This is about wrestling, not who can set who on fire. They won't make it.

The every lovely Monique makes a large "X" through the picture and picks up another.

Monique: Stylin' Kyle Roberts & The Assman.

The pair look at each other and then burst out laughing.

Casino: You know...I always suspected Kyle had a thing for asses. Why in the Hell are those two misfits even teaming up? Again it's two guys who aren't good enough to be in NAPW trying to make a statement in this Gauntlet thing. Let me guess, they're calling themselves the aWo right?

Monique: aWo?

Casino: Ass World Order.

Monique: So I take it you're not worried about them?

Casino: The only thing that worries me about them is that I might catch pinkeye from Assman or something.

Another large "X" on the photo.

Monique: Okay, how about this dangerous pair?

Casino studies the photo. He looks at Monique and what is that we see in his eyes? Fear? Not quite.....

Casino: The Crusher and Warren? Baby look if you're not gonna take this serious...

Monique: Okay okay, jeez Mr. I can't take a joke. Calm down.

This photo gets TWO big marks on it. Obviously Casino seems them as a "dark horse tandem" at best.

Casino: (pointing) Let me see that one.

Monique smiles, showing off her perfect smile and holds up the 8X10 of...Ravager & Simply Beautiful.

Casino: Now those cats might be troublesome. You've got Ravager who has held the Heavyweight strap longer than anyone in this companies history and you have the 2007 Sole Survivor winner. However, I did beat Simply Beautiful on three straight occasions. And Ravager? Our first match was controversial to say the least.

Monique: They also loathe each other.

Casino: Of course they do. I've said it before, Simply Beautiful reminds me of myself when I first came to NAPW. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he turns on Bobby Ravager and costs him team the win. After all, why should he want to share the spotlight with that glory hound Ravager when a simple stab in the back would assure him another crack at the Heavyweight Title? I would mark them out for the simple reason that neither man can trust each other and their minds won't be totally on this Gauntlet match.

Monique takes the sharpie and with two strokes, a large "X" covers the photo.

Monique: We also have Mystic Ninja & The Expositioner in your bracket.

Casino: Jesus didn't they hold those gastown belts or something?

Monique: I belive so.

Casino: I guess that bald headed bastard Caliber is so desperate for teams he'll let anyone in. No threat. None.

Monique: Over in the second Gauntlet we have two more teams from REBEL...The Bluegrass Mafia & The Celtic Assassins.

Casino simply shakes his head, no doubt at the lack of talent involved in this event.

Casino: The Mafia just got their asses kicked a few days ago by me and Martyr. I doubt they would subject themselves to the same embarrassment twice ? As for the Celtics, I heard they were to busy kissing the asses of the North Carolina fans to worry about actually winning matches. I say there is no threat from either team.

Monique: "The Career Killer" Jake Phoenix & Donovan Astros.....

The mention of their name makes Casino bristle. His smirk fades for a moment, just for a moment.

Casino: Two punk ass kids. They tried to steal the thunder from me and Martyr in the NAPW vs REBEL match. I hope that we meet, I hope they can get to the point to where they're standing across the ring from us. Career Killer? More like attendance killer. And Astros? He's just a lackey for his life partner Phoenix. Hell, Chad "I Suck" Kurtis beat on Astros a little while back. If a Kurtis kid can whip ya then what threat do you actually pose?

Monique: Baby your blood pressure....

Casino: Yeah yeah, whose next?

Monique: The NAPW Tag Champs...Lloyd Rees and David Banks.

Casino: Well I think you can go ahead and mark them out of the equation. Rees is the Provincial champion only because he has weak competition. Banks? He's been hit or miss since his return to NAPW. If he couldn't win that Carolinas Title down in Inbreed Town USA why should I think that he would pose a problem to myself and Martyr? I see the tag champs doing what they do best...Going down.

Monique laughs and Casino leans back in his chair to stretch.

Monique: You're fired up for this huh?

Casino: Baby, the tag team title is the ONLY championship that I never lost. It was stripped from me by the corrupt dirty Canadians for vague reasons. Now this Martyr guy, he's hungry for some gold. He put down Tommy Deathrow and now he wants to be known as...Champion. We even came up with a name.

Monique: Malicious Intent you told me.

Casino: Oh. Well anyway I plan on once more winning NAPW gold. Not only that but I'll be wearing a championship that was TAKEN from me. A belt that was lost to me even though I never submitted nor was pinned in any match.

Monique stands up and walks around the table to sit on the lap of her ex (future) husband.

Monique: I can see it now, Chris Casino 1/2 of the NAPW Tag Team Champions.

Casino: Hell yeah.

Monique: Led to the ring by his beautiful ex wife Monique Dupree.

Casino: Indeed.

Monique: Soon to be known as Mrs. Casino once more.

Casino: Yeah that's....Hey what did you say?

Monique: baby I'll be so proud of you win you win the titles.

Casino: Will I'm sure Martyr will help.

Monique: As long as I don't have to be around him.

The camera pans away from the couple and we see that every picture on the table has an "X" through it. It seems to be a forgone conclusion...The Tag Titles are coming home to Casino and Martyr.

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

(It's dark at Polish Hall, after the crowd has left the scene of the first ever joint show between NAPW and REBEL. Kyle Roberts is walking through the halls, reminiscing.)

KYLE ROBERTS: Ah, the good ol' Polish Hall. I miss it. I don't really miss those (BLEEP)ing fans as much, but hey, can anyone deny that I came to Edmonton and started to fulfill my destiny? You're looking at the man who's chomping at the bit to face Rex Caliber and finally get that REBEL Heavyweight Championship. Up to now? I was just spinning my wheels in match after match, trying my hardest to get into the main event yet again.

And finally, I get a one-on-one chance. A rematch against Rex Caliber. Fina-(BLEEP)ing-lee. But first, there's some business in Edmonton I need to take care of.

Let me revisit some NAPW history, if I may. Last year, around this time, the New and Improved D-X were shut out of a pay-per-view for the very first time. We weren't tag team champions. Hell, the NAPW Tag Team titles weren't even on the LINE at Epic, not for us, not for any tag team. Now, Bruce and I went to Wahoo Winchell with a plan: Let's have a night before the big event that's all tag teams. Six teams, one gauntlet match to determine the tag contenders! Well, old Winchell liked that idea, so Tagstravaganza was born.

Flash forward a year later! Tagstravaganza is back, and now it's all growed up! Not only that, but they've gotta make it bigger! Stronger! More convoluted! Thirteen teams! TWO gauntlet matches! And let's get those two winners in a steel cage afterwards! Yeah! That'll be AWESOME! Pffft. This dreamer is not amused.

You've got the Celtic Assassins wanting to defend their Tagstravaganza winning streak. Good for them! But they're going to have to face off against the mad genius who birthed this idea first. That's right, boys. Daddy's come home, and he's ready to pick up the pieces.

Now I know people are going to be dumb and ask me, "Mister Roberts, you turned your back on your last tag team partner! Why are you here in a tag tournament?"

I'll say this in small words so you Edmonton fans can understand me. Kyle Roberts is great. He's awesome. And what better way to show his awesomeness than by getting a different partner, someone who hasn't lost it like Bruce Richards, and going against twelve other teams to pick the ball up from where David Banks and Lloyd Rees managed to fumble it?

That's right, guys. Kyle Roberts is back in the NAPW for one night. And he's here to win.

I must admit, this Tagstravaganza certainly happened to come at precisely the right time for me. I mean, yes, when this card was announced last month, I said, "Yes! I'll come back and kick a whole lotta NAPW ass!" But at that point, there was no Crimes reformation. There was no burning desire to completely humiliate the NAPW tag champions. But now?

(Kyle chuckles.)

Now there's lackeys of Rex Caliber who need to have defeat shoveled into their mouths by yours truly. The domination I have planned for Tagstravaganza will be a little prelude to the utter ass-kicking I've got lined up for the REBEL Heavyweight champ. And I found the perfect partner to do it, too.

(Kyle pushes the entrance door open, and walks outside Polish Hall. It's dark, and the cameraman lights the scene accordingly.)

Another case of brilliant timing in my favour. If NAPW or REBEL or any of the online wrestling buzzsites revealed who my partner in this gauntlet-fest was going to be, people would have been puzzled. "Wait a sec, isn't he already part of a tag team with Doctor Tittylover? What the hell would Kyle Roberts see in such a pairing?"

To all those non-believers, I have one thing to say to you: Were you there tonight? Did you see who was the biggest impact in the REBEL/NAPW eight-man tag? Sure, he might not have WON the match, but that could be because one of his partners lost the match for him. It's something that happens. Heaven knows I've been on the losing side of a few matches because of a lame-duck tag partner. But this man had the crowd in the palm of his hand! Lady of the Lake! Double Assassination! The man was on FIRE!

(Beside Kyle, a match is lit up, and the face of a grinning man appears in the flame's light.)

KYLE ROBERTS: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... The Assman!

MIKE TREY: (waves to the camera) Cheers.

KYLE ROBERTS: Nice visual.

MIKE TREY: What can I say? I've got a flair for the dramatic.

KYLE ROBERTS: (back to the camera) Sure, sure. From a logistical point, it makes no sense! Stylin' Kyle Roberts, one of the more hated men in REBEL, teaming up with a man that all the guys want to be and all the girls want to do. Well, actually, when you put it like that, who the hell ELSE was I going to team up with? Caliban? Well, hey, if I had the relationship with Caliban that I do now, who knows? But Kyle Roberts sticks by his guns. Kyle Roberts is a man of his word! And if he promised the Assman that the two of them would team up, (BLEEP), it's gonna happen!

MIKE TREY: What are you talking about? You were going to toss me to the curb!

KYLE ROBERTS: (looks at the camera with a grin on his face) Always a kidder.

MIKE TREY: Nah, mate, I've got the voicemail to prove it!

(Mike opens his cell phone and retrieves the message.)

VOICE OF KYLE ROBERTS: Hey, Mike, it's Kyle here. What can I say? I've got a bigger blacker man in my corner now, so it looks like you're out. But, hey, no hard feelings, okay? I mean, now you and Doc Tittylover can go off and molest sheep or whatever the hell you two deviants do. Later. (click)

(A flustered, panicked Kyle laughs nervously.)

KYLE ROBERTS: Come on, Trey! That was a JOKE! I like to pull the pranks, and you just got served! Ha! Right? I called you right back after your match and TOLD you it was a joke! You did get that message, didn't you?

(Mike rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Can you believe this guy?)

KYLE ROBERTS: No, man, all kidding aside, you and I are going to RULE this joint. Just think of it. All that NAPW trash to toss. They won't know what hit 'em! How are you in steel cage matches? (Kyle waves his hand dismissively.) You know what? It doesn't matter. I've been in enough for the both of us.

MIKE TREY: Roberts, I've seen what you can do. Mate, you're one of the tops of REBEL, and it's for a reason. Look at what you did tonight. Sacrificed your own body to take out three men! And that running powerbomb you gave Warren? Phoar! There's intense, mate, and then there's you. That's why I decided to team up with you in the first place.

KYLE ROBERTS: Well, thank you, Mike. It's always nice to know I've got fans in REBEL. But then, you're not one of those biased Americans. You're of true stock, Mike: The original Englishman.

MIKE TREY: Nah, mate. I know what you're tryin' ta do, but I'm not a Yank and I'm still able to get a rise out of the crowd. All I have to do is a give a little wiggle and a lot of respect to my fans, and they're mine forever!

KYLE ROBERTS: Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. I've got to warn you, Mike: the fans here in Edmonton? Even more fickle than those in Raleigh. Now it could be because our Alberta fans are able to use a computer, but NAPW fans are always online. And they can be your biggest friend, for a time, but don't forget that in the end, if they're not seeing your blood, sweat and tears all for them? Well, you're nothing.

MIKE TREY: I beg to differ, mate. They were gracious blokes, and they were cheering me the entire time.

KYLE ROBERTS: Well, yeah, because you were fighting Chris Casino. Look, I'll tell you what: We'll discuss this later. First, I think you should get a good night's sleep, so we can discuss strategy in the morning. Where are you staying?

(Kyle and Mike walk away from Polish Hall, as we're fading to black.)

MIKE TREY: The Ramada.

KYLE ROBERTS: The RAMADA? Nah, man, it's time to see how the big boys live. Ever been to the Hotel Macdonald?

[Ravager]

Ravager walks into a bar.

And he has a piece of paper in his hand. (What, you were expecting humor? Pffft. Please)

"REBEL Pro would like to wish Ravager well in his future endeavors."

Or, "So long, nice to know ya. We'll call you if you if we need you".

Or to be more accurate, "Rex is scared you'll beat the living crap out of him and take his REBEL Pro title, thus exposing him as the over rated fraud of a wrestler he truly is. He got on his knees and begged for you to be sent back North, where he's in charge and it's harder for you to get your hands on him".

No matter how you put it, my days in Raleigh are done. It's not like I had a legacy down there. But I can't help but feel a bit disappointed. I mean, what can I do to annoy Rex now? I mean, aside from successfully defending the NAPW title again. Well, the first thing I can think of is take the tag title gold away from his running buddies. Rees and Banks. You've become a nuisance recently. I'm tired of being left laying by two, three, four on one attacks. So when Simply Beautiful asked me to join him in Tagstravaganza...

I had to hesitate. Can I really trust him? He helped me out Tuesday night. But he still has his eye on my belt. And losing to the same man over and over can eat at a competitor after a while. But I couldn't turn down a chance to put the screws to the Crimes. And SB and I have teamed before. It's a risk. But since when has this been a safe business?

Ravager smirks as he sits down at a table.

Funny how Rees and Banks wind up in the opposite gauntlet that we're in. They get the sweet spot of being last in the gauntlet. They get to avoid my wrath. They get the smaller gauntlet. And if I want to face them, I have to make sure Simply Beautiful and I beat up six other teams. I guess having the boss on your side pays dividends. And having the boss as an enemy...

Ravager pulls out another piece of paper, which has a list of the teams in his gauntlet.

These are the men that stand in the way of my glorious revenge. These are the teams Rex caliber hopes will slow me down, injure me, or put me out of wrestling for good. Each one of these teams, no matter what history they have with me, or with each other; Each one now has a bullseye on them, because they're blocking my Path of Annihilation. My shot at joining the Triple Crown Club. And they're preventing me from jabbing one more dagger into the heart of Rex Caliber:

Chris Casino. Nuff said. And Sebastian Martyr has proven to be ruthless. Vicious. Too bad he has poor judgment. The first sign of weakness, Casino will kick that Terror Cookie to the curb.

The Foundation. Never had much to do with them. Aside from a brief encounter with Thomas Young at Battle Bowl last year, and them seeming to show up all the time to thwart my TEAM plans. But I can never discount any team that holds title gold.

Crusher and Warren. (chuckles) The Crusher's greatest achievement was a year ago. Holding a belt for one week. A legend in his own mind. Even if he did beat... Rex Caliber. Warren has guts, and is craftier than anyone is willing to credit. But he can't carry this team.

Mystic Ninja and the Expositioner. Again, have only seen a few odd matches they've had. But only a fool would discount former champs. Once you have the taste for gold, it never leaves you. You'll do anything to get it back. And anything to keep it. They may turn out to be the biggest threat in this bracket.

Raiyn and Jared Cypress. Two men making their debut. Two men looking to make a huge splash early on. Two men who could be willing to take huge risks to get ahead. I know little about them at this point, but I'll be wary. There's nothing worse than eager rookies trying to hit the big time.

And of course The Assman. And Kyle Roberts. Do I really need to go over the history Kyle and I have? When we get in the ring, it will not be friendly. It will not be a pure wrestling masterpiece. It'll be spiteful. Nasty. And there will be pain. Assman. You're guilty by association. Sorry your tag partner got axed by REBEL. You have a passion for this business that I truly appreciate. But you're teaming with the biggest douchebag in this gauntlet. So I have to take you down. Nothing personal Mike. Against you at least.

But all this trash talk and faint praise will mean nothing if my partner doesn't show... Speak of the devil.

Simply Beautiful enters the room, and makes a beeline for the champ.

Simply Beautiful: Any reason you chose here and not the gym?

Ravager: Oh, there'll be time for training. But we need to clear the air a bit first. Have a seat partner.

Simply Beautiful sits down across from Ravager. There is an intense glare between the two men.

To Be Continued.

[Mystic Ninja]

[FADE UP on a completely white, barren stage.

[MYSTIC NINJA is standing on the right hand side, dressed casually but neatly in a deep blue t-shirt and dark blue jeans. He is unmasked. Several smartly-dressed professionals are consulting with him, nodding respectfully at things Ninja is pointing out, running off to carry out whatever command NINJA has given. Everyone moves with purpose and with deference to the Mystic Ninja.

[Opposite him is the EXPOSITIONER, dressed in a professional-looking shirt and coordinated silk tie. His smart black trousers are crisply pressed and immaculately tailored. He is also unmasked, but is surrounded by a group of perhaps 20 crying, misbehaving boys and girls ranging in age from 6 to 16. They are dressed in ratty old hand-me-down clothing, ill-fitting and worn. The children themselves look slovenly and ill-tempered. They crowd around the Expositioner, tugging at his shirt and trousers and doing everything in their power to get Expositioner to pay attention to them. Some of the younger kids are crying, an older girl is arguing with a younger one, a couple of boys are trying to scale Expositioner as though her were the North Face of Everest, and at least one younger child has wet himself. One older boy is chasing two younger girls around and around the Expositioner with a fake spider on a stick.

[NINJA finishes initialing a form, smiles and nods at the professional young lady with the clipboard, and gets a respectful nod and smile in return. He turns to the camera.]

NINJA: Hi, I'm NAPW.

EXPOSITIONER: And I'm--ow! Quit pulling my hair!--I'm the WWE.

NINJA: Looking pretty sharp there, WWE. I like your tie. (signs an autograph for a young fan)

EXPOSITIONER: Hey! Quit running around back there!--It cost a lot of money, but it's a popular colour this season.--You better be cleaning that up!--You're dressed pretty casually, aren't you, NAPW? But I suppose you don't have much of a public presence like I do.

NINJA: I'm afraid you're right, WWE. I guess not all of us can be like you. (poses for a picture with a family)

EXPOSITIONER: Ouch!--Yes, with all these dirty, stupid, screaming fans here (indicates all the kids) it's tough to know just who to make happy, so I try to please them all.--Hey, you stupid kids, smile! You're supposed to be happy!

NINJA: (a couple of kids come up to Ninja, who bends down to give them a hug) They don't seem very pleased with you. How do you get them to like you?

EXPOSITIONER: Smile, damn you!--Oh, it's easy. I gave them a rock yesterday and told them it was gold. But they wouldn't smile no matter how many time I kept telling them it was gold! Some kids just don't understand how wonderful I am.

NINJA: Wow, you gave them each a rock adn told them it was gold, eh?

EXPOSITIONER: No, just the one to split between them. I figure they can divide it among themselves. I mean, I've already done the hard part, right? Convincing them it's gold isn't easy, you know.--Take that out of your mouth, kid! (the kid cries) And quit crying!

NINJA: (goes to the kid and hands him a rock) Here, little guy, you want a rock of your very own?

KID: (sniffles) It's not gold?

NINJA: (shakes his head) Well, little man, YOU know it's a rock, right? (the kid nods emphatically) Then don't let anyone tell you different, okay? (the kid nods and runs off of the Ninja's side of the screen waving his rock around and laughing) See, WWE, you just have to show these fans a little respect. They're not idiots, you know.

EXPOSITIONER: Hahaha--Gah! (one kid kicks Expositioner in the shins, which brings him down to his knees, two kids still clinging to his back)--Poor, naive NAPW. These kids are BEGGING to know what's what. They WANT to believe that that rock is gold, so I keep reinforcing it with subliminal messages in their music, mix it in with their dietary supplements and splice it into the movies they watch, which by the way, are also gold. (hold out a rock)

NINJA: Haha, you're not going to get me, WWE. I know that's a rock as well.

EXPOSITIONER: Actually, it's the same rock--ooh, I needed that knee!--I switch it up when they're not paying attention and I give it to them all over again. It's the gift that keeps on giving. That way, I don't have to spend any more money on it, since it's the same rock everytime, but I can concentrate on what really matters: my week-long spa retreats, my hand-tailored Italian suits, my fleet of expensive cars constantly running, and--oh, my nose! You rotten kids!

[The kids have gotten a little more aggressive now that the Expositioner has been knocked to his knees. They start eyeing him, searching for a weakness, an opening they can exploit. The Expositioner looks unperturbed and shoos them away like so many hobos.]

NINJA: Aren't you afraid they'll turn on you when they finally realize the truth, WWE? That you're just feeding them the same stuff over and over again in different guises? That your insincerity and focus on appearances will come back to bite you in the ass? I may not know a manicure from a manifold, but I'm pretty sure I know what those kids like.

[Ninja gestures to his side of the screen, where a group of similar kids are gathered. These kids are laughing and playing among themselves. There are a couple of yo-yos, some are learning to juggle, a quartet is playing leap-frog, and everyone is clean and well-dressed. The kid with the rock has been cleaned up and dressed in new clothes, and runs up to the Expositioner.]

KID: This is a very nice rock. Thank you! (returns to playing on Ninja's side)

NINJA: See, WWE? When you treat your fans with respect and give them something that THEY are asking for, it doesn't matter if you're casually dressed or don't have a hundred dollar haircut. It IS a very nice rock, though.

[The Expositioner is tackled by the kids, who pile on top of him. After a couple of moments, they get off of him and come to play with the kids on Ninja's side.]

NINJA: Come on, kids, and I'll tell you a story.

[The kids cheer as they walk off screen with NINJA in the middle of them. The cheering fades.]

EXPOSITIONER: Ow.

[FADE OUT]

------------------------

[FADE UP to the Ninja and the Expositioner sitting on high stools on the set of their previous spot. They are in their normal ring attire (Ninja with his tunic and Expositioner with his "!" shirt) and are once again masked, Ninja's covering the lower half of his face and Expositioner's covering the upper half of his face). A couple of crew members are gathering up cable and equipment, while others are cleaning up the stage and putting costumes away.]

NINJA: Hi, I'm the Mystic Ninja.

EXPOSITIONER: And I'm the Expositioner.

NINJA + EXPO: Not our real names.

EXPOSITIONER: We, the Mystic Exposition, would like to thank Rex Caliber and the NAPW both for inviting us to compete in Tagstravaganza II and allowing us to shoot a PSa we've been wanting to do for a while. The PSA you just saw wasn't actually filmed just now. It's been in the works for a few days now and had just come back from editing, mastering and post-processing. All of this (he indicates the activity going on around them) has been staged to make it look like we've just finished filming the previous PSA. In fact, these chairs aren't ev--

NINJA: (nudges Expositioner) What Expo is trying to say in his own special way is that we're damned proud to be competing against some very heavy hitters from both NAPW and REBEL. Can you believe it? Chris Casino & Sebastien Martyr!

EXPOSITIONER: REBEL tag champs The Foundation!

NINJA: The Crusher and Warren!

EXPOSITIONER: Raiyn and Jared Cypress!

NINJA: Ravager and Simply Beautiful!

EXPOSITIONER: Stylin' Kyle Roberts and the AssmahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAA!

[Expositioner tries very hard to compose himself.]

EXPOSITIONER: Stylin' Kyle Roberts and the Assmhahahhhaahahaaa! *snort*

NINJA: Come on, Expo, keep it together!

EXPOSITIONER: *ahem* Sorry. Stylin' Kyle Roberts and--phphphhphphphpfffff! (he doubles over in uncontrollable laughter)

NINJA: *sigh* Stylin' Kyle Roberts and the Assman! There! Is it that hard to say? Look at me, Expo: ASSMAN! ASSMAN! ASSMAN! ASSMAN! ASSMAN! (Expositioner is trying to wave Ninja to stop and is struggling to take a breath) See? Five times fast, not even cracking a smile here! (Expo gasps and falls out of his chair, still laughing hysterically)

[Ninja motions for the camera to come closer, which it does, zooming in so that the Expositioner can no longer be seen, though he can still be heard whooping for breath off camera.]

NINJA: I'm sure some of you out there are wondering: just who the hell are these guys and what the hell are they doing in Tagstravaganza? Well, I'll tell you, boys, the Mystic Exposition is in good company with the likes of you. In Gauntlet 1, we'll be facing off against tag team champions, singles champions, even inter-federation champions, award-winning wrestlers. As former tag champions ourselves, we know what it's like to achieve glory, to stand proudly in the centre of that ring while the referee raises your arm into the air like you hold the light of heaven itself in your grip. Standing there, with the crowd on its feet to share your victory, knowing that you have earned the respect and admiration of your colleagues, friends and, yes, even enemies, for that one, brief moment. When that bell rings to signal the start of Tagstravaganza, it will be--WHAT, Expo?

[Ninja is vexed at being interrupted while he was on a roll. The camera pulls back to show Expositioner still giggling like a madman on the floor, tugging on the Ninja's pants.]

EXPOSITIONER: Tell th--tell them--hee hee hee hee--tell the thing--heeheeheehee.

NINJA: What? What thing? (realization dawns) Oh yes, right. (turns back to the camera, which comes in closer again) Gentlemen, we don't know who we're going to face and when. It's all about the luck of the draw, isn't it? But when gold is on the line, especially a prestigious title like the NAPW tag championship, rest assured that the Mystic Exposition will not stop until that gold is around our waist. And that's the message you should all take from this, gentlemen. The Mystic Exposition will. Not. Stop... until the NAPW tag team belts are ours.

[Ninja stares intently and very seriously at the camera as the faint sound of Expositioner's giggling finally fades away entirely. Mystic Ninja exhales and relaxes, bending down to help Expositioner to his feet. The camera pulls back to show both wrestlers.]

NINJA: You okay now?

EXPOSITIONER: (catches his breath) Whooo boy, that was fun. I haven't laughed like that in AGES!

NINJA: Come on, buddy, I'll buy you a milkshake.

[They turn and walk off the soundstage towards a door marked EXIT. The camera very slowly pans to watch them leave. Their conversation dwindles and they take their last steps in silence.]

NINJA: ...Assman.

[Expositioner lapses into giggles as they walk out the door.

[FADE OUT.]

[Prince Darko]

.:THE CROWD IS THE COMPEEETEEEESHOOON:.

[/b]

Everything moves in slow motion.

The war-torn Foundation, all walk down a hallway filled with angered people and enthusiastic photographers. Boos and camera flashes flicker on and off. The Foundation continue to walk down this hallway. As bloodied and beat up as they are, they are still able to smile. They receive fierce criticism from all the angry men and women, they smile through it all.

Prince Darko's Thoughts Look at these idiots. Look at all of them, they boo and cruse, because they can't accept the fact that The Foundation is better then all of them. Every last one of them. Foundation will continue being better then all of them. When we die, we'll still accomplish more being dead then they ever did in a life time. I smile at all of them. I have gold attached to me, I was the first to capture this gold, and believe me, I'll be the last. Many men have tried to take this gold away from camp Foundation. Some tried twice, they wounded up going back home treasure-less. Why? Because we are better then The Prince begins to look at the crowd you, you, you, you, and you. There isn't a damn thing that can you can do about it. You all can hop that sorry ass excuse for a guard rail. You can try to take me down. You can try to take down Thomas. You can try to take down Brian. The three of us will walk out of here smiling and well still be holding on to the gold. Don't get me wrong, it will be a fight, we will get some hits, but, it won't be enough. It never is. Not a gauntlet nor a steel cage. Us Foundation, we are like Hitler and his regime, we have all type of people fearing us. We have all types of people hiding. See we're putting the REBEL tag team division on a curfew and within days the NAPW tag division will be placed on a curfew as well. You see, things have changed, there is no America to come and interfere in our Tag Team Holocaust. We are the Americans in this rendition. Everyone knows America is the most powerful nation in world and that's exactly what The Foundation is, a nation composed of three men, all each as powerful as the last. You see there is no discrimination in this nation, all a family. No need for weak links in this regiment. You see this is why we've already conquered REBEL. We'll take over NAPW like the gullible prepubescent bitches they are. No, this isn't being cocky or arrogant. It's the mother (BLEEP)ing truth.

Thomas Young then removes the belt from his shoulder and raises it above his head to show off. More boos excrete from the heated crowd.

Thomas Young's thought They boo because they know they'll never take this away from me. This belt, this friend, he's attached to me. We're suppose to be together, it's basic. Either you get accustomed to seeing us on top or stop looking up. Look down, aim low, you'll never be where we are. Being like us is like Casino actually having a chance to defeat me. It's far-fetched. You people have to get real at some point. I'm immortal, you all are eggshells precisely placed under our feet on the path of life. You're already suppose to get crushed by The Foundation. You can't alter fate. This is how it's suppose to be, so get with the times and shut up. Booing won't hurt my mentality, as mater of fact it lets me know I'm doing my job right. When you guys showered me with boos when I laughed at my brother, I heard cheers. Your boos are my encouragement. I thank you REBEL fans, I thank you all. You make me a better person. You know what else, it doesn't stop here.

Thomas then places the belt back on his shoulder and looks at his other shoulder.

This shoulder feels a bit cold, it's about time I gave it some of the attention it deserves. I'm no negligent bastard, I'll fulfill this duty. I'll warm up this side of of my body, not just me, Darko and B. We all will. We're team, we go in fighting together we leave fighting together. It's been like that then, it'll be like that tomorrow. The three of us will go into this with one belt under our name and leave with two. It's just how it's suppose to be. So grid your teeth at me, boo all you want. You'll never hop that guard rail. You'll never place a hand on me. I give this freedom of speech because it's the only thing you can do. You know placing a hand on me will result in dire repercussions. Repercussions you can't afford to happen.

The thing about The Foundation, we don't discriminate. You step to me, Darko, or B, we will take you down in the goriest way imaginable. You saw what we did to my brother, my own flesh and blood. Guess what, I had sympathy for him. So imagine you, you the simple bitch behind the rail. You, the one standing in my way of what I want. Or, you, the one holding what I want on my shoulder. Don't you think I'll do what it takes to get it? Do you not think so? If you answer yes, you are a complete, full born, idiot that crawled out of some third world country without any knowledge of the world around you. You probably still think the world is flat. If you do think so, I'll have no problem tossing you off this planet. You don't deserve to breath my oxygen. You're breathing my air. You don't even contribute to life, you're just a variable in my project. The checker piece that I'm going to hop. So take my glance at you as fair warning, be gracious.

Mr. B walks with a smile so large it can only be compared to his duffel bag.

Mr. B's thoughts My bag holds a lot of things. Everything in there has been able to express my thought or Darko's or Thomas' thought. There is nothing in there that can describe me right now. I'm on top of the world right now. Look at them, Cuts to Darko and Young these two men, I manage them. I was strict on them, I raised them good. They're one of the greatest tag teams in history. I was their dad in all of it. When shit was neck deep, I had the hand that pulled them out. When they were on top, I had that ladder that brought them up another couple stories above the game. They don't say thank you, they don't need to. When they wrestle, when they put there bodies on the line, do all that is necessary to contribute to walking out the victor. They've said "Thank you" thousands of time right there. The crowd, they hate us, you know why? We're the real American Dream. We stepped on everyone, didn't hurt us one bit. We triple crossed people and sent them apology letters just to mock them. We laughed, their anger grew. Up until April, people loved seeing us down on our knees. They grew used to it, they loved it. Then. we went through puberty, matured the hell up, became men with balls and too much Viagra in our system. We bitch slapped the tag team division and raped it. We ass (BLEEP)ed it on the counter, then took her to our room and ran a train on her, we then ejaculated our names all over her forehead. We took her virginity. She curled up into the feeble position in the corner and cried along with the fans. We walked out with belts around our waist and hymen blood on us. We took the innocence away from REBEL. We made REBEL what it is. Now NAPW, prepare to get raped.

The scene fades along with their departure from the hallway.

[Ravager]

A bar. Ravager sits across from Simply Beautiful. There is some tension here. Good thing they're tag partners.

Ravager: The Bruno situation...

SB: It's under control...

Ravager: Is it?

SB: I have his ass in a cage on the 29th. It'll all be good.

Ravager: Really? Because it seems to me that he's been on your mind a lot these past weeks. Maybe if he wasn't you'd have had that extra focus to take the title from me on Tuesday.

SB: I got plenty of time to do that...

Ravager: Yes you do. But right now we have the tag titles to worry about. We have to go through as many as seven teams to get the belts. I'm ready for this. I have an undefeated streak to maintain. I have momentum to keep. I have a triple crown club to join. And I have a boss to piss off. Do you have the desire to win the belts?

SB: I come to every match ready to win.

Ravager: If you're not ready for this, you're wasting my time. You have more to gain from this than I do. If we win, prestige. And if we lose... well, an injured champ may bring you closer to your title goals...

SB: Hey, remember after Anniversary Assault, when you came to me looking for help? You were ready to trust me then. Why the sudden change of attitude? That belt making you paranoid?

Ravager: I've always been paranoid. The belt just makes a little more so. That and the owner of this company has an insane vendetta against me, and he went to you for help. So yeah, back in November I saw enough in you to ask for an alliance. But after a few matches with you. After seeing the fire in your eyes, and your lust for the gold, I have to wonder if you're on the up and up. You did good by me Tuesday night, but when we get into Tagstravaganza...

SB: We'll just do what we do best. We're the two top guys in the NAPW right now. We also have a reason to fight to the very end. Do I need to remind you about Rees and Banks?

Ravager: They're in the other bracket. They'll have their own problems to deal with. We can't overlook any of the teams in our own bracket. Casino has given you problems in the past. The Foundation are the most experience team in the gauntlet. We have up and comers, established stars trying to take that next step, and others trying to reclaim past glory. No matter what we want, everyone else has a reason to want to win too. So I'll ask again: Are you ready for this?

SB: Yes.

Ravager: Is your head in the game?

SB: It's been too long since I held any kind of title. I want gold around my waist again.

Ravager: Can you wait for the 29th to deal with Bruno?

Simply Beautiful seethes for a moment.

Ravager: The mere mention of his name shuts you up. What happens when you think about what he's done to you? Are you going to stop whatever you're doing to brood?

SB: No. I'm going to think about how much fun it'll be to grind his face against the cage on the 29th. And then I'll take out my aggression on whoever is in front of me. Crusher, Assman, Mystic Ninja, hopefully Casino, it doesn't matter. I am ready for this. I wouldn't have asked you to be my tag partner if I wasn't prepared to go all the way. You talk about walking through Hell? I'm ready to feel the burn to get those Tag title strapped around our waists.

Ravager: Good. Finish your drink and we can get to training. Oh, and one more thing.

SB: What's that?

Ravager: You talk a good game. You say all the right things. But I've been screwed before. If you try to do the same, you won't make it to your cage match. Or any other match you might want to have. As most people know, and as Rex is about to find out; I'm not someone you screw with. I always tie up loose ends, no matter how long it takes me. You don't want to be come one of my obsessions, SB. You're talented, and you have a bright future ahead of you. But if I even think you're going to stab me in the back...

SB: I get it.

Ravager: Just making sure.

Ravager downs his drink and walks out, dropping some cash on the table to cover the bill. Simply Beautiful finishes his drink, pays his tab, then walks out.

Fade to black.

[warren]

[Backstage at the Polish Hall in Edmonton.

MOMENTS AFTER.]

"This kid needs some medical attention! What the (BLEEP) is NAPW paying you people for? To sit around with your hands up your asses?"

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts strides through the entrance curtain, carrying the man he just beat in his arms. Warren appears to be unconscious; Kyle Roberts, flush with victory. A trainer comes up to them and directs Kyle to lay Warren down on a bench.]

Trainer: What happened to him?

[Roberts smirks, running fingers through his sweat-dampened hair.]

Roberts: I was imaging the kid to be Rex Caliber. And that's why I went all out in beating the chump.

[The trainer gives Roberts a look of disgust, then attends to Warren. He peers into Warren's glassy eyes.]

Trainer: Son, how are you feeling? Can you hear me?

Roberts: Now if you'll excuse me, I have a city to get the hell out of ---

[THE CRUSHER!!!]

The Crusher: Hold on Kyle Roberts, where do you think you're going? You hurt Warren and you will have to settle with me!

[Kyle Roberts returns the glare to Crusher, shaking the wrestler's hand off of his forearm.]

Roberts: You're his partner for Tagstravaganza II, right? First lesson of tag teaming, chump: Partners look out for each other. So you going to fight me or look after the punk?

[Crusher glares at Kyle Roberts. GLARE! And then turns his back on Stylin' Kyle, asking the trainer how Warren is. Roberts snorts, then turns around. He starts to walk away --- then looks back.]

Roberts: If every team in Tagstrav is as well-oiled a machine as you two, I could win this thing solo.

[Crusher gives a fearsome look to Kyle Roberts, but it is only briefly as Kyle Roberts walks out of camera view...]




LATER




[It's a dimly lit motel room, couple beds. Starving wrestlers, rooming together to save money.

But there is only one wrestler in the room at the moment, sitting bare bony chested on the room's small couch and ice packs around his back and middle, and one bag of frozen green peas against his head. The kid speaks, yo.]

Warren: I just like, get beat up every show, you know? I felt really good about that four-corner match, and then... bam. Powerbomb into the ring corner, man! Emerald Fusion! I didn't even know I was being pinned after that, dudes. Stylin' Kyle Roberts did a number on me, on top of all the numbers Caliban's done on me over the weeks.

[Warren shifts uncomfortable, eyes widening as a wave of icy cold/pain goes through him.]

Warren: Yeooooch! Dude, ice is COLD! This sucks but I don't got nuttin' else to do. The Crusher dude is out after makin' sure I was okay. It's weird though, I remember like, kinda vaguely you know, that Kyle Roberts brought me back to the locker room and got the EMTs to look after me. I mean what's up with that? I don't know what's up with that. What's up with that, dude? Kyle Roberts is a dickweed, you know? I dunno, maybe even dickweeds have heart too.

Maybe he's not totally a dickweed. Although he did kick my ass. Dickweed.

Anyways I'm still in Edmonton because next week, I totally get a shot at the NAPW Tag Team titles, the most triumphant tag belts in wrestling. I mean that's what they like, tell me. But Crusher wanted a partner and I said, dude, I'll tag with you! He's the power and I'm the flyin', dude! We'll rock the casbah. But man, I never thought it'd be such a big match! I mean there are like... seven teams in our gauntlet thing they call it, and then we don't win the belts just by winning that, we have to wrestle in a cage match at the end of the night against the winner of like, ANOTHER gauntlet!

Like, WHOA!

But you know what I got like, a few days to get healthy and to work with The Crusher, and then I just want everybody to know, you know, that Warren and The Crusher are coming for those titles! I mean it could be Kyle Roberts and The Assman, or this Chris Casino dude with his partner, whatever his name is. Garter belt something, cha. [Goofy grin.] And there's the NAPW champion dude Ravager! And the like, girly sounding named dude Simply Beautiful dude! I mean there are some totally mondo good wrestlers in this thing...

And that means that me and Crusher, if we can like, totally win this thing? We'll TOTALLY be the most awesome team in wrestling ever!!! Excellent! So all you teams in totally TAGSTRAVAGANZA, look out for WARREN and THE CRUSHER! Like, welcome to the Jungle... you're gonnnna diiiiiiiiiiiie!

[Warren grimaces then and shifts. "Ah ah ah!" Oh ice, you're so icy. Promo over dudes!]






Stylin' Kyle Roberts used with permission

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

(It's Friday evening. Ever since Tuesday night, Kyle has been giving Mike "The Assman" Trey a tour of the city Kyle used to call home. Tonight? It's Brewsters Brewing Company and Restaurant in the heart of Edmonton.)

WAITRESS: What can I get you two to drink?

(Mike looks at Kyle.)

KYLE ROBERTS: What do you normally drink? Stouts? Ales?

MIKE TREY: Anything, mate.

KYLE ROBERTS: Could you bring us a pitcher of the River City Raspberry? (to Mike) You're going to love this stuff.

MIKE TREY: It's beer. I love most beer.

KYLE ROBERTS: So. Strategy. What's ours?

MIKE TREY: Well, let's see. How about we go out there and give it our best shot? Show the fans how good we are?

KYLE ROBERTS: Pfft. That's a strategy? How about we go out there, and destroy everyone we're against?

MIKE TREY: Take no offense, Kyle, but that's what you've been doing for the past two months, right?

KYLE ROBERTS: Three. Ever since I saw the light and knocked out Bruce.

MIKE TREY: And how many matches have you won since then?

KYLE ROBERTS: Tell you what, Mike. Next time you're in the ring against people like Bruce Richards, Rex Caliber, Ravager and Tommy Deathrow, tell me how many matches you win. Especially when you're dealing with biased referees and a crowd that howl for your blood. My three-match losing streak was a setback, but you're now talking to a man with purpose. You're talking to the next contender to Pope Caliber's big shiny belt.

MIKE TREY: Cheers, mate, I know you've been waiting for this opportunity for quite a while, but just hear me out: Maybe, just maybe, the fans have nothing to do with it. Maybe you're lashing out at them for nothing.

KYLE ROBERTS: God, Mike, that sounds like someone who hasn't seen what these fans are really like. Are you really that naive? The fans are parasites. All they want to do is feed off your fame. When I was on their side, in the whole Joey Winchell affair, you know how many times they actually helped me? None. Sure, they'd send letters to Bruce wishing him well, and they'd come up to us telling us that we were the greatest tag team they'd ever seen, but when everything was said and done? When Bruce and I would get the shit kicked out of us by teams that were on the owner's side? Those fans would sit there and watch. They'd see us bleed at the hands of men like Deathrow and Stiff Competition. In the House of Horrors, nobody would stop the carnage. Ravager, the Dudes, D! All of them, dismantling me piece by piece. And the fans sat there and (BLEEP)ing ate it up.

(Mike Trey can't say anything, as their waitress comes back with a pitcher of a light ale, with raspberries floating at the top. Kyle pours two glasses, takes one, and sips.)

MIKE TREY: Wow, Kyle, what can I say? I've never had that experience. All I do is go out to the ring, shake my moneymaker a bit, and well, it's all good.

KYLE ROBERTS: Mike, listen well: The fans will turn on you at some point. It's happened to everyone. The best thing to do is not give them a chance.

MIKE TREY: Nah, mate, that's not cool.

KYLE ROBERTS: Well, tell you what: Let's see what happens a few months down the road when a new guy comes in that sweeps the crowd off its feet. When you're tossed to the curb by those fickle Raleigh fans. And when you realize that the only reason they liked you was because of the Ass gimmick, I'll let you be by my side. Because I like you, Mike. You've got charisma, you've got the moves, and you're able to slaughter anyone in that ring if you're given the chance. After this Tagstravaganza is done, whether we win or not, if you want to stop being pushed down and actually rise to a spot where you'd be appreciated by the fans even more, give me a holler.

MIKE TREY: Look, let's just give it a rest. You used to be in NAPW. Tell me what I need to know about the teams we're facing off against.

KYLE ROBERTS: Well, let's see. Heh, might as well start with Chris Casino and Martyr first. I'll be surprised if they're still talking by Tuesday. With those two, their egos are definitely going to clash at some point. Casino hates being equal with anyone, his nature is to be the top of whatever he does. He doesn't play well with others.

MIKE TREY: Funny, mate. I'm pretty sure I'll hear the same about you.

KYLE ROBERTS: Ravager and Simply Beautiful. They've got the goods separately, but seriously, isn't Simply Beautiful the number one contender to Ravager's NAPW championship? Not that it matters, since I usually have Bob's number.

Ninja and the Expositioner. First time that they're wrestling for NAPW, and Ninja's used to a smaller crowd in Medicine Hat. And the Expositioner? Well, he's a former Moose Jaw Pro tag team champion. And take it from a guy who used to work there, MJPW never put their belts on the right wrestlers

Well, you know all about the Foundation from their REBEL championship. But somehow, Bruce and I were able to beat them multiple times last year. Piece of cake.

MIKE TREY: Warren's teaming up with the Crusher.

(Kyle starts laughing hysterically.)

MIKE TREY: What? Warren isn't all bad.

KYLE ROBERTS: He's a nice enough guy, when he's not calling me a dickweed. But let's face it, the kid should not be in a wrestling ring. I'm just waiting for his parents to come to one of the shows and drag him home before his match. And the Crusher? Well, you can distract him by telling him where to find Lloyd Rees. Even better, tell him that Warren's Rees in disguise and he'll do out job for us.

And then that just leaves the real newbies. And I'm pretty sure we've got nothing to worry about there.

MIKE TREY: Kyle, would you mind doing me a favour?

KYLE ROBERTS: Yeah, man, whatever you need.

MIKE TREY: Would I be able to coordinate our next planning session?

KYLE ROBERTS: By all means, guvnuh'. Showing some incentive? I like to see that from you. It shows that I won't be dragging dead weight around in that ring.

MIKE TREY: Nah, mate, I'll pull my own. And I've got a few ideas for tomorrow. Where's the nearest mall?

KYLE ROBERTS: There's City Centre downtown, but it's not open tonight.

MIKE TREY: But it will be open tomorrow?

KYLE ROBERTS: Yeah. Opens at ten in the morning or something.

MIKE TREY: Can we meet there tomorrow at one?

KYLE ROBERTS: By all means.

MIKE TREY: Tight.

KYLE ROBERTS: Now, get to steppin', Trey! There's a lot of beer to down!

(We fade to black as Kyle and Mike clink glasses of ale together.)

[warren]

"Dude, are you serious? Excellent! Oh I'll be there! Dude!"

[Warren puts the phone down, then high-fives the air. He totally like, pushes some long greasy hair out of his face and looks at the camera giving a total thumbs-up smile.]

Warren: My challenge has been like, totally accepted. June fifth I get my rematch! Me vs Caliban in a tables match... I guess it's like, a match were the first dude to put the other dude through a table wins. Well on June 5th, Caliban, it won't be me goin' through a table again, no way dude, it'll be you going through a table, so then, the winner of the tables match will be your most excellent tables match dude, me!

[WHOOOOO]

Warren: Alright, now, I'd like to give a very special look at NAPW's Tagstravaganza, for the most excellent NAPW tag team title belts. Now just like that totally awesome dude The Beast, I've like, prepared a chart.

[Warren goes out of the camera and walks back in with a big sheet of paper on a stand, with the names of all the Tagstrav dudes written on it it scribbly black sharpie. Warren pops out the sharpie.]

Warren: Whoa, that smells like, totally gnarly. [sniiiiiif]. Okay, so like anyways, this is GAUNTLET ONE they're calling it. I mean I think they totally missed the boat and should have called it like, The Iron Maiden! Or like, the Iron Butterfly! But like, so let's take a look at things!

CASIO and GARTER BELT

Warren: So like we first have Chris Casino and Sebastien Martyr, two dudes better known as Chris Casio and Sebby Garter Belt! Cha! Totally zinged you dudes! Okay, so Chris Casino has been a lot of champions in NAPW, and Martyr-doom, he's a bad dude. He totally injured Tommy Deathrow! So this might be one of the strongest teams in Tagstravaganza and me and Crusher, we're going to have to look out for them. But you know what? All it takes is a Microwave Burrito Buster and a Crusher Effect and they'll be down for the three count, and that Casio watches won't take a licking and keep a ticking anymore. Wait, that's like, Timex watches. Chris Timex will take a licking and won't keep ticking! Oh dude, I didn't even want to think about Chris Timex taking a licking. Maybe him and Martyr do that but dude, that's not me dude, I like chick dudes! Okay, anyways, moving on!

[Warren flips the page over and there's another big word written.]

The NOT-FUNDATION

Warren: Now these dudes are already tag team champions, in REBEL Pro Wrestling. Hey, that's totally the place I wrestle! Excellent! And The Foundation, they're totally also excellent.

[Pause.]

NOT!!!

Yeah The Foundation, they're like the lamest dudes of ever. They're like, mondo lame. Oh, dude, you know what would be totally awesome? If after me and Crusher win the tag team belts in NAPW, we like, win the REBEL tag team belts! We'd have four tag team titles... wait, or is that two? Okay yeah! They're the not fun-dation and they're totally going down! Okay, and then ---

"KILLOR B CRUSHED!"

[THE CRUSHER!!!]

[...SPEAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!]

Warren: Dude! What --- DUDE! WHAT THE?

[The Crusher stands triumphant over the wreckage of Warren's paper stand thing, shaking his head.]

The Crusher: Warren, everybody in this match is going to do this.

Warren: Do what?

The Crusher: This! Run down every single opponent in the match! You're only through the first two guys and people are falling asleep. me, the cameraman, and the people at home. Now come on, we need to hit the gym!

Warren: But dude...

The Crusher: What?

Warren: Dude, the gym sucks.

The Crusher: The gym does not "suck", Warren! Now let's get to training!

[Crusher exits the scene half as fast as he entered. Warren looks on, unhappy.]

Warren: Ah dude, the gym?

Bogus.

[Warren exits. Scene done.]

[Mystic Ninja]

[FADE UP on a small, dim pub. the decor is all wood as far as the eye can see, very homey and well-worn, clean, safe, comfortable. Small portraits and lanterns hang on the walls. There is a long wooden bar along one side and small round tables scattered around what appears to be a reduced-size wrestling ring, also wooden and well-worn. Patrons who look very comfortable in this place sit at the various tables in twos and threes, chatting amicably as they watch moving images on portable electronic video devices. Small handheld devices the size of a large PDA or Blackberry, larger portable DVD players that sit on the table top with their screens flipped up, cellular phone-sized players. The atmosphere is filled with the ambience of casual conversation (which the discerning viewer will recognize as "rhubarb" and "watermelon"), soft folk guitar music (obviously prerecorded) from a couple of entertainers off to one side of the pub (who are very obviously not really playing their instruments), and comfortable familiarity.

[The Mystic Exposition walk into the pub, dressed smartly but casually in slacks, polo shirt and light jacket. Their jackets match the colour of their respective ring attire: dark blue for the Mystic Ninja, deep burgundy for the Expositioner.

[CUT TO a tight shot of the bar. The bartender is wiping what appears to be a DVD case with a cloth. Behind him, instead of the usual bottles of alcohol, is a small library of shelved DVD boxes. The labels are too small to be legible, but there are hundreds of them, most shelved neatly, some haphazardly tossed on top of the stacks or sticking out at odd angles. In front of the bartender, replacing the usual taps, is a transparent display case of various playing devices small and large. Ninja and Expositioner belly up to the bar, attracting next to no attention, and place their order.]

EXPOSITIONER: Mystic Exposition highlight reel.

[CUT TO the bartender calmly grabbing a DVD case that's close at hand. As soon as he cracks the case open, the lighting shifts. The lights become starker, more ominous, with the lights on half his face disappearing, creating deep shadows and mystery to mirror the other half of his face, still brightly lit. A bell tolls, the first note in the Dies irae from W.A. Mozart's Requiem, with the full chorale in hot pursuit. The lyrics, however, are very non-traditional, and the choir sounds a lot younger than previous choirs who have performed this piece.

[CUT TO a close-up of the DVD case the bartender has opened. The front cover is shown very clearly--a very professional looking cover for a Mystic Exposition tribute DVD entitled "MYSTIC EXPOSITION: THE ROAD TO TAGSTRAVAGANZA II." It features the two plucky Gastown greats front and centre in full costume, giving a very cheesy thumbs up, with the words "NOT A REAL DVD" under them. The bartender takes out the disc, which is also printed with a professional looking label (and similarly has a "NOT A REAL DVD" disclaimer on it), and puts the case down onto the bar.

"Mystic Ninja, Exposition"

[CUT TO tight shot of Ninja and Expositioner, who look a little confused at this odd, yet musical, turn of events. The lighting on them is similary stark and ominous. Superimposed on the background is a selection of highlights from the Mystic Exposition's eventful past year of competition. Accompanying each highlight is the fine print on the corner of the screen. "Highlight footage courtesy of Gastown Wrestling Alliance. All rights reserved." This sequence features the Mystic Ninja's spectacular Shuriken Press (shooting star senton) and Kabuki Kick (back handspring to backflip kick).

"Former Gastown, tagteam champions"

[CUT TO the bartender looking very intense as he holds up the disc and reaches down to grab a portable DVD player from the display case before him. Behind him now, standing in a newly widened space between him and the back shelves, is a full choir of 30 or more children in three rows, dressed in red choir robes. They are singing very intently and with great intensity and emotion, as though their very lives depend on their performance, which, for all we know, they do. Lightning flashes around them and an unnatural stormwind blows across them. More highlight footage superimposed on the background, this time of the Expositioner's X-Planation (spinning crucifix toss) and X-Press (cross body from top turnbuckle).

"Their appearance has been sanctioned!"

[CUT TO the Mystic Exposition again, but by this time, we are in an outdoor area. It is raining heavily now. Behind them, we see the same choir continuing the song against a backdrop of gothic architecture and a hellstorm-red sky. A small child sitting astride a large, black llama walks in, the lead on the llama's harness very obviously attached to a handler whose arm is just visible on the edge of the screen. The llama, while moving as a regular llama would, has been digitally-enhanced with glowing red eyes and breathes fire.

"Awesome is enn-ay-pee-double-youuuuuuu"

[CUT TO the choir standing inside the ring as the rain intensifies into a downpour that is slowly flooding the pub floor around the ring. Lightning crashes and the wind grows ever stronger. A pub patron is flung into the side of the ring by a crashing wave! The singing intensifies, the storm crashes down harder! The background is superimposed with a clip of the Mystic Exposition's bearhug/2nd rope enzuigiri double team move and in-ring antics.

"Thank you for--"

[CUT TO a close-up of the bartender's hands closing the lid on the portable DVD player into which he has inserted the Mystic Exposition disc. He puts the machine on the now-soaked bar and steps out of frame. As soon as the screen brightens with the Mystic Exposition logo, the music, wind, rain and singing all abruptly stop.

[CUT TO the original shot of the bar. The floor, patrons, tables and the bar are soaked, but the patrons come out from under the tables and start righting their chairs and returning to their seats as if this was an everyday occurrence. Ninja and the Expositioner are still looking around in confusion and bewilderment as the ambient chatter resumes.

[At the bottom of the screen is the Mystic Exposition logo and the text: "Mystic Exposition at Tagstravaganza II. Kayfabe never tasted so good."

[FADE OUT.]

------------------------

[FADE UP to the Ninja and the Expositioner sitting on bar stools in the wrestling ring on the set of their previous spot. they are in their normal ring attire and are once again masked. Crew members may be seen gathering up cable and equipment, while others are mopping the floor and putting red choir robes away.]

NINJA: Hi, I'm the Mystic Ninja.

EXPOSITIONER: And I'm the Expositioner.

NINJA + EXPO: Not our real names.

EXPOSITIONER: Ha ha, that never gets old. But seriously, folks, even though we're johnny-come-latelys to the NAPW, we've noticed a few things that we'd like to talk about. It's not the august luminaries that the NAPW has secured, nor is it the former Gastown champions that Rex Caliber has so graciously invited to compete in Tagstravaganza II--to wit, us. No, what we're talking about is of far greater import. And that's the intensity and gravitas of most of the wrestlers in this company.

NINJA: Sure, it may put bums in seats. Sure, it makes everyone sound more "extreme" or "hardcore" or "epic" or whatever ambiguous buzzword you want to use. Sure, it may make for a harder edged product, but the effects of--

EXPOSITIONER: Uh, Ninja, I'm sorry, hold on.

NINJA: What?

EXPOSITIONER: Edges can't be hard.

NINJA: What are you talking about?

EXPOSITIONER: An edge is a distinct border at which a surface terminates, or a line at which two surfaces meet, or--

NINJA: Expo, we're in the middle of--

EXPOSITIONER: But clarity in verbal communication in any language is the resp--

NINJA: What about the 'edge' of a road, then, huh? There's no real sharp--

EXPOSITIONER: --the responsibility of its speakers! Even the Indian linguist Sibawayh, in his Al-kitab fi al-nahw of 760 C.E. indicated the tran--

NINJA: (exasperated) Expo!!

EXPOSITIONER: What?

NINJA: ...Assman.

EXPOSITIONER: Heeheehee--you lous--heeheeheeheehee... hahahaha... bwahahahaa!

[Expositioner doubles over in laughter. The camera automatically zooms closer to Ninja, leaving Expositioner to once again laugh uncontrollably off-screen. A couple of crew members in the background can be seen pausing to stare at Expositioner for a moment before shrugging and resuming their duties.]

NINJA: Whatever happened to the good old days of wrestling, when you just knew the Iron Sheik was a bad guy because he was on Rowdy Roddy Piper's side in "Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling?" The NAPW may be a smaller promotion than some, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to give it a little integrity, a little passion and humour. When we look guys like the Deliverymen or the Awesome Wrestling eXplosion, we see the talent that can shine in the unlikeliest of places. And when we see guys like the Yellow chicken or Chris Kamikaze, we know that there is a fount of untapped potential here.

[When Expositioner starts talking, Ninja looks surprised. The camera jerks a little bit in Expositioner's direction but stays on Ninja until Ninja nods. Then the camers pans down to the Expositioner, who is speaking while getting up off the floor.]

EXPOSITIONER: Since the WWE's 'Attitude' era, professional wrestling has become edgier and harsher, with a greater emphasis on sex and violence. Anti-heroes who use the same tactics as their villainous counterparts have severely blurred the line between good and evil characters. According to a 15-year study by the American Psychological Association, the exposure of children to violent television programs was linked to later aggression as young adults. This was true for girls as well as boys. We would prefer to not contribute to such statistics.

[ZOOM OUT to acoommodate both men. A children's choir is in the background. They start singing the Dies irae from the previous ad spot, this time with the traditional lyrics. They sing for the remainder of the promo.]

NINJA: The Mystic Exposition has always prided itself on being a positive role model to all of our fans, be they, men, women, children or the Black Bastich (faint rim-shot from off camera), and we plan to continue this tradition for as long as we can. So you're not going to hear us threaten a man's life or his career. We're not going to harass a man's girlfriend or wreck his car or intentionally fracture a guy's limb so he can't compete...

EXPOSITIONER: ...though we may be called upon to make it look that way when he's due for a "break."

NINJA: (groans)

EXPOSITIONER: The Mystic Exposition makes this promise here and now, true believers. We stand for integrity of character, passion and respect for our industry and our fans around the world and the wisdom to separate fact from fiction outside the ring. We're going to be competing against some of the best in the business at Tagstravaganza, and we'd like all of our opponents to know that we hold them no ill will. But we will show each and every one of them that perseverance, honour and, ultimately, triumph needn't be so dire and grim.

[The live video frame shrinks as the view zooms out. The video frame is revealed to be the screen in a crudely drawn, brightly coloured giant television set on a small hill being watched by a couple of crudely drawn, brightly coloured kids, one of whom is absently bouncing a ball on the ground. The title "ONE TO GROW ON" is written in clouds above the screen.]

NINJA + EXPO: And that's one to grow on.

[FADE OUT]



EDIT: Formatting.

[Sebastien Martyr]

[shadow=ORANGE,left,300]PAIN IS THE FEELING YOU GET WHEN WEAKNESS EXITS YOUR BODY[/shadow]

Fade into a locker room in a small armory. The location of the armory is Missoula, Montana. We see a business man talking to a dressed to wrestle, Sebastien Martyr.

Sebastien: Your welcome. I know you was going to thank me for doing this.

John: Well.. I'm not actually going to turn down two big time indy superstars who offered to wrestle for free.

Sebastien: Well... that fact is between me and you. Casino doesn't need to know.

John: Any reason?

Sebastien: You get us for a tag team title tournament, to give your fans a special surprise, and a buzz about your fed. We get three tag matches under our belts, and some experience. Casino isn't the type to work for free, so instead of negotiating with tons of people, I'll sacrifice my money, make things easy.

John: You hopeful you'll make it to the end, huh kid?

Sebastien: Hopeful? No... I'm not hopeful. I'm not positive, I'm not optimistic... I'm not going to go "Damn, I think we can win."

John: Then why even tag... why enter that huge ass gauntlet match?

Sebastien: That's simple.... I KNOW WE CAN WIN! This is a good way to gel, but there's not a doubt in my mind that we can't leave holding tag gold in either event. I know we can, I don't have to hope, wish or be optimistic.

John: There's some stiff competition here.

Sebastien: I thought they retired back in November?

John: What?

Sebastien: Huh?

They both shake their heads.

John: That camera man... he ain't taping our show OK? Backstage is fine... but nothing else.

Sebastien: Whatever man.

Just as John the Promoter is leaving... enters Chris Casino. He has the always "better than you" smirk. He lays his bag down and sits down next to Martyr.

Chris: Montana?

Sebastien: It's a thousand bucks man.. and tag experience.

Chris: Yeah, and the tag gold is ours baby. Do we have to come back and defend these shitty belts after we win?

Sebastien: Didn't think that far ahead.

Chris: Who's the opponents?

Sebastien: Not sure, it's a standard eight team tournament, single elimination. But we can't film the matches. Backstage things are cool though.

Chris: Who the hell cares, thousand bucks to kick the shit out of three tag teams, then take that momentum to Canada.

The scene fades with them about to leave for their first match. Sebastien has three of his gorgeous goth girl groupies, doing commentary for the video, as the camera stays on them. They peek through the curtain, watching the action. They are dressed very provocative, so who the hell cares.

Goth Girl 1: Sebastien looks so damn sexy with his hair all slicked back.

Goth Girl 2: He promised to make me an "official" girl tonight.

Goth Girl 1: You'll never be the "top" girl though.

Goth Girl 3: You said that right... everyone knows that I'm the top girl.

Goth Girl 2: They are fighting two women.

Goth Girl 1: Damn... who they hell put this show together?

Goth Girl 3: Casino doesn't waste time does he?

Goth Girl 1: He looks like he could go all night. If he would just dye his hair.. blond isn't good.

Goth Girl 2: He hits that move on her. He drover her face and neck into the mat.

Goth Girl 3: That's what he calls Bankrupt. The bitch ain't moving.

Goth Girl 1: He pins her easy. Her partner is in tears.

Goth Girl 2: The partner just slapped Sebastien. Is she crazy?

Goth Girl 1: He just nailed her with the Sacrifice. She isn't moving either.

You can hear the ring announcer state the winners of the match are Sebastien Martyr and Chris Casino. The crowd is hating them as they taunt the two fallen girls. The duo come from the ring, as EMT's rush out to the girls.

Chris: Two girls?

Sebastien: Man.. I heard the girls neck pop when she hit the mat. The sound made me almost orgasm.

Chris: Damn... and I thought I was sick.

They head to the locker room. They sit there, the girls tend to the unscathed Sebastien... who tells Goth Girl 2, to go over and rub down Casino's muscles. Then walks in two out of shaped, over weight, human waste of space. They are masked.

Masked Man 1: Gentleman...

Masked Man 2: (shaking nervously) We are your next opponents.. we beat two midgets in the first round.

Masked Man 1: We got to be honest here.. we are factory workers. We just do this for kicks.

Masked Man 2: We're friends of the promoter John.

Masked Man 1: I was his best man at his third wedding.

Masked Man 2: But anyways, could you... take it easy on us? We're not on your level, and we were scared shitless when we heard.

Chris: (laughing) You gotta be kidding me.

Sebastien: Yeah.. I'm not sure who you think we are... but we don't play around. This isn't a field trip to put on a show for a tad bit of money. We are here to take the bodies of you, and gutless cowards like you... make you hurt, make you bleed, and make you wish you died at birth.

Masked Man 2: So no deal? We will lay down, man.

Chris: Y'all bitches are gonna get Bankrupt and Sacrificed.. just like those broads who took on us.

The scene fades out, then back in to them leaving for match two.

Goth Girl 1: You had to rub down Chris... You are so not going to be one of us.

Goth Girl 2: I bet I could do it better than Chris' old lady.

Goth Girl 1: Those guys they are fighting are like out of breath already.

Goth Girl 3: Martyr just hit Dark Daze on one of them. He goes for the pin, and picks the dude up.

Goth Girl 2: He tagged in Chris. He picks him up and they spike his head into the ground.

Goth Girl 1: It's a damn spike pile driver.. have you not being watching the tapes that Sebastien gives us? How can you tell him about his opponents if you don't know the moves?

Goth Girl 3: She will never last.

Goth Girl 2: They just won, and I think one of the fat guys they beat is having a heart attack.

Goth Girl 1: He is just tired, they all look like that.

Casino and Martyr are getting booed big time. They enter the curtain and laugh heading to the locker room.

Chris: This ain't helping us gel.. You go in smack around one member of a team, I come in and pin them. Or vice versa.

Sebastien: Maybe that is the strategy we need.

John the Promoter walks in, and Sebastien asks everyone to leave.

Sebastien: What's up? We got those thirty fans just hating us big time.

John: (somber) You broke that girls neck.

Sebastien smiles.

John: (shocked look) You broke a twenty two year old girl's neck... and you smile?

Sebastien: You booked the match. Why would you.. do that to them? You knew of our reps, and you house shows with factory workers, women, midgets and basically non wrestlers. You let two real men show up, and look what happens.

John: (looking pissed) Well the next team isn't like them... I hope they hurt you too. You have caused me nothing but trouble. You almost killed that girl.

That scene fades as the next one opens like the others, Casino and Martyr leaving for the ring. Just before they do, they see two seven foot men walk up. They look Russian, and stare down at them. Then those two walk through the curtain.

Chris: Damn man... those dudes are freaky looking.

Sebastien: Relax man... we didn't come here to get hurt. I knew them guys would make it this far.

Chris: We didn't come here to lose either.

Sebastien: Winning those card board belts isn't what we care about. We go in there, man handle them with some weapons and let the promoters sort it out.

They head to the ring, and we hear the bell ring.

Goth Girl 1: They both grab chairs... But they get them took away by the fans.

Goth Girl 2: Casino gets in the ring first, cussing the crowd. The big man wearing black tries to big boot Casino, and he misses. Casino tags in Sebastien who kicks him in the stomach, and hit's him with the Sacrifice.

Goth Girl 3: He pins him.. the dude kicked out!

Goth Girl 2: Sebastien just got grabbed from behind the other dude. (scared) Baby no!

Goth Girl 1: Chris with a steel chair to the back of them punks. Sebastien pulls out cross from his boot.

Goth Girl 3: I bought him that. He snaps off the bottom, it turns into a spike.

Goth Girl 2: Yep.. and he just stabbed one of them. Blood is everywhere.

Goth Girl 1: Is anyone else getting hot?

The other two nod their heads yes. A minute of two later, Casino and Martyr come to the back quickly, as the crowd tries to fight them. Martyr has his hands covered in blood.

Chris: What the hell circus freak show you bring me too?

Sebastien: Don't worry man.. here's your money.

Chris looks in an envelope handed to him by Goth Girl 3, and smiles.

Chris: That does make all this shit worth it.. I guess. It's easy money, regardless. Not sure if we are a better tag team. We still got shit to work on.

Sebastien: We will just go in, attack, and kill what moves. You really should try some better moves though.

Chris: Yeah, and you should dress less depressing.

They smile at each other, in a mutual respect, smirky, assholish way. Chris goes and grabs his bag. John walks up furious, and Sebastien just waves him away. Chris exits the locker room, and John storms in behind Sebastien.

John: (angry) What the hell was that?

Sebastien: That was us doing what we do. Those boys will be fine. That girl she will recover fine, and they will all remember what happens when you face real men. And who cares if they don't recover. This sport isn't for the weak. This is where only the strong survive, and they should realize that now. We came here to get motivated. Get some tagging experience. We beat down two men bigger than any men in our match coming up, and we hurt people. So... you might want to leave soon.. I'm still itching for some blood.

He is left by himself.

Sebastien: The feeling I get when bones break, and blood pours out of bodies, it feels so good. You will never have a high like that in any drug. The blood on my hands is like a boost of ego, and a massager of the soul. It makes me whole. I can't stop this craving for more blood, more bones breaking more careers ended. The list of victims grows every week. I need more bloody towels though. But my biggest night was when I dropped that has-been from the upper deck. Tommy Deathrow isn't anywhere to be found now, and if he ever brings his broken down body back here... I'LL TAKE AN AX, AND FINISH HIM OFF. PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.

But that night will be topped this Tuesday. I look forward to all the men who I can put through the pain. To set them on fire with agonizing move after agonizing move. Watching Casino bask in the glory that is hurting people, makes me just as happy. This is a tag team born out of hell, and blessed by the very sweat of the Devil's brow. This is your new tag team champions. We are smarter, more devious, more hungry than anyone out there. No one can match us toe for toe, move for move and vicious hit after vicious hit. The blood pours this Tuesday. The bones will shatter throughout the night. The cage will have flesh hanging off of it.. and at the end of the night... one team is left standing. The team of Casino and Martyr... MALICIOUS INTENT!

Fade to black.

Chris Casino is my main bitch... and was used with permission!

[Prince Darko]

.:STILL TALKIN' 'BOUT DAH COMPEEETEEEESHOOON BUT DIS TYME IT'S LYK WE TALKIN' BOUT NAPDUB YA DIG? DIS A LONG TITLE AIN'T IT?:.

[/center]

It's night now and The Foundation is driving. Thomas at wheel, Darko at passenger and B in the back.

Mr. B Where to boss?

Thomas Young I don't know. Now-a-days it's all the same. It bores the shit of me. Every place we've gone to, has stolen it's theme and it's design from some other place. Places don't want to take the time to be original and be fresh. It's all tired and stale. So when you ask "Where to boss?" I really don't know and I really don't care anymore.

Prince Darko Well we are going back to where this ride all started.

Thomas Young Don't remind me. That place was our cancer, we would had died out there. Every night the cancer got worse, no matter what we did, it worsen us up. We lost vision, we lost taste, we lost the sense of time. We were in space, we had no direction.

Prince Darko We didn't die. We stood and fought it out. Yes, we did get our shit beat in. I'm not afraid to admit that. But, you have to remember we never died. We never ran away, we never run away from our problems. We're no bitch. We had to walk outside to get some fresh air. So now we go back there older and stronger, cool and clam. We go back like men. We dismantle and disarm their men. We'll prove we're the finest of the fine. We'll show our metamorphosis was for the better. We'll show that they softened up with our absences.

Mr. B Hey, look, we can pull into that gas station over there. I'm thirsty.

Thomas Young Whatever.

They pull into the gas station, the name happens to be covered by pixels.

Mr. B You want anything?

Thomas Young Here's a twenty tell them to turn on pump number five.

Prince Darko Here's a five, get me two hot dogs, a root beer and a banana cake.

Mr. B It's not enough.

Prince Darko With all that money you get, I know you can make it enough.

Mr. B gets out of the car and mutters something about The Prince being a cheap person. Thomas exits car also and waits for B's signal to pump gas into the car.

Prince Darko (to himself) I might as well get some deep reflection while I'm here.

Prince Darko's Thoughts Stylin' Kyle Roberts, he's nothing. Bruce made him what he is. If it wasn't for Bruce and his strong ass back, Roberts would be waiting tables and screaming "YO THAT!"

Warren, like dude, he's like taking like Keanu Reeves like, old gimmick from that like old ass movie that like came out in like the late like Nineteen-Hundreds. The dude like, needs to be like, um like, uh, original, bro.

Sabestien Martyr, he never whooped me, I don't see why prances around as if he did. He whooped STD, not me nor Thomas. He needs to stop thinking he's all high and mighty. He needs to stop walking around like he's the next big savior. What cause is he even fighting for? What has he suffered? He's a damn a fake, a poser. He claims he's against posers, that's exactly what he is. If you don't even believe your beliefs, then what the (BLEEP) are you doing in this world? This a place for individuals that follow their minds not what's cool on TV.

The hell is taking B so long, I need me a drink.

The Prince exits the SUV and enters the store.

Prince Darko THE (BLEEP) IS GOING ON?!

Mr. B's being held at gun point by an old and short oriental man with a dual sawn-offs that read "BACK UP" in serious font.

Old man You, no move. Head go boom. Put hands in air.

The old man points a swan off at Prince Darko and on Mr. B

Prince Darko Okay, fine, but, tell me, what happened?

Old man Baldy try to steal my product to boost on streets.

Prince Darko This true?

Mr. B Kinda, that five wasn't enough and I didn't want to break my fifty for a banana cake and a root beer.

Prince Darko The two hot dogs cost two fifty a piece?

Mr. B Yeah, and says I'm trying to boost.

Old man Baldy you call me liar? I shoot head off. Head be like watermelon at old Gallagher show.

Mr. B Look we can talk it out. I got money in my pockets, we can come to an understanding.

Old man I no want baldy dirty money. That boost money.

Prince Darko Look, I have money, I can pay off his debts.

Old man No! You accomplice. You come in same car.

Prince Darko Look, we don't want any problems. I just want two hot dogs, a root beer and a banana cake.

Old man Yes, to boost on streets.

Prince Darko Look, sir, it's night out, how would we be able to boost food at this time of night?

Old man I don't know you, tell me. You boost men have boost technology. You use boost mobile.

Meanwhile

Thomas Young The hell is taking these people so long. I got stuff to do, damn.

Thomas peeks his head for a second to look in the store.

Thomas Young OH SHIT!

Thomas enters the car and drives off.

Thomas Young Okay. I need a plan. B's bag has a lot of shit in there. It might help me.

Thomas pulls over, makes his way to the second row and finds the bag.

Fades

[Prince Darko]

.:THE OLD MAN AND THE STORE IS NAPW AND IT'S COMPETITION:.

[/center]

Thomas pulls over, hops to the second row and looks through the bag. He finds a mini boombox. He presses play, sirens start to play, he turns it off and places it aside. He finds a swat uniform and BB gun that resembles a MP5 that looks pretty real.

Thomas Young This can work or this can blow up in my face. It's a chance I'll have to take.

Thomas jumps back to the drivers seat and makes a U-turn.

Moments later.

Thomas is found in the back of the gas station fully dressed in swat fatigue, from the boots to the protective helmet. He carries the BB gun in the right hand and boom box in left. He places the boom box on the ground, turns on the siren, increases the volume gradually.

Meanwhile

Old man You see! Silent alarm work. It always work, it known fact. You two in deep trouble.

Thomas kicks the back door down.

Old man Baldy and Afrolicious try to rob my products and boost.

Thomas Young Boost? I have no respect for low lives like this. I shall apprehend these boosting fiends, but first sir I have to tell you something.

Old man What?

Thomas Young D

Old man D?

Thomas/B/DarkoDEEEZ NUUTZ!

Thomas pops the old man in the forehead with the bb gun. The old man falls back. Darko hops the counter, him and Thomas begin to stomp the hell out of the old man.

Mr. B (mouth filled with twinkies) PICK HIM UP! HIT HIM WITH THE GAME OVER!

The men do as told. The poor old man's tooth goes flying out of his mouth. Mr. B goes to the back of the gas station and returns with a microwave, he places it on the floor.

Mr. B Darko you know what to do.

Darko and Thomas drag the old man to the microwave. Thomas holds the old man in place, Darko backs up rushes at him, Thomas lets the old man go.....RUNNING DDT! The old man lands head first into the microwave, it only dents though.

Mr. B Finish him up!

Thomas picks the old man up and holds him in place. Darko stalks the old man from behind, backs up, runs.....OVER AND OUT! The microwave finally breaks. The old man is busted open.

Thomas Young Let me finish this old man up.

The Prince lands a couple of stomps to the chest of the old man.
The poor old man wheezes, coughs up blood. He tries his hardest to say no more, he just coughs more blood.

Prince Darko Look at him, he doesn't want any problems. That's funny. Just a minute ago he was threatening to kill us.

The Prince knees the old man in the stomach, he spits a wad of blood onto the floor. Thomas approaches the old man and hit him with the Shades of Death.

Mr. B Knock em out the box Thomas.

The prince drags the carcass of the old man towards the window. He brings him up to his feet. Thomas backs up, rushes....BIG BOOT! The old man breaks through the window and hits the concrete on the outside head first.

Mr. B I think he's dead.

Prince Darko Close to it, he's still breathing.

Thomas Young Darko, you still want that banana cake?

Prince Darko Yeah, of course.

Mr. B Are you out of your mind, just a banana cake? We got a gas station full of free shit.

Mr. B opens pump number five, Thomas goes outside and fills the car up. Prince Darko tries to open the cash register, he gets impatient and takes the whole register and places it inside car. Mr.B takes two stands all full of chips. Darko returns and gets two stands also, these are full with sweets.

Five minutes pass, the store is empty, any trace of food that used to be in the store is now in the in trunk of the Tahoe or in the second row. The Foundation looks at their work in amazement. They walk out laughing. They hop in the Used 02 Tahoe and drive off.

Prince Darko Wait.

Thomas Young What?

Prince Darko The old man.

Thomas Young What about him?

Prince Darko He needs medical attention.

Thomas Young Let him die.

Prince Darko I'm no murderer.

The Prince gets on his cell phone dials 911, he informs the operator about the old man.

It fades away with an ambulance arriving at the gas station.

OOC: Boosting= Stealing items and trying to sell it back to public. It's considered to be illegal in certain places. [/u]

[Simply Beautiful]

Fade in. SB, in front of a large NAPW banner. By his side is his sometimes opponent, sometimes ally, and now tag team partner, the NAPW Champion Ravager. Holding a microphone is none other than Josh Roberts, the NAPW’s main interviewer.

JR: Hello ladies and gentleman, and welcome to this week’s edition of “Shoot Talkin’” with Josh Roberts. My guests today are the NAPW Champion Ravager and his tag team partner, former Pure Honor Champion and the 2007 Sole Survivor, Simply Beautiful. Now, the question on everyone’s mind is: How will SB and Ravager be able to work together? With your long history of, well, Ravager defeating you for the title and in any other match-

SB: (raising his hand to cover Josh’s mouth) Would you shut up, Millhouse? Listen, I know what you’re doing here. You’re trying to stir the pot, so everyone can see what they want to see. SB turns on Ravager! SB and Ravager AGAIN for the NAPW title, and this time it’s for BLOOD! (laughs) Ain’t gonna happen, slick. I’m content with waiting for my next shot at the gold, and Lord knows with my talent that’s not gonna be too long. Right now, I have two goals in my mind, and each one is going to be accomplished this week, come hell or high water. First, me and Ravy here take the Crimes down a peg by taking the Tag Team Championships at Tagstravaganza. Then, I take a little break from kickin’ the shit outta the Crimes and deal with some personal business on May 29th. I shouldn’t need to say more than that, should I?

JR: I suppose not, but…but…

SB: But what, stupid?

JR: You didn’t answer my question.

Ravager: I’ll take that one. How will we work together? I’ll tell you what we’ve been doing to prepare. Hours in the gym, working on tag team moves. Ring spacing;how to stay out of their side of the ring, and how to keep them on ours. We’ve even got a tag team finisher that I bet will turn some heads. And any issues we may have had?

SB: Have been cleared up. And you can write that down and staple it to your forehead, Joshie. Not just because it makes me smile to see you in pain, but because I want every single one of those mother(BLEEP)ers in our gauntlet to know one very important fact: SB and Ravager are gonna walk in as (rock and roll quotes) “bitter rivals”, and walk out as Tag Team Champions…(looks at Josh) Write that down and staple it, moron!

Josh looks upset, but starts to do as he's told. No doubt he’s thinking it’ll hurt less than a -

BAM!

SB drops him with a SexyKick!

SB: (cracking his neck) What a tool.

Ravager: I suppose it’s time for the promo, then?

SB: I was getting antsy.

Ravager: Well let me begin. I’ve got a long history with Rex Caliber - ask anyone who was there at Churchill Downs that day.

(Video clip flashes of the RIOT AT CHURCHILL DOWNS! LAWN ‘06!)

Ravager: But this match isn’t with Rex Caliber.

Cut back to Ravager and SB.

Ravager: It’s with Lloyd Rees, and David Banks. The NAPW Tag Team Champions. The Crimes. Crimes. CRIMES. They’re back, bigger and badder forever. Let’s face it, they dominate both NAPW and REBEL now. Rex owns New Alberta, and holds the REBEL Heavyweight Championship. Rees and Banks are of course the Tag Champions, while Lloyd also finds it necessary to carry three other titles to the ring, only one of which means anything. And Static is Static.

Ravager: I’ve already beaten Lloyd for this. (holds up the NAPW Championship) Banks – I don’t know anything about Banks aside from what I’ve seen. But I know someone who knows him pretty damn well.

SB just grins.

Ravager: Now, listen to me. Talking like we’ve already won our gauntlet, and Rees and Banks did too.

SB: Well, half of that is a guarantee. I mean, just take a look at our bracket. I know Ravager has been through this before, but bare with me.

We have, in no particular order, the biggest gathering of losers the world has ever seen.

Magic Ninja and the Expositioner? Two words: Stupid Gimmicks.

The Crusher and Warren. The Crusher. AND Warren. Is this a comedy sketch, or a gauntlet for the most prestigious Tag Team Titles in Canada?

Like Ravager, I don’t know anything about Raiyn and Jared Cypress, but who knows if those guys are even gonna show up? They could walk right up to me right now and tag team bite me on the ass and I wouldn’t have a clue it was them. As far as I’m concerned, kick those posers to the curb and put in a team I’ll actually be able to enjoy stompin’ the shit out of.

Then, we’ve got the Foundation, the tag team champions down in North Carolina. Good for them – down there. But up here, things are a little bit different. We take our tag team wrestling seriously, and there’s no way in hell you’re going over us to get to the NAPW titles. You want Unity? Listen to some Rick James.

Next up is Kyle Roberts and the Assman. I’m gonna be a good sport, and not make ANY Billy Gunn jokes. But let’s take a look at the history of how well Kyle teams up with people other than Bruce Richards, shall we?

(Video Clip from the Lethal Lottery back in October. As an injured SB is pinned by Rob Hardway, Kyle Roberts gets laced by a boot by none other than the Beast just before he can break the pin up)

SB: Good choice in partners, Trey.

Ravager: Can I have the microphone back?

SB: This has pretty much become an SB promo. Watch and learn, Mr. No Personality.

Ravager: Cute.

SB: Last, and least, is the team of Chris Casino and Sebastien “Never saw the ‘95 Rumble” Martyr. Now, I don’t want to just talk trash. So I’ll talk facts. I’ve never faced Martyr in a standard match. I’ve also never beaten Casino in any match, save outlasting him at Sole Survivor. So I’m oh and three against these guys. I’m cool with that; there’s a first time for anything. Ain’t that right, partner?

Ravager looks confused, but then nods and smiles.

Ravager: Perhaps.

SB: Alright, I’m done here. Anything to add?

Ravager: No. I couldn’t think of any “super-cool” catchphrase like the one you and Bruce thought up over in A1E.

SB shrugs and laughs it off as the camera

fades out