Post by D! on Nov 11, 2005 3:17:26 GMT -5
(Lights up. The main event is settled, The Decapitators have found the strength to walk to the back unassisted, and "Killing In the Name Of" fades out on the sound system. The front row shifts as D!, belt on shoulder, hops the guard rail, grabs a mic, and rolls into the ring.)
D!: How the hell did you like the show?
(The live crowd cheers.)
D!: The brass wanted me to come out and talk to you as a wrestling champion . . . but I'm going to talk to you guys as a wrestling fan. I could have missed this show, I could have taken the night off, and I'm so glad I didn't. I had one hell of a time watching Action! I saw Khaos, a guy who's been picked on all his life, win his debut NAPW match. Good job, buddy! I saw NAPW's first submission match, and I think you'll agree with me, it was fierce! I saw a dynamite six-man tag match, as you all did, and even though my favourites didn't win, I was thrilled the entire time. Diamond? Axe? Don't let it get you down, fellas, 'cause you're still the number one competitors for the Tag gold on Monday Night Fight!
(The crowd cheers for that one.)
D!: Hell, I should even get my eyes checked, because my old buddy Viking even won a match! Holy Odin! Who knew he had it in him? In fact . . . do you realize that if he wins next Monday Night against Hatchet, why that would mean . . . (does air calculations) . . . that would mean he'd win two matches?! It's the NAPW! Anything can happen!
But most of all, I got to sit with a crowd of other wrestling fans . . . who like . . . wrestling. I know that on Monday nights you could sit at home and watch an old man pull stuff out of a rubber ass. Hell, on a Thursday night like tonight you could stay at home and watch some toothless bloodclot break a novelty clock. And you'd exist without us, no doubt about that . . . but we wouldn't exist without you. Stick with the NAPW, baby, and we'll give you the best wrestling in the world! Now--
(An NAPW! chant starts, to D!'s delight, and subsides.)
D!: Too many letters?
Now before I leave, I've got a message to deliver, and that message is to The Pl--
(Trapt drowns D! out with "Headstrong". D! looks puzzled and turns his attention to the entrance way where The Immortal strolls in with his own microphone. He hits the ring and gets in D!'s face.)
IMMORTAL: I believe you have something of mine.
D!: Your wallet? Your keys? Your soda? Your keys? A Bible? Two Bibles? Is it your keys?
IMMORTAL: I made a challenge for the NAPW Title!
D!: Oh yeahhhhhh . . . sorry, NO.
IMMORTAL: What's the matter? Afraid of a little competition?
D!: Actually, it's because it's out of my hands . . . I already have a title defense. Monday? Guy by the name of The Plague? Yay big? No cure for him?
IMMORTAL: Then I'll wait until you're done!
D!: Interesting tactic. NO. Sidebar: how do you do that with your voice?
IMMORTAL: Do you hear me? I want your title!
D!: It just sounds to me like it hurts doing that. My trachea's collapsing just thinking about it. Anyways, back to this: NO.
IMMORTAL: That title is my destiny!
D!: (Sighs.) Does it have to be my title? Can't you want the Provincial Title? Huh? Provincial Title Fever?
IMMORTAL: I will not be second-best! I want the NAPW Title!
D!: Tag Titles? Can't you find someone and get the Tag Titles?
IMMORTAL: I have a partner! His name is Mirage, and when we team up we will be the most dominant tag team in history! But when I beat you I'll have both belts!
D!: Oy. For a guy who's such a snot-nosed punk I seem to be shepherding a lot of new talent tonight. Listen to me!
IMMORTAL: The time for talk is--
D!: Peanut! Listen!
IMMORTAL: You cannot--
D!: Evil Peter Hill! Listen to me! You are not the Number One Contender! You do not sign a contract here and become Number One Contender! Plague and Dragon earned their shots by being veterans! I earned my shot by actually wrestling and beating a guy with more experience!! You have to prove yourself . . . to the brass, to me, and to those fans! (Points to the crowd.) So go win some matches! Give us moments! Send the fans home with memories that they'll never forget! Awright? What do you say?
IMMORTAL: I want my title shot.
(D! balls his fists up--before he gets to do anything else, "Bad Boys" hits the sound system. Both Immortal and D! turn around, disgusted, to see "Bad Boy" Joey Malone--ribs taped after his last match--enter the hall with his own mic. He rants as he comes down the ramp and enters the ring.)
BAD BOY: I'm sick of this! NAPW could have been great! NAPW could have been better than the WWE! We had all of these great wrestlers--like myself--who've paid their dues and have taken more beatings than crash test dummies, and we would have been A-OK!
But now we're signing people like Khaos! Have you heard this loser talk? He sucks!
And The Immortal? I can tell right now that he's got no talent!
And the worst part of it? It's you, D! The fact that the NAPW title's on a rookie like you has got to be the biggest travesty of all time! I think--
(Not as soon as they could have, D! and The Immortal blast Bad Boy with a double clothesline. Bad Boy groggily gets up, D! whips him into the corner--Stinger Splash! Bad Boy teeters out of the corner--into The Immortal's right hand--Chokeslam! Both men pick him up, then bundle him over the ropes to the floor outside, where he lies twitching. Both Immortal and D! play to the crowd.)
D! walks over and puts his hand on The Immortal's shoulder.
D!: You know what, kid? You're not that bad!
IMMORTAL: I want my title shot.
(D! floors Immortal with a roundhouse punch, sending him to the floor. He picks up his title belt and turns to the crowd.)
D!: Plague never had to do this.
(And with that, he leaves. "Right Before My Eyes" plays him to the back. Lights down.)
----------
With permission from The Immortal.
D!: How the hell did you like the show?
(The live crowd cheers.)
D!: The brass wanted me to come out and talk to you as a wrestling champion . . . but I'm going to talk to you guys as a wrestling fan. I could have missed this show, I could have taken the night off, and I'm so glad I didn't. I had one hell of a time watching Action! I saw Khaos, a guy who's been picked on all his life, win his debut NAPW match. Good job, buddy! I saw NAPW's first submission match, and I think you'll agree with me, it was fierce! I saw a dynamite six-man tag match, as you all did, and even though my favourites didn't win, I was thrilled the entire time. Diamond? Axe? Don't let it get you down, fellas, 'cause you're still the number one competitors for the Tag gold on Monday Night Fight!
(The crowd cheers for that one.)
D!: Hell, I should even get my eyes checked, because my old buddy Viking even won a match! Holy Odin! Who knew he had it in him? In fact . . . do you realize that if he wins next Monday Night against Hatchet, why that would mean . . . (does air calculations) . . . that would mean he'd win two matches?! It's the NAPW! Anything can happen!
But most of all, I got to sit with a crowd of other wrestling fans . . . who like . . . wrestling. I know that on Monday nights you could sit at home and watch an old man pull stuff out of a rubber ass. Hell, on a Thursday night like tonight you could stay at home and watch some toothless bloodclot break a novelty clock. And you'd exist without us, no doubt about that . . . but we wouldn't exist without you. Stick with the NAPW, baby, and we'll give you the best wrestling in the world! Now--
(An NAPW! chant starts, to D!'s delight, and subsides.)
D!: Too many letters?
Now before I leave, I've got a message to deliver, and that message is to The Pl--
(Trapt drowns D! out with "Headstrong". D! looks puzzled and turns his attention to the entrance way where The Immortal strolls in with his own microphone. He hits the ring and gets in D!'s face.)
IMMORTAL: I believe you have something of mine.
D!: Your wallet? Your keys? Your soda? Your keys? A Bible? Two Bibles? Is it your keys?
IMMORTAL: I made a challenge for the NAPW Title!
D!: Oh yeahhhhhh . . . sorry, NO.
IMMORTAL: What's the matter? Afraid of a little competition?
D!: Actually, it's because it's out of my hands . . . I already have a title defense. Monday? Guy by the name of The Plague? Yay big? No cure for him?
IMMORTAL: Then I'll wait until you're done!
D!: Interesting tactic. NO. Sidebar: how do you do that with your voice?
IMMORTAL: Do you hear me? I want your title!
D!: It just sounds to me like it hurts doing that. My trachea's collapsing just thinking about it. Anyways, back to this: NO.
IMMORTAL: That title is my destiny!
D!: (Sighs.) Does it have to be my title? Can't you want the Provincial Title? Huh? Provincial Title Fever?
IMMORTAL: I will not be second-best! I want the NAPW Title!
D!: Tag Titles? Can't you find someone and get the Tag Titles?
IMMORTAL: I have a partner! His name is Mirage, and when we team up we will be the most dominant tag team in history! But when I beat you I'll have both belts!
D!: Oy. For a guy who's such a snot-nosed punk I seem to be shepherding a lot of new talent tonight. Listen to me!
IMMORTAL: The time for talk is--
D!: Peanut! Listen!
IMMORTAL: You cannot--
D!: Evil Peter Hill! Listen to me! You are not the Number One Contender! You do not sign a contract here and become Number One Contender! Plague and Dragon earned their shots by being veterans! I earned my shot by actually wrestling and beating a guy with more experience!! You have to prove yourself . . . to the brass, to me, and to those fans! (Points to the crowd.) So go win some matches! Give us moments! Send the fans home with memories that they'll never forget! Awright? What do you say?
IMMORTAL: I want my title shot.
(D! balls his fists up--before he gets to do anything else, "Bad Boys" hits the sound system. Both Immortal and D! turn around, disgusted, to see "Bad Boy" Joey Malone--ribs taped after his last match--enter the hall with his own mic. He rants as he comes down the ramp and enters the ring.)
BAD BOY: I'm sick of this! NAPW could have been great! NAPW could have been better than the WWE! We had all of these great wrestlers--like myself--who've paid their dues and have taken more beatings than crash test dummies, and we would have been A-OK!
But now we're signing people like Khaos! Have you heard this loser talk? He sucks!
And The Immortal? I can tell right now that he's got no talent!
And the worst part of it? It's you, D! The fact that the NAPW title's on a rookie like you has got to be the biggest travesty of all time! I think--
(Not as soon as they could have, D! and The Immortal blast Bad Boy with a double clothesline. Bad Boy groggily gets up, D! whips him into the corner--Stinger Splash! Bad Boy teeters out of the corner--into The Immortal's right hand--Chokeslam! Both men pick him up, then bundle him over the ropes to the floor outside, where he lies twitching. Both Immortal and D! play to the crowd.)
D! walks over and puts his hand on The Immortal's shoulder.
D!: You know what, kid? You're not that bad!
IMMORTAL: I want my title shot.
(D! floors Immortal with a roundhouse punch, sending him to the floor. He picks up his title belt and turns to the crowd.)
D!: Plague never had to do this.
(And with that, he leaves. "Right Before My Eyes" plays him to the back. Lights down.)
----------
With permission from The Immortal.