What the world has been waiting for!

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

BILL HEWSON: The audience is cheering for Thursday Night Action! We're here live in Edmonton!

(Backstage, lights come on a trio of wrestlers : Axe, Diamond and Ravager. The audience is able to see it on the plasmatron (a projector on a big white sheet on the wall) in the arena.)

It's the Decapitators and their tag team partner for tonight, Ravager! Hold up, something's not quite right. Why is Ravager wearing a mask that's obscured by hair? Why is Diamond balding and when did he grow a mustache?

Wait a second! That's Static! It's Static wearing a black wig and a business suit, Stylin' Kyle Roberts dressed up in black leather as Axe, and Coach Gordon Jago on his knees pretending to be Diamond!

JACK JONES: Ha! Look! It's the number one contenders!

BILL HEWSON: Get serious, Jack! That's Kyle Roberts of the New and Improved D-X! What the hell's he doing?

KYLE ROBERTS: You know, bro! This is totally awesome! We're going to face the tag team champs, the New and Improved D-X!

Coach Jago blows his whistle.

KYLE ROBERTS: Totally! We're completely going to be owned!

Whistle blows.

KYLE ROBERTS: Good idea, Diamond. That's why Ravager has my back!

STATIC: Oh, you know it. But I'm not getting paid for this teamup? What kind of bull is this? Is this what I get for beating up the Mayor! The MAN! (Static gets elbows by Roberts) I mean - that BITCH Fleming!

KYLE ROBERTS: Dude, that's something to drink about! A wobbly pop! NO! FIVE wobbly pops! Good thing I've got a fake ID so I can buy beer underage!

(Whistle.)

KYLE ROBERTS: Yeah, Ravager's pissed all right.

STATIC: YEAH! I'm pissed! I'm gonna go beat up some guy on the street! HEY! METER MAID! YOUR ASS IS MINE!

KYLE ROBERTS: Whoa dude, that's intense! First some guy in a coffee shop, then Bill Fleming, then a guy in the street, then Bill Fleming, and now that meter maid?

STATIC: She was giving me a ticket.

KYLE ROBERTS: You drive a Lexus. That was a smart car she just ticketed.

STATIC: She looked at my car funny.

KYLE ROBERTS: Dude, you're SUCH a tough guy. I'm not sure if I have the stones to beat up innocent passers-by.

STATIC: It's a gift.

KYLE ROBERTS: Man, you're one special dude. I'm sure that one thing that'll happen is Static getting one of us to suck some voo- (Roberts trails off as Bruce "The Beast" Richards walks into frame.) Oh, hey, Bruce.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Kyle, what the hell are you doing?

KYLE ROBERTS: Mocking the crap out of our opponents tonight. You know. By dressing up as them.

BRUCE RICHARDS: I can't believe you didn't ask me if i wanted to take part in this.

KYLE ROBERTS: Did you?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Not particularly. But I probably would have told you to not bother.

KYLE ROBERTS: Which is why I *didn't* tell you about it.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Could you stop this nonsense?

KYLE ROBERTS: But cutting promos this way is fun!

BRUCE RICHARDS: We are above that. We are the tag team champions. (holds up the tag belt) Hell, we're the Gastown champs as well. What can this team of deadbeats do against us?

KYLE ROBERTS: I guess you're right. But, COSTUMES!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Look, leave the stupid rambling to Static.

STATIC: I'm right here, you know.

BRUCE RICHARDS: And you've done your stupid rambling of the day. Now it's time to go out there and kick ass. Destroy them.

KYLE ROBERTS: But! I was about to play that "Ravager's Greatest Beatings" tape we edited last night.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Okay, that was funny. Let's put it in.

BILL HEWSON: The hell? "Ravager's Greatest Beatings?"

(Richards loads tape into VCR, D-X and Static leave as the camera zooms in on a montage of Ravager: "We see a pleasant restaurant, where a happy young couple is enjoying a meal. In walks The Ravager, who makes a beeline for the table. Without acknowledging anyone, he grabs the young male and slams him through the table" - "The trainer tries to intervene, but is superkicked in the face before he can be of any help." - "We see through the front window Ravager grabbing a guy on the street, tossing him against a wall, then slamming him to the pavement." - "Ravager pushes Fleming out of the way, then knocks down the cameraman." - Ravager telling the camera "I just proved that a white collar worker can be just as tough as a blue collar one." - End with "Ravager backhand slaps Bill Fleming, knocking him to the ground.")

(Fade to black.)

-Written with Bruce Richards and with permission from Static-