Post by Celtic Assassins on Feb 4, 2006 18:51:07 GMT -5
Inside the Druid Pub. A crowd gathers around a table, where "The Scottish Wrecking Machine" Al Thoes, and Axe of the Decapitators are staring intensely at each other. There are two bottles of Tequila in front of them, and several shot glasses. O'Brady is filming on his camcorder
O'Brady: Al. This is a bad idea.
Thoes: Bad idea? Or brilliant?
O'Brady: I think I made my feelings clear.
Axe: Come on! Quit wasting time!
Thoes glares. He pours a shot of Tequila, then downs it. Polite applause from the crowd. Axe pours himself a shot, downs it. More polite applause.
Diamond: (quiet, like a golf announcer) Axe and Al Thoes are in the early stages of this contest. We call this the "feeling out" stage. Axe and Thoes are showing little effects of the tequila at this point. It's still anyone's game.
O'Brady: That's only his first shot. Wait until he gets a few in him.
Cut to an hour later. The bottles are a quarter empty.
Axe: (slurring his speech) But when a Brother drives a car he's all.... Hey, how does it go again?
Thoes: (also slurring his speech) Quit stallin' lad!
Axe: But it's your turn!
Thoes: Bobby, is it my turn?
O'Brady: If you have to ask, that means you drank too much!
Thoes: I'll drink to that!
Pours another shot. Drinks. Polite applause.
Diamond: The crowd showing their appreciation for these fine, fine athletes. This brings back memories of the great drinking contest between Jimmy O'Shaunessy and "Lightning" Eric Braden at the legendary scotch quaffing competition of 1905. I remember vividly the drama of that night.
O'Brady: Were you alive in 1905?
Diamond: That depends. Are you a putz now?
O'Brady: I.. Oh... Shut up!
Cut to another hour later. The bottles are half empty.
O'Brady: Seriously, Diamond, one word from you and this could end. I mean, Axe will listen to you right?
Diamond: (shushes O'Brady) The competitors need silence to keep their intense concentration.
Thoes: And that's how you counter the Haggis Buster. Hey Bobby, what's that maneuver that can counter the Tam O'Shanterslam?
O'Brady: Quit giving them strategy!
Diamond: The action is really picking up now! I assure all the fans watching that we have taken our last commercial break! We will stay here until there is a winner!
Cut to an hour later. The bottles are empty. Axe and Thoes are face down on the table, asleep (at least we hope they're asleep). Diamond is lifting their arms, letting them drop back onto the table.
O'Brady: They out?
Diamond: Yep.
O'Brady: Who won?
Diamond: It's a draw.
O'Brady: So we went through all that trouble. On Monday, our partners are going to be in no shape to participate, all for a bleedin' draw?
Diamond: Yep.
PAUSE
O'Brady: Still like my chances better than I did against the Doomriders.
Diamond: I'll drink to that!
O'Brady: Waitress! Two bottles of whiskey!
Fade to Black
Co Written with the Decapitators
O'Brady: Al. This is a bad idea.
Thoes: Bad idea? Or brilliant?
O'Brady: I think I made my feelings clear.
Axe: Come on! Quit wasting time!
Thoes glares. He pours a shot of Tequila, then downs it. Polite applause from the crowd. Axe pours himself a shot, downs it. More polite applause.
Diamond: (quiet, like a golf announcer) Axe and Al Thoes are in the early stages of this contest. We call this the "feeling out" stage. Axe and Thoes are showing little effects of the tequila at this point. It's still anyone's game.
O'Brady: That's only his first shot. Wait until he gets a few in him.
Cut to an hour later. The bottles are a quarter empty.
Axe: (slurring his speech) But when a Brother drives a car he's all.... Hey, how does it go again?
Thoes: (also slurring his speech) Quit stallin' lad!
Axe: But it's your turn!
Thoes: Bobby, is it my turn?
O'Brady: If you have to ask, that means you drank too much!
Thoes: I'll drink to that!
Pours another shot. Drinks. Polite applause.
Diamond: The crowd showing their appreciation for these fine, fine athletes. This brings back memories of the great drinking contest between Jimmy O'Shaunessy and "Lightning" Eric Braden at the legendary scotch quaffing competition of 1905. I remember vividly the drama of that night.
O'Brady: Were you alive in 1905?
Diamond: That depends. Are you a putz now?
O'Brady: I.. Oh... Shut up!
Cut to another hour later. The bottles are half empty.
O'Brady: Seriously, Diamond, one word from you and this could end. I mean, Axe will listen to you right?
Diamond: (shushes O'Brady) The competitors need silence to keep their intense concentration.
Thoes: And that's how you counter the Haggis Buster. Hey Bobby, what's that maneuver that can counter the Tam O'Shanterslam?
O'Brady: Quit giving them strategy!
Diamond: The action is really picking up now! I assure all the fans watching that we have taken our last commercial break! We will stay here until there is a winner!
Cut to an hour later. The bottles are empty. Axe and Thoes are face down on the table, asleep (at least we hope they're asleep). Diamond is lifting their arms, letting them drop back onto the table.
O'Brady: They out?
Diamond: Yep.
O'Brady: Who won?
Diamond: It's a draw.
O'Brady: So we went through all that trouble. On Monday, our partners are going to be in no shape to participate, all for a bleedin' draw?
Diamond: Yep.
PAUSE
O'Brady: Still like my chances better than I did against the Doomriders.
Diamond: I'll drink to that!
O'Brady: Waitress! Two bottles of whiskey!
Fade to Black
Co Written with the Decapitators