Post by Chris Casino on Feb 4, 2006 13:57:44 GMT -5
- Fond Farewells -
We open up on Chris Casino and find him dressed in a white lab coat. He's also holding a clipboard and a pair of John Lennon glasses are perched on his nose. He smiles as he notices the camera crew and points to a trio of young men sitting at a table. The three young men are overweight, wearing clothes straight from the closest Wal-Mart and are obviously single. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that these three young men, are hardcore wrestling fans. Across from the table sits three small televisions, one for each person in attendance. Casino walks over to the table and the young men and gives them his best fake smile.
Casino: Glad you could make it. Now, It says here (Looks at clipboard) You all live and breath wrestling. Is that right?
Wrestling Fan #1: Damn straight! I own EVERY wrestling game ever made!
Wrestling Fan #2: Oh yeah? Well I've been to not one, not two bitch but THREE PPV's! I've even been immortalized on one of them when they showed me and my sign that read....
Wrestling Fan #3: (laughing) You guys are PATHETIC. I spent $1,500 to train for Steel Rage Pro Wrestling. I was actually BOOKED for a match!
Everyone in the room goes quiet.
Casino: And?
Wrestling Fan #3: Uh, I slipped on a discarded hot dog wrapper and tore my quad. But the fact remains I've been TRAINED in the art of catch as catch can wrestling! (mumbles under his breath) They haven't heard the last of "Demonic Dominic" those arrogant fools! Bwahahahhaha!!!!
Casino: Uh, guys I need your attention to these TV's please? Okay. Look, at the upcoming Monday Night Fights I'm facing a man who claims he's so good that I don't have a snowballs chance in Hell of beating him. So I want you three...Experts...To watch his promo and then I'll ask some questions about my opponent.
With that Casino takes a small remote from his pocket and turns on the TV's. Over the course of the next 96 seconds we're subjected to Lobo's horrid promo. Once over, Casino turns off the TV's and stands in front of his panel.
Wrestling Fan #1: Was that it?
Casino: Uh yeah. It's short yet pointless. Okay question time guys. This question is to all of you, what was that guys name?
The theme song to "Jeopardy" plays as the three experts look at Casino with looks of confusion.
Casino: Okay, time is up. What is his name?
Wrestling Fan #1: Low Ball.
Wrestling Fan #2: Low Blow.
Wrestling Fan #3: Spartacus.
Casino writes something on his legal pad and nods.
Casino: Next question, again for all three of you. The gentlemen you just saw on TV wants to have his name written down on what?
Again with the "Jeopardy" music.
Casino: Time is up. I need your answers.
Wrestling Fan #1: Uh, a piece of paper.
Wrestling Fan #2: The booking sheet of the next weeks show.
Wrestling Fan #3: The Men's Restroom wall.
Everyone looks at Wrestling fan #3.
Wrestling Fan #3: What?
Casino: Finally, I'm going to give you a wrestlers name and you tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. Ready? LOBO!!
Wrestling Fan #1: Plan 9 From Outer Space.
Wrestling Fan #2: Comic Book Villain.
Wrestling Fan #3: Chewbacca.
Again everyone looks at Wrestling Fan #3.
Wrestling Fan #3: Damn! What?
Casino scribbles something else on his clipboard and nods his head.
Casino: Thank you gentlemen. Your McRibs are waiting for you in the lounge.
The three wrestling fans get up and limber away from the table to their "prize" of a McRib. Casino removes his glasses and sits on the edge of the table.
Casino: After careful consideration and the help of die hard wrestling fans this is what I've come up with in regards to Lobo.
Casino flips his clipboard around and we see the word -
scrawled across the front of the page. Casino tosses the clipboard aside and smirks.
Casino: Lobo, you mentally challenged rube, are an embarrassment to this sport. I bet the Dirty Canadians don't even claim you. You toss up some piss poor promo and expect me to back down? You know what you are Lobo? A legend in your own mind. So you some medals. Big deal. I've beaten EVERYONE this company has put in my path. I'm a former NAPW Champion. I'm the man that everyone tunes in each week to watch on their televisions. Without me, NAPW is dead.
You meanwhile are a sad excuse for a wrestler. You stated that you value that TV Title more than the Provincial Title? That's akin to saying "I like a Pinto over a Mercedes" it just doesn't make sense. Why waste your time in this tournament? More importantly, why waste MY time? You couldn't beat me if I laid down on the mat for you. Lobo, at Monday Night Fights, you join the ranks of Cook, Predator and all the other losers who thought I was an easy target. I not only beat those cats but I humiliated them as well. You, Lobo, are next on that list.
I'm winning this Cup Lobo. By hook or by crook I'm winning. I don't see a soul in this entire tournament that could give me a decent fight. Facing you Lobo is like a warm up to the real talent. You're nothing more than a sparring partner. At Monday Night Fights, I'll step over your broken body and head into the semi finals for the Canadian Cup. But don't worry, I'll make sure not to hurt you to bad sport. I always need someone to carry my bags into the hotel.
Casino waves us off and we go to black.
- Cut to a commercial for Scott's Big Fist. If the Fist Fits, use it! -
We open up on Chris Casino and find him dressed in a white lab coat. He's also holding a clipboard and a pair of John Lennon glasses are perched on his nose. He smiles as he notices the camera crew and points to a trio of young men sitting at a table. The three young men are overweight, wearing clothes straight from the closest Wal-Mart and are obviously single. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that these three young men, are hardcore wrestling fans. Across from the table sits three small televisions, one for each person in attendance. Casino walks over to the table and the young men and gives them his best fake smile.
Casino: Glad you could make it. Now, It says here (Looks at clipboard) You all live and breath wrestling. Is that right?
Wrestling Fan #1: Damn straight! I own EVERY wrestling game ever made!
Wrestling Fan #2: Oh yeah? Well I've been to not one, not two bitch but THREE PPV's! I've even been immortalized on one of them when they showed me and my sign that read....
Wrestling Fan #3: (laughing) You guys are PATHETIC. I spent $1,500 to train for Steel Rage Pro Wrestling. I was actually BOOKED for a match!
Everyone in the room goes quiet.
Casino: And?
Wrestling Fan #3: Uh, I slipped on a discarded hot dog wrapper and tore my quad. But the fact remains I've been TRAINED in the art of catch as catch can wrestling! (mumbles under his breath) They haven't heard the last of "Demonic Dominic" those arrogant fools! Bwahahahhaha!!!!
Casino: Uh, guys I need your attention to these TV's please? Okay. Look, at the upcoming Monday Night Fights I'm facing a man who claims he's so good that I don't have a snowballs chance in Hell of beating him. So I want you three...Experts...To watch his promo and then I'll ask some questions about my opponent.
With that Casino takes a small remote from his pocket and turns on the TV's. Over the course of the next 96 seconds we're subjected to Lobo's horrid promo. Once over, Casino turns off the TV's and stands in front of his panel.
Wrestling Fan #1: Was that it?
Casino: Uh yeah. It's short yet pointless. Okay question time guys. This question is to all of you, what was that guys name?
The theme song to "Jeopardy" plays as the three experts look at Casino with looks of confusion.
Casino: Okay, time is up. What is his name?
Wrestling Fan #1: Low Ball.
Wrestling Fan #2: Low Blow.
Wrestling Fan #3: Spartacus.
Casino writes something on his legal pad and nods.
Casino: Next question, again for all three of you. The gentlemen you just saw on TV wants to have his name written down on what?
Again with the "Jeopardy" music.
Casino: Time is up. I need your answers.
Wrestling Fan #1: Uh, a piece of paper.
Wrestling Fan #2: The booking sheet of the next weeks show.
Wrestling Fan #3: The Men's Restroom wall.
Everyone looks at Wrestling fan #3.
Wrestling Fan #3: What?
Casino: Finally, I'm going to give you a wrestlers name and you tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. Ready? LOBO!!
Wrestling Fan #1: Plan 9 From Outer Space.
Wrestling Fan #2: Comic Book Villain.
Wrestling Fan #3: Chewbacca.
Again everyone looks at Wrestling Fan #3.
Wrestling Fan #3: Damn! What?
Casino scribbles something else on his clipboard and nods his head.
Casino: Thank you gentlemen. Your McRibs are waiting for you in the lounge.
The three wrestling fans get up and limber away from the table to their "prize" of a McRib. Casino removes his glasses and sits on the edge of the table.
Casino: After careful consideration and the help of die hard wrestling fans this is what I've come up with in regards to Lobo.
Casino flips his clipboard around and we see the word -
scrawled across the front of the page. Casino tosses the clipboard aside and smirks.
Casino: Lobo, you mentally challenged rube, are an embarrassment to this sport. I bet the Dirty Canadians don't even claim you. You toss up some piss poor promo and expect me to back down? You know what you are Lobo? A legend in your own mind. So you some medals. Big deal. I've beaten EVERYONE this company has put in my path. I'm a former NAPW Champion. I'm the man that everyone tunes in each week to watch on their televisions. Without me, NAPW is dead.
You meanwhile are a sad excuse for a wrestler. You stated that you value that TV Title more than the Provincial Title? That's akin to saying "I like a Pinto over a Mercedes" it just doesn't make sense. Why waste your time in this tournament? More importantly, why waste MY time? You couldn't beat me if I laid down on the mat for you. Lobo, at Monday Night Fights, you join the ranks of Cook, Predator and all the other losers who thought I was an easy target. I not only beat those cats but I humiliated them as well. You, Lobo, are next on that list.
I'm winning this Cup Lobo. By hook or by crook I'm winning. I don't see a soul in this entire tournament that could give me a decent fight. Facing you Lobo is like a warm up to the real talent. You're nothing more than a sparring partner. At Monday Night Fights, I'll step over your broken body and head into the semi finals for the Canadian Cup. But don't worry, I'll make sure not to hurt you to bad sport. I always need someone to carry my bags into the hotel.
Casino waves us off and we go to black.
- Cut to a commercial for Scott's Big Fist. If the Fist Fits, use it! -