The New & Improved Musical! Act 3, Scene 2

[Scott [NAPW Staff]]

ACT III, SCENE II

(Lights up. MIKE and CAM stand in the center of the NAPW ring. They look angry.)

CAM
Tonight, Rex Caliber was going to strip. And as much as I love to see naked men... in a heterosexual way... it's time that Bruce and I had a few words!

MIKE
Damn right! These so called "champions," the Crimes, can go strip on their own time!

CAM
Next week! The Baccarat Casino! Joker's Wild! The New and Improved D-X is going to be your NEW tag team champions! It'll be TRIMACTIC!

MIKE
What... the hell?

CAM
You know... triumphant and climactic!

MIKE
Oy.

CAM
Crimes, you'd better bring the A-game! And the Dudes? I want Tiffany! To hurt! You know, to get into your heads! Not sexually!

(The orchestra hits "Flaming Youth" by KISS. LITTLE MIKE and LITTLE CAM enter stage right.)

LITTLE MIKE
You guys might be the Gastown Tag Teams Champions...

LITTLE CAM
The best ones ever!

LITTLE MIKE
Who no one can ever beat! EVER!

LITTLE CAM
But we're going to win those titles as Joker's Wild!

(And the orchestra hits up with "Bled for Days" by Static X. Enter FIXER with the title belts.)

FIXER
You want these belts D-X? Well why don't you put your money where your mouth is!?

(Beat.)

FIXER
Or whatever!

(The lights dim, and a spotlight hits the ring, where a ladder rises slowly out of trapdoor, HATCHET riding on top.)

ALL
Ladder Match!

(The music swells into "Ladder Match Medley".)

FIXER
We're Rexstaaaaatic!

LITTLE MIKE
Laaaaaazy...

HATCHET
Problimaaaaatic!

LITTLE CAM
So very laaaaazy...

("The Crimes" and "The Dudes" start slowly climbing the ladder while Mike and Cam stand frozen, each at an end of the ring.)

HATCHET/FIXER/LITTLE CAM/LITTLE MIKE (Ensemble)
But we'll climb the ladder!
We'll reach the heights!
At Joker's Wild!
It'll be our night!

(The music holds. The spot fades and the two opposing teams freeze. Two spots light up Cam and Mike.)[/i]

MIKE
I'm just really sullen.

CAM
I'll rise above.

MIKE
In the ring, I'm culling.

CAM
Like a great green dove.

MIKE/CAM (Duet)
Weee're the unbeatable...

FIXER/HATCHET/LITTLE MIKE/LITTLE CAM (Ensemble)
We'll climb this ladder...

MIKE/CAM (Duet)
Theeee undefeatable....

FIXER/HATCHET/LITTLE MIKE/LITTLE CAM (Ensemble)
We'll reach the heights...

MIKE/CAM (Duet)
Theeee NEEEEWWW,
And Improooooooooved!

ALL (Ensemble)
DEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEX!

CAM
You want a ladder match!?

MIKE
You're on!

(Lights down! One scene to go! STAY TUNED!)