The New & Improved Musical! Act 2, Scene 1

[Scott [NAPW Staff]]

ACT II, SCENE I

(The curtain opens as an orchestral version of the MNF Theme song “Over With” by Boy Charlie plays. The scene is, again the same as before, only now the “Gastown” banner has changed to an NAPW banner, and the backdrop looks like the NAIT gymnasium. A card table has been set up in the middle of the ring, and CAM, TIFFANY and MIKE all sit at it, playing cards. The Gastown Tag Belts lay in the middle of the table.)

TIFFANY
Well, boys, it’s been quite a year!

CAM
I’ll say! I don’t think we’re EVER going to lose these title belts.

MIKE
And we won’t. Because we’re the best tag team in Western Canada.

TIFFANY
That’s why the NAPW wanted us here! They wanted the most dominant tag team, IN HISTORY, to be in their inaugural match.

CAM
I can’t wait to win those NAPW title belts. Then, maybe the ladies will finally pay some attention to me, the MAIN EVENT.

(Mike and Tiffany audibly roll their eyes.)

CAM
Who’re we facing anyway?

(The orchestra strikes up! “Raise a Little Hell” by Trooper! “THE FIXER” STU SMYTHE and “THE HATCHET” DAVE BENNET rush the stage from the opposite sides and flip the card table – titles and all – off the ring. Cam, Mike and Tiffany don’t even notice.)

HATCHET
We are!

FIXER
And Calgary Connection is taking home the NAPW Tag Titles! Tonight!

MIKE
You guys feel that breeze?

TIFFANY
Nope.

FIXER
Cocky bastards! We’ll show you! Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?

(Beat)

FIXER
You know what I mean!

CAM
I guess we should go to our match. I’m bad at this poker thing anyway.

MIKE
We’ll beat whoever those guys are, and hit the clubs. Let’s roll!

(Mike, Cam and Tiffany stand up, and suddenly notice Fixer and Hatchet.)

CAM
Jesus! Who are you guys!? When did you get here!?

HATCHET
We’re your worst nightmare! Prepare yourself!

(There’s the sound of a ring bell as the lights go down. Tiffany shrilly blows her whistle!)

FRANK WARBURTON V/O
The winners of the match, and NEW NAPW tag team champions...D...X!

(The lights come up to reveal that Calgary Connection have disappeared, and Cam and Mike are now holding two titles. The Gastown belts, and the NAPW Tag belts – or replicas thereof. Tiffany is gone as well. There’s the music cue! “Winningest!” DANCING GIRLS, six of them, rush out from either side of the audience. They dance with Mike and Cam throughout the number. )

CAM
No one can hope to beat us.
There’s no challenge I fear.
We simply cannot be taken down.
We’re the winningest tag team here!

MIKE
Three way dance? No way!
Ravager may have interfered.
But in the end, it was Kyle’s pin!
We’re the winningest tag team here!

CAM
Ladies, you look lovely tonight. Natasha, Heidi, Claudia, Clarissa…

DANCING GIRL
I’m Amy!

CAM
I’m paying for sex damnit! Not chit chat!

MIKE
The Decapitators! What a joke!
Too busy guzzling beer!
I get my leg up on the rope…

[/i]

(Beat)

MIKE/CAM
We’re the winningest tag team here!

There’s no one who can win!
Not a single team came near!
We may have to start in the single’s scene,
We're the winningest taaaag teeeeeeeam…

[/i]

(The orchestra cuts them off with a spot on version of “Flaming Youth” by KISS and Cam, Mike and the Dancing Girls are all totally caught off guard by it… as the lights go down to signify the end of the scene!)

- Calgary Connection used with permission. Yes, they were the Gastown Champs last act, too.