Post by Chris Casino on Jan 19, 2006 0:43:46 GMT -5
- The Baccarat Casino, Canada -
Sitting inside his suite, if you could indeed call this tiny room that, is the current NAPW Heavyweight Champion and his partner in crime Evan Cartwright. Even at this late hour, Casino is dressed to perfection in a pair of dress slacks and white long sleeve button up Ralph Lauren shirt. Cartwright is dressed far more casually in a simple black Joker's Wild tee shirt and blue jeans. Casino hands Cartwright his cup of joe and takes a seat next to him on the sofa.
Cartwright: Explain to me again why my ass is here at two in the morning?
Casino: I wanted you to help me scout D!. Pick your brain you could say.
Cartwright: What!? Damn man, I was having that dream about Oprah again, you know the one, and you gotta call my ass over here in the middle of the night to help you scout an opponent you've already whipped like six times?
Casino: Stop being such a baby. I haven't heard from D! all week. It's not like him to be so...Reserved. Usually he's like a chatty Cathy doll that won't shut up. Anyway you'll like this.
Casino claps his hands and the lights go dim.
Cartwright: If I hear some Barry White start playin' my ass is gone.
Casino: You wish.
Casino picks up a remote off of the coffee table and mashes a button. The TV in front of them springs to life in a furry of static. Casino mashes another button and the static vanishes, replaced by the following crawl across the screen ala "Star Wars"
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away....
Episode IV: The Quest For Greatness
He came to the NAPW a virtual unknown but quickly became it's star attraction! His name is D! One Letter said real loud. He dominated his sub par opponents and looked to drag NAPW into financial ruin....
Until a hero arrived from America in the name of Chris Casino. He shattered the myth of D!'s invincibility and monkey punched him to take possession of the NAPW Title. Now our hero faces another task, to further humiliate D! and to lead NAPW to global dominance....
At Joker's Wild, on January 23rd, Chris Casino will relive history by once again bitch slapping D! and showing why he is indeed...The greatest wrestler in the NAPW.
Cartwright: (to Casino) I think you need some "alone" time.
Casino: Shhhhhhhhh!
The crawl vanishes and we're taken back in time to the early days of the Plauge / D! war.
The Plague is assaulting The Champion! He has completely blown his top! D! has won the match, but The Plague! OH NO! THE BLACK DEATH! SITOUT! The crowd stunned and disgusted! There's no need for this, the match is over! But wait now, The Plague isn't done! HE'S GONNA DO IT AGAIN! NO! NO! ANOTHER BLACK DEATH! Security rushing the ring, but The Plague...he just grabbed the NAPW Championship out of the referee's hands! The Plague staring at the gold and leather, eyes dark and unreadable. He looks at the motionless D!, and drapes the title belt across the champion's chest. The Plague rolls out of the ring and heads up the aisle, but in the ring the NAPW Champion is lying motionless!
Casino is laughing as Cartwright shakes is head.
Cartwright: I should have known better. can I go back to my room?
Casino: Negative. You see that? Plague, of all people just whopped that ass like it was nothing.
Cartwright takes a sip from his coffee.
Cartwright: Didn't D! retire Plague?
Casino shoots his a look. You know the kind. A look that you send someone when you're thinking of how quickly it would take to dismember their bodies.
Casino: Yes. yes he did, but the point is the might D! is easily distracted. He's like a kid with ADD. If some mook like Plague can stop him then why does everyone think he's the cat's meow?
Cartwright: Hey! I don't think he's....
Casino: SHHHHHHHHH!
Terry Brandon waves THE BEAST and STYLIN' KYLE through the curtain and they immediately rush the ring! Brandon follows and hands off his briefcase to KYLE, who tosses it waaaaay up and over into the cage! The Beast is scaling the one side! Kyle now scales the other! Terry Brandon just grabbed the timekeeper and DECKED HIM! He's searching his pockets for the cage door key! Meanwhile, D! has somehow in his anger noticed that D-X is climing the cage! D! climbs the cage and meets The Beast at the top! He's firing away on The Beast, but Kyle is over the top! D! jumps down, leaving The Beast recovering near the top of the cage, and then goes up to meet Kyle! BUT WAIT! CHRIS CASINO IS UP! AND HAS THE STEEL BRIEFCASE! WHAM! RIGHT TO THE BACK OF D! D! drops down and turns around INTO A BRIEFCASE TO THE FACE! Kyle drops down, The Beast drops down, Chris Casino COVERS D!... NOT LIKE THIS. NOT LIKE THIS. ONE! TWO! THREEEEE...EEEEEE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner...and NEEWWWWWWWWWWW NAPW CHAMPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN...CHRIS! CASEEEEEEEEENOOOOOO!
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! NOT LIKE THIS! NOT LIKE THIS! And...THE MATCH IS OVER! Now what the hell is going on?
Terry Brandon unlocks the cage door and steps in, laughing triumphantly as The Beast and Stylin' Kyle take turns stiffing D! Brandon hands Casino the title belt and then locks the cage door...before opening his briefcase and putting the key inside! The camera can't quite see what's IN the briefcase before Brandon locks it shut! D-X has D!...DOWN AND DIRTY! D! is beaten and bloody, there's no need for this! Now The Beast hauls D! up, hands him off to Kyle, who puts him on his shoulders... NO! NO! EMERALD FUSION! Stylin' Kyle just planted D! And Chris Casino is loving every minute of this! Casino saying let's get him some more, Kyle & Casino pull D! up... and The Beast is flexing his fingers. Hand around D!'s throat...NO! NO! THE CHOKESLAM! And wait...Stylin' Kyle just...HE'S GOT THE BEAR-TAMER LOCKED ONTO D! He's going to break D!'s back! Look at Chris Casino, getting down on his belly and holding the NAPW Title belt right in D!'s agonized face!
Casino is smirking at the TV.
Casino: Good times. That was when people started to realize that D! is nothing more than cannon fodder for people like me. Uh, us. He's a one hit wonder.
Cartwright: Does this little home movie have boobs in it?
Again, the look from Casino.
But wait! Predator is hunched over in the other corner, lining up the champion! Chris Casino doesn't notice! Casino, now, pulling D! to his feet... snap kick! Casino doubles over with a surprised look! PREDATOR CHARGES! CASINO THROWS D! IN THE WAY! PREDATOR SPEARS D! RIGHT OUT OF THE RING! HOLY HELL!
JACK JONES: Ha, HA! Now that's FINE teamwork.
D! shakily rises outside of the ring... LOBO! Lobo nearly takes off D!'s head with a clothesline from behind, then he hoists the former champion up into a gorilla press... WHY!? He drops D! NECK FIRST onto the guard-rail! The crowd is booing for all their worth!
BILL HEWSON: D! needs to be in the ring to make the pin! What is Lobo doing!?
In the ring, Predator hasn't missed a beat, not giving the champion time to capitalize on the mistake. Grabbing Casino by the throat, he hoists him up for a devastating CHOKE BOMB! The Predator then takes a handful of Casino's ponytail and looks at the crowd. "The Hunt..." The crowd chants with him "IS OVER!" He hoists up Casino for The End! WAIT! Lobo grabs his leg and pulls for all he's worth! Predator topples... and Chris Casino falls right on top of him! KIEBIECH IS COUNTING! LOBO IS STILL HOLDING THE LEG! NOT LIKE THIS! ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... LOBO! AND! CHRRRRIS CASINO!
Casino: AGAIN! I beat his ass again! What a disaster this will be.
Casino picks up the remote again and sends the TV into silence.
Cartwright: What? What's going to be a disaster?
Casino: Joker's Wild. Instead of having me face quality opponents like...Uh...Well, I'll think of someone later. I have to face D!. Again. Inside a cage. For my NAPW Title!
Cartwright: I'm confused. I thought you wanted D! in the cage.
Casino: Oh trust me I do. But I started thinking. Why should people want to watch this event when they KNOW that D! is gonna lose. Again. The Dirty Canadians have lost faith in their hero. I took it from them. If I'm not in the most talked about match, then why bother to appear?
Cartwright: uuuhhhh so?
Casino: So, at Joker's Wild I'm going to do something that will leave people talking for days and weeks to come. I'll carry D! through that match, like I've done with all our others and at the end...I'll end his career for good. I plan on sending D! home in a wheel chair Evan. Watching this crap tonight made me realize he's not good enough to be in the same promotion as myself. I'll succeed where others have failed. I'll succeed in the total and utter destruction of the beloved D!. Think about it Evan. No more D! running around dark alleys with Predator. No more of his boring ass matches to watch. I'm sure the Dirty Canadians will grieve for his loss but he can still go cut ribbons at supermarkets and stuff. Well, as long as they are handicap accessible.
Cartwright: You need some sleep. You're startin' to go all demented and shit.
Casino: Bah, everything has led to this. My arrival to NAPW when it was in financial ruin. My wining the title and saving the company from D!'s continued reign of boredom. And now here we are, inside a casino for our biggest show yet and by God I'm going to walk into that cage, whop D!'s ass and walk out STILL the NAPW champion. D! will have to be carried out on a stretcher. His career destroyed by my hands. This will be my finest hour Evan. This will be when I shut up all the talking heads in NAPW who think that I don't deserve the NAPW title.
Cartwright: Wasn't Talking Heads an 80's group?
Casino: Get out.
Cartwright: (mumbling) Finally.
Casino watches as his friend gets up from the sofa and leaves the room.
Casino: (whispering) It's come to this D!. I end your sorry ass career at Joker's Wild. I become the greatest wrestler in Canada. Because of what I'll do to you. You should have stayed gone D!. Should've hidden out longer. But now, now you have to pay up. Cause the house always wins.
Casino rewinds the tape in the VCR and again watches D!'s "Greatest Hits"
- Cut to a commercial for Chicken Noodle Soup! It's tasty bitch! -
Sitting inside his suite, if you could indeed call this tiny room that, is the current NAPW Heavyweight Champion and his partner in crime Evan Cartwright. Even at this late hour, Casino is dressed to perfection in a pair of dress slacks and white long sleeve button up Ralph Lauren shirt. Cartwright is dressed far more casually in a simple black Joker's Wild tee shirt and blue jeans. Casino hands Cartwright his cup of joe and takes a seat next to him on the sofa.
Cartwright: Explain to me again why my ass is here at two in the morning?
Casino: I wanted you to help me scout D!. Pick your brain you could say.
Cartwright: What!? Damn man, I was having that dream about Oprah again, you know the one, and you gotta call my ass over here in the middle of the night to help you scout an opponent you've already whipped like six times?
Casino: Stop being such a baby. I haven't heard from D! all week. It's not like him to be so...Reserved. Usually he's like a chatty Cathy doll that won't shut up. Anyway you'll like this.
Casino claps his hands and the lights go dim.
Cartwright: If I hear some Barry White start playin' my ass is gone.
Casino: You wish.
Casino picks up a remote off of the coffee table and mashes a button. The TV in front of them springs to life in a furry of static. Casino mashes another button and the static vanishes, replaced by the following crawl across the screen ala "Star Wars"
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away....
Episode IV: The Quest For Greatness
He came to the NAPW a virtual unknown but quickly became it's star attraction! His name is D! One Letter said real loud. He dominated his sub par opponents and looked to drag NAPW into financial ruin....
Until a hero arrived from America in the name of Chris Casino. He shattered the myth of D!'s invincibility and monkey punched him to take possession of the NAPW Title. Now our hero faces another task, to further humiliate D! and to lead NAPW to global dominance....
At Joker's Wild, on January 23rd, Chris Casino will relive history by once again bitch slapping D! and showing why he is indeed...The greatest wrestler in the NAPW.
Cartwright: (to Casino) I think you need some "alone" time.
Casino: Shhhhhhhhh!
The crawl vanishes and we're taken back in time to the early days of the Plauge / D! war.
The Plague is assaulting The Champion! He has completely blown his top! D! has won the match, but The Plague! OH NO! THE BLACK DEATH! SITOUT! The crowd stunned and disgusted! There's no need for this, the match is over! But wait now, The Plague isn't done! HE'S GONNA DO IT AGAIN! NO! NO! ANOTHER BLACK DEATH! Security rushing the ring, but The Plague...he just grabbed the NAPW Championship out of the referee's hands! The Plague staring at the gold and leather, eyes dark and unreadable. He looks at the motionless D!, and drapes the title belt across the champion's chest. The Plague rolls out of the ring and heads up the aisle, but in the ring the NAPW Champion is lying motionless!
Casino is laughing as Cartwright shakes is head.
Cartwright: I should have known better. can I go back to my room?
Casino: Negative. You see that? Plague, of all people just whopped that ass like it was nothing.
Cartwright takes a sip from his coffee.
Cartwright: Didn't D! retire Plague?
Casino shoots his a look. You know the kind. A look that you send someone when you're thinking of how quickly it would take to dismember their bodies.
Casino: Yes. yes he did, but the point is the might D! is easily distracted. He's like a kid with ADD. If some mook like Plague can stop him then why does everyone think he's the cat's meow?
Cartwright: Hey! I don't think he's....
Casino: SHHHHHHHHH!
Terry Brandon waves THE BEAST and STYLIN' KYLE through the curtain and they immediately rush the ring! Brandon follows and hands off his briefcase to KYLE, who tosses it waaaaay up and over into the cage! The Beast is scaling the one side! Kyle now scales the other! Terry Brandon just grabbed the timekeeper and DECKED HIM! He's searching his pockets for the cage door key! Meanwhile, D! has somehow in his anger noticed that D-X is climing the cage! D! climbs the cage and meets The Beast at the top! He's firing away on The Beast, but Kyle is over the top! D! jumps down, leaving The Beast recovering near the top of the cage, and then goes up to meet Kyle! BUT WAIT! CHRIS CASINO IS UP! AND HAS THE STEEL BRIEFCASE! WHAM! RIGHT TO THE BACK OF D! D! drops down and turns around INTO A BRIEFCASE TO THE FACE! Kyle drops down, The Beast drops down, Chris Casino COVERS D!... NOT LIKE THIS. NOT LIKE THIS. ONE! TWO! THREEEEE...EEEEEE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner...and NEEWWWWWWWWWWW NAPW CHAMPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN...CHRIS! CASEEEEEEEEENOOOOOO!
BILL HEWSON: OH MY GOD! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! NOT LIKE THIS! NOT LIKE THIS! And...THE MATCH IS OVER! Now what the hell is going on?
Terry Brandon unlocks the cage door and steps in, laughing triumphantly as The Beast and Stylin' Kyle take turns stiffing D! Brandon hands Casino the title belt and then locks the cage door...before opening his briefcase and putting the key inside! The camera can't quite see what's IN the briefcase before Brandon locks it shut! D-X has D!...DOWN AND DIRTY! D! is beaten and bloody, there's no need for this! Now The Beast hauls D! up, hands him off to Kyle, who puts him on his shoulders... NO! NO! EMERALD FUSION! Stylin' Kyle just planted D! And Chris Casino is loving every minute of this! Casino saying let's get him some more, Kyle & Casino pull D! up... and The Beast is flexing his fingers. Hand around D!'s throat...NO! NO! THE CHOKESLAM! And wait...Stylin' Kyle just...HE'S GOT THE BEAR-TAMER LOCKED ONTO D! He's going to break D!'s back! Look at Chris Casino, getting down on his belly and holding the NAPW Title belt right in D!'s agonized face!
Casino is smirking at the TV.
Casino: Good times. That was when people started to realize that D! is nothing more than cannon fodder for people like me. Uh, us. He's a one hit wonder.
Cartwright: Does this little home movie have boobs in it?
Again, the look from Casino.
But wait! Predator is hunched over in the other corner, lining up the champion! Chris Casino doesn't notice! Casino, now, pulling D! to his feet... snap kick! Casino doubles over with a surprised look! PREDATOR CHARGES! CASINO THROWS D! IN THE WAY! PREDATOR SPEARS D! RIGHT OUT OF THE RING! HOLY HELL!
JACK JONES: Ha, HA! Now that's FINE teamwork.
D! shakily rises outside of the ring... LOBO! Lobo nearly takes off D!'s head with a clothesline from behind, then he hoists the former champion up into a gorilla press... WHY!? He drops D! NECK FIRST onto the guard-rail! The crowd is booing for all their worth!
BILL HEWSON: D! needs to be in the ring to make the pin! What is Lobo doing!?
In the ring, Predator hasn't missed a beat, not giving the champion time to capitalize on the mistake. Grabbing Casino by the throat, he hoists him up for a devastating CHOKE BOMB! The Predator then takes a handful of Casino's ponytail and looks at the crowd. "The Hunt..." The crowd chants with him "IS OVER!" He hoists up Casino for The End! WAIT! Lobo grabs his leg and pulls for all he's worth! Predator topples... and Chris Casino falls right on top of him! KIEBIECH IS COUNTING! LOBO IS STILL HOLDING THE LEG! NOT LIKE THIS! ONE! TWO! THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... LOBO! AND! CHRRRRIS CASINO!
Casino: AGAIN! I beat his ass again! What a disaster this will be.
Casino picks up the remote again and sends the TV into silence.
Cartwright: What? What's going to be a disaster?
Casino: Joker's Wild. Instead of having me face quality opponents like...Uh...Well, I'll think of someone later. I have to face D!. Again. Inside a cage. For my NAPW Title!
Cartwright: I'm confused. I thought you wanted D! in the cage.
Casino: Oh trust me I do. But I started thinking. Why should people want to watch this event when they KNOW that D! is gonna lose. Again. The Dirty Canadians have lost faith in their hero. I took it from them. If I'm not in the most talked about match, then why bother to appear?
Cartwright: uuuhhhh so?
Casino: So, at Joker's Wild I'm going to do something that will leave people talking for days and weeks to come. I'll carry D! through that match, like I've done with all our others and at the end...I'll end his career for good. I plan on sending D! home in a wheel chair Evan. Watching this crap tonight made me realize he's not good enough to be in the same promotion as myself. I'll succeed where others have failed. I'll succeed in the total and utter destruction of the beloved D!. Think about it Evan. No more D! running around dark alleys with Predator. No more of his boring ass matches to watch. I'm sure the Dirty Canadians will grieve for his loss but he can still go cut ribbons at supermarkets and stuff. Well, as long as they are handicap accessible.
Cartwright: You need some sleep. You're startin' to go all demented and shit.
Casino: Bah, everything has led to this. My arrival to NAPW when it was in financial ruin. My wining the title and saving the company from D!'s continued reign of boredom. And now here we are, inside a casino for our biggest show yet and by God I'm going to walk into that cage, whop D!'s ass and walk out STILL the NAPW champion. D! will have to be carried out on a stretcher. His career destroyed by my hands. This will be my finest hour Evan. This will be when I shut up all the talking heads in NAPW who think that I don't deserve the NAPW title.
Cartwright: Wasn't Talking Heads an 80's group?
Casino: Get out.
Cartwright: (mumbling) Finally.
Casino watches as his friend gets up from the sofa and leaves the room.
Casino: (whispering) It's come to this D!. I end your sorry ass career at Joker's Wild. I become the greatest wrestler in Canada. Because of what I'll do to you. You should have stayed gone D!. Should've hidden out longer. But now, now you have to pay up. Cause the house always wins.
Casino rewinds the tape in the VCR and again watches D!'s "Greatest Hits"
- Cut to a commercial for Chicken Noodle Soup! It's tasty bitch! -