Post by "Sick" Billy Kryenik on Jan 18, 2006 9:54:13 GMT -5
:::continued:::
(Billy Kryenik gets into the van and shuts the door. Brad is terrified with his foot firmly planted on the brake peddle, almost to the floor with the van still in park. Michelle doesn’t really understand what is going on as she puts on a fresh layer of strawberry Labello lip chap. Todd is trembling, it is noticeable through the shakiness of the camera. Mike has gotten to his feet and is now walking towards the van.)
Billy Kryenik: What’s with the half naked girl? The booze? The fact that neither of you have a shirt on?
Todd: …bang bus…
Billy Kryenik: Bang Bus?
Todd: Yeah!! We get girls all…
(Mike grabs the door handle, but Billy opens first and hits Mike with the door. Mike falls to the ground in a heap. Little pebbles are indented on his shirtless torso. He grabs his head and groans.)
Todd:…. Drunk and pay them to have sex with us.
Billy: Interesting theory. Does it work for you?
Brad: Oh yeah! The Bang Bus never fails.
Todd: On the Bang Bus!!!
Billy: snicker I suppose you’re the meat?
(looking at Michelle)
Michelle: Look man, I’m just here. Don’t you come up in my face and question me on what I can and can’t do. I’m a grown woman and I don’t need a second mother. My mothers good enough and I defiantly don’t need another Daddy. Boy with the daddy I got he would come down here and give you a lickin’ you’d never forget. I should call him right now and get him, and my brother, and all of their friends to come kick your ass for putting me in harms way!
(Billy blinks calmly back at Michelle, obviously lost in the spew of unneeded information he received.)
Billy: Moving on… So why don’t any of you go out and find real people to have sex with, that love, and care about you?
Todd: My penis is small…
Brad: TODD!!!
Todd: Well it is…
(Billy chuckles a little as he crawls off the front seat and sits next to Todd. Michelle pulls out her cell phone and starts to thumb around in it. She puts the phone up to her ear.)
Michelle: Dad? Yeah, Hi. I need you to come down to the corner of… leaning into Brad what’s the street names?
Brad: Umm..
(Billy snatches the cell phone from Michelle and pushes her to the floor of the van.)
Billy: Dad? Yeah, Hi. I’m afraid Michelle can’t come to the phone right now, she’s being a huge pain in the ass and had to be tranquilized and put to sleep. Bye.
(Billy closes the phone and puts it on the ground. He stomps on it and it and the casing breaks off.)
Billy: Now that that has been dealt with.
Michelle: What the hell did you do that for?! That was mine and my property does not belong to you because I pay for it just like I pay for my bills and I take care of myself. I don’t need no man to come around telling me how to run my life, breaking my cell phone and pushing me to the ground. No Sir!
(Billy looks at Brad with a blank stare. Brad shrugs in approval, they both have no idea where this is coming from. Billy opens the vans sliding door and grabs Michelle by the hair.)
Billy: Don’t come back, these men will try to pay your bills.
(Billy pushes her out of the van. She stumbles but gains her footing. He closes the door and locks it.)
Billy: Can this hunk of garbage still drive?
Brad: I think so.
Billy: Well go a kilometer or two so the trash won’t follow. The winds going against us and she will surely be going with it.
(Brad puts the van into Drive and they start to drive.)
Brad: So why are you coming with us? What about Mike?
(Todd turns the camera facing Mike and Michelle. Mike is still on the ground and Michelle is seen kicking him the groin and taking the rest of the money. They’re images are more faint and more faint until they are out of sight.)
Billy: I saw the camera, and I have a history of commandeering vehicles that wreck mine.
Brad: So we’re being kidnapped!?!?
Todd: On the Bang Bus!??!?!
Billy: Did I ever once say this was a kidnapping? You chose to drive, I didn’t use force. I’m just a friend.. that’s all.
(Brad looks back and stares at his bloody face. His eyes widen and he turns back towards the road.)
Billy: Holy shit…
(Brad slams on the breaks and runs right into the back of a big white cube van.
:::CRASH:::
Brad smacks his head into the steering wheel and is knocked out. Billy is sprawled on the floor with the bottle of Viagra rolling towards him. Todd is normal, as he put his seat belt on he’s just a little shaken up.)
Billy: What the (BLEEP) happened?
(Billy looks up at the white cubevan. There is a familiar logo on it, and Todd zooms in on it.)
Billy: No way.. it couldn’t be..
(The cubevan reads “Edmonton Delivery Service” in big black lettering. Two men get out of the van, one who is fixing his hair and the other who is shaking his head in disbelief.)
Billy: #1 and #2.
Todd: Huh?
Billy: Bang Bus, Todd.
Todd: BANG B..
(Billy cups Todd’s mouth.)
Billy: Shhhh.. whispering shut up or I’ll cut your tongue out.
(Delivery Man #1 comes up to the window where Brad is knocked out on the steering wheel. Delivery Man #2 looks in through the passenger window. Billy Kryenik waves to #2 and #2 waves back suspecting it may be Kryenik.)
Delivery Man #1: What the frick is going on here? Of all the years I’ve worked in the Delivery Service I’ve never seen a man run into the back of a parked cubevan. What a frick
Delivery Man #2: I think that’s Billy Kryenik in the back seat.
#1: What the frick?
(Billy unlocks the sliding passenger door and gets out. Delivery Man #2 looks him down and says “fricker” under his breath. Kryeniks eyebrows raise as the bottle of Viagra rolls out of the van and spills all over the ground surrounding their feet. #2’s eyebrows raise and Billy kicks them underneath the van.)
Billy: Umm, pay no attention to that #2… Oh Look a Package that needs delivering!
(Billy points to some trees and #2 looks. Billy walks away from him briskly and is intercepted by #1.)
#1: Now just hold on there Doomrider. Where the frick do you think you’re going?
Billy: I promised myself I’d wait until Jokers Wild to cut your eyes out, so please for the sake of your eyes and my innocence, let me walk away from this.
#1: Now wait a damn minute here. You come driving up like a fricken maniac and slam into the back of our truck. You need to show me some insurance.
Billy: Ask the (BLEEP) who’s draped over the steering wheel. It’s his van, I just joined that party..
Todd: The Bang Bus Party!!!
(#2 gets into the van and punches Todd. Todd and the camera buckle over in pain.)
#1: What did you do that for?
#2: I hate that show.
(Billy and #1 look at each other and then at #2)
Billy: Thanks #2, I’ve wanted to do that all afternoon.
#1: We’re not even supposed to be here! That fricken frick #88 sent us on a goose hunt and we wound up in Montana.
Billy: That son of a bitch… smirk
#1: Now where do you suppose that insurance is?
Billy: Umm.. check the glove box.
(Billy seems really out of place. His right hand is clenched in a fist and his other is trying to unclench it. It’s as if he is struggling with himself on how to react to this situation. He breathes deeply and bites his bottom lip, widening his eyes. #1 opens the front passenger door and opens the glove box. Suddenly a womans voice is heard with clunking footsteps coming closer.)
Billy: (BLEEP)?
#2: Frick ?
(Michelle has chased them down and is running as fast as she can in the heeled shoes she’s wearing. She comes up to the van and smacks Billy in the face, and then #2. They both hold their faces as little question marks appear above their heads. She grabs #1 by the hair and he screams. She smacks him in the face for good measure.)
#1: My hair!
#2: Your hair!
Billy: His hair!
Todd: HAIR!
Michelle: I forgot, I wanted this bottle of Johnny Walker.
(Michelle goes into the van and pulls out the bottle of Johnny Walker.)
Todd: Hey wait, you can’t take that! That belongs to the… BANG BU..
(Michelle clubs Todd with the bottle and the camera falls to the ground and he falls to the seat. Billy applauds wildly as she grabs the camera and points it at #1, then #2, then Billy. All of which are wondering just what the hell is going on here.)
Michelle: Now I’m taking this here bottle of Walker and this camera and we’re calling it even.
#1: Yes Ma’am….
#2: …
Billy: Ok then…
(#1 grabs the insurance slip which he dropped when Michelle yanked him out of the front passenger seat. Michelle steps on some of the Viagra pills that are spilled all over the ground.)
Michelle: What are these?
Billy: A new form of Ecstasy.. I call them Blue V’s, they keep you UP all night.
Michelle: Well… I’m taking these too.
(She scoops a few into her purse and runs off with the camera. Billy, #1, and #2 are all looking at one another wondering what happened. The camera is shut off by Michelle with the Bang Bus image sticking over the blank screen.)
Delivery Men used with Permission
(Billy Kryenik gets into the van and shuts the door. Brad is terrified with his foot firmly planted on the brake peddle, almost to the floor with the van still in park. Michelle doesn’t really understand what is going on as she puts on a fresh layer of strawberry Labello lip chap. Todd is trembling, it is noticeable through the shakiness of the camera. Mike has gotten to his feet and is now walking towards the van.)
Billy Kryenik: What’s with the half naked girl? The booze? The fact that neither of you have a shirt on?
Todd: …bang bus…
Billy Kryenik: Bang Bus?
Todd: Yeah!! We get girls all…
(Mike grabs the door handle, but Billy opens first and hits Mike with the door. Mike falls to the ground in a heap. Little pebbles are indented on his shirtless torso. He grabs his head and groans.)
Todd:…. Drunk and pay them to have sex with us.
Billy: Interesting theory. Does it work for you?
Brad: Oh yeah! The Bang Bus never fails.
Todd: On the Bang Bus!!!
Billy: snicker I suppose you’re the meat?
(looking at Michelle)
Michelle: Look man, I’m just here. Don’t you come up in my face and question me on what I can and can’t do. I’m a grown woman and I don’t need a second mother. My mothers good enough and I defiantly don’t need another Daddy. Boy with the daddy I got he would come down here and give you a lickin’ you’d never forget. I should call him right now and get him, and my brother, and all of their friends to come kick your ass for putting me in harms way!
(Billy blinks calmly back at Michelle, obviously lost in the spew of unneeded information he received.)
Billy: Moving on… So why don’t any of you go out and find real people to have sex with, that love, and care about you?
Todd: My penis is small…
Brad: TODD!!!
Todd: Well it is…
(Billy chuckles a little as he crawls off the front seat and sits next to Todd. Michelle pulls out her cell phone and starts to thumb around in it. She puts the phone up to her ear.)
Michelle: Dad? Yeah, Hi. I need you to come down to the corner of… leaning into Brad what’s the street names?
Brad: Umm..
(Billy snatches the cell phone from Michelle and pushes her to the floor of the van.)
Billy: Dad? Yeah, Hi. I’m afraid Michelle can’t come to the phone right now, she’s being a huge pain in the ass and had to be tranquilized and put to sleep. Bye.
(Billy closes the phone and puts it on the ground. He stomps on it and it and the casing breaks off.)
Billy: Now that that has been dealt with.
Michelle: What the hell did you do that for?! That was mine and my property does not belong to you because I pay for it just like I pay for my bills and I take care of myself. I don’t need no man to come around telling me how to run my life, breaking my cell phone and pushing me to the ground. No Sir!
(Billy looks at Brad with a blank stare. Brad shrugs in approval, they both have no idea where this is coming from. Billy opens the vans sliding door and grabs Michelle by the hair.)
Billy: Don’t come back, these men will try to pay your bills.
(Billy pushes her out of the van. She stumbles but gains her footing. He closes the door and locks it.)
Billy: Can this hunk of garbage still drive?
Brad: I think so.
Billy: Well go a kilometer or two so the trash won’t follow. The winds going against us and she will surely be going with it.
(Brad puts the van into Drive and they start to drive.)
Brad: So why are you coming with us? What about Mike?
(Todd turns the camera facing Mike and Michelle. Mike is still on the ground and Michelle is seen kicking him the groin and taking the rest of the money. They’re images are more faint and more faint until they are out of sight.)
Billy: I saw the camera, and I have a history of commandeering vehicles that wreck mine.
Brad: So we’re being kidnapped!?!?
Todd: On the Bang Bus!??!?!
Billy: Did I ever once say this was a kidnapping? You chose to drive, I didn’t use force. I’m just a friend.. that’s all.
(Brad looks back and stares at his bloody face. His eyes widen and he turns back towards the road.)
Billy: Holy shit…
(Brad slams on the breaks and runs right into the back of a big white cube van.
:::CRASH:::
Brad smacks his head into the steering wheel and is knocked out. Billy is sprawled on the floor with the bottle of Viagra rolling towards him. Todd is normal, as he put his seat belt on he’s just a little shaken up.)
Billy: What the (BLEEP) happened?
(Billy looks up at the white cubevan. There is a familiar logo on it, and Todd zooms in on it.)
Billy: No way.. it couldn’t be..
(The cubevan reads “Edmonton Delivery Service” in big black lettering. Two men get out of the van, one who is fixing his hair and the other who is shaking his head in disbelief.)
Billy: #1 and #2.
Todd: Huh?
Billy: Bang Bus, Todd.
Todd: BANG B..
(Billy cups Todd’s mouth.)
Billy: Shhhh.. whispering shut up or I’ll cut your tongue out.
(Delivery Man #1 comes up to the window where Brad is knocked out on the steering wheel. Delivery Man #2 looks in through the passenger window. Billy Kryenik waves to #2 and #2 waves back suspecting it may be Kryenik.)
Delivery Man #1: What the frick is going on here? Of all the years I’ve worked in the Delivery Service I’ve never seen a man run into the back of a parked cubevan. What a frick
Delivery Man #2: I think that’s Billy Kryenik in the back seat.
#1: What the frick?
(Billy unlocks the sliding passenger door and gets out. Delivery Man #2 looks him down and says “fricker” under his breath. Kryeniks eyebrows raise as the bottle of Viagra rolls out of the van and spills all over the ground surrounding their feet. #2’s eyebrows raise and Billy kicks them underneath the van.)
Billy: Umm, pay no attention to that #2… Oh Look a Package that needs delivering!
(Billy points to some trees and #2 looks. Billy walks away from him briskly and is intercepted by #1.)
#1: Now just hold on there Doomrider. Where the frick do you think you’re going?
Billy: I promised myself I’d wait until Jokers Wild to cut your eyes out, so please for the sake of your eyes and my innocence, let me walk away from this.
#1: Now wait a damn minute here. You come driving up like a fricken maniac and slam into the back of our truck. You need to show me some insurance.
Billy: Ask the (BLEEP) who’s draped over the steering wheel. It’s his van, I just joined that party..
Todd: The Bang Bus Party!!!
(#2 gets into the van and punches Todd. Todd and the camera buckle over in pain.)
#1: What did you do that for?
#2: I hate that show.
(Billy and #1 look at each other and then at #2)
Billy: Thanks #2, I’ve wanted to do that all afternoon.
#1: We’re not even supposed to be here! That fricken frick #88 sent us on a goose hunt and we wound up in Montana.
Billy: That son of a bitch… smirk
#1: Now where do you suppose that insurance is?
Billy: Umm.. check the glove box.
(Billy seems really out of place. His right hand is clenched in a fist and his other is trying to unclench it. It’s as if he is struggling with himself on how to react to this situation. He breathes deeply and bites his bottom lip, widening his eyes. #1 opens the front passenger door and opens the glove box. Suddenly a womans voice is heard with clunking footsteps coming closer.)
Billy: (BLEEP)?
#2: Frick ?
(Michelle has chased them down and is running as fast as she can in the heeled shoes she’s wearing. She comes up to the van and smacks Billy in the face, and then #2. They both hold their faces as little question marks appear above their heads. She grabs #1 by the hair and he screams. She smacks him in the face for good measure.)
#1: My hair!
#2: Your hair!
Billy: His hair!
Todd: HAIR!
Michelle: I forgot, I wanted this bottle of Johnny Walker.
(Michelle goes into the van and pulls out the bottle of Johnny Walker.)
Todd: Hey wait, you can’t take that! That belongs to the… BANG BU..
(Michelle clubs Todd with the bottle and the camera falls to the ground and he falls to the seat. Billy applauds wildly as she grabs the camera and points it at #1, then #2, then Billy. All of which are wondering just what the hell is going on here.)
Michelle: Now I’m taking this here bottle of Walker and this camera and we’re calling it even.
#1: Yes Ma’am….
#2: …
Billy: Ok then…
(#1 grabs the insurance slip which he dropped when Michelle yanked him out of the front passenger seat. Michelle steps on some of the Viagra pills that are spilled all over the ground.)
Michelle: What are these?
Billy: A new form of Ecstasy.. I call them Blue V’s, they keep you UP all night.
Michelle: Well… I’m taking these too.
(She scoops a few into her purse and runs off with the camera. Billy, #1, and #2 are all looking at one another wondering what happened. The camera is shut off by Michelle with the Bang Bus image sticking over the blank screen.)
Delivery Men used with Permission