The New & Improved Musical! Act 1, Scene 1

[Scott [NAPW Staff]]

(The overture hits as the lights dim! There is anticipatory applause as a soothing, orchestral version of “Low” by the Foo Fighters is played from the pit. As it hits a crescendo, the curtain rises, and lights come up on a school gym dominated by a wrestling mat. Seated on the ring apron, facing the audience, is CAMERON SCOTT, dressed in green sweats and a red cloak with the hood up. He sighs as the music changes, subtly, to that of the first musical number “It’s Hard!” and Cam looks up at the audience.)

CAM
Why is it so hard?
Why is it so hard?
I’ve had everything handed to me,
But I can’t seem to top the card!

My cloak is red, my tights are green,
I look like Christmas Morning,
But I only get heat,
And my ass gets beat,
While the crowd just chants out “Boring!”

Why is it so hard?
My reputation gets tarred!
The Coach keeps saying it’s just the bumps,
When I deserve to be the Moose Jaw STAR!

Little Red Roberts, they all chant,
They try to taunt and jeer,
But I’ll rise above!
Like a great green dove!
I’m the most talented wrestler here!

But… yet…

My life is still so HARD!
I think it’ll leave me scarred!
If I don’t get my way,
I’ll tell them GOOD DAY,
I’ll walk away,
But I’ll take my pay!
Because, liiiiiife…is soooooo…. HAAAAAARD!
My life’s HARD!

(Cam pauses for the applause, then a shrill whistle blast rocks the stage. TIFFANY MACINTYRE storms in from stage right. She wears a big bushy moustache, a shiny whistle, and a green tracksuit. She carries a clipboard.)

TIFFANY
ROBERTS! (Blows whistle again.) Front and centre!

CAM
Right away Coach Jago!

(Cam hops to his feet and stands at attention.)

CAM
So… did you see the MJPW commissioner?

TIFFANY
Yes, I did.

CAM
Aaaannnnd? What did he say? Will I get my deserved shot at the MJPW Heavyweight Title at the next show?

TIFFANY
Uh… no.

CAM
WHAT!? But, but, but! Did you explain how much I deserve it!?

TIFFANY
Kid, you’re good. I want you to know that I have your back on this, one-hundred percent! I explained our case to the commissioner, pointed out how you were better then every single member of their roster… COMBINED… but in the end…

CAM
How could he not agree!?

TIFFANY
It seems they think that you don’t deserve it because you’ve only been wrestling for a year. And you’ve only won two matches.

CAM
This is bull! IT’S NOT FAIR, COACH!

TIFFANY
I agree, son. It isn’t fair.

CAM
Screw this! I’m walking! You hear that MJPW!? WALKING!

TIFFANY
But what about the show tomorrow? You have a match!

CAM
Screw that too! I’m through with this!

(Cam rips off his red cloak and throws it on the floor in a hissy fit.)

CAM
So long Little Red Riding Roberts! Hello… Styling Kyle Roberts!

TIFFANY
Ooh! StylIN’ Kyle Roberts! It’s got more zing!

CAM
Right you are Coach! As usual! You know, I don’t say this often, but I really owe a lot to you.

TIFFANY
Don’t sweat it, kid. Together, you and me, we’ll make it to the big time!

(The music hits again, as "Stick With Me!" begins.)

TIFFANY
Do you want to be the biggest name?
Stick with me, stick with me!
Do you want to shift some of the blame?
Stick with me, stick with me!

I can mold you into a champ!
Trust in the Coach Jago stamp!
No one is better in the training booth,
Than the Coach! That's the truth!

Do you want to headline the hottest shows?
Stick with me, stick with me!
Do you want to avoid the lowest lows?
... Maybe don't stick with me!

(Cam and Tiffany laugh.)[/i]

CAM
I'll be the biggest star!
Look, McMahon! Here we are!
With Coach Jago, I'll make the cut!
That's the truth! There is no but!

TIFFANY
Do you want to win the title gold?
Stick with me, stick with me!
Do you want your integrity to be sold?
For cash! Stick with me!

TIFFANY/CAM (Duet)
As the Coach and Kyle, we're two!
We're both the best at what we do!
We'll reach the top,
We'll never stop!

TIFFANY
So stiiiiiick, wiiiiiith, meeeeeeeee!
(TWEEEEEET!)

(Applause! The curtain closes as the orchestra hits again, and scene one draws to a close.)[/i]