Post by Chris Casino on Jan 15, 2006 14:48:55 GMT -5
- The Meeting -
The inside of hospitals are never pleasant. Especially a hospital for the insane. The hallways echo with the screams of the eternally tormented. The less dangerous patients walk the hallways like drugged out zombies. A woman in the corner sits in a wheelchair and is babbling to herself. A man in his forties is sitting at a table looking intently at a dead cricket. Every few moments he looks around the room to see if anyone is watching, then tells the cricket to "Rise in service of the Lord." A pair of old men in hospital gowns are discussing the impending alien invasion. Amongst all of this sadness and hopelessness we see Terry Brandon, Chris Casino and Evan Cartwright standing in the lobby. Casino has a mask ala Michael Jackson covering his face and Cartwright looks worried that the "Cricket Man" might try to eat him.
Brandon: Okay, here we are. It took some time but I found him boys.
Evan: Who?
Casino: Look, can we go. You guys know I have this...Thing...About being around sick people.
Brandon: They won't bite, oh wait, I guess they could. Anyway you guys need to hear this mans story. He was a wrestling legend. Then his life fell apart and he's serving time here.
Casino: I think we outta go before I catch something.
Evan: (looking around the room) which one is he?
Brandon suddenly looks nervous.
Brandon: Uh, he's kept under high security. He's downstairs. The basement I think you could say. Just go over to the elevator and the nurse will take you guys to see him. It'll be good for you.
Casino: Hey how come you're not coming?
Brandon: (sweating) I, uh, already talked to him. Nice guy. Knows his wrestling. Go on now.
Casino and Cartwright quickly make their way through the room and avoid any contact with the crazy folk. They come to the door of the elevator and a large nurse looms over them. He's in his late fifties, black and has arms the size of a bodybuilder.
Nurse: You ready?
Evan: I guess so.
Casino: We won't catch cancer will we?
The nurse sticks a key into a metal slot and turns it. The elevator doors slide open and the three men step inside. Once the doors close the ancient elevator begins it's decent.
Nurse: Just remember there are rules. Rule one, never give him anything. No pens, no paperclips nothing. Rule number two, this guy likes to get into your head so watch what you say. Rule number three...never look him in the eyes.
Evan: How dangerous is this guy?
Nurse: Let's just say that after he's done his 247 years with us, THEN he can go back to America to face the rest of his charges.
Casino: What's this cat's name?
Nurse: His name is Jack Thomas. Well, actually it would be Dr. Thomas. He was a doctor before...Uh...He got in trouble.
As "Yellow Submarine" plays on the elevators muzac Cartwright and Casino huddle.
Casino: Who the Hell is this guy?
Evan: Hell?
Casino: He's still in Louisville from what I hear.
Evan: Dan The Man?
Casino: No he's doing some talk show in San Francisco. Pit Boss?
Evan: Nada, he's still in Club Fed on racketeering charges.
Nurse: We're here.
The elevator stops and the doors slide open.
Nurse: He's at the end of the hall. Keep to the right. We set up some chairs for you gentlemen. Just, just be careful.
Casino and Cartwright leave the elevator and walk down a dark hallway.
Evan: (whispering) Casino take off that stupid mask, you're creeping me out man.
Casino: Do you know what kind of germs are in a place like this?
They come to the end of the hallway and come face to face with an ominous cell. The front is all bullet proof glass with small air holes cut into it. The cell itself is small and completely dark. Casino and Evan take their seats and look at each other.
Casino: Uh....Dr. Thomas?
A voice drifts out from the darkness.
Voice: That's not my name.
Evan: We've come to talk to you about wrestling.
With that the light inside the cell blinks on and we see the prisoner. He's tall, slim and black. He's got a huge afro and one of his front teeth is gold with a marijuana leaf engraved into it. He's wearing a hospital gown and his arms and legs look stick thin.
Evan: Oh. My. God.
Casino: Who the Hell are you?
Dr. Tittylover: Hey man, I say hey....I'm your Doctor of fun, Dr. Tittylover baby!
Evan: (tugging on Casino's arm) We have to leave NOW! I've heard of this guy and he's...
Casino: (To Dr. Tittylover) You look like a base head.
Dr. Tittylover: Bitch, you lucky they got this glass between us otherwise I'd jump over there and shove my Mandingo Meat in your ear!
Casino: What the? I thought you were some kinda wrestling legend.
Evan: (whispering)He used to wrestle in CWF and SHWF. He's tough but totally insane. He was busted in the US for 168 counts of Lewd Conduct.
Dr. Tittylover: That's 169 counts my mocha brotha. I might be locked in this cell like an animal but I know stuff.
Casino: Like?
Evan: Shit don't ask him that!
The good Doctor walks over to the cells glass walls and takes a big sniff through the air holes.
Dr. Tittylover: I know that Tiger Woods there has worn the same underwear for two days straight.
Casino: Yuck.
Dr. Tittylover: (sniffing) And he didn't wash his hands after he went to the bathroom today.
Casino shoves his chair a few inches away from an embarrassed Cartwright.
Evan: I swear I washed them Chris.
Casino: Sicko. Did you're momma teach you manners.
Evan: Don't start up with momma's Chris. At least mine wasn't a Vegas Showgirl.
Chris: Hey bitch don't talk about....
Both men hear it. The sounds of flesh rubbing against glass. They turn away from each other and look at the cell. Dr. Tittylover is rubbing his naked ass against the glass.
Dr. Tittylover: My brown eye sees all.
Tittylover farts and the glass steams up.
Dr. Tittylover: Damn! Who stepped on that frog? Smells like melted cheese up in this bitch.
Casino: Okay...Let's go.
Dr. Tittylover: Wait! Hang on guys! You wanted to know about wrestling so at least ask me a question.
Casino and Cartwright look at each other.
Casino: I'm booked for a tag match against D!....
Dr. Tittylover: D!? is that the n*gga from 110 St? He owes me money.
Casino: Uh no, D!'s white and he's from Canada. Anyway him and his partner The Predator....
Dr. Tittylover: The mutha (BLEEP)er who tried to kill Arnold? I HATE that sum bitch.
Casino: (getting frustrated) No. That was a movie, this is a guy who....Oh forget it. Look, these guys are looking to....
Dr. Tittylover: Beat you?
Casino: Yes.
Dr. Tittylover: Make you look like a world class ass?
Casino: Yes.
Dr. Tittylover: Have sweaty man sex with you?
Casino: Yes, NO!!
Dr. Tittylover: hey if you wanna experiment it's cool man. It's the nineties after all baby!
Evan: It's 2006.
Dr. Tittylover: Whatever n*gga. Hey, you gotta joint? We can blaze it up in this bitch.
Evan: Uh no I don't smoke....
Dr. Tittylover: Bitch you black, you gotta have a joint on you.
Casino: Helloooooooooooooo? I was wondering if maybe we could get back to me know?
Dr. Tittylover: Oh sure, the black men gotta shut up cause whitey wants to talk. Talk whitey we listenin'
Casino: Uh yeah, anyway...
Dr. Tittylover: Wanna see my balls?
Casino: Excuse me?
Dr. Tittylover: My wonder twins. My abbott and costello. Brass knockers. Bull nuts. My...
Casino: To Hell with this. We're leaving.
Evan and Chris get up and Dr. Tittylover presses his face against the glass.
Dr. Tittylover: Wait, before you suckas leave I gotta tell you one thing.
Casino: What?
Dr. Tittylover: I think one of the guards gave me crabs, look at my bremuda triangle and see if you see any fleas or anything.
Casino: NO! Jesus I'm kicking Brandon's ass once we get out of here.
Evan: I swear I washed my hands.
Casino: Shut up.
The men depart leaving Dr. Tittylover in his cell.
Dr. Tittylover: (shouting after them) Hey! Hey n*ggas! Are you comin' back? Can you bring me a Mountain Dew?
- cut to a commercial for the DVD of J.C Cooks greatest matches! All two of them! Only 20 minutes long! -
The inside of hospitals are never pleasant. Especially a hospital for the insane. The hallways echo with the screams of the eternally tormented. The less dangerous patients walk the hallways like drugged out zombies. A woman in the corner sits in a wheelchair and is babbling to herself. A man in his forties is sitting at a table looking intently at a dead cricket. Every few moments he looks around the room to see if anyone is watching, then tells the cricket to "Rise in service of the Lord." A pair of old men in hospital gowns are discussing the impending alien invasion. Amongst all of this sadness and hopelessness we see Terry Brandon, Chris Casino and Evan Cartwright standing in the lobby. Casino has a mask ala Michael Jackson covering his face and Cartwright looks worried that the "Cricket Man" might try to eat him.
Brandon: Okay, here we are. It took some time but I found him boys.
Evan: Who?
Casino: Look, can we go. You guys know I have this...Thing...About being around sick people.
Brandon: They won't bite, oh wait, I guess they could. Anyway you guys need to hear this mans story. He was a wrestling legend. Then his life fell apart and he's serving time here.
Casino: I think we outta go before I catch something.
Evan: (looking around the room) which one is he?
Brandon suddenly looks nervous.
Brandon: Uh, he's kept under high security. He's downstairs. The basement I think you could say. Just go over to the elevator and the nurse will take you guys to see him. It'll be good for you.
Casino: Hey how come you're not coming?
Brandon: (sweating) I, uh, already talked to him. Nice guy. Knows his wrestling. Go on now.
Casino and Cartwright quickly make their way through the room and avoid any contact with the crazy folk. They come to the door of the elevator and a large nurse looms over them. He's in his late fifties, black and has arms the size of a bodybuilder.
Nurse: You ready?
Evan: I guess so.
Casino: We won't catch cancer will we?
The nurse sticks a key into a metal slot and turns it. The elevator doors slide open and the three men step inside. Once the doors close the ancient elevator begins it's decent.
Nurse: Just remember there are rules. Rule one, never give him anything. No pens, no paperclips nothing. Rule number two, this guy likes to get into your head so watch what you say. Rule number three...never look him in the eyes.
Evan: How dangerous is this guy?
Nurse: Let's just say that after he's done his 247 years with us, THEN he can go back to America to face the rest of his charges.
Casino: What's this cat's name?
Nurse: His name is Jack Thomas. Well, actually it would be Dr. Thomas. He was a doctor before...Uh...He got in trouble.
As "Yellow Submarine" plays on the elevators muzac Cartwright and Casino huddle.
Casino: Who the Hell is this guy?
Evan: Hell?
Casino: He's still in Louisville from what I hear.
Evan: Dan The Man?
Casino: No he's doing some talk show in San Francisco. Pit Boss?
Evan: Nada, he's still in Club Fed on racketeering charges.
Nurse: We're here.
The elevator stops and the doors slide open.
Nurse: He's at the end of the hall. Keep to the right. We set up some chairs for you gentlemen. Just, just be careful.
Casino and Cartwright leave the elevator and walk down a dark hallway.
Evan: (whispering) Casino take off that stupid mask, you're creeping me out man.
Casino: Do you know what kind of germs are in a place like this?
They come to the end of the hallway and come face to face with an ominous cell. The front is all bullet proof glass with small air holes cut into it. The cell itself is small and completely dark. Casino and Evan take their seats and look at each other.
Casino: Uh....Dr. Thomas?
A voice drifts out from the darkness.
Voice: That's not my name.
Evan: We've come to talk to you about wrestling.
With that the light inside the cell blinks on and we see the prisoner. He's tall, slim and black. He's got a huge afro and one of his front teeth is gold with a marijuana leaf engraved into it. He's wearing a hospital gown and his arms and legs look stick thin.
Evan: Oh. My. God.
Casino: Who the Hell are you?
Dr. Tittylover: Hey man, I say hey....I'm your Doctor of fun, Dr. Tittylover baby!
Evan: (tugging on Casino's arm) We have to leave NOW! I've heard of this guy and he's...
Casino: (To Dr. Tittylover) You look like a base head.
Dr. Tittylover: Bitch, you lucky they got this glass between us otherwise I'd jump over there and shove my Mandingo Meat in your ear!
Casino: What the? I thought you were some kinda wrestling legend.
Evan: (whispering)He used to wrestle in CWF and SHWF. He's tough but totally insane. He was busted in the US for 168 counts of Lewd Conduct.
Dr. Tittylover: That's 169 counts my mocha brotha. I might be locked in this cell like an animal but I know stuff.
Casino: Like?
Evan: Shit don't ask him that!
The good Doctor walks over to the cells glass walls and takes a big sniff through the air holes.
Dr. Tittylover: I know that Tiger Woods there has worn the same underwear for two days straight.
Casino: Yuck.
Dr. Tittylover: (sniffing) And he didn't wash his hands after he went to the bathroom today.
Casino shoves his chair a few inches away from an embarrassed Cartwright.
Evan: I swear I washed them Chris.
Casino: Sicko. Did you're momma teach you manners.
Evan: Don't start up with momma's Chris. At least mine wasn't a Vegas Showgirl.
Chris: Hey bitch don't talk about....
Both men hear it. The sounds of flesh rubbing against glass. They turn away from each other and look at the cell. Dr. Tittylover is rubbing his naked ass against the glass.
Dr. Tittylover: My brown eye sees all.
Tittylover farts and the glass steams up.
Dr. Tittylover: Damn! Who stepped on that frog? Smells like melted cheese up in this bitch.
Casino: Okay...Let's go.
Dr. Tittylover: Wait! Hang on guys! You wanted to know about wrestling so at least ask me a question.
Casino and Cartwright look at each other.
Casino: I'm booked for a tag match against D!....
Dr. Tittylover: D!? is that the n*gga from 110 St? He owes me money.
Casino: Uh no, D!'s white and he's from Canada. Anyway him and his partner The Predator....
Dr. Tittylover: The mutha (BLEEP)er who tried to kill Arnold? I HATE that sum bitch.
Casino: (getting frustrated) No. That was a movie, this is a guy who....Oh forget it. Look, these guys are looking to....
Dr. Tittylover: Beat you?
Casino: Yes.
Dr. Tittylover: Make you look like a world class ass?
Casino: Yes.
Dr. Tittylover: Have sweaty man sex with you?
Casino: Yes, NO!!
Dr. Tittylover: hey if you wanna experiment it's cool man. It's the nineties after all baby!
Evan: It's 2006.
Dr. Tittylover: Whatever n*gga. Hey, you gotta joint? We can blaze it up in this bitch.
Evan: Uh no I don't smoke....
Dr. Tittylover: Bitch you black, you gotta have a joint on you.
Casino: Helloooooooooooooo? I was wondering if maybe we could get back to me know?
Dr. Tittylover: Oh sure, the black men gotta shut up cause whitey wants to talk. Talk whitey we listenin'
Casino: Uh yeah, anyway...
Dr. Tittylover: Wanna see my balls?
Casino: Excuse me?
Dr. Tittylover: My wonder twins. My abbott and costello. Brass knockers. Bull nuts. My...
Casino: To Hell with this. We're leaving.
Evan and Chris get up and Dr. Tittylover presses his face against the glass.
Dr. Tittylover: Wait, before you suckas leave I gotta tell you one thing.
Casino: What?
Dr. Tittylover: I think one of the guards gave me crabs, look at my bremuda triangle and see if you see any fleas or anything.
Casino: NO! Jesus I'm kicking Brandon's ass once we get out of here.
Evan: I swear I washed my hands.
Casino: Shut up.
The men depart leaving Dr. Tittylover in his cell.
Dr. Tittylover: (shouting after them) Hey! Hey n*ggas! Are you comin' back? Can you bring me a Mountain Dew?
- cut to a commercial for the DVD of J.C Cooks greatest matches! All two of them! Only 20 minutes long! -