Post by D! on Jan 15, 2006 5:26:01 GMT -5
(A close-up of D!'s face, locked in rigid concentration. Thick, black bars encroach on the picture, giving us the "widescreen" effect.)
D!'s VOICE-OVER: Well, this is messed up, right here. How did I get mixed up in all of this? Lessee . . .
(The top black bar is replaced with footage of D! getting in Predator's face.)
D!'s VOICE-OVER: . . . I was arguing with Predator over our tag match on Monday Night Fights . . .
(The bottom black bar is replaced with footage of Bio, Kar and Pain rushing the camera with weapons drawn.)
D!'s VOICE-OVER: . . . when Mirage and his goons jumped us.
(Pause.)
Huh. Actually, that's all there is to it.
(Cut back to normal. D! and Predator are on the roof, waiting for any one of their four opponents to make a move.)
PREDATOR: (Whispers, to D!) What do you think?
D!: (Whispers, to Predator) I'm stumping myself to see if this would seem queer to anybody.
PREDATOR: What?
D!: Seriously. I think Chris Casino's in denial, he talks about it so much.
PREDATOR: D! That's not until Monday! I need you right here, right now.[/i]
D!: Okay, see? That's exactly the kind of stuff we shouldn't be saying out loud.
MIRAGE: I'm sorry, can the two of you speed this up at all? We're starting to feel ignored.
D!: Would you come back, maybe five minutes? (An arrow whizzes past his head.) Or not. Hey, Bio, what's the deal with your aim? Do you need a coffee or something?
PREDATOR: This is getting tiresome! (To D!) Take out the rabble. I want Mirage for myself.
D!: D'you know what happened the last time I took on three guys?
PREDATOR: Now that sounds gay.
(Without warning, Predator leaps at Mirage, blade ready to strike. Almost as suddenly, a length of chain snakes out from Kar and wraps itself around the unsuspecting D!--)
D!: Again with the chain!
(--and Kar tugs the chain, pulling D! towards him, off of his feet and spinning the chain around his upper body and arms further. With a flash of teeth, Pain raises his two-handed sword--)
D!: Not like this!
(--and D! kips up with his legs, avoiding the heavy blade crashing down to the ground. D! unleashes with a quick snap kick to Pain's knee, staggering him . . . but a tug on the chain pulls him back to Kar. D! jack-knifes his leg up in time, uses the momentum of the tug--SUPERKICK! to Kar's hand, forcing him to let the chain go.)
PREDATOR: (Fighting through a Mirage choke-hold.) Come on . . . D! . . . fight them!
(Bio nocks and fires another arrow--it soars through space, zooming closer and closer to D!'s heart--D! twists, slowly, in what seems to be an eternity--)
MIRAGE: (His hands on Predator's windpipe.) DIE, you insolent pup! Just DIE!!!
(--the arrow--inches away--catches a link of chain that Kar let go. The end of chain flies with the arrow, and lands to the ground, pinned.)
MIRAGE: DIE--AT THE HANDS OF THE LORD OF FEAR!
(Pain has recovered and hoists his sword in position, charging D! in a berserker rage.)
PREDATOR: (Weakly.) I--I--
(D! nimbly ducks the swing, rolling into the ground . . . and keeps rolling . . .)
PREDATOR: FEAR! NOTHING!
(D!, rolling as fast as he can--)
MIRAGE: HA!
(--to the end of the chain, and kips up, free! Kar and Pain have flanked up again, looking ready to charge. D! cracks his knuckles, balls up his fists, then strikes a Dragon stance. Kar and Pain look at each other, smirk, and start charging. D! then starts running himself--)
D!: LEEEEROOOOOOOOYYYYY JEEENNNNNKIINNSSSSSSSS!
(--and it's ON! Kar lumbers in with a big clothesline, which D! ducks--hook kick in the breadbasket knocks the giant off-balance, Pain brings the sword down--MISSED! D! hops, VERTICAL KICK colliding into Pain's face. A martial arts chop to the solar plexus slows Pain down, which D! chains into a leaping . . . NECKBREAKER! Pain crashes down to the ground like a sack of gravel. Kar rushes D! with the offensive, a big fist to the face, which D! blocks to the outside. Another punch, another block. D! maintains a defensive pace, letting the bruiser throw everything he's got, waiting for him to tire . . . SPINEBUSTER! Right out of Plague's playbook, Kar being pasted to the ground! Pain getting up to his feet, wobbly, and then a ring tone emerges from D!'s jacket.)
D!: Hang on!
(He flattens Pain with a buzz kick, knocking the bigger man out, then pulls out his phone and flips it open.)
D!: You're calling at a bad time--Khaos? What the Hell, man! What's going on? I hear you're back in town! Listen, I--
(An arrow spears the phone out of D!'s hand, splintering it in mid-air. D! whips his head around to locate Bio.)
D!: MAN! WHAT IS YOUR DEAL!?
(Bio reaches back for another arrow--)
D!: Hey, Bio! D'you know what the annoying thing about having an archery set is?
(--only to find he has none left.)
D!: It's that you're stupid and Mirage dresses you funny. Hah!
(This gets Bio leaps from his feet. D! leaps from his feet. Both men meet in mid-air, hanging for seconds that pass like an eternity, unclear as to who is doing what--and then both men and a few feet away on their respective arcs, landing in a crouch. Both men hold their crouch for a few seconds . . . and then, suddenly, both men stand up, completely unharmed.)
D!: RIP-OFF!
(And out of sheer frustration, Bio just runs at him--and meets a roundhouse kick to the face! Wing Chun punch--knife hand--leaping knee--ridge hand--spin kick--THE BARRAGE! D! pelts Bio with shot after shot, wearing hm down until he's down to one knee--DOUBLE! HAMMER! PUNCH! both crashing down on Bio's face, knocking him out cold.)
D!: Oh HELL yeah! Three opponents! THREE! I DID it! I took THREE down! Hey, Predator! Did you see me? Did you catch any of that?
(A laugh fills the air. D! checks his surroundings quickly, just in time to see the Predator's limp body flying towards him. He jumps back in time, and Predator hits the ground at his feet with a dull thud. Looking back up, we see Mirage standing on top of the roof access doorway, his hands coated in blood.)
MIRAGE: Where once Rapid Progression made the Student surpass the Master . . . well, as the Nameless One admitted, things have changed.
D!: (Keeping his eyes locked on Mirage, whispering.) Predator. This is important. How have things changed?
PREDATOR: (Weakly.) No . . . fear . . .[/color]
D!: Thanks. Fat lot of help you are.
----------
Predator, Mirage, Bio, Kar and Pain all appear with permission.
Need I say it? Predator writes the conclusion!
D!'s VOICE-OVER: Well, this is messed up, right here. How did I get mixed up in all of this? Lessee . . .
(The top black bar is replaced with footage of D! getting in Predator's face.)
D!'s VOICE-OVER: . . . I was arguing with Predator over our tag match on Monday Night Fights . . .
(The bottom black bar is replaced with footage of Bio, Kar and Pain rushing the camera with weapons drawn.)
D!'s VOICE-OVER: . . . when Mirage and his goons jumped us.
(Pause.)
Huh. Actually, that's all there is to it.
(Cut back to normal. D! and Predator are on the roof, waiting for any one of their four opponents to make a move.)
PREDATOR: (Whispers, to D!) What do you think?
D!: (Whispers, to Predator) I'm stumping myself to see if this would seem queer to anybody.
PREDATOR: What?
D!: Seriously. I think Chris Casino's in denial, he talks about it so much.
PREDATOR: D! That's not until Monday! I need you right here, right now.[/i]
D!: Okay, see? That's exactly the kind of stuff we shouldn't be saying out loud.
MIRAGE: I'm sorry, can the two of you speed this up at all? We're starting to feel ignored.
D!: Would you come back, maybe five minutes? (An arrow whizzes past his head.) Or not. Hey, Bio, what's the deal with your aim? Do you need a coffee or something?
PREDATOR: This is getting tiresome! (To D!) Take out the rabble. I want Mirage for myself.
D!: D'you know what happened the last time I took on three guys?
PREDATOR: Now that sounds gay.
(Without warning, Predator leaps at Mirage, blade ready to strike. Almost as suddenly, a length of chain snakes out from Kar and wraps itself around the unsuspecting D!--)
D!: Again with the chain!
(--and Kar tugs the chain, pulling D! towards him, off of his feet and spinning the chain around his upper body and arms further. With a flash of teeth, Pain raises his two-handed sword--)
D!: Not like this!
(--and D! kips up with his legs, avoiding the heavy blade crashing down to the ground. D! unleashes with a quick snap kick to Pain's knee, staggering him . . . but a tug on the chain pulls him back to Kar. D! jack-knifes his leg up in time, uses the momentum of the tug--SUPERKICK! to Kar's hand, forcing him to let the chain go.)
PREDATOR: (Fighting through a Mirage choke-hold.) Come on . . . D! . . . fight them!
(Bio nocks and fires another arrow--it soars through space, zooming closer and closer to D!'s heart--D! twists, slowly, in what seems to be an eternity--)
MIRAGE: (His hands on Predator's windpipe.) DIE, you insolent pup! Just DIE!!!
(--the arrow--inches away--catches a link of chain that Kar let go. The end of chain flies with the arrow, and lands to the ground, pinned.)
MIRAGE: DIE--AT THE HANDS OF THE LORD OF FEAR!
(Pain has recovered and hoists his sword in position, charging D! in a berserker rage.)
PREDATOR: (Weakly.) I--I--
(D! nimbly ducks the swing, rolling into the ground . . . and keeps rolling . . .)
PREDATOR: FEAR! NOTHING!
(D!, rolling as fast as he can--)
MIRAGE: HA!
(--to the end of the chain, and kips up, free! Kar and Pain have flanked up again, looking ready to charge. D! cracks his knuckles, balls up his fists, then strikes a Dragon stance. Kar and Pain look at each other, smirk, and start charging. D! then starts running himself--)
D!: LEEEEROOOOOOOOYYYYY JEEENNNNNKIINNSSSSSSSS!
(--and it's ON! Kar lumbers in with a big clothesline, which D! ducks--hook kick in the breadbasket knocks the giant off-balance, Pain brings the sword down--MISSED! D! hops, VERTICAL KICK colliding into Pain's face. A martial arts chop to the solar plexus slows Pain down, which D! chains into a leaping . . . NECKBREAKER! Pain crashes down to the ground like a sack of gravel. Kar rushes D! with the offensive, a big fist to the face, which D! blocks to the outside. Another punch, another block. D! maintains a defensive pace, letting the bruiser throw everything he's got, waiting for him to tire . . . SPINEBUSTER! Right out of Plague's playbook, Kar being pasted to the ground! Pain getting up to his feet, wobbly, and then a ring tone emerges from D!'s jacket.)
D!: Hang on!
(He flattens Pain with a buzz kick, knocking the bigger man out, then pulls out his phone and flips it open.)
D!: You're calling at a bad time--Khaos? What the Hell, man! What's going on? I hear you're back in town! Listen, I--
(An arrow spears the phone out of D!'s hand, splintering it in mid-air. D! whips his head around to locate Bio.)
D!: MAN! WHAT IS YOUR DEAL!?
(Bio reaches back for another arrow--)
D!: Hey, Bio! D'you know what the annoying thing about having an archery set is?
(--only to find he has none left.)
D!: It's that you're stupid and Mirage dresses you funny. Hah!
(This gets Bio leaps from his feet. D! leaps from his feet. Both men meet in mid-air, hanging for seconds that pass like an eternity, unclear as to who is doing what--and then both men and a few feet away on their respective arcs, landing in a crouch. Both men hold their crouch for a few seconds . . . and then, suddenly, both men stand up, completely unharmed.)
D!: RIP-OFF!
(And out of sheer frustration, Bio just runs at him--and meets a roundhouse kick to the face! Wing Chun punch--knife hand--leaping knee--ridge hand--spin kick--THE BARRAGE! D! pelts Bio with shot after shot, wearing hm down until he's down to one knee--DOUBLE! HAMMER! PUNCH! both crashing down on Bio's face, knocking him out cold.)
D!: Oh HELL yeah! Three opponents! THREE! I DID it! I took THREE down! Hey, Predator! Did you see me? Did you catch any of that?
(A laugh fills the air. D! checks his surroundings quickly, just in time to see the Predator's limp body flying towards him. He jumps back in time, and Predator hits the ground at his feet with a dull thud. Looking back up, we see Mirage standing on top of the roof access doorway, his hands coated in blood.)
MIRAGE: Where once Rapid Progression made the Student surpass the Master . . . well, as the Nameless One admitted, things have changed.
D!: (Keeping his eyes locked on Mirage, whispering.) Predator. This is important. How have things changed?
PREDATOR: (Weakly.) No . . . fear . . .[/color]
D!: Thanks. Fat lot of help you are.
----------
Predator, Mirage, Bio, Kar and Pain all appear with permission.
Need I say it? Predator writes the conclusion!