Post by Static on Nov 6, 2005 14:51:39 GMT -5
Two seconds left, down by two. Coach Schmidt was inaudible thanks to the din, but Ravager knew what his lips were mouthing: side overcurl triple screen 4-1. This is Ravager's shot, they practice it every day in practice just for situations like this. Miller's inbounding this one, he's got the height and the passing ability to make it happen. Rose is guarding Ravager. He chuckles. That won't last long. Rose gets in his jabs anyway, as expected: "No chance, Ravager. This game's over with. You're gonna fail." That was always just the thing about Ravager, he was never afraid to fail, never afraid of hell... the whistle's blown. Quick as light, Ravager takes off. Juke to the left, cut to the right. Harrington steps in Ravager's path right after he runs past and sets a perfect screen of Rose. Ravager doesn't give himself time to chuckle this time, though. The screen worked, pure and simple. Perfect pass, Ravager's wide open in three territory. He catches, turns, and shoots as time expires...
========================
"Static, is this really necessary?"
"No backtalk, Fleming! We need this!"
(The scene for this absurdity? A music studio of sorts. The cast for today is the one and only Static, joined today by none other than NAPW Bill Fleming. Fleming, who apparently moonlights as a sound engineer, is at the switchboard portion of this studio, joining Static, who's in the booth, having just recorded what we've heard above. Fleming's dressed business casual, shirt-and-tie. Static's wearing his mask, a plain white t-shirt, jean shorts, and a gleeful expression. Fleming doesn't look nearly as pleased.)
FLEMING: "Static, I just don't understand how Walter Mitty parodies are supposed to get your point across."
STATIC: (sighing) "Fleming, you told me that you wanted to ride with this slick voodoo practictioner for protection, knowledge, and access to my horde of Drumsticks at the pad. You've got to learn that unorthodox ways of going about things are the greatest ways of all. Remember what I told you about the cues, we're gonna record the surgery one now."
FLEMING: "Ugh... here goes..."
========================
The nurse roughly grabbed Ravager as he made his way down the hall, turning him exactly the other way. "Doctor! So glad to have found you, you're needed RIGHT AWAY in emergency surgery! Nurses, I'm going to need Dr. Ravager scrubbed and gloved immediately!" At this point, assistants begin washing up the world-renown surgeon Dr. Ravager's hands, putting on a medical cap, gloves, etc. He's faced situations like this before, but they're never, ever, easy. "We've got ourselves a horrific case, just came in five minutes ago from Queens. Twenty-four year old man, healthy, multiple gunshot wounds to the neck and chest. Critical condition. Doctor, he only has a few minutes left, we need you!" The victim is wheeled in, it's a truly horrific sight. Ravager calmly looks at him, and with a confident expertise that could make you believe that he was God creating the universe, goes to work at saving a life...
========================
FLEMING: "How was that, Static?"
STATIC: (with disdain) "Fleming..." (okay, sarcastic disdain) "You damn genius! This is working great! Wait... Fleming, what are you eating?"
FLEMING: "Huh? Oh. Puppy biscuit."
STATIC: (again, with disdain) "Puppy biscuit?! PUPPY BISCUIT? You... you would. Why?"
FLEMING: "I don't know, I just kind of dig 'em. Puppies bark for it, anyway. What's the point to this, Static?"
STATIC: "You've got a lot to learn, Fleming. Dietary options are just one. I guess I should explain to you why I dragged you here to record these, though. Ravager, remember him? The guy that beat you up, hence, why you came my way? Yes, indeed. The same guy who sat ringside at Action! and ruined my match against Stylin' Kyle and the Fixer. I mean, I hate to say it, but the NAPW Provincial Champ is lame. He's just lame!"
FLEMING: "You sound like a high school girl."
STATIC: "You'd know best. What I mean is, he's got nothing to do and nowhere to go. So let's just hang out at Action! and ruin Static's match! Let's sit and watch match footage all day! Let's daydream about a life that we ourselves can only dream of living for ourselves! Gracious sakes alive, Fleming, can I get an amen?"
FLEMING: "Amen, Static. Don't forget, he beat up on me, a helpless NAPW employee!"
STATIC: "Yeah... he did." (obvious disinterested expression) "Anyway. I'm facing him tomorrow night. I promised Ravager earlier, I wouldn't miss. The last thing that that sucker should've given me is motivation. It's not enough that he made me lose my match, that he bores the life out of me every time I see him..."
FLEMING: "That he beat me up!"
STATIC: "... or that he's got the title that I want. Ravager, you say you 'chose me.' I look forward to making that choice the worst mistake of your life. I hope that you're ready to face this firing squad; erect and motionless, proud and disdainful, Ravager... heh... the Defeated, inscrutable to the last."
(Fade out.)
(Note to readers: most of this is a parody of the short story, the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, by James Thurber. The online version can be found here: www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/6821/thurber.html)
========================
"Static, is this really necessary?"
"No backtalk, Fleming! We need this!"
(The scene for this absurdity? A music studio of sorts. The cast for today is the one and only Static, joined today by none other than NAPW Bill Fleming. Fleming, who apparently moonlights as a sound engineer, is at the switchboard portion of this studio, joining Static, who's in the booth, having just recorded what we've heard above. Fleming's dressed business casual, shirt-and-tie. Static's wearing his mask, a plain white t-shirt, jean shorts, and a gleeful expression. Fleming doesn't look nearly as pleased.)
FLEMING: "Static, I just don't understand how Walter Mitty parodies are supposed to get your point across."
STATIC: (sighing) "Fleming, you told me that you wanted to ride with this slick voodoo practictioner for protection, knowledge, and access to my horde of Drumsticks at the pad. You've got to learn that unorthodox ways of going about things are the greatest ways of all. Remember what I told you about the cues, we're gonna record the surgery one now."
FLEMING: "Ugh... here goes..."
========================
The nurse roughly grabbed Ravager as he made his way down the hall, turning him exactly the other way. "Doctor! So glad to have found you, you're needed RIGHT AWAY in emergency surgery! Nurses, I'm going to need Dr. Ravager scrubbed and gloved immediately!" At this point, assistants begin washing up the world-renown surgeon Dr. Ravager's hands, putting on a medical cap, gloves, etc. He's faced situations like this before, but they're never, ever, easy. "We've got ourselves a horrific case, just came in five minutes ago from Queens. Twenty-four year old man, healthy, multiple gunshot wounds to the neck and chest. Critical condition. Doctor, he only has a few minutes left, we need you!" The victim is wheeled in, it's a truly horrific sight. Ravager calmly looks at him, and with a confident expertise that could make you believe that he was God creating the universe, goes to work at saving a life...
========================
FLEMING: "How was that, Static?"
STATIC: (with disdain) "Fleming..." (okay, sarcastic disdain) "You damn genius! This is working great! Wait... Fleming, what are you eating?"
FLEMING: "Huh? Oh. Puppy biscuit."
STATIC: (again, with disdain) "Puppy biscuit?! PUPPY BISCUIT? You... you would. Why?"
FLEMING: "I don't know, I just kind of dig 'em. Puppies bark for it, anyway. What's the point to this, Static?"
STATIC: "You've got a lot to learn, Fleming. Dietary options are just one. I guess I should explain to you why I dragged you here to record these, though. Ravager, remember him? The guy that beat you up, hence, why you came my way? Yes, indeed. The same guy who sat ringside at Action! and ruined my match against Stylin' Kyle and the Fixer. I mean, I hate to say it, but the NAPW Provincial Champ is lame. He's just lame!"
FLEMING: "You sound like a high school girl."
STATIC: "You'd know best. What I mean is, he's got nothing to do and nowhere to go. So let's just hang out at Action! and ruin Static's match! Let's sit and watch match footage all day! Let's daydream about a life that we ourselves can only dream of living for ourselves! Gracious sakes alive, Fleming, can I get an amen?"
FLEMING: "Amen, Static. Don't forget, he beat up on me, a helpless NAPW employee!"
STATIC: "Yeah... he did." (obvious disinterested expression) "Anyway. I'm facing him tomorrow night. I promised Ravager earlier, I wouldn't miss. The last thing that that sucker should've given me is motivation. It's not enough that he made me lose my match, that he bores the life out of me every time I see him..."
FLEMING: "That he beat me up!"
STATIC: "... or that he's got the title that I want. Ravager, you say you 'chose me.' I look forward to making that choice the worst mistake of your life. I hope that you're ready to face this firing squad; erect and motionless, proud and disdainful, Ravager... heh... the Defeated, inscrutable to the last."
(Fade out.)
(Note to readers: most of this is a parody of the short story, the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, by James Thurber. The online version can be found here: www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/6821/thurber.html)