Post by Stone Zellor on Jan 14, 2006 13:19:15 GMT -5
[The scene opens in Cook's Edmonton pad, again. The man himself is sitting in his recliner with a pose able balloon in his hand. A nice bright orange one at that. He blows it up and fastens the end, leaving a bit at one end. For some reason Cook seems to be smiling, his unshaven face radiant in the glow of his white, white teeth. He starts to talk as the scene continues]
J.C.:
There are some issues that need to be addressed here in NAPW, and not surprisingly they all revolve around me.
[Cook smiles a bit more as he starts playing with the balloon]
It was pointed out to me that the other week I may have said some derogo...derag...bad things about Maniac... Separate into three sections as so... But needless to say, I didn't mean it man. That was bravado or something. I mean, nothing against you Maniac, you're a talented guy and I respect that... fold the third section over as so... It's just, at that time I was trying to get under the skin of Axle Jaxx, and it worked, so you can't be that angry. I mean, come on, it was like a week ago. Don't bear a grudge man... push the middle section down, squeezing a bit down between your thumb and forefinger... I don't bear grudges against people... twist the middle section around the crossover to create the wings...
[As Cook does what the book says, his balloon has suddenly taken form into something almost recognisable]
It's a humming bird! I did it. Third time lucky! Yeah me!
[And with that he throws the 'humming bird' up into the air and it floats down onto the table in front of him. It looks like Cook is going to pick it up again, but instead he grabs his can of Pepsi Max and takes a sip before putting it back]
But about the important matters at hand. As I'm sure everyone is damn well aware, this week I, J.C. Cook am involved in a tag team match with three of the biggest miscreants... Well, two of the biggest miscreants and my good buddy Maniac.
[Wink and a clicky gun pose]
Two of the biggest ayatollahs of suck and blow-a I've ever seen in a wrestling ring. And believe me, I've seen crappy guys before. I've watched tapes of Misery's matches! But you two really take the cake, and it's not a chocolate cake. It's not even got jam in it. It's a damn carrot cake man! Well, except Minstrel, he's the Provincial Champion... But Evan, seriously.
I mean, you're good, you got Coach Jago to talk and he's been silent for months. I'll applaud you on that one. And your in ring performances are almost up to J.C. Cook standards. But, and quite bluntly put, you aligned yourself with 'The Rat Pack' and in my immature eyes, that drops you about ten places down the list of people I want to face in the ring. It would be like crap by association, man.
Just look at last week, and how my good buddy Maniac, was about to make you tap before Terry Brandon jumped in. Next time tell him to just throw in the towel man, it's a lot easier on both of you. The figure-four leg lock, the sound and sight of your head bouncing off that chain link fence, and the image of you of being thrown into Jack Jones' beamer. Good times for us, bad times for you. But ask yourself man, where were 'The New and Improved D-X'? Where was Chris Casino as Maniac was thrashing you around the parking lot? Because to me, it didn't seem like they gave a damn. Sure Kyle and 'The Beast' were there, but what help were they?
[J.C. shrugs his shoulders as he asks the question]
I mean, it seems obvious to anyone watching that you, Evan Cartwright, are the weak link in the chain. You're like the kid who wanted to join in a game of football, and as soon as he did he got nailed by a big guy so the game had to be called off... Okay, not exactly like that, but you're ruining it for the rest of us. The only highlight of your matches is watching your head bounce off many, many surfaces, man.
But you have a tag partner this week, The Minstrel. And can I just say, what a good impersonation that was of me. Now, if you were just twice as handsome, half as dumb and four times as talented as you are right now, you could be me.
[He smiles, laughing as he does so]
I mean, we can all play with balloons Minstrel, I just made a humming bird as you might have seen. And what you might not want people to see is the footage of Ravager kicking your ass from pillar to post last week on Monday Night Fights. You won the match, you had your feet on the ropes, but afterwards... Wow, I haven't seen a beating like that since 'Black Thursday', and yes, that joke was for your amusement, man.
But the past is the past, and that should be forgotten. It is not an indication of things to come. History does not repeat itself that often, but your week ahead looks like it could be repeated. This week, on Monday night, you and I are on opposing sides in this tag match, which my good buddy maniac and I will win. And next week, at 'Joker's Wild', it's you and me for the Provincial title. You see, I know I'm not underrated when I have a title shot, and an easy one at that man. I know that anyone who has to cheat to win, and against my friend Ravager, is not only the lowest of the low, but... No, just a damn rat, man. I can see why you were teamed with Evan, I mean, you're both rats. Well, you're more of a weasel, but you're rodent-esque.
So this week, Maniac and I will take the victory, and next week I alone will win, and be crowned the new NAPW Provincial champion. And those, my friend, are good times.
[And with that the scene comes to an end with the traditional fade to black]
J.C.:
There are some issues that need to be addressed here in NAPW, and not surprisingly they all revolve around me.
[Cook smiles a bit more as he starts playing with the balloon]
It was pointed out to me that the other week I may have said some derogo...derag...bad things about Maniac... Separate into three sections as so... But needless to say, I didn't mean it man. That was bravado or something. I mean, nothing against you Maniac, you're a talented guy and I respect that... fold the third section over as so... It's just, at that time I was trying to get under the skin of Axle Jaxx, and it worked, so you can't be that angry. I mean, come on, it was like a week ago. Don't bear a grudge man... push the middle section down, squeezing a bit down between your thumb and forefinger... I don't bear grudges against people... twist the middle section around the crossover to create the wings...
[As Cook does what the book says, his balloon has suddenly taken form into something almost recognisable]
It's a humming bird! I did it. Third time lucky! Yeah me!
[And with that he throws the 'humming bird' up into the air and it floats down onto the table in front of him. It looks like Cook is going to pick it up again, but instead he grabs his can of Pepsi Max and takes a sip before putting it back]
But about the important matters at hand. As I'm sure everyone is damn well aware, this week I, J.C. Cook am involved in a tag team match with three of the biggest miscreants... Well, two of the biggest miscreants and my good buddy Maniac.
[Wink and a clicky gun pose]
Two of the biggest ayatollahs of suck and blow-a I've ever seen in a wrestling ring. And believe me, I've seen crappy guys before. I've watched tapes of Misery's matches! But you two really take the cake, and it's not a chocolate cake. It's not even got jam in it. It's a damn carrot cake man! Well, except Minstrel, he's the Provincial Champion... But Evan, seriously.
I mean, you're good, you got Coach Jago to talk and he's been silent for months. I'll applaud you on that one. And your in ring performances are almost up to J.C. Cook standards. But, and quite bluntly put, you aligned yourself with 'The Rat Pack' and in my immature eyes, that drops you about ten places down the list of people I want to face in the ring. It would be like crap by association, man.
Just look at last week, and how my good buddy Maniac, was about to make you tap before Terry Brandon jumped in. Next time tell him to just throw in the towel man, it's a lot easier on both of you. The figure-four leg lock, the sound and sight of your head bouncing off that chain link fence, and the image of you of being thrown into Jack Jones' beamer. Good times for us, bad times for you. But ask yourself man, where were 'The New and Improved D-X'? Where was Chris Casino as Maniac was thrashing you around the parking lot? Because to me, it didn't seem like they gave a damn. Sure Kyle and 'The Beast' were there, but what help were they?
[J.C. shrugs his shoulders as he asks the question]
I mean, it seems obvious to anyone watching that you, Evan Cartwright, are the weak link in the chain. You're like the kid who wanted to join in a game of football, and as soon as he did he got nailed by a big guy so the game had to be called off... Okay, not exactly like that, but you're ruining it for the rest of us. The only highlight of your matches is watching your head bounce off many, many surfaces, man.
But you have a tag partner this week, The Minstrel. And can I just say, what a good impersonation that was of me. Now, if you were just twice as handsome, half as dumb and four times as talented as you are right now, you could be me.
[He smiles, laughing as he does so]
I mean, we can all play with balloons Minstrel, I just made a humming bird as you might have seen. And what you might not want people to see is the footage of Ravager kicking your ass from pillar to post last week on Monday Night Fights. You won the match, you had your feet on the ropes, but afterwards... Wow, I haven't seen a beating like that since 'Black Thursday', and yes, that joke was for your amusement, man.
But the past is the past, and that should be forgotten. It is not an indication of things to come. History does not repeat itself that often, but your week ahead looks like it could be repeated. This week, on Monday night, you and I are on opposing sides in this tag match, which my good buddy maniac and I will win. And next week, at 'Joker's Wild', it's you and me for the Provincial title. You see, I know I'm not underrated when I have a title shot, and an easy one at that man. I know that anyone who has to cheat to win, and against my friend Ravager, is not only the lowest of the low, but... No, just a damn rat, man. I can see why you were teamed with Evan, I mean, you're both rats. Well, you're more of a weasel, but you're rodent-esque.
So this week, Maniac and I will take the victory, and next week I alone will win, and be crowned the new NAPW Provincial champion. And those, my friend, are good times.
[And with that the scene comes to an end with the traditional fade to black]