Product Placement

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

(Kyle Roberts is in a dark, hoppin' club, pulling back on a pint of some tasty amber liquid. Around him are young men, old men, men of every walk of life having the time of their lives. Why? Well, it's not overt on the screen, but you do see a portion of a stage where some bare legs walk in front of the camera. Kyle manages to pull his eyes away from the entertainment and starts to talk to the camera.)

KYLE ROBERTS: As a member of REBEL Pro Wrestling, I'm encouraged to hang out at any of the fine establishments that REBEL's owner, Rick Garrett, made his fortune on. The Sunset Strip. Six clubs in the Triangle area alone. The hottest hotties that ever hotted in Hottingham. And, to my pleasant surprise, a great selection of micro-brewed beers. I'll admit it, I wasn't looking forward to finding only Miller Lite everywhere I went, and Sunset's got some interesting brews. It's nice to have an Indian Pale Ale when I want. And the scenery?

(Kyle looks up with a smirk.)

KYLE ROBERTS: The scenery's just awe-inspiring. I'd have to give it a Perfect 10, if you catch my drift. And the staff discounts I get through REBEL makes this place my home away from the apartment. It's obvious how Rick made his money, and that's the fact that he treats his employees right. Granted, if you're doing the sort of garbage wrestling that most of the roster excels in, there'd better be some perks aside from a good health care plan. Those other wrestlers, after they hit each other with flaming barbed wire garden shears, really need decent health benefits.

I, however, take my career seriously enough to want to actually, you know, WRESTLE. And the powers that be sensed that, putting me in a match against Rees and Ravager. As much as I tear them down, they wrestle. They're both NAPW champs, and hell, they've each had their hands on the big belt in Alberta. So I hope the boys understand that this isn't just business for me, this is an obsession. I'm hungry for my own big belt. Sure, five time tag champs is a feather in my cap. But baby, I want more. I want the REBEL Heavyweight title. I NEED the REBEL Heavyweight title. And I will do everything in my power to get that REBEL Heavyweight title.

And if that means plowing through the competition in my survival match on Tuesday, so be it. I will get that title shot by any means necessary, to take a term I used so frequently with Bruce as the best tag team in the world. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that Bruce Richards and Kyle Roberts were the best tag team that the wrestling community has seen in years. We were kings, baby! But this is one king that doesn't cotton to co-reigns. And the path to my crown goes straight through three NAPW champions.

Ravager, do you seriously think that I think you need my respect? Let's face it, bucko, it would make your job a lot easier. But I really don't give a flying (BLEEP) about you. And I know you don't like me. Hell, I wasn't aware that a robot had feelings, every single Hollywood movie be damned. But what's going to happen in that ring is not going to be fun for you. Because you won't be getting that big clean win over me anytime soon. It's not going to happen this week, it's not going to happen this year, it's not going to happen. Period. As much as you want to play Batman, having contingency plans for your contingency plans, you, Ravager will be outclassed. Outwrestled. Outthought. Kyle Roberts is smarter than you, Ravager. And Kyle Roberts is better than you.

Lloyd Rees seems to think that I rely on luck in that ring. It's not luck, jackass. It's skill. It's true, I don't hate you as much as I do the other two wrestlers in this match, but that's because I don't know you as well. What I DO know? I can't trust you. And you sure as hell can't trust me. I think we made that plain at Sole Survivor last month. But if there's one man who can out-wile the Lemondrop Kid, it's the Stylin' One. You shouldn't be worrying about your manager, Lloyd, you should be worrying about me. Because in that ring, I'm an outright bastard. And I'd rather fight the devils I know than the devil I don't. So you're the first priority. Once Lloyd Rees is out of the match, it's short work to take out Ravager and Tommy Deathrow.

Tommy Deathrow. Is he even aware he's in a match this week? Or is he out somewhere, drunk and wasted? You know what? It doesn't matter. In this match, he's a non-issue. I've beaten him so many times, I might as well award Deathrow a plaque for being the bitch of Stylin' Kyle Roberts. So, hell, it might be a Three Way Dance if Tommy doesn't even get to the Civic Centre. And this would be one three-way that might even overshadow the main event. A three-way that would eclipse last night after I closed down the local college bar. (Kyle shakes his head.) Man, Ryan had some choice words for me this morning, I tell you.

So get ready, guys, because come Tuesday, Stylin' Kyle Roberts is giving no quarter. Ravager says I can't stop him? Heh. He's right. I can't stop him going to the locker room with his tail between his legs. Because Tuesday night is MY night. After I failed to get into that title match to begin with? You'll never see a more focused Kyle Roberts, boys. Hell, with these opponents, why wouldn't I focus?

Ravager. Rees. Deathrow. On Tuesday night, you're going to have to get past me. Kyle Roberts. Future REBEL Heavyweight champion. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got scouting of a different sort tonight. One lucky lady will be going home with a real champ.

(Kyle turns his attention to the stage as the camera fades to black.)