Hustle and flow

[Sexy Rexy [REBEL]]

(Rex Caliber, the next REBEL Champion, The Rexcellence of Rexecution, The Man Who Saved Latin, is sitting at dinner with his lovely date. He is dressed in a very nice suit. The restaurant is the classy Carpe Diem of Charlotte. Rex and his date are finished with dinner, and enjoying a nice conversation.)

REX: So Jane, what do you like to do for fun?

JANE: I am big into writing.

REX:(trying to sound interested) So am I! I love writing poetry. Some say my rhyming skills are on the same level as Dr. Dre. I can do them off the top of my head. I write all the time.

JANE: (actually interested) Are you serious? Because I am in a poetry group at University of Charlotte.

REX: (still acting interested) NO WAY!

JANE: Yeah, and actually they are doing a little get together tonight. I can get them to let you do some of your work.

REX:(back peddling) Well, I don’t know any of them.. wouldn’t it be rude?

JANE: You know me silly, it’ll be fun. You don’t know how much intelligence turns me on. I’ll be right back. I need to powder my nose.

(She leaves as Rex panics.)

REX: (talking to himself real low so he doesn’t seem crazy) What the hell am I going to do? Why did I say that? Wait... I have done some rhyming and poetry before. That didn’t turn out too bad..

(Rex remembers them, as the kind people at REBEL insert them into the video. Cut scene to previous attempted rhymes and poetry. First is to the Pre Joker’s Wild Party, January 2006.)

(The camera zooms into one of the bar's many HDTVs, which are now playing Bill Fleming and Static's never-before-seen MUSIC VIDEO rendition of that gold country hit of theirs, "Get On My Level!" The crowd is going bananas with laughter, as Static can only shake his head and chuckle at the silliness. Rex, meanwhile, is getting the crowd even more psyched as the tape finishes off.)

REX CALIBER: WOO! YA GOTTA GET OWWWWWNNN, OUR LEVEL! YEEHAHAH! So I figured, hey, why let the DUDES have all the fun, huh?! Y'all wanna see the musical stylings of the Nexus One?! Hit it, Jack!

(Instead of country, this time, an early 90's-style, cheesy rap beat starts to echo throughout the Nexus One Sports Club. Rex goes behind a curtain for a second, and comes out wearing an old-school Adidas track suit, and way too much fake jewelry around his neck. Rex is double-clutching the mic, as Static is trying to hide in the stage's few shadowy areas. The crowd doesn't know weather to be vomiting or laughing. Some are responding by doing both. At the same time.)

REX CALIBER: YO, YO, y'all... I'm 'bout to teach you right here, 'bout the Crimes, knamean? Throw your hands up, just like this! Like this! Now wave 'em side to side! 'Bout to bust, y'all, heregoes, like thiiiiisss!

YO, the name is Rex, I'm a bald-headed lunatic / You see the Nexus One, y'all start to get sick / D-X can't beat us, they're DUDE fanatics! / They suck worse than a party thrown by STATIC!

(OOOHH! The crowd reacts to the dis, 8 MILE STYLE!)

Uh huh... now lemme tell you 'bout the Dudes, right... TIFF, she's their manager / She's so damn fat / One sniff of the air, y'all know where she's at / That aroma... sausages? Is that a porkchop in her hat? / I'd invite her in the ring but she'd COLLAPSE the MAT!

(Oooh...)

STATIC: Uh, Rex...

REX CALIBER: D-X! They're frontin' all, New and Improved? / Last time they fought Rex, they got their belts removed / Better NOT show up at Joker's / Then they'll need to have their FOOD CHEWED... / but yo, back to the Dudes...

(Oooh...)

Cam and Mike, held the belts for like, THREE WEEKS / They've been here, two months? Already reached their peak / Lookin' like a lame version of Immortal 'n' Technique / Someone send 'em a paddle, they're BOTH up shit's creek!

(Uh oh...)

STATIC: Hey, Rex...

REX CALIBER: Ladder, Dudes, the Crimes, OH MY! / D-X is wrestling too, but I can't remember why / Them bein' here just makes me wanna cry / I'm gonna be a newspaper, they'll be the FLY!

We gets no respect! They don't care if we no-show! / We could climb that ladder, quick, and nobody'd know / We'll beat all y'all, every single foe / Only guy crazier than us, his name is Deathrow!

STATIC: HEY, REX!

(Rex is totally in "battle rap" mode now, not even paying attention to the crowd. He's off in his own world, a world where you only get one shot... one opportunity... to seize everything you ever wanted. Is he going to capture it?... or just let it slip?)

REX CALIBER: A ladder to the head! A kick to the face! / Dudes, D-X, you better bring spiked mace! / Go back to the drawing board, back to home base! / After Joker's, the gavel sounds, that's the end of this CASE!

STATIC: REX, YOU SONOFABITCH!

REX CALIBER: WHAT, MAN?! WHAT? I'M TRYING TO SEIZE MY DREams oh wait...

(The dance floor is totally deserted of human life. Only cups and crumbs litter the Nexus One Sports Club now. Even the bartender's gone, having put up a sign by the peanuts: "BACK IN 15 MIN.")

REX CALIBER: Where'd everybody go... ?

(With only one light on, the stage light, Static walks off and turns it off as he leaves. Rex is left alone, in the dark, with only a microphone as company. Fade out.)

STATIC: -So- not on my level...

REX CALIBER: Aww...

(The scene changes to a promo cut before a match with Superstar Thomas Deathrow, July 2006, where he is accused of saying the same things often and replies with a poem on flowers.)

No he will no doubt tell everyone: "That's not a problem, if Rexy wants hurt, I'll hurt him." Well it's not that simple. I become a different beast when I'm in that ring. Sure you're the king of disease and you do a lot with pure fighting skills. But you can't out FIGHT me. This is me, questioning your MANHOOD. You want me to talk about something different as I repeat myself in your mind? Let's talk about... flowers.

Roses are red and turtles are green,
how you going to handle Rex when he's mean.

Violets are blue and piss is yellow,
how you going to beat this pissed off fellow.

Impatiens are purple and your very sick,
I can whip any mans ass or the ass of a chick.

Carnations are pink and Evan's black,
You'll never get a chance to touch my nut sac.

Canna's can be red, yellow or orange,
Thank you for accepting my challenge.

Aster plants are purple as well,
You may have saved me a trip to jail.

Phlox is a plant that sounds pretty damn cool,
What I'll do to you will be downright cruel.

[/center]
(Rex shutters in his chair as his date comes back. Rex leaves enough money on the table to cover the check and tip. They exit. They get in Rex’s limo and he has the driver stop at a Wal*Mart.)

JANE: Why we stopping here?

REX: I need to buy a pen and pad... I want to work out my rhymes before I read them aloud.

(Rex hurries inside as we all wait for him. Five minutes later he returns, and they leave. He starts jotting things down almost immediately.)

JANE: You are taking this serious... for me.

REX:(thinking of the embarrassment that is almost certain) That’s just the type guy I am.

(They arrive to the campus of University of Charlotte. Rex remembers all the great parties he attended here, and smiles. They get to this auditorium where around a hundred people are gathered.)

REX:(nervous) I thought this was going to be a small group thing?

JANE: No... this is a very popular hobby. You will have an audience of people who may even rival your level of writing.

REX:(looking towards the sky, asking God for help) Yep.

(Rex and Jane take a seat as the first person reads their poetry. Rex continues to write as the reading starts. Jane is very enthralled by the reading. Rex isn’t paying attention. Clapping begins, Rex tries to clap with the group but drops his pad. He picks them up and claps. He then realizes everyone but him has stopped and sinks into his chair. People stare at him and he replies:)

REX:(acting) It moved me!

(Rex finishes up and actually starts paying attention to the people center stage. Three more guys go up, two more ladies and then Rex gets nudged.)

REX: What?

JANE: (super excited) You up next!

(Rex smiles, and sneaks a sip from his flask, which is hidden in his suit jacket.)

REX:(half hearted) Yay!

(Rex walks up to the bar stool in the center of the room. He smiles.)

REX: Hi.. For those who may not know me... I’m Rex Caliber, professional wrestler, entrepreneur, and all around superstar.

(He tries to get in promo mode, like he does for wrestling interviews.)

REX: I don’t really have much to write about but wrestling. So I know my subject matter will not mean anything to anyone here... (trying to sound sincere) It means something to me, and comes from the heart. (pounds chest lightly)

I call this

WHAT IS AND WHAT WILL BE

The title is near,
and I have no fear
Kyle wasn't that tough,
His game wasn't enough
He tried his very best to beat me
It took a Rex beating for him to see

I hit him with Total Annihilation
And he felt total humiliation
When I felt the referee raise my hand
The feeling was so damn grand
The cheers from the crowd,
It was just so damn loud

This week I'm fighting two
If these guys only knew
What Rex Caliber has in store
I'll show them both who is hardcore
I'm going hit everyone in sight
Win the belt and party all night

Now, I'm not arrogant or cocky
But I'll knock you out like my names Rocky
And I score more than Gretzky did in Hockey

(Rex pauses for applause which is light at best.)

REX: Ok... the next one is called

WHO IS MACKABEE?

MackaBEE is his name
Being a loudmouth is his game
When he loses who will he blame
His excuse is sure to be lame

He couldn't beat me when I was ten
He doesn't belong in the ring with real men
MackaBEE is just another has-been
Will he tap, or will I go with the pin

He thinks he's the best thing around
I'm going to beat him into the ground
Then me and his mom will go a round
But I'm going to charge her a dollar a pound

Can't you see it big MackaBEE
You'll have to pay the bitches fee
If she looked half decent it'd be free
Don't like what I say then stop me

I'm the next champ in this (BLEEP)in’ place
The man with the damn fine face
Taking on everyone, no matter creed or race
Pinning everyone uno, dos... tres!

(Rex pauses and a few claps scatter the stunned crowd. Rex is getting pumped.)

REX: The next one is

BRUNO: THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE FAKE

Brian Bruno he ain't ill
I don't believe him and never will
He is high, or just full of shit
The REBEL title he'll never git
He is going to try and bring the fight
But knows that he is filled with fright
No way out, he'll scream and tap
He might be better off taking a dirt nap

You are nothing compared to me
That's your true reality
Look at my play book, steal every page
You'll never stop me with that weak Blind Rage

You'll see in my eyes when you stare
Pure violence and not an ounce of care
I'll beat you all in your face
I'll kick your ass all over the place
You will feel the Rings of Rex
It'll be more painful than prison sex
I'm pretty sure you know that well
Ooops, I wasn't supposed to tell

You’re more pathetic than Nightmare in drag
You whine worse than a woman on the rag
You need to face facts that you can't win
My two shoulders you'll never pin

(Rex flips pages and doesn’t await an applause, that probably wouldn’t occur anyway. He gets much louder with his tone.)

REX: This is one is my final one entitled

MY DESTINY

The gold is what I need
I'll do anything even bleed
I want it so bad I can't sleep
MackaBEE likes to have sex with sheep?

My anger is very high
Brian Bruno might die
I don't like to fuss or fret
But Remember Rex is the safe bet

MackaBEE is still a nobody and that's it
I see more potential in my morning shit
That man is garbage and fighting me?
You'll miss the match if you go pee

Brian Bruno is a cuddly bear
He has no edge and is never a scare
He is so soft he feels like a pillow
If he was a food, he'd be jello

I absolutely have to win
Losing is not an option
I'm better than I've ever been
I'm destined to be REBEL Champion

(Rex bows as the crowd leaves, looking at Jane like she brought the plague upon the community. She is in tears.)

REX: I thought that went well...

JANE:(in tears) I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT!

REX: Look, wrestling is in my blood. I can’t escape it. Winning that belt is totally on my mind. It flows through me, and you wanted me to show off my talent and I did.

JANE: POETRY IS SUPPOSED TO BE BEAUTIFUL. YOU THINK POETRY SHOULD TALK ABOUT HURTING PEOPLE AND FILLED WITH PROFANITY AND BEASTIALITY?

REX: I can't help what others do. And might I add that rap stars do that and make millions every year.

JANE: (calmly wipes her tears and replies) Well you can “roll” by yourself.

(With that Rex gets slapped and left.)

REX: (looking at his watch) Ten thirty... It’s bar time!

(Fade to black.)