Square One?

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

(A locker room. Stylin' Kyle Roberts is lacing up his boots. A promoter walks in.)

PROMOTER: You Stylin' Kyle Roberts?

KYLE ROBERTS: That's me.

PROMOTER: Thanks for coming out on such short notice.

KYLE ROBERTS: No probs. I can always use the extra match while getting re-established in a new territory.

PROMOTER: Well, I've heard good things about you.

KYLE ROBERTS: You are looking at a former member of the New and Improved D-X.

PROMOTER: Yeah?

KYLE ROBERTS: Yeah. Hegstrand Cup winners in MCW. Undefeated in TEAM events.

PROMOTER: Kid, I'll be honest, I don't have a clue what you just said. In any case, I just wanted to go over the booking with you.

KYLE ROBERTS: Sure. Go ahead.

PROMOTER: You're going up against our biggest masked wrestler, El Magnifico. He's a huge face, the kids love him. So we'll start off with him coming at you with a flying knee. I want you to counter with a pumphandle slam.

KYLE ROBERTS: Doesn't that seem a little, I don't know, super powerful?

PROMOTER: What do you mean?

KYLE ROBERTS: Granted, if he's lucha, I'll be bigger than him, but I'm pretty speedy as well. I'm not really a power wrestler. I'm more impact.

PROMOTER: He works best against monsters.

KYLE ROBERTS: So book a monster against him!

PROMOTER: Then I want you to regain the upper hand with some mounted punches.

KYLE ROBERTS: Who am I, Stone Cold?

PROMOTER: He'll battle back, and try to get you in a German suplex. But you'll grab the ropes, turn around and deliver a ferocious clothesline.

KYLE ROBERTS: Finally! Something from my arsenal!

PROMOTER: Give him some sort of submission, something involving the head, and he'll get a two count.

KYLE ROBERTS: Did you read my bio at all? My biggest submission is an elevated Boston Crab.

PROMOTER: Nah, that won't work. El Magnifico has back problems. Give him a sleeper.

(Kyle throws up his hands in disgust.)

PROMOTER: Then you'll go for a piledriver, which he'll escape out of.

KYLE ROBERTS: Could I at least go for an Emerald Fusion? You know, my signature move?

PROMOTER: His big finisher can be hit from a piledriver position.

KYLE ROBERTS: Could you give ME a mask to wear? Maybe call me El Generico 27? Because these moves don't suit me at all! It's like, why even bother hiring Stylin' Kyle Roberts if you're not going to USE him properly?

PROMOTER: Are you going to take the money here or what?

KYLE ROBERTS: (fuming) Yeah, I'll wrestle your horribly-booked match.

PROMOTER: Oh, and the finish. Ref bump, El Magnifico's biggest rival, Johnny One Note will come down and try to bash his enemy in the head with his loaded flute. Magnifico ducks, you drop, ref wakes up, Magnifico scrambles for the pin.

KYLE ROBERTS: What? You're serious? I'm going to lose this match because of a ref bump?

PROMOTER: That's right.

KYLE ROBERTS: Fine. Just get me to the gorilla position.

(The promoter leads Kyle to behind the curtain.)

PROMOTER: Thanks for coming out and doing this. I really appreciate it, and if you ever need any shows in the future, you know who to call. (The promoter leaves.)

KYLE ROBERTS: Last time I ever take a show because Maniac recommended me...

ANNOUNCER: Introducing first! From Edmonton, Canada! Caaaaarrrrlll! Robbbbbiiiiiinnnnnsss!

KYLE ROBERTS: You've GOT to be kidding me. (He exits through the curtain.)

* * *

(Kyle's new apartment complex, Cary Towne Park. Kyle's working on his tan at poolside. Because now, he, you know, can. I mean, really, twenty-one Celsius? LUXURY!)

KYLE ROBERTS: So that was a waste of time. Granted, I got paid my full amount for doing it by the book, but it's a match you'll never see on "Kyle Roberts' Greatest Matches Volume 6." It's like they had no clue who I was. Is this what I'm going to have to face now that I'm in a new territory? Am I going to have to start from the bottom of the mountain? At least I acted like a professional, and actually did what they wanted me to. I made El Magnifico look like gold!

Thank god for REBEL. Rick Garrett was actually smart enough to watch NAPW to figure out who would be his biggest draws. That's why I'm starting out at the top, against that One Man Crime Spree. One Man Crime Spree? What the hell sorts of crimes does Rex Caliber do? Sure, I can see the crime of adultery, but really, who the hell enforces that these days, except for religions? The crime of being a blowhard? He's just being Rex!

However, if REBEL wants to start off with such a huge match right off the bat, let it happen. I'll meet Rex in the ring. I'll be the Crime Spree's judge, jury and executioner. Polarizer, Emerald Fusion, Bear-tamer. Only three of the weapons at my disposal, Rex. And that's not even taking into account my greatest tool. Well, besides that one, since I only use that in inter-gender wrestling exhibitions, if you catch my drift. No, Rex, I'm talking about my cunning, my mind.

I've said it once, I'll say it again, Rex. Kyle Roberts is smarter than you. We've only met in the ring three on opposite sides: Joker's Wild, and two other tag matches. Let's face it, Rex, back then you were nothing more than Static's lapdog. Static was the man running things, you were just his hired muscle. So what make you think that a year later, things are any different? Kyle Roberts will still beat you in that ring, one, two, three.

Do what you want, Caliber. Go around talking about Amy. Mack on every hottie you want to. Come Tuesday night, it's not going to matter, because Stylin' Kyle Roberts will be going on to that Three Way Dance for the REBEL Heavyweight Championship. I'll leave you as dead weight in the ring, Caliber. Just like Joker's Wild.

(Kyle pulls down his shades.)

KYLE ROBERTS: I am Stylin' Kyle Roberts. And I will be the first-ever REBEL Heavyweight Champion.