Living Large

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

(The interior of a bare apartment's foyer. Muffled speech comes from the other side of the door, as a key jingles in the lock. The door opens as we see Stylin' Kyle Roberts and a landlord enter.)

LANDLORD: And it's only five minutes away from North Carolina State University.

KYLE ROBERTS: Lots of cute co-eds?

LANDLORD: Well, sir, it's a State University.

(Kyle looks blankly at the man.)

LANDLORD: It's cheaper than University of North Carolina.

KYLE ROBERTS: Nothing wrong with that. I'm just asking if there are some nice-looking girls around.

LANDLORD: Of course there are.

KYLE ROBERTS: So, what else does this place offer?

LANDLORD: Well, this is the Jackson suite. Along with your spacious bedroom with a walk-in closet and adjoining bathroom, you've also got a den for your office work, a patio that overlooks the pool, and a fireplace.

KYLE ROBERTS: Washer and dryer?

LANDLORD: Of course.

KYLE ROBERTS: Fitness centre?

LANDLORD: Yes. Also, it is a gated community, so you'll be sure to only get the guests you want.

KYLE ROBERTS: I see.

LANDLORD: What do you think?

KYLE ROBERTS: I could definitely get used to it. What's the price on this one?

LANDLORD: Eight fifty-five a month.

KYLE ROBERTS: Eight hundred bucks? Where do you think this is, Alberta? I thought rent was supposed to be a crapload cheaper down here!

LANDLORD: Would you be getting all the facilities that we offer for cheaper up there? The fitness centre? The car wash? Tennis courts? The movie theatre? The garage? The pool?

KYLE ROBERTS: The pool's open all year round?

LANDLORD: Of course. Why wouldn't it be?

KYLE ROBERTS: It's outdoors. Wouldn't it freeze?

LANDLORD: (laughs) Mr. Roberts, you're not in Canada here! It gets cold in winter here, the temperature sometimes goes to 32 degrees.

KYLE ROBERTS: Ooooh. The FREEZING POINT! That's shorts weather, bitch! You know what? This place looks nice. Count me in.

LANDLORD: Well, then, Mr. Roberts, welcome to Cary Towne Park. All we'll need is a hundred dollar deposit from you, and I'll be able to give you the keys right away.

KYLE ROBERTS: Sounds good. (As he looks over his new apartment, his cell phone rings. He answers it.) Go.

RYAN KINGSTON: (through the magic of split-screen!) Kyle, how's the apartment hunting going?

KYLE ROBERTS: I just found a place worthy of me, Ryan! Swimming pool, fireplace, close proximity to several colleges. Can you say "chick magnet?"

RYAN KINGSTON: Excellent. When do we move in?

KYLE ROBERTS: Whoa whoa whoa! What's this "we" shit?

RYAN KINGSTON: You'll want me down there to represent you in REBEL, right?

KYLE ROBERTS: Damn skippy.

RYAN KINGSTON: I see two options here. One, you'd be paying for my hotel room on top of your rent.

KYLE ROBERTS: Oh, god.

RYAN KINGSTON: Or, two, you offer me a place to stay while I'm down there.

KYLE ROBERTS: (muttered) Good thing there's a den. Ryan would seriously cramp my lady-killing style if we shared a bed. (into the phone) Fine. There's room for you here.

RYAN KINGSTON: That's the way I thought you'd go. Now, did you want me to tell you about Rex Caliber's latest promo on the REBEL website?

KYLE ROBERTS: Let me guess, he talks about how he (BLEEP)ed Amy and how he never understood how she was able to stand me.

RYAN KINGSTON: Um, yes.

KYLE ROBERTS: Of course he would. Did he run down the good times we had? The Alaska cruise? The road trip to Vancouver?

RYAN KINGSTON: He even mentioned your brief tag team in that failed promotion down south.

KYLE ROBERTS: Oh, god, really? Yeah, Rex and I have shared some memorable moments. It's really a shame that I'm going to have to beat him in that REBEL ring. Is that about it?

RYAN KINGSTON: Just go to the website later and study it.

KYLE ROBERTS: Of course, Ryan. When will I be seeing you?

RYAN KINGSTON: I'll be flying down on Monday afternoon. And please, Kyle, try to be there to pick me up.

KYLE ROBERTS: Will do. It's a lot cheaper than being billed for a taxi ride.

(Kyle flips his phone off, and takes another gander at his apartment. He nods in approval, and walks to the patio, looking over the outdoor pool.)

KYLE ROBERTS: I could really get used to this style of living. It's a lot better than that crapfest that's my downtown Edmonton apartment. And I'm paying about the same amount for that dump as I am for this paradise! It's official, Kyle Roberts is living large down in Raleigh! Just like he's going to live large in REBEL-PRO!

Rex Caliber, you're right, we have had good times in the past. And I'll tell you right now, me leaving NAPW for the bigger pay was nothing personal, it was straight business. I have absolutely nothing against Rex Caliber, NAPW owner! But Rex Caliber, opponent? There's where a beef kicks in.

You think I'm going to let you put me into the Rings of Rex? Can you handle lifting me up for a Planetary Collision or a Total Annihilation? Scratch that, you probably can. But if you think for one moment that I'm going to let you, you've got another think comin', buddy. I could care less that you held the NAPW title, Rex. What I'm concerned about is the REBEL Heavyweight belt settling around my waist. And you're my first obstacle. You're the first person in the way of that goal.

You think making cracks about having sex with the girlfriend who left me is going to rile me up? The only way you could rile me up that way is to get her now, Rex. If that happens, THEN we'll talk. Tell you what: YOU stop talking shit about Amy, and I won't bore you with details about me and your bartender at the Nexus One Sports Club. And I'm not talking about Greg. Or Barry. Gina and I? Well, some people are gentlemen, and they just don't tell.

C'mon, Rex, On Tuesday, I'll show you exactly the reason you decided to retire the first time. I know, the official story was due to you not wanting Cyrus hurt, but we all know it's because you just can't handle it anymore. You couldn't hack losing to your old buddy Static, you couldn't handle going into the hospital yet another time, and you certainly can't handle Stylin' Kyle Roberts. Yes, Bruce beat me at Sole Survivor, but seriously, the amount of fury that he had in his body? I'm lucky I left that ring on my own two feet. Although Bruce won the battle, he didn't win the war. That beef is not settled.

Please, Rex, as a friend, I'm telling you, do not step foot in that ring against me. You have absolutely no clue what I'm capable of in a no disqualification environment. No, wait, you totally do. You lost to me in that ladder match last year. Hell, I (BLEEP)ing MDK powerbombed you from the top of a ladder! Do you really want more where that came from? You want violence, I can give you violence! And I'll do it all without the use of the garbage weapons that every chump looking to distinguish themselves in this company. I'll do it with my mind.

I've proved that I don't need weapons to be hardcore. I just use my wits and the ring to kill my opponents dead. Clint Zellor and I tore the roof down without a single foreign object. Bruce Richards and I? Same deal. Yeah, I lost both time, but so what? They got lucky. Three seconds happened to go their way for once. For every loss you can label me with, I can give you three wins. All the REBEL fans need to know is that I am one of the most innovative wrestlers they'll ever see. And that I am the most dominant wrestler they'll ever know.

I am Stylin' Kyle Roberts. And I am smarter than you, Rex.