Post by D! on Nov 4, 2005 0:52:13 GMT -5
Lights up. The Decapitators' dressing room. We see Axe holding an ice-bag to his face. Diamond paces behind him.
Axe: (Removing ice-bag.) Viking.
Diamond: He is so freakin' dead.
Axe: He'll never see it coming.
Diamond: Axe?
Axe: First, I'm gonna handcuff him to a street sign.
Diamond: Axe?
Axe: Then I'm gonna whip my empties at him. All the ones I got in my basement.
Diamond: Axe?
Axe: Then I'm gonna ram him with a rented school bus. Again and again and again.
Diamond: Axe? D'you know what I'm gonna do when I get my hands on him?
Axe: When we get our hands on him, y'mean. The Decapitators are a team.
Diamond: When we get our hands on him, we hit 'em with the tool box. Everything we got.
Axe: Guillotine Driver as an appetizer.
Diamond: Irish Whip . . .
Axe: . . . into a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker.
Diamond: Hurricanrana . . .
Axe: . . . right into my Clothesline.
Diamond: Slingshot . . .
Axe: . . . into a Spinebuster.
Diamond: Release Suplex . . .
Axe: . . . into a Drop Toe Hold.
Diamond: (Pause.) You can't do that.
Axe: Back Drop.
Diamond: Overcastle!
Axe & Diamond: Decapitator!
Diamond: And when we find The Plague?
Voice: (off) Guys.
Axe: We'll take him down.
Diamond: I'll drop kick his knee!
Voice: (off) Guys!
Diamond: I'll Shining Wizard his ass!
Axe: I'll get my empties!
Voice: (off) GUYS!
The camera pans to the right where D! is resting on a bench, also removing an ice-bag from his face.
D!: Stay off of Plague. Stay off of Viking. And especially stay off of Plague!
Diamond: Dude!
Axe: Be real!
D!: You don't give Plague any excuses! He's mine, you got that?
Axe: Whatever. But Viking . . .
D!: You beat him. He'll be angry, but he's got a short attention span. And if he does come back for you, you can just beat him again.
Axe & Diamond: Daaaaamn spanky.
D!: And in the mean time, you're a tag team booked in a tag team match, so sweat the Calgary Connection instead.
Axe: Thhpt. "Hatchet". Like he's not trying to be me.
Diamond: Yeah, but Viking . . .
D!: Diamond! Axe! Last time I checked, the NAPW Title was a singles title. If I'm gonna win it I can't have anybody watching my back.
Axe: Uhhh . . . lemme get this straight. Are you banning us from ringside?
D!: I'm starting to like you guys, but yeah.
Diamond: Okay, whatever. But if Viking interferes?
D!: (Nods.) Oh yeah, he's gonna, and we're all gonna let him.
Axe: (Sarcastic.) Of course. I see it all so clearly.
Diamond: Uh, you do?
Axe shoots Diamond a look.
D!: Look, if I've learned one thing about Viking over the last two shows, is that he doesn't listen to anybody else's voice but his own. He'll challenge people even if he doesn't stand a chance. He loses every match he's in, but he keeps showing up to the arena. And he'll always blame somebody else rather than blame himself. If Viking gets it in his head that screwing me over on Monday makes him a big man, he'll be there. And when that happens, I'll show him how to win a handicap match.
Axe: All right. Sounds cool.
Diamond: Well, what about Plague?
D!: What do you mean?
Diamond: I mean are you gonna make fun of him? You gonna make another funny video about him?
Axe: Yeah, a little Career Counseling?
D!: (Shrugs.) I've got Plague in mind and I'm gonna talk to him. And you'll find out right about when he does.
D! stands, starts out of locker room.
D!: Good luck with Cal-Con Monday night, fellas. You guys fight like rabid carnies and I'd love to see you challenge for the tag straps. Give 'em Hell.
Axe: Hey, you give 'em Hell, D!
Diamond: Take Plague out!
Axe: Give him one for the Decapitators!
Diamond: Give him eight!
D! exits the locker room.
Diamond: So what do you figure? D or The Plague?
Axe: The Plague.
Diamond: The Plague.
Axe: Poor D.
Diamond: He is so freakin' dead.
Axe: He'll never see it coming.
Axe: (Removing ice-bag.) Viking.
Diamond: He is so freakin' dead.
Axe: He'll never see it coming.
Diamond: Axe?
Axe: First, I'm gonna handcuff him to a street sign.
Diamond: Axe?
Axe: Then I'm gonna whip my empties at him. All the ones I got in my basement.
Diamond: Axe?
Axe: Then I'm gonna ram him with a rented school bus. Again and again and again.
Diamond: Axe? D'you know what I'm gonna do when I get my hands on him?
Axe: When we get our hands on him, y'mean. The Decapitators are a team.
Diamond: When we get our hands on him, we hit 'em with the tool box. Everything we got.
Axe: Guillotine Driver as an appetizer.
Diamond: Irish Whip . . .
Axe: . . . into a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker.
Diamond: Hurricanrana . . .
Axe: . . . right into my Clothesline.
Diamond: Slingshot . . .
Axe: . . . into a Spinebuster.
Diamond: Release Suplex . . .
Axe: . . . into a Drop Toe Hold.
Diamond: (Pause.) You can't do that.
Axe: Back Drop.
Diamond: Overcastle!
Axe & Diamond: Decapitator!
Diamond: And when we find The Plague?
Voice: (off) Guys.
Axe: We'll take him down.
Diamond: I'll drop kick his knee!
Voice: (off) Guys!
Diamond: I'll Shining Wizard his ass!
Axe: I'll get my empties!
Voice: (off) GUYS!
The camera pans to the right where D! is resting on a bench, also removing an ice-bag from his face.
D!: Stay off of Plague. Stay off of Viking. And especially stay off of Plague!
Diamond: Dude!
Axe: Be real!
D!: You don't give Plague any excuses! He's mine, you got that?
Axe: Whatever. But Viking . . .
D!: You beat him. He'll be angry, but he's got a short attention span. And if he does come back for you, you can just beat him again.
Axe & Diamond: Daaaaamn spanky.
D!: And in the mean time, you're a tag team booked in a tag team match, so sweat the Calgary Connection instead.
Axe: Thhpt. "Hatchet". Like he's not trying to be me.
Diamond: Yeah, but Viking . . .
D!: Diamond! Axe! Last time I checked, the NAPW Title was a singles title. If I'm gonna win it I can't have anybody watching my back.
Axe: Uhhh . . . lemme get this straight. Are you banning us from ringside?
D!: I'm starting to like you guys, but yeah.
Diamond: Okay, whatever. But if Viking interferes?
D!: (Nods.) Oh yeah, he's gonna, and we're all gonna let him.
Axe: (Sarcastic.) Of course. I see it all so clearly.
Diamond: Uh, you do?
Axe shoots Diamond a look.
D!: Look, if I've learned one thing about Viking over the last two shows, is that he doesn't listen to anybody else's voice but his own. He'll challenge people even if he doesn't stand a chance. He loses every match he's in, but he keeps showing up to the arena. And he'll always blame somebody else rather than blame himself. If Viking gets it in his head that screwing me over on Monday makes him a big man, he'll be there. And when that happens, I'll show him how to win a handicap match.
Axe: All right. Sounds cool.
Diamond: Well, what about Plague?
D!: What do you mean?
Diamond: I mean are you gonna make fun of him? You gonna make another funny video about him?
Axe: Yeah, a little Career Counseling?
D!: (Shrugs.) I've got Plague in mind and I'm gonna talk to him. And you'll find out right about when he does.
D! stands, starts out of locker room.
D!: Good luck with Cal-Con Monday night, fellas. You guys fight like rabid carnies and I'd love to see you challenge for the tag straps. Give 'em Hell.
Axe: Hey, you give 'em Hell, D!
Diamond: Take Plague out!
Axe: Give him one for the Decapitators!
Diamond: Give him eight!
D! exits the locker room.
Diamond: So what do you figure? D or The Plague?
Axe: The Plague.
Diamond: The Plague.
Axe: Poor D.
Diamond: He is so freakin' dead.
Axe: He'll never see it coming.