Post by The Delivery Men on Jan 5, 2006 3:16:56 GMT -5
(Lights up. It's Delivery Dispatch, the motor pool where Edmonton's Delivery Men get their cargo. We cut to a closer shot where Delivery Men #38, #43 and #88 are talking.)
DELIVERY MAN #88: I'm telling you, they're not that good! They're no frickin' different than you or me!
DELIVERY MAN #38: Rookie, we keep telling you! They're the best in our frickin' business!
DELIVERY MAN #43: Fricka! Ain't no one tougha than One, or fasta than Two!
DELIVERY MAN #88: Frick! I can run #2's drops in half the time! And where I'm from--Belgium--we eat tough for breafast!
DELIVERY MAN #38: I don't think you'd say that if they were around, rookie frick.
DELIVERY MAN #88: Ha! If they were around, first I'd get right up to #1's face and make fun of his stupid, frickin' hair style--
DELIVERY MAN #1: Oh, yeah? What would ya frickin' say?
(#88 stops, stunned. He turns around to find Delivery Men #1 and #2 standing right behind him.)
DELIVERY MAN #88: Ah . . . er, ah . . .
DELIVERY MAN #2: Hey, forget about him, partner. He's all talk, and we've frickin' got delivering to do.
DELIVERY MAN #1: (Getting in #88's face.) Lucky for you I like delivering.
(#1 and #2 leave a terrified #88 behind, while #38 and #43 laugh.)
DELIVERY MAN #88: Stop it! Stop laughing at me! (Shakes his fist.) Oooo, that #1 and #2! I'll make them pay for humiliating me . . . some day!!!
(Cut to #1 and #2 inspecting different cargos.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: What's our next shipment, partner?
DELIVERY MAN #1: For Delivery Men of our stature, only the most hazardous of materials today!
DELIVERY MAN #2: (Holding up a box that's marked "Knives, Haunted") Is it these?
DELIVERY MAN #1: (Laughs.) Frickin' of course not!
DELIVERY MAN #2: (Standing next to a pile of crates stamped "Pianos with Too Many Legs"). These?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Then what would we do all frickin' afternoon?
DELIVERY MAN #2: (Holding up a steaming metal barrel with a radioactive symbol on it.) This one?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Quit fricking around. You know it's not ours.
DELIVERY MAN #2: (Holding a vibrating box with the word "Bees" written on it.) Found it!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Then let's hit the frickin' road!
(Cut. The Delivery Men are driving in their truck, #1 at the wheel.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: Y'know, partner, I've been thinking a frick of a lot about you getting us NAPW contracts . . .
DELIVERY MAN #1: It's all for the best, at least until we can get real fighters here in Alberta.
DELIVERY MAN #2: Well, you see, that's the thing! Look at our options--Storm, The Decapitators, The Crimes, The New and Improved D-X, The Dudes . . . not a single team that knows what they're frickin' doing!
DELIVERY MAN #1: You frickin' didn't mention The Doomriders!
DELIVERY MAN #2: That's because I wanted to keep this a professional frickin' conversation!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Ha! Seriously, if NAPW fans wanted to know what to expect from the Doomriders, all they'd have to do is live through their promos, like we unfortunately had to.
DELIVERY MAN #2: Like that Kryenik guy.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Don't get me started! Here I go! You got this lunatic wasting tag teams' time by talking about how ill society is, and life and death, and the doom of civilisation . . .
DELIVERY MAN #2: Frick, I know. It's like having a Livejournal sit on you.
DELIVERY MAN #1: And what does David frickin' Icke do with his time? To save the world? Seeing as he's so smart? He joins a wrestling circuit.
DELIVERY MAN #2: Yeah, what's he gonna do? "I am the Grader of Mortality! I hold the secrets of evolution . . . but first, I will win the Tag Titles in a Tables Match!" Dipfrick.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Exactly! Frick, guys like us, we have other pursuits, but we're here because we love tag team fights.
DELIVERY MAN #2: We frickin' love 'em! But what about Deathrow?
DELIVERY MAN #1: He's a frickin' Muppet. Frick him.
DELIVERY MAN #2: He's a frickin' lunatic. How's he gonna help his partner when he can't help himself?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Testify!
DELIVERY MAN #2: I mean, I take being a tag fighter very seriously. You're the only guy I can rely on, and I'm the only guy watching your frickin' back. Deathrow's frickin' disgraceful!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Hey, save it for the ring, ya little frick!
DELIVERY MAN #2: I frickin' hope we get 'em! I frickin' can't wait to make an example of them guys!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Well, that's up to that Winchell frick. But I do believe you've brought up a valid point, and that's teamwork.
(Cut. The Delivery Men's truck is outside a small office building with a sign "Rahim Jaffer, Member of Parliament" on it. The Delivery Men walk out of the building and back to their truck, having made their delivery.)
DELIVERY MAN #1: You see, no matter how impressive any two fighters, wrestlers or . . . (grimaces) superstars are, a tag team has to be stonger than its base parts.
DELIVERY MAN #2: Yeah, you've got Kryenik with his bush-league anarchy, and Deathrow, who I guess his thing is having one too many chromosomes. (Spits.) Deathrow.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Exactly. And while wanting to reform the world and behaving like a lunatic are strong enough passions, you put them together and they cancel each other out!
DELIVERY MAN #2: Unless . . . you do it the Delivery Men Way!
(Delivery Man #1 looks intrigued. Just then, screaming can be heard from inside the office. It's a single man, by the sound of it, crashing into furniture and shouting "BEES!" at the top of his lungs.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: This frick has got the laziest attendance record for all MPs in this country. That good for nothing's gonna face the upcoming election. People in this riding deserve a better member than this frick-off.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Well, ain't that something. I wonder who ordered this delivery?
DELIVERY MAN #2: I did!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Ha ha! Little buddy, you crack me up!
(And they return to their truck. Lights down!)
DELIVERY MAN #88: I'm telling you, they're not that good! They're no frickin' different than you or me!
DELIVERY MAN #38: Rookie, we keep telling you! They're the best in our frickin' business!
DELIVERY MAN #43: Fricka! Ain't no one tougha than One, or fasta than Two!
DELIVERY MAN #88: Frick! I can run #2's drops in half the time! And where I'm from--Belgium--we eat tough for breafast!
DELIVERY MAN #38: I don't think you'd say that if they were around, rookie frick.
DELIVERY MAN #88: Ha! If they were around, first I'd get right up to #1's face and make fun of his stupid, frickin' hair style--
DELIVERY MAN #1: Oh, yeah? What would ya frickin' say?
(#88 stops, stunned. He turns around to find Delivery Men #1 and #2 standing right behind him.)
DELIVERY MAN #88: Ah . . . er, ah . . .
DELIVERY MAN #2: Hey, forget about him, partner. He's all talk, and we've frickin' got delivering to do.
DELIVERY MAN #1: (Getting in #88's face.) Lucky for you I like delivering.
(#1 and #2 leave a terrified #88 behind, while #38 and #43 laugh.)
DELIVERY MAN #88: Stop it! Stop laughing at me! (Shakes his fist.) Oooo, that #1 and #2! I'll make them pay for humiliating me . . . some day!!!
(Cut to #1 and #2 inspecting different cargos.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: What's our next shipment, partner?
DELIVERY MAN #1: For Delivery Men of our stature, only the most hazardous of materials today!
DELIVERY MAN #2: (Holding up a box that's marked "Knives, Haunted") Is it these?
DELIVERY MAN #1: (Laughs.) Frickin' of course not!
DELIVERY MAN #2: (Standing next to a pile of crates stamped "Pianos with Too Many Legs"). These?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Then what would we do all frickin' afternoon?
DELIVERY MAN #2: (Holding up a steaming metal barrel with a radioactive symbol on it.) This one?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Quit fricking around. You know it's not ours.
DELIVERY MAN #2: (Holding a vibrating box with the word "Bees" written on it.) Found it!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Then let's hit the frickin' road!
(Cut. The Delivery Men are driving in their truck, #1 at the wheel.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: Y'know, partner, I've been thinking a frick of a lot about you getting us NAPW contracts . . .
DELIVERY MAN #1: It's all for the best, at least until we can get real fighters here in Alberta.
DELIVERY MAN #2: Well, you see, that's the thing! Look at our options--Storm, The Decapitators, The Crimes, The New and Improved D-X, The Dudes . . . not a single team that knows what they're frickin' doing!
DELIVERY MAN #1: You frickin' didn't mention The Doomriders!
DELIVERY MAN #2: That's because I wanted to keep this a professional frickin' conversation!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Ha! Seriously, if NAPW fans wanted to know what to expect from the Doomriders, all they'd have to do is live through their promos, like we unfortunately had to.
DELIVERY MAN #2: Like that Kryenik guy.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Don't get me started! Here I go! You got this lunatic wasting tag teams' time by talking about how ill society is, and life and death, and the doom of civilisation . . .
DELIVERY MAN #2: Frick, I know. It's like having a Livejournal sit on you.
DELIVERY MAN #1: And what does David frickin' Icke do with his time? To save the world? Seeing as he's so smart? He joins a wrestling circuit.
DELIVERY MAN #2: Yeah, what's he gonna do? "I am the Grader of Mortality! I hold the secrets of evolution . . . but first, I will win the Tag Titles in a Tables Match!" Dipfrick.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Exactly! Frick, guys like us, we have other pursuits, but we're here because we love tag team fights.
DELIVERY MAN #2: We frickin' love 'em! But what about Deathrow?
DELIVERY MAN #1: He's a frickin' Muppet. Frick him.
DELIVERY MAN #2: He's a frickin' lunatic. How's he gonna help his partner when he can't help himself?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Testify!
DELIVERY MAN #2: I mean, I take being a tag fighter very seriously. You're the only guy I can rely on, and I'm the only guy watching your frickin' back. Deathrow's frickin' disgraceful!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Hey, save it for the ring, ya little frick!
DELIVERY MAN #2: I frickin' hope we get 'em! I frickin' can't wait to make an example of them guys!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Well, that's up to that Winchell frick. But I do believe you've brought up a valid point, and that's teamwork.
(Cut. The Delivery Men's truck is outside a small office building with a sign "Rahim Jaffer, Member of Parliament" on it. The Delivery Men walk out of the building and back to their truck, having made their delivery.)
DELIVERY MAN #1: You see, no matter how impressive any two fighters, wrestlers or . . . (grimaces) superstars are, a tag team has to be stonger than its base parts.
DELIVERY MAN #2: Yeah, you've got Kryenik with his bush-league anarchy, and Deathrow, who I guess his thing is having one too many chromosomes. (Spits.) Deathrow.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Exactly. And while wanting to reform the world and behaving like a lunatic are strong enough passions, you put them together and they cancel each other out!
DELIVERY MAN #2: Unless . . . you do it the Delivery Men Way!
(Delivery Man #1 looks intrigued. Just then, screaming can be heard from inside the office. It's a single man, by the sound of it, crashing into furniture and shouting "BEES!" at the top of his lungs.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: This frick has got the laziest attendance record for all MPs in this country. That good for nothing's gonna face the upcoming election. People in this riding deserve a better member than this frick-off.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Well, ain't that something. I wonder who ordered this delivery?
DELIVERY MAN #2: I did!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Ha ha! Little buddy, you crack me up!
(And they return to their truck. Lights down!)