Post by Static on Jan 1, 2006 19:36:16 GMT -5
Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away...
(4:43. That's what the bright green display of Bill Fleming's car CD player reads, as it speeds through the Albertan highway system. The Mayor, though, isn't driving. He's riding shotgun, slumped over in his seat, passed out. The lipstick on his cheeks, gin on his breath, and noisemaker behind his ear indicate a little too much New Year's revelry for NAPW's top public official. His sick moans drown out "Wild Horses" on the radio. Driving him tonight his none other than Static--)
THE MAYOR: Okay. Thank god. Here it comes.
(Oh, good. The Mayor's getting up just in time for our promo...)
THE MAYOR: (rolling down the window in a hurry) *PUKE* Oh, sick! I think some got on the side there! *PUKE* I'm sorry, Static!
*SPIT*
*PUKE*
*SPIT*
(Pan to Static. Pensive, quiet. It doesn't seem like he had much party in him from the get, and has less even now. He barely acknowledges the Mayor's puking out the speeding car like a maniac, instead focusing on the road and the song. 2006. Fifty years ago, they would've thought I'd be flying this heap of junk. Alas...)
THE MAYOR: *PUKE*
(Still driving. The Mayor seems to be done. He slinks back into his semi-reclined seat, rolls up the window, and wipes his mouth his sleeve. Still way too drunk.)
THEMAYOR: HeychStatic. I juss... I juss waninta say thanks, yunno? Thanksfer... fer driving me home... from this party... I meanIknowIgot... too messed up. Five beerss! New record!! And thanksfer comin' to my family's at Christmas... you know, that was really, really cool of you.
STATIC: (stone-faced, being sure not to take anything that Fleming says seriously right now) Yeah, no problem.
THE MYAOR: I mean... notalotta people'd... notalotta wrestlers'do thatfer me, yanno? Rex Caliber! He wouldn't! He was my furs choice, too! I says to him, I says, heyRexxxx you wanna go with me to Chrissmissss at myfamiliesandhesays no i'm surry mayor i cant i have to worry about my bar... screw him! Hahaha! Screw you, Rex!
STATIC: (intrigued) Huh. You asked Rex to Christmas before me?
TJE MYAOIRT: Well I mean cummon Static. Yer bein' a jerk, like, all thtime! Unbearable! Icanneven go to work! Make a livin'! Without! Worryin'! Oh, how'static gunnas feel about this, how'static gunna feel about that! You make one mitstake! And Static's on yer ass! (BLEEP)m! Ha!
STATIC: Hm. Interesting.
flemming: And nowthis MATCH... with the RAVAGER! Imean, Imeanit when I say that younRex... you guys got a good shot at the tagteam gold. But last time you faced Ravager... I mean... you looked lost.
(The Mayor looks at Static for a second, having regained his composure for a second. Static looks back.)
THE MAYOR: I mean... he never pinned you, but you were beaten at Black Thursday. Bad.
(Pause.)
FLEMRNMRF9: (not out of the woods just yet) andyouknow?! I dunthnikyou can win this time! i dun! Thatwuz kinda the reezin I asked for the match!! No holdsbarred! Knock you down to size!! Let's see the big mean STATIC--NEED THE MAYOR! FOR ONCE! AHAHAHA!!! Imean, I love Ravager! Lookit this guy, "oh, this match is meaningless, blahblah!" There's yer meaning! Ahaha!
STATIC: Heh. You don't think I can win, huh?
FL9RUJIIKEJ: NOPE! THE DREAM'S OVER, STATIC! YOU'LL NEED ME, UHUH! But cummon, it's new year's!
(Fleming dangerously leans out the window. Static pays him no mind.)
STATIC: (to himself) I think I just got a new reason to win this thing.
FUHRIUJR: WILD, WILD HORSIES!!!! WOOO! WE'LL RIDE 'EM SOME DAY!
*PUKE*
(Fade.)
(4:43. That's what the bright green display of Bill Fleming's car CD player reads, as it speeds through the Albertan highway system. The Mayor, though, isn't driving. He's riding shotgun, slumped over in his seat, passed out. The lipstick on his cheeks, gin on his breath, and noisemaker behind his ear indicate a little too much New Year's revelry for NAPW's top public official. His sick moans drown out "Wild Horses" on the radio. Driving him tonight his none other than Static--)
THE MAYOR: Okay. Thank god. Here it comes.
(Oh, good. The Mayor's getting up just in time for our promo...)
THE MAYOR: (rolling down the window in a hurry) *PUKE* Oh, sick! I think some got on the side there! *PUKE* I'm sorry, Static!
*SPIT*
*PUKE*
*SPIT*
(Pan to Static. Pensive, quiet. It doesn't seem like he had much party in him from the get, and has less even now. He barely acknowledges the Mayor's puking out the speeding car like a maniac, instead focusing on the road and the song. 2006. Fifty years ago, they would've thought I'd be flying this heap of junk. Alas...)
THE MAYOR: *PUKE*
(Still driving. The Mayor seems to be done. He slinks back into his semi-reclined seat, rolls up the window, and wipes his mouth his sleeve. Still way too drunk.)
THEMAYOR: HeychStatic. I juss... I juss waninta say thanks, yunno? Thanksfer... fer driving me home... from this party... I meanIknowIgot... too messed up. Five beerss! New record!! And thanksfer comin' to my family's at Christmas... you know, that was really, really cool of you.
STATIC: (stone-faced, being sure not to take anything that Fleming says seriously right now) Yeah, no problem.
THE MYAOR: I mean... notalotta people'd... notalotta wrestlers'do thatfer me, yanno? Rex Caliber! He wouldn't! He was my furs choice, too! I says to him, I says, heyRexxxx you wanna go with me to Chrissmissss at myfamiliesandhesays no i'm surry mayor i cant i have to worry about my bar... screw him! Hahaha! Screw you, Rex!
STATIC: (intrigued) Huh. You asked Rex to Christmas before me?
TJE MYAOIRT: Well I mean cummon Static. Yer bein' a jerk, like, all thtime! Unbearable! Icanneven go to work! Make a livin'! Without! Worryin'! Oh, how'static gunnas feel about this, how'static gunna feel about that! You make one mitstake! And Static's on yer ass! (BLEEP)m! Ha!
STATIC: Hm. Interesting.
flemming: And nowthis MATCH... with the RAVAGER! Imean, Imeanit when I say that younRex... you guys got a good shot at the tagteam gold. But last time you faced Ravager... I mean... you looked lost.
(The Mayor looks at Static for a second, having regained his composure for a second. Static looks back.)
THE MAYOR: I mean... he never pinned you, but you were beaten at Black Thursday. Bad.
(Pause.)
FLEMRNMRF9: (not out of the woods just yet) andyouknow?! I dunthnikyou can win this time! i dun! Thatwuz kinda the reezin I asked for the match!! No holdsbarred! Knock you down to size!! Let's see the big mean STATIC--NEED THE MAYOR! FOR ONCE! AHAHAHA!!! Imean, I love Ravager! Lookit this guy, "oh, this match is meaningless, blahblah!" There's yer meaning! Ahaha!
STATIC: Heh. You don't think I can win, huh?
FL9RUJIIKEJ: NOPE! THE DREAM'S OVER, STATIC! YOU'LL NEED ME, UHUH! But cummon, it's new year's!
(Fleming dangerously leans out the window. Static pays him no mind.)
STATIC: (to himself) I think I just got a new reason to win this thing.
FUHRIUJR: WILD, WILD HORSIES!!!! WOOO! WE'LL RIDE 'EM SOME DAY!
*PUKE*
(Fade.)