Celebration time, c'mon!

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

<Monday night, after the main event.>

Bill Fleming:(talking to the producer of Monday Night Fights through his headpiece) So are we just about done here? I'm able to wrap up?

(Kyle Roberts walks through the shot, surrounded by women dressed in provocative evening wear. He knocks into Fleming.)

Kyle Roberts: Watch it, Fleming! The ladies and I are heading out to par-tay down after the New and Improved D-X's amazing win. Oh, I know. You're here to interview me, right.

Bill Fleming: Well, actually...

Kyle Roberts: (interrupts) And I haven't even freshened up? Let's get this over with.

Bill Fleming: (into his microphone) Dave, you ready to roll? Stylin' Kyle Roberts wants to film a promo. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure the fed'll pay you overtime for it.

And in three, two...(adopts his on-camera persona)

And here we are with one half of the recently crowned NAPW Tag Team Champions, Kyle Roberts. Kyle, any thoughts about your victory tonight?

Kyle Roberts: (mock serious) Well, Bruce and I gave it our all. One hundred and ten percent. We went in to the ring with a lot of hustle, played the game for all fifteen grueling innings. We floated like butterflies, stung like bees. Did I say a hundred and ten percent?

Bill Fleming: Yeah, that's not cliched at all.

Kyle Roberts: Hey, man, I don't HAVE to give this interview. The Beast's waiting for us to bring the champagne. Have I introduced you to the astonishingly beautiful ladies that have asked to help us celebrate tonight's victory?

Fleming, I'd like you to meet Natasha, Heidi, Claudia and Clarissa.

Clarissa: But my name's Amy.

Kyle Roberts: Look, for the amount of money I'm laying out tonight for us to have a good time, your name is going to be Clarissa, understand?

("Clarissa" looks down in embarrassment, and nods her head.)

Kyle Roberts: Good. Now, let's see. Clarissa, Natasha, would you mind taking these bottles to the VIP lounge? Coach gets mean without his celebratory bottle of Baby Duck. You two, stay with me and show Fleming and all the fans what separates me from them.

(Heidi, a blonde, and Claudia, a brunette, stay behind, flanking Roberts.)

God, the sheer amount of gold I'm carrying on my shoulders is mind boggling. Girls, would you mind taking these off my hands for a while?

(Heidi and Claudia relieve Roberts of his two championship belts, one of them the Gastown Wrestling Alliance tag team belt, one the New Alberta Pro Wrestling tag team belt. They display the belts at their waists.)

You see, Fleming: this is what everyone wants, but only two people have. And this is why Bruce Richards and Kyle Roberts are the most dominant tag team in Western Canada! And you and all the flabby-ass fans who aspire to be just like their heroes, the New and Improved D-X? They'll always be aspiring, never achieving, because they don't have the talent. They don't have the drive. They don't have the drive to get the girls like us, and they CERTAINLY don't have to ambition to take championship gold.

Excuse me, ladies? The camera isn't getting those belts well enough. Can you hold them higher?

(Roberts adjusts the belts to obscure Heidi and Claudia's faces, giving the camera a good view of both the belts and the ample cleavage.)

There. That's better. Where was I?

All they can do is dream. And idolize those of us with the money and multiple championships.

In fact, Bruce and I got a phone call right after our match from West Coast Wrestling, the Vancouver promotion? They want us to come to their federation, to finally leave the cold dreary province I've TEMPORARILY made my home.

Hey, as much as I LOVE Edmonton, it's no Vancouver. It's a hell of a lot better than down south, but it can't compare to the Left Coast!

Now I'm sure that we could be persuaded to stay here, for the right incentive. So you can tell that commissioner of ours, Bobby Winchell, that he'd better check the payroll to see what dead weight he can cut off the roster to pay us the wages we properly deserve.

Bill Fleming: Speaking of which, Commissioner Winchell has made a match for this week's Thursday Night Action where you will face TWO men, the luchador Static, and one of your opponents from tonight, Calgary Connection's "The Fixer" Stu Smyth, in a Three Way Dance.

Kyle Roberts: (getting into Fleming's face) WHAT? YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

Bill Fleming: It's the truth.

Kyle Roberts: A Three Way Dance, eh? Against the Fixer and Static? But what about Bruce Richards?

Bill Fleming: He's not involved.

Kyle Roberts: Bruce "The Beast" Richards is ALWAYS involved with every match of mine, in some capacity. Whatever. If that's what ol' "Wahoo" Winchell wants, that's what he'll get.

So they're putting me against Static, a guy who wasn't able to win his match against Lobo, the world's fattest gold-medal winner, without help tonight. A man who's SO obsessed with people sucking his coc- I mean, his voodoo. The lucha libre who hangs out at college parties, wearing his mask! Hell, I can understand why, as I've seen him backstage. It's not a mug that's fit for the collegiate cutie co-eds. He'd never have a chance with the girls I've brought tonight, would he, Natasha?

Natasha: (muffled from behind the belt) Of course not, Kyle.

Kyle Roberts: Hey, Static! Here's a "Moment of Clarity" for you. You're gonna get your ass kicked! And you can keep your "Voodoo" the hell away from me!

Bill Fleming: You brought up the point that he had outside interference tonight, but you didn't exactly get a clean win either.

Kyle Roberts: What are you TALKING about, Fleming? Everything about our match was completely kosher. I was merely showing The Hatchet the rules of the match, which Coach Jago so considerately put on the clipboard. Is it MY fault that Hatchet's nearsighted? I don't think so.

So, Fixer, you've got another shot at me on Thursday. Have you got a crystal ball? Because something's telling me that history will repeat itself and I'll be victorious once more.

Fixer, the Calgarian mafioso. The Bow Valley Don. The man who probably got indicted a few times before even LEAVING the University of Calgary's Business program. The guy who couldn't get back into the ring as his partner was pinned one, two, three by the New and Improved D-X!

Neither you nor the masked deadbeat will be able to stop my momentum. Bruce and I work VERY well as a tag team, but we're both accomplished singles wrestlers as well. And I'll show you, I'll show Winchell, and I'll show every fat-assed fan at Thursday Night Action that I am at the top of this federation and I am worth every dollar that they pay me to perform.

I am the Main Event! I am the epitome of everything the public aspires to be! I am Stylin'! Kyle! Roberts! And come the Three Way Dance this Thursday? I'll the the only man standing at the end.

Now if you'll excuse me, Fleming, there's drinking to be done and ladies to impress.

(Roberts walks off with Heidi and Claudia in tow.)