Post by The Delivery Men on Dec 29, 2005 15:18:07 GMT -5
(Lights up in the River Valley. We're on Grierson Hill Road, where we see The Delivery Men's truck being slammed into by a Canpar delivery truck. The Delivery Men's truck squeals back into place, then sideswipes the Canpar truck once, twice, THREE times until it tips over, carries over the guardrail and starts rolling down the hill. The truck comes to a halt on another stretch of road, lying on it's side. The truck then promptly explodes.)
(At the top of the hill, The Delivery Men step out of their vehicle and inspect the carnage.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: D'you think he's dead?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Not frickin' likely. Tony from Canpar will come back soon, partner . . . just like he always comes back.
DELIVERY MAN #2: But we lost! Don't you frickin' see?
DELIVERY MAN #1: (Chuckles.) Did we?
(Delivery Man #1 reaches into his jumpsuit and pulls out a fabulous diamond necklace.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: You big frick! The MacDonald diamonds! But how!
DELIVERY MAN #1: I switched them for the fake frickin' diamonds . . . when I was fighting Tony on top of the LRT car!
DELIVERY MAN #2: So the Duchess won't have to go to jail after all!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Oh, frick no! And neither will her two beautiful nieces!
DELIVERY MAN #2: Honest to frick! I love being a Delivery Man!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Yeah, me too, but do you ever get the sense that something's frickin' missing?
DELIVERY MAN #2: Gee, I dunno. We're always in competition with these local drivers!
DELIVERY MAN #1: What I mean is, Alberta's not on the Delivery Fighting Circuit. So we're not getting any frickin' competition there.
DELIVERY MAN #2: I know. If we were gonna fight in Alberta, we'd have to . . . you crazy frick! What did you do?
DELIVERY MAN #1: I put in an application for NAPW.
DELIVERY MAN #2: That wrestling federation we always deliver to?
DELIVERY MAN #1: The very same!
DELIVERY MAN #2: You gotta be kiddin' me! They're wrestlers! Professional wrestlers! And we're delivery people! How is that fair to us?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Okay, so it'll be a lot less competition for us . . .
DELIVERY MAN #2: It'll be a frickin' massacre! Last year we were having Delivery Tag Title matches against the UPS Underworld and Fed-X! Now we're supposed to take on chumps like Storm? Or the Dudes? Or the Decapitators?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Hey, it's the best we're gonna get while we're up here. And it's still frickin' better than nothing, Hoser.
DELIVERY MAN #2: My Yankee friend, that is true, true, frickin' true. So let's go get the Duchess out of the pokey and agree that The Delivery Men are gonna dominate the Tag Team scene in 2006.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Agreed.
(They shake hands, then head for their truck.)
DELIVERY MAN #1: Now who says that Americans and Canadians can't get along?
(Cut back to the burning Canpar truck as we hear the Delivery Men's truck take off in the distance. Without warning, a hand punches its way through the wreckage, right in front of the camera. Lights down.)
(At the top of the hill, The Delivery Men step out of their vehicle and inspect the carnage.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: D'you think he's dead?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Not frickin' likely. Tony from Canpar will come back soon, partner . . . just like he always comes back.
DELIVERY MAN #2: But we lost! Don't you frickin' see?
DELIVERY MAN #1: (Chuckles.) Did we?
(Delivery Man #1 reaches into his jumpsuit and pulls out a fabulous diamond necklace.)
DELIVERY MAN #2: You big frick! The MacDonald diamonds! But how!
DELIVERY MAN #1: I switched them for the fake frickin' diamonds . . . when I was fighting Tony on top of the LRT car!
DELIVERY MAN #2: So the Duchess won't have to go to jail after all!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Oh, frick no! And neither will her two beautiful nieces!
DELIVERY MAN #2: Honest to frick! I love being a Delivery Man!
DELIVERY MAN #1: Yeah, me too, but do you ever get the sense that something's frickin' missing?
DELIVERY MAN #2: Gee, I dunno. We're always in competition with these local drivers!
DELIVERY MAN #1: What I mean is, Alberta's not on the Delivery Fighting Circuit. So we're not getting any frickin' competition there.
DELIVERY MAN #2: I know. If we were gonna fight in Alberta, we'd have to . . . you crazy frick! What did you do?
DELIVERY MAN #1: I put in an application for NAPW.
DELIVERY MAN #2: That wrestling federation we always deliver to?
DELIVERY MAN #1: The very same!
DELIVERY MAN #2: You gotta be kiddin' me! They're wrestlers! Professional wrestlers! And we're delivery people! How is that fair to us?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Okay, so it'll be a lot less competition for us . . .
DELIVERY MAN #2: It'll be a frickin' massacre! Last year we were having Delivery Tag Title matches against the UPS Underworld and Fed-X! Now we're supposed to take on chumps like Storm? Or the Dudes? Or the Decapitators?
DELIVERY MAN #1: Hey, it's the best we're gonna get while we're up here. And it's still frickin' better than nothing, Hoser.
DELIVERY MAN #2: My Yankee friend, that is true, true, frickin' true. So let's go get the Duchess out of the pokey and agree that The Delivery Men are gonna dominate the Tag Team scene in 2006.
DELIVERY MAN #1: Agreed.
(They shake hands, then head for their truck.)
DELIVERY MAN #1: Now who says that Americans and Canadians can't get along?
(Cut back to the burning Canpar truck as we hear the Delivery Men's truck take off in the distance. Without warning, a hand punches its way through the wreckage, right in front of the camera. Lights down.)