Post by Ravager on Dec 28, 2005 15:57:28 GMT -5
NOTE: The following promo takes place before Ravager broke his hand. It is not part of any current storyline, nor will it affect any future matches.
We are inside an undisclosed pub. Ravager is sitting with Lucas Burke and Ryan Carignan, part of the NAPW marketing team.
Lucas: So anyway, Ravager. Or can I call you Rav?
Ravager: No.
Lucas: Ravager it is. We at marketing see you as a huge superstar in the making.
Ryan: We love your style in the ring, but we think maybe you need to tweak a few things. Character wise.
Ravager: Haven't had any problems yet.
Lucas: Not in the ring, no. But what about out of the ring? Maybe you should be more approachable.
Ryan: Have you thought about your cross over potential?
Lucas: TV, film. All you need to do is show a bit more of your personality.
Ryan: Could you smile more?
Icy glare from Ravager.
Lucas: We'll work on that. How about showing more of a sense of humor?
Ravager: Have I tried to hit either one of you yet?
Ryan: No.
Lucas: And we thank you for that. But what we were thinking of is for you to do a weekly segment. A mock sitcom thing. It'll jazz up the show for sure.
Ryan: Now, before you say anything, Lucas and I shot a test video so you could see what we have in mind. Just watch this.
Ryan pulls out his laptop and loads up a movie. We cut to a cheesy sitcom set. Ryan is dressed up as Ravager. And Lucas is dressed as D!
"D!" : Ravager! Why aren't you ready? The boss will be here for dinner any minute, and we have to impress him if we want to get a raise!
"Ravager": But D! I'm missing The Simpson's!
"D!" : I'll "Simpson's" you! Now get dressed. He said he'd be here at 5:00.
Doorbell rings.
"Ravager": Oh, I almost forgot, the boss called and said he'd be early.
"D!" : This is a disaster!
"Ravager": What did I do?
"D!": (shaking fist) Ravager!!!
"Ravager" : (looking directly at camera) Here we go again!
"D!" chases "Ravager" around the set as cheesy comedy music plays in the background. We cut back to the real Ravager, who looks as if he wants to crawl in a hole and die. Lucas and Ryan are beaming with delight.
Ryan: Isn't it great?
Lucas: I know, the script needs some work, but don't you think the fans will go nuts?
Ravager: (grimly) I don't do comedy.
Lucas: Okay. Not liking the sitcom. That's fine. We have other ideas.
Ravager: You don't have to...
Ryan: No, we are committed to making you a top superstar. Maybe a wardrobe change?
Lucas: I could see you in teal.
Ravager: Black is fine.
Ryan: Can you sing?
Ravager: That would be a bad idea.
Lucas: Maybe if you stuttered...
Ravager: That's always proven to be comedic gold.
Ryan: So you'll do it?
Ravager: No.
Lucas: You could dance.
Ravager: I'm running out of patience...
Ryan: How about a mask...
Ravager: NO MASKS!
Lucas: How about a tag team? We'll put you and the Immortal...
Cut to Ravager. The glass he is holding in his hand shatters.
Lucas: Or not.
Ryan: You're a loner. I'm getting that.
Ravager: No you're not. You're still here.
Lucas: We want to help you. But for that to happen, you need to help us.
Ryan: Because, no offense, you're not going to get very far without us. Not with your attitude.
Ravager pauses to consider this.
Ravager: Tell me. Does the NAPW give you boys a dental plan?
Lucas: Why yes, they do!
Flashes a big grin. Ravager's hand reaches into screen and smacks Lucas right in the mouth. Lucas goes down screaming. Ravager snatches Ryan by his collar.
Ravager: Do not try to make a joke out of me.
Ryan: How about we design a new T-Shirt?
Ravager: Fine. Just stay away from the crazy s*it. All right? You guys need to worry about wrestling, not skits.
Lucas: (through swollen lips) But people like comedy!
Ravager: But you're audience is wrestling fans. They want to see me in a sitcom as much as they'd want to see New D-X in a skit with a monkey.
Ravager walks off shaking his head. Ryan and Lucas stare at each other, then their eyes widen and they smile as they have an epiphany.
Cut to a cheesy spaceship set. "Stylin'" Kyle Roberts is dressed as Captain Kirk, and is surrounded by several beautiful green skinned alien women. Bruce "The Beast" Richards is at a console.
Beast: Captain! We have made the time jump!
Kyle: Excellent! And now to stop Hitler from being born!
They open a door. There are cavemen wandering around.
Kyle: What the Hell! We're not even close! Who is responsible for this?
They all turn over to another console, which is manned by a monkey.
Everyone: Time Chimp!
Time Chimp shrugs his shoulders and screeches.
Beast: (to Roberts) This is the dumbest thing you ever booked us for.
Kyle: I thought you booked this.
Beast: No. Then who did?
Cut to a production truck. Two men sit and laugh at the monitor. They turn around. The Calgary Connection are having the time of their lives.
Hatchet: That got em!
Fixer: Our greatest victory ever!
Production Assistant: Isn't that your only victory ever?
Awkward Pause
Fixer: Don't ruin the moment we need this.
Fade to black.
New D-X used with permission (though if they knew what I had planned....)
Calgary Connection used with permission.
Time Chimp used with permission.
Ravager gets back to business tomorrow. God help us all.
We are inside an undisclosed pub. Ravager is sitting with Lucas Burke and Ryan Carignan, part of the NAPW marketing team.
Lucas: So anyway, Ravager. Or can I call you Rav?
Ravager: No.
Lucas: Ravager it is. We at marketing see you as a huge superstar in the making.
Ryan: We love your style in the ring, but we think maybe you need to tweak a few things. Character wise.
Ravager: Haven't had any problems yet.
Lucas: Not in the ring, no. But what about out of the ring? Maybe you should be more approachable.
Ryan: Have you thought about your cross over potential?
Lucas: TV, film. All you need to do is show a bit more of your personality.
Ryan: Could you smile more?
Icy glare from Ravager.
Lucas: We'll work on that. How about showing more of a sense of humor?
Ravager: Have I tried to hit either one of you yet?
Ryan: No.
Lucas: And we thank you for that. But what we were thinking of is for you to do a weekly segment. A mock sitcom thing. It'll jazz up the show for sure.
Ryan: Now, before you say anything, Lucas and I shot a test video so you could see what we have in mind. Just watch this.
Ryan pulls out his laptop and loads up a movie. We cut to a cheesy sitcom set. Ryan is dressed up as Ravager. And Lucas is dressed as D!
"D!" : Ravager! Why aren't you ready? The boss will be here for dinner any minute, and we have to impress him if we want to get a raise!
"Ravager": But D! I'm missing The Simpson's!
"D!" : I'll "Simpson's" you! Now get dressed. He said he'd be here at 5:00.
Doorbell rings.
"Ravager": Oh, I almost forgot, the boss called and said he'd be early.
"D!" : This is a disaster!
"Ravager": What did I do?
"D!": (shaking fist) Ravager!!!
"Ravager" : (looking directly at camera) Here we go again!
"D!" chases "Ravager" around the set as cheesy comedy music plays in the background. We cut back to the real Ravager, who looks as if he wants to crawl in a hole and die. Lucas and Ryan are beaming with delight.
Ryan: Isn't it great?
Lucas: I know, the script needs some work, but don't you think the fans will go nuts?
Ravager: (grimly) I don't do comedy.
Lucas: Okay. Not liking the sitcom. That's fine. We have other ideas.
Ravager: You don't have to...
Ryan: No, we are committed to making you a top superstar. Maybe a wardrobe change?
Lucas: I could see you in teal.
Ravager: Black is fine.
Ryan: Can you sing?
Ravager: That would be a bad idea.
Lucas: Maybe if you stuttered...
Ravager: That's always proven to be comedic gold.
Ryan: So you'll do it?
Ravager: No.
Lucas: You could dance.
Ravager: I'm running out of patience...
Ryan: How about a mask...
Ravager: NO MASKS!
Lucas: How about a tag team? We'll put you and the Immortal...
Cut to Ravager. The glass he is holding in his hand shatters.
Lucas: Or not.
Ryan: You're a loner. I'm getting that.
Ravager: No you're not. You're still here.
Lucas: We want to help you. But for that to happen, you need to help us.
Ryan: Because, no offense, you're not going to get very far without us. Not with your attitude.
Ravager pauses to consider this.
Ravager: Tell me. Does the NAPW give you boys a dental plan?
Lucas: Why yes, they do!
Flashes a big grin. Ravager's hand reaches into screen and smacks Lucas right in the mouth. Lucas goes down screaming. Ravager snatches Ryan by his collar.
Ravager: Do not try to make a joke out of me.
Ryan: How about we design a new T-Shirt?
Ravager: Fine. Just stay away from the crazy s*it. All right? You guys need to worry about wrestling, not skits.
Lucas: (through swollen lips) But people like comedy!
Ravager: But you're audience is wrestling fans. They want to see me in a sitcom as much as they'd want to see New D-X in a skit with a monkey.
Ravager walks off shaking his head. Ryan and Lucas stare at each other, then their eyes widen and they smile as they have an epiphany.
Cut to a cheesy spaceship set. "Stylin'" Kyle Roberts is dressed as Captain Kirk, and is surrounded by several beautiful green skinned alien women. Bruce "The Beast" Richards is at a console.
Beast: Captain! We have made the time jump!
Kyle: Excellent! And now to stop Hitler from being born!
They open a door. There are cavemen wandering around.
Kyle: What the Hell! We're not even close! Who is responsible for this?
They all turn over to another console, which is manned by a monkey.
Everyone: Time Chimp!
Time Chimp shrugs his shoulders and screeches.
Beast: (to Roberts) This is the dumbest thing you ever booked us for.
Kyle: I thought you booked this.
Beast: No. Then who did?
Cut to a production truck. Two men sit and laugh at the monitor. They turn around. The Calgary Connection are having the time of their lives.
Hatchet: That got em!
Fixer: Our greatest victory ever!
Production Assistant: Isn't that your only victory ever?
Awkward Pause
Fixer: Don't ruin the moment we need this.
Fade to black.
New D-X used with permission (though if they knew what I had planned....)
Calgary Connection used with permission.
Time Chimp used with permission.
Ravager gets back to business tomorrow. God help us all.