A gift for Aaron...

[pitboss]

You wanted to see soem old Flangan RP's...how about the classic?



****Outside the Gold Standard, right near the Flanagan’s RV and its bright lights. A small crowd is gathered, looking at the message, and then turning and looking at the marquise at the Gold Standard where a new message has been posted. “At Deadly Sins, see everyone’s favorite Main Event, Pit Boss, teach the Whining Crybaby Quitter Limey what being a CHAMP is all about.” As the crowd stares at it, a dead sheep comes flying off the roof of the building and lands about 20 feet to the left of the RV. As blood and guts explode around the impact area, the crowd screams and scatters. Another sheep comes flying down and hits a bit closer.****

****On the pool deck of Pit Boss’ new penthouse, a pile of dead sheep is stacked off to the side. Bunker is leaning over the edge with a pair of binoculars, watching the impact. In the background, leaning back in a lounge chair is Ravage, smirking and reading a dictionary. Pit Boss, wearing his Kilt again, grabs another sheep by the legs and starts spinning again.****

PB: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!

****As he gets close to the wall, he releases the sheep, throwing it over the edge of the building towards the RV. He grabs a pair of binoculars and watches as the sheep hits within five feet of the front of the RV. He laughs as some of the blood splatters onto the windshield. Putting down the binoculars, he leans against the wall to catch a breather.****

PB: So, the quitter decided to return. Figured you might as well get the beating you so deserve Matt? I actually thought you had more honor than that. Quitting and returning moments later. What kind of man are you? How is your vaginal tear now Matty? Maybe it’s your sister out for revenge and threatened you if you didn’t return? Does she keep your balls in a vice? Maybe your family is a bit closer than we all expected, and she is the real man in the family.

****Grabbing another sheep, he begins the windup and lets fly again.****

PB: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!

****Watching the sheep plummet, both he and Bunker watch it impact the side of the RV. It dents the side of the RV, and splatters more blood and guts onto the RV. Raising his arms in success, he and Bunker cheer. Ravage is still casually flipping through the dictionary, watching the proceedings with amusement.****

PB: So pussy boy, we are still a bit confused as to why you quit. But I am more confused as to why you came back. Are your lawyers that bad? I mean mine got a clause where I can get 50% ownership in the company, and yours can’t even get you out of a contract. I mean seriously now, Baker’s lawyers couldn’t sue their way out of a paper bag, yet you believed them when they said they would take everything from you? You really are dumb. Now that you are back, waiting patiently for your beating, I don’t think you deserve the shot anymore. You quit. Just like my marquis says, you are a whinny crybaby quitting loser limey. Someone who quits should not get a title shot, they should consider themselves lucky to be in the Pay Per View. In fact, they should consider themselves lucky to even be in the SHWF anymore.

****Grabbing another sheep, he sets up to throw again.****

RR: Pitty, can you do me a favor. It looks as though the Flanagan’s are a bit confused as to the origination of my name. I highlighted the word, RAVAGE, in here for them so they can look it up. Would you add this to your next airborne express delivery to the RV down there?

PB: Sure, I’ll even land it at their front door.

****Tying the dictionary onto the sheep, Pit Boss begins his spin again.****

PB: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!

****The sheep impacts the side door, denting it inward. The dictionary flies as part of the impact mess, falling a bit away from the door.****

PB: Damn, the book is a bit to the left. Sorry man. Anyway, Matt. You see, I have no respect for quitters. I have no respect for those who would rather run away from a fight than stand up and face the enemy. You may think that I try to run away, but no. Like any good strategist, I aim to make every battle of every war have factors in my favor. Why would anyone want to enter the battlefield not having the high ground as it may be? You have tried to have the moral high ground, but in a fit of PMS, you lost it. You became the biggest baby, a pathetic excuse for a man, a waste of my time, not worthy of wearing this belt. If you owned a wrestling company, would you want someone on your roster wearing the Title belt who was one minor insult, one minor inconvenience, one minor incident away from quitting? I wouldn’t.

****Grabbing another sheep, he begins the windup and lets fly again.****

PB: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!

****Watching as yet another sheep flies off the edge, the men all laugh as Bunker signals a direct hit on the roof of the RV.****

PB: You see you piece of shit. Ravage there blew up my helicopter, destroyed my penthouse, and caused extensive damage to my casino. Sonic Monkey Boy launched cows into his house, causing more damage and destroying his car. Ravage tore down Gangsta White’s Mom’s house. Did you see any of us quit? Did you see any of us whine and moan and complain like a little girl? No. We all went about our business and repaired damage, upgraded security, and fought back. But wait. I seem to remember your Bus being stolen. And after you found it, in a move of pure brilliance I might add, instead of repairing it, you blew the damn thing up. Like an idiot you destroyed your own possession.

PB: As we all play mind games with one another to try and get the upper hand in our match ups, you only manage to let the voices in your head have a war with themselves. You talk in circles, making no sense to anyone but yourself. You make idle threats that no one cares about. You keep bring up wrestlers in some federation called the WWE? What is that? None of us have ever heard of it. You also feel the need to brag about your days in the NNW. Here is a shocker for you. NO ONE CARES. Here and now is the only time and place that matters to anyone in the SHWF. We may not always get along, but we know where we stand. We take actions against one another and expect a reaction. You, you whine and cry and sob and bitch. GROW UP. Act your age. You are a sad representation of the Irish. You once spoke all highly how you were young, only in your early twenties. Gee, as I stand here, the SHWF Champ, Owner of the Gold Standard, and basically untouchable by anyone, I am only twenty-five.

****Grabbing a bottle of water, Pit Boss takes a drink and then pours the rest over himself. Smiling he grabs another sheep and begins the windup.****

PB: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!

****No one watches it hit, but the sound of flesh impacting on metal can be heard 40 stories up.****

PB: So chump. Listen to me very closely. Don’t speak, don’t move. Don’t even breathe or blink. I don’t want you to miss a single word of what I am about to say. SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!! We are all tired of you bitching, and lucky for me, I get to be the first one in a long line of wrestlers here in the SHWF who are going to want to beat you from one side of the arena to the other. In fact, I hope on Saturday, that ridiculous wheel lands on a cage match, just so you can’t run away from the beating I am going to give you. In fact, our match will be epic. I plan on humiliating you to no end, stopping only when I am numb from laying utter waste to you. From here on out, no one will take you seriously, in or out of the ring. You have just become lower on the chain of respect than Stunning Shane and the rest of the Fantastic Four. At least they keep coming back for more beatings. You, you quit and go running for your mommy, hoping to hide behind her skirt while she protects you from the school bully.

PB: For all immediate ideas Matt, I am that bully. You can run, but you can’t hide. After your stunt of quitting, I want to hurt you so badly I can taste it. I want to drive you to an early retirement. I want to bathe in your blood on Saturday. After our match, I want you to have to be airlifted to the hospital for life saving surgery, though I doubt anyone would want to waste life saving plasma on you. I actually felt sorry for your sister’s dog before. But now, now I think it was the lucky one. Getting away from you was probably its greatest single accomplishment ever. After seeing your recent behavior, it amazes me that anyone stays with you at all. No matter you have no allies in the SHWF. No one could trust you to stay around and help them. I may not have any either, but it is because I choose not to, not because the choice has been made for me by others.

PB: You know something you limey prick. After all this time I figured you were worth more than you are. I hope that for my next title defense I can actually have someone who cares about his job and his career. It also dawns on me that I have already wasted too much time on you. The next time you will hear from me is when my fist hits you in your big mouth on Saturday.

****Pit Boss signals to Bunker who talks into a walkie-talkie on his belt. In the distance, a helicopter can be heard approaching the building. Ravage, Pit Boss, and Bunker all walk to the edge and grab binoculars, watching for the helicopter. As it approaches, it can be made out as the Golden Goose II, and has a giant net hooked underneath. It hovers over Matt’s RV. Laughing, Pit Boss talks into the walkie-talkie. The net opens, and hundreds of dead sheep drop twenty stories onto the RV, burying it under the giant heap of carcasses.****

["Sick" Billy Kryenik]

buwahahahahaha love it.

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

That sounds familiar. Did someone do a promo involving launching livestock at some point in NAPW?

[pitboss]

Could be. I wouldn't put it past Kirk, Aaron, or Brion. I wrote that in January of 2003. I keep all my old RPs so I can dig them up, though I had to pull this one of an CD with an old backup of my Laptop.

[D!]

jago said:

That sounds familiar. Did someone do a promo involving launching livestock at some point in NAPW?

Dude, you wouldn't be asking. You'd remember.

You're probably thinking of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. "Fetchez la vache!"

[nexusone]

Closest thing to livestock shenagins was Rex chasing the guy in a moose suit... and the toe to toe stare down with the giant Moose of Moose Jaw...

Where the hell do I come up with this stuff...

*Closes Jagos book of future RP Ideas*

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

d said:

You're probably thinking of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. "Fetchez la vache!"

No! It's on Bo's board! Brion did that comedy spot launching cows in the workshop thread!

There we go.

["Perfection" Evan Cartwright]

Bwahahahahaha, brilliant! That brings back memories. I also wish I had saved some of Flanagan's crappy prose to show you the depravity of it all. I did manage to find some evidence of him, like finding Peking Man buried somewhere random.

Here's a montage snippet of what I remember of his insanity:

"Flanagan emerges from the back dressed as a Jedi, (robe accompanied by lightsabre) he slaps hands with the fans before making an a$$ of himself with a mic in the ring.

Flanagan: 'Come to Flanagan's! Cocktails and Dreams, just like in the movie. I love Tom Cruise. Hey, bartender, d'yknow how to make a red-eye? Flanagan's is located in me RV with me lesbian sister and me Japanese whoor. I love Princess Bride and Denny's! To the Millenimum Falcon, Chewy!'

Flanagan runs out of the ring with robe billowing. He gets into the 'Millenium Falcon,' which is actually a beat up old Firebird painted silver, right next to an inflatable Chewy riding shotgun."

[Lesbian Sister]

Only until Dev got a hold of her...lol