Post by Static on Nov 2, 2005 14:30:38 GMT -5
(Fade in to a photographic studio. It's dark, but the fixtures overhead provide a weird, yet illuminating view of the room. Various wrestling promotion types, camera crews, and photographers are walking all around, simultaineously talking. At the head of the room, in front of a green screen is none other than the new number one contender for the Provincial Title, STATIC.)
(He's wearing his trademark black, gray and blue mask, stylish blue jeans, black boots, and the reason everyone is gathered there... the brand-spanking-new NAPW t-shirt draped across Static's sensual, luxuriously muscled chest. That 100% cotton, black-and-red marvel of modern engineering, yours for only $21.95 CDN, practically splitting at the seams from all of Static's muscles, it's enough to make Edmonton Sun reporter Megan Adams weak in the knees. She'll put up her guard though. Got to get through this interview. He's just another wrestler, she's been through relationships with wrestlers before. Not this one, not this jerk. No way, no how. Got to interview him, though, got to get a quote. Static gets a break from the photo shoot and sits in his director's chair, sips from his bottled water.)
STATIC: "EVIAN? EVIAN?! Do you realize who you're dealing with here, people?! I thought I specifically demanded DANNON spring water! Can I get a Dannon, please? Anyone? Yes, yes, it's about time."
MEGAN ADAMS: "Static, Megan Adams of the Edmonton Sun. I understand that you're one of the stars in this new yet fast-rising wrestling federation, New Alberta Pro, could I get a few questions?"
STATIC: "Certainly, darlin', I've got a minute, this is a breaktime. Fire away."
ADAMS: "Alright. You've just defeated Lobo, on the first episode of NAPW's flagship program, Monday Night Fights, to become the number one contender to the Provincial Title, currently held by Ravager. During this match, Lobo had you in a precarious position and could've won... except Ravager came down and clocked him in the head with a steel chair. How do you feel about that victory, which some would call tainted, as well as taking on the same Ravager in a title match next Monday?"
STATIC: "I'll tell you something, it's exactly what I told Lobo a few days prior to our match. He's done for, he's made it as far as he ever will. That jerkstore sucked my voodoo on Halloween night, he sucked it long and hard. Had I the desire, he'd be melting away at the University of Alberta's hospital right, complaining about his food like he complains about everything else. I just figured, you know, this guy's dumb as a box of rocks, a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He's got enough problems, why lay him up for a few days?"
ADAMS: "But what about Ravager? He says to you, quote, 'One miss and I'll tie your arms and legs in so many knots you'll look like a pretzel.'"
STATIC: "Ravager obviously doesn't understand this smooth criminal. Megan, I don't miss. Ever. Pick and choose from my various devastating manuevers, from a simple (yet deadly) superkick, to the Tornado DDT, to my patented Moment of Clarity, he'll get it somehow. To quote the Eels, 'You tiptoe through the alley, tiptoe through your life... still've got it comin', be it gun, or be it knife. Next thing you know... you're eatin' hospital food.' What's worse, I'll have his Provincial Title, and he'll be next to Lobo! Hah!"
MEGAN: "Heh. Okay, you're in a three-way match on Thursday, against two tag-team specialists, the Fixer and Stylin' Kyle Roberts..."
STATIC: "Yes, indeed, two men with others in their corner. That'll be an issue, but you know Megan, I've dealt with worse. Far scarier foes than these two have crossed by path and I've stared them down and told them to back away. f**k both of them. The horse they rode in on is okay, though. No ill will there. But I plan on crushing the souls of these two gentlemen like grapes, and moving on to Ravager quickly."
MEGAN: "Thanks, Static."
(She briskly walks away. He does a curt smile, chuckle and chin-stroke as a response to this rudeness, and soon goes back to the photo shoot.)
(He's wearing his trademark black, gray and blue mask, stylish blue jeans, black boots, and the reason everyone is gathered there... the brand-spanking-new NAPW t-shirt draped across Static's sensual, luxuriously muscled chest. That 100% cotton, black-and-red marvel of modern engineering, yours for only $21.95 CDN, practically splitting at the seams from all of Static's muscles, it's enough to make Edmonton Sun reporter Megan Adams weak in the knees. She'll put up her guard though. Got to get through this interview. He's just another wrestler, she's been through relationships with wrestlers before. Not this one, not this jerk. No way, no how. Got to interview him, though, got to get a quote. Static gets a break from the photo shoot and sits in his director's chair, sips from his bottled water.)
STATIC: "EVIAN? EVIAN?! Do you realize who you're dealing with here, people?! I thought I specifically demanded DANNON spring water! Can I get a Dannon, please? Anyone? Yes, yes, it's about time."
MEGAN ADAMS: "Static, Megan Adams of the Edmonton Sun. I understand that you're one of the stars in this new yet fast-rising wrestling federation, New Alberta Pro, could I get a few questions?"
STATIC: "Certainly, darlin', I've got a minute, this is a breaktime. Fire away."
ADAMS: "Alright. You've just defeated Lobo, on the first episode of NAPW's flagship program, Monday Night Fights, to become the number one contender to the Provincial Title, currently held by Ravager. During this match, Lobo had you in a precarious position and could've won... except Ravager came down and clocked him in the head with a steel chair. How do you feel about that victory, which some would call tainted, as well as taking on the same Ravager in a title match next Monday?"
STATIC: "I'll tell you something, it's exactly what I told Lobo a few days prior to our match. He's done for, he's made it as far as he ever will. That jerkstore sucked my voodoo on Halloween night, he sucked it long and hard. Had I the desire, he'd be melting away at the University of Alberta's hospital right, complaining about his food like he complains about everything else. I just figured, you know, this guy's dumb as a box of rocks, a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He's got enough problems, why lay him up for a few days?"
ADAMS: "But what about Ravager? He says to you, quote, 'One miss and I'll tie your arms and legs in so many knots you'll look like a pretzel.'"
STATIC: "Ravager obviously doesn't understand this smooth criminal. Megan, I don't miss. Ever. Pick and choose from my various devastating manuevers, from a simple (yet deadly) superkick, to the Tornado DDT, to my patented Moment of Clarity, he'll get it somehow. To quote the Eels, 'You tiptoe through the alley, tiptoe through your life... still've got it comin', be it gun, or be it knife. Next thing you know... you're eatin' hospital food.' What's worse, I'll have his Provincial Title, and he'll be next to Lobo! Hah!"
MEGAN: "Heh. Okay, you're in a three-way match on Thursday, against two tag-team specialists, the Fixer and Stylin' Kyle Roberts..."
STATIC: "Yes, indeed, two men with others in their corner. That'll be an issue, but you know Megan, I've dealt with worse. Far scarier foes than these two have crossed by path and I've stared them down and told them to back away. f**k both of them. The horse they rode in on is okay, though. No ill will there. But I plan on crushing the souls of these two gentlemen like grapes, and moving on to Ravager quickly."
MEGAN: "Thanks, Static."
(She briskly walks away. He does a curt smile, chuckle and chin-stroke as a response to this rudeness, and soon goes back to the photo shoot.)