Example Match - Hitman/"Headstrong" Bill Mayer

[immortal]

--No DQ--Hitman vs. Hard-Hitter--

The stadium is roaring with excitement as our announcer steps into the ring...The Hitman's theme music, "Flavour of the Week" starts playing...

anouncer : The following contest is a No Disqualification match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, weighing in at an astonishing 287 lbs...THE HITMAN!!!

The Hitman enters the ring and stretches his arms as he awaits his opponent. Suddenly "Headstrong"; "Headstrong" Bill Mayer's theme music starts up...

anouncer : And finally, introducing from Parts Unknown, weighing in at an absolutely incredible 345 lbs..."HEADSTRONG" BILL MAYER!!

The absolutely huge Bill Mayer steps into the ring, staring down his opponent with steely green eyes...The bell rings and their off with a test of strength, easily won by Mayer, who quickly administers a side headlock to The Hitman...What's this? OH MY GOD! A rear suplex to the big man and suddenly Hitman has the upper hand...Looks like The Hitman is signaling for the Super Backbreaker! Don't stand up! DON'T!! OH AND THE SUPER BACK-BREAKER CONNECTS!! Headstrong is down and here's the cover. ONE! OH, and a kick out at two by Headstrong...Hitman first to his feet, hand up, signaling for the chokeslam from hell...Headstrong turns around--What? The two have eachother in a choking contest, it seems...Suddenly Hitman seems to be in pain...How? Oh no! It's the Fifteen-Second Choke!! The Crowd counts out loud...At 6 Hitman is down to one knee, the ref is begging Headstrong to break the legal hold...At 12 Headstrong has Hitman on the ground...The ref counts the pin. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! DING DING DING!! This match is over!!

anouncer : Here is your winner..."HEADSTRONG" BILLY MAYER!!!

"Headstrong" Bill Mayer walks away smiling, hardly hurt..."Headstrong" by Trapt plays on, as Action! goes off the air...

[D!]

Obviously, this was just a squash match, but a good'un at that. You're getting a good feel for the "announcer" voice, and your spots are clear and exciting.

Basically, the one thing that I can't tell from this example is if you can do longer matches or how solid your match psychology is. I say try to get a slightly longer match up in this thread.

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

Yeah, it's kind of hard to judge based on a three-minute match or so.

My only question from the example would be: What makes the Fifteen-second Choke a legal maneuver? Because a choke would usually be illegal no matter that happens. Hence my point in Nightmare/Joey Malone where Nightmare would NOT get a pinfall from a choke.

[Ravager]

Good squash match, I agree. I'd concentrate more on the match pyschology then work out what the announcers will say. Great spots, but put more stuff in between them. I'll agree that you may want to try a slightly longer match on this thread. Otherwise good work.

[Stone Zellor]

You got into the big moves too quickly and skirted over the details a bit. Otherwise good effort

[Ryan Ro [NAPW]]

Not bad, maybe we'll do a try out match sometime after the Supercard. I am picky about match writing, of course, so anybody in the fed shouldn't be offended if I don't go to you all the time.


Cheers!

[Nightmare]

jago said:

Yeah, it's kind of hard to judge based on a three-minute match or so.

My only question from the example would be: What makes the Fifteen-second Choke a legal maneuver? Because a choke would usually be illegal no matter that happens. Hence my point in Nightmare/Joey Malone where Nightmare would NOT get a pinfall from a choke.

no DQ...?

[Ryan Ro [NAPW]]

Zing!


Couple things to note. If you were writing a match, usually all I ask for is the bulk of the match, and I insert the announcing and any commentary. But to note: If a match writer puts in ring announcing or commentary, it's expected that they will have read NAPW shows and made note that our commentators and announcers have names and characters.

[immortal]

Umm...so I guess I'll write another one on this thread keeping between guidlines, eh? By guidlines I mean suggestions you make on this thread...Keep 'em comin'!

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

nightmare said:

no DQ...?

Whoops! My bad. Missed that.