Post by Bruce "The Beast" Richards on Apr 15, 2007 22:27:09 GMT -5
(Bruce Richards and Tiffany are sitting on the couch in his apartment, participating in one of their favourite Sunday evening activities: watching television and arguing.)
TIFFANY: Okay, so they're on an island.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Yes.
TIFFANY: And they're all former spies.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Yes.
TIFFANY: And they're all happy on this island until this one guy shows up and starts ruining everything for them?
BRUCE RICHARDS: ...I don't think you're quite getting the point of The Prisoner, hon.
TIFFANY: But why couldn't he just let them be the way they were? They had a great life before he showed up! He's making them miserable!
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Gesturing emphatically at the television screen.) But he's showing them the way to be an individual! They lost their sense of identity who knows how long ago; he's the only one there with a soul!
TIFFANY: He's raining on their parade.
(The phone rings. Bruce frowns at Tiffany.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: To be continued. (He picks up the phone.) Hello?
(Splitscreen; Bill Fleming's on his cell phone, calling from some darkened bar.)
BILL FLEMING: Hello, Bruce?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Hey Bill, how's dinner going?
BILL FLEMING: Going good, going good. Not my first choice for a dining location, but it's certainly got its benefits. (A pair of sexy lady legs in hot, HOT boots walk in front of his face.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: And how's Chris?
BILL FLEMING: (Still stunned from the lady who walked past.) ...who?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Chris? The trainer?
BILL FLEMING: (Snapping out of it.) Oh, right, right. Chris is good. We're working on an agreement.
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Nodding at Tiffany, who winks back at him.) Good. The sooner we can get that contract signed, the better.
BILL FLEMING: Did you see Dan Ryan's latest effort?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Dan Ryan? That guy actually showed his face? What did he say? How bad was it?
BILL FLEMING: To Martyr? He skewered him. Biut he was pretty complimentary to you, actually. Said some very nice things, even if he was a little condescending at times.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Comes with the territory, I guess. Even if you want to be pleasant, if you're that high up you can't help but let your disdain show for the little people.
BILL FLEMING: He did say that you were worth watching.
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Surprised.) Well, I'll be damned.
BILL FLEMING: Says he wants to put on a hell of a match, and see you embarass Sebastien Martyr a little bit.
BRUCE RICHARDS: ...okay. That's actually decent of him. SB anywhere to be found?
BILL FLEMING: Nada.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Hmm, that doesn't bode well for next week. I offered to help him out at that Tag Tournament, but I'm not going to do all the work for him. Hope he's okay...
BILL FLEMING: (Helpfully.) Maybe he's resting because he's hoping it'll help because he's going up against you two weeks in a row?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Nice managerial wrangling, Bill. You enjoy your dinner.
BILL FLEMING: I will. They have a buffet here, but I don't know if I want to eat anything in the open air.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Maybe that's a good idea. Talk to you later. (He hangs up the phone.)
TIFFANY: Things going okay?
BRUCE RICHARDS: I think so. I'm going to have to see what Martyr's up to, but then we can get back to The Prisoner.
TIFFANY: Please, let's not.
BRUCE RICHARDS: I had to watch curling this afternoon. This is your punishment for that. (Walks to the office.) I'll be back soon.
(We fade out, and then back in to Bruce's office. He's leaning on his desk, rubbing his temples, his face pinched.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: Sorry. I just have a bit of a headache is all. I didn't have a headache fifteen minutes ago, but then again, fifteen minutes ago I hadn't yet subjected myself to the latest offering from Sebastien Martyr. The pain...she is excruciating. I'm going to try and make this as painfully obvious as I can, so that my intentions aren't completely misinterpreted.
(Bruce composes his face, and looks directly into the camera.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: Sebastien. Let me make this perfectly clear. The show we put on? With the bad acting? Was SUPPOSED to have bad acting. It's a mockery of exploitation films, Sebastien. It's what those of us who REMEMBER our University education call a "pastiche". A piece that imitates the works of others, with satirical intent. (Shakes his head.) Right, right, dumbing it down. Let's try that again: we did a bad job because the thing we were making fun of did a bad job. It'd be like if I did an imitation of you, and someone told me what a creep I was and how I sounded like an idiot. It would just mean I was doing a really good job. So, now that I've addressed that...I'm going to be very brief. I'm glad you don't care what mood I come to the ring in, because you're just going to be the same pompous ass whether I was angry, pensive, or obstreperous. Look that last one up if you need to, boss. And you're talking to me about Kyle. Trying to distract me. Trying desperately to trigger that anger reaction, because you're still convinced that my anger is my downfall. You've got it all backwards. My anger is YOUR downfall. You're practically begging for an ass-kicking, Martyr, and the three of us will be happy to oblige you.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Well, maybe just the two of us. I don't know what's happening with SB, and even though I'm a little concerned, I'm not losing too much sleep over it. The match on Tuesday is just a warm-up. Because next week, he'll have my undivided attention. (Grins.) And then we put things aside and show the people of A1E how we REALLY do it in the NAPW.
BRUCE RICHARDS: And as for Dan Ryan, I don't want to perpetuatet the myth of the the mutual admiration society or anything, but thanks again for the kind words. You say you don't have any real need to win that match on Tuesday night. I guess you don't. You're not doing it for prestige, which you have plenty of, or a better position in the NAPW, which you could care less about. You're just going to go out there and do your best. So will I. You're a hell of a guy, but when that bell rings, you're just like SB or Martyr. An obstacle in my way. And I'm going to overcome one of you and send you down. Chart Attack, one, two, three. And chalk one more victory up to The Beast.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Tuesday, our match is just one of many. It's not for a belt, and it's not going to involve hitting our opponents with a flaming bag of acid-dipped bees. But we're going to make it the one people leave talking about. Because when you have "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan and the top three contenders for the NAPW title in one match? You've got the makings of the sleeper hit of the show. And when it's all over, things will be as they should be. Dan Ryan will be leaving, another good match behind him, the memories of the NAPW still lingering in the aches and pains he carries to the next show. Simply Beautiful will be...present. Sebastien Martyr will have finally been force-fed a taste of humility. And Bruce "The Beast" Richards will be in the center of the ring, arm raised. The winner. The pieces are in place. It's up to me to set it in motion. The time has come to make things right.
(Bruce walks out of the office and back into the living room.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: (From offscreen.) Okay, back to more Patrick McGoohan goodness...uh, hello? Weren't you wearing...clothes earlier?
TIFFANY: (Seductively.) Do we really have to watch this show?
BRUCE RICHARDS: I'm going to say no.
(Fade to black.)
TIFFANY: Okay, so they're on an island.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Yes.
TIFFANY: And they're all former spies.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Yes.
TIFFANY: And they're all happy on this island until this one guy shows up and starts ruining everything for them?
BRUCE RICHARDS: ...I don't think you're quite getting the point of The Prisoner, hon.
TIFFANY: But why couldn't he just let them be the way they were? They had a great life before he showed up! He's making them miserable!
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Gesturing emphatically at the television screen.) But he's showing them the way to be an individual! They lost their sense of identity who knows how long ago; he's the only one there with a soul!
TIFFANY: He's raining on their parade.
(The phone rings. Bruce frowns at Tiffany.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: To be continued. (He picks up the phone.) Hello?
(Splitscreen; Bill Fleming's on his cell phone, calling from some darkened bar.)
BILL FLEMING: Hello, Bruce?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Hey Bill, how's dinner going?
BILL FLEMING: Going good, going good. Not my first choice for a dining location, but it's certainly got its benefits. (A pair of sexy lady legs in hot, HOT boots walk in front of his face.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: And how's Chris?
BILL FLEMING: (Still stunned from the lady who walked past.) ...who?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Chris? The trainer?
BILL FLEMING: (Snapping out of it.) Oh, right, right. Chris is good. We're working on an agreement.
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Nodding at Tiffany, who winks back at him.) Good. The sooner we can get that contract signed, the better.
BILL FLEMING: Did you see Dan Ryan's latest effort?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Dan Ryan? That guy actually showed his face? What did he say? How bad was it?
BILL FLEMING: To Martyr? He skewered him. Biut he was pretty complimentary to you, actually. Said some very nice things, even if he was a little condescending at times.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Comes with the territory, I guess. Even if you want to be pleasant, if you're that high up you can't help but let your disdain show for the little people.
BILL FLEMING: He did say that you were worth watching.
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Surprised.) Well, I'll be damned.
BILL FLEMING: Says he wants to put on a hell of a match, and see you embarass Sebastien Martyr a little bit.
BRUCE RICHARDS: ...okay. That's actually decent of him. SB anywhere to be found?
BILL FLEMING: Nada.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Hmm, that doesn't bode well for next week. I offered to help him out at that Tag Tournament, but I'm not going to do all the work for him. Hope he's okay...
BILL FLEMING: (Helpfully.) Maybe he's resting because he's hoping it'll help because he's going up against you two weeks in a row?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Nice managerial wrangling, Bill. You enjoy your dinner.
BILL FLEMING: I will. They have a buffet here, but I don't know if I want to eat anything in the open air.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Maybe that's a good idea. Talk to you later. (He hangs up the phone.)
TIFFANY: Things going okay?
BRUCE RICHARDS: I think so. I'm going to have to see what Martyr's up to, but then we can get back to The Prisoner.
TIFFANY: Please, let's not.
BRUCE RICHARDS: I had to watch curling this afternoon. This is your punishment for that. (Walks to the office.) I'll be back soon.
(We fade out, and then back in to Bruce's office. He's leaning on his desk, rubbing his temples, his face pinched.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: Sorry. I just have a bit of a headache is all. I didn't have a headache fifteen minutes ago, but then again, fifteen minutes ago I hadn't yet subjected myself to the latest offering from Sebastien Martyr. The pain...she is excruciating. I'm going to try and make this as painfully obvious as I can, so that my intentions aren't completely misinterpreted.
(Bruce composes his face, and looks directly into the camera.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: Sebastien. Let me make this perfectly clear. The show we put on? With the bad acting? Was SUPPOSED to have bad acting. It's a mockery of exploitation films, Sebastien. It's what those of us who REMEMBER our University education call a "pastiche". A piece that imitates the works of others, with satirical intent. (Shakes his head.) Right, right, dumbing it down. Let's try that again: we did a bad job because the thing we were making fun of did a bad job. It'd be like if I did an imitation of you, and someone told me what a creep I was and how I sounded like an idiot. It would just mean I was doing a really good job. So, now that I've addressed that...I'm going to be very brief. I'm glad you don't care what mood I come to the ring in, because you're just going to be the same pompous ass whether I was angry, pensive, or obstreperous. Look that last one up if you need to, boss. And you're talking to me about Kyle. Trying to distract me. Trying desperately to trigger that anger reaction, because you're still convinced that my anger is my downfall. You've got it all backwards. My anger is YOUR downfall. You're practically begging for an ass-kicking, Martyr, and the three of us will be happy to oblige you.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Well, maybe just the two of us. I don't know what's happening with SB, and even though I'm a little concerned, I'm not losing too much sleep over it. The match on Tuesday is just a warm-up. Because next week, he'll have my undivided attention. (Grins.) And then we put things aside and show the people of A1E how we REALLY do it in the NAPW.
BRUCE RICHARDS: And as for Dan Ryan, I don't want to perpetuatet the myth of the the mutual admiration society or anything, but thanks again for the kind words. You say you don't have any real need to win that match on Tuesday night. I guess you don't. You're not doing it for prestige, which you have plenty of, or a better position in the NAPW, which you could care less about. You're just going to go out there and do your best. So will I. You're a hell of a guy, but when that bell rings, you're just like SB or Martyr. An obstacle in my way. And I'm going to overcome one of you and send you down. Chart Attack, one, two, three. And chalk one more victory up to The Beast.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Tuesday, our match is just one of many. It's not for a belt, and it's not going to involve hitting our opponents with a flaming bag of acid-dipped bees. But we're going to make it the one people leave talking about. Because when you have "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan and the top three contenders for the NAPW title in one match? You've got the makings of the sleeper hit of the show. And when it's all over, things will be as they should be. Dan Ryan will be leaving, another good match behind him, the memories of the NAPW still lingering in the aches and pains he carries to the next show. Simply Beautiful will be...present. Sebastien Martyr will have finally been force-fed a taste of humility. And Bruce "The Beast" Richards will be in the center of the ring, arm raised. The winner. The pieces are in place. It's up to me to set it in motion. The time has come to make things right.
(Bruce walks out of the office and back into the living room.)
BRUCE RICHARDS: (From offscreen.) Okay, back to more Patrick McGoohan goodness...uh, hello? Weren't you wearing...clothes earlier?
TIFFANY: (Seductively.) Do we really have to watch this show?
BRUCE RICHARDS: I'm going to say no.
(Fade to black.)