How can we win / When fools can be kings?

[Bruce "The Beast" Richards]

(Saturday afternoon. It's overcast in Edmonton, which just goes to show that you can't get too complacent when it comes to the weather in this city. However, the cloudy grey skies don't matter too much when you're in an underground parking lot. A hundred people are shuffling around a concrete parkade, browsing through old library books, searching for a good deal. The Edmonton Public Library's Used Book Sale. And Bruce Richards and Bill Fleming are in the thick of it, Bruce carrying a large cardboard box overflowing with various books and cds. Bruce is wearing jeans, a black hoodie, and his Tombstone, while Bill Fleming is in a buttoned-down green shirt and grey slacks. He picks up a cd and his eyes shine.)

BILL FLEMING: The Best of The Righteous Brothers! Excellent!

BRUCE RICHARDS: The Righteous Brothers, Bill?

BILL FLEMING: Yeah. What's wrong with The Righteous Brothers?

BRUCE RICHARDS: "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"? The ear-destroying soundtrack to the most awkward love scene in movie history?

BILL FLEMING: I thought Ghost was good. Whoopi Goldberg was funny!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Bill, you're a grown man. You need to get past stuff like this. Do you really need that?

BILL FLEMING: Says the guy who bought three different copies of Heart of Darkness.

BRUCE RICHARDS: It's a good book!

BILL FLEMING: (Glancing around.) Are we almost done here? We've got to be at the gym in an hour.

BRUCE RICHARDS: We'll be there.

BILL FLEMING: I mean, I booked time with the trainer and everything. Seriously, you don't want to be late for--

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Glowering.) We'll be there.

BILL FLEMING: All right, all right. Chill out, Bruce. Just because you have a big match coming up doesn't give you the right to be snippity to me.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Did you just say "snippity"? Bill, seriously: are you ashamed of being a man?

BILL FLEMING: I'll have you know that my apartment has been the scene of many a sexual conquest, thank you very much.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Yeah, Tiffany told me about your apartment. Optimus Prime really gets the girls going crazy, does it?

BILL FLEMING: If a girl doesn't accept me for who I am, then I don't need her. Either that, or we go back to her place.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Bill Fleming: ladykiller.

(A boy of sixteen or seventeen comes up to the two men; he's got long blonde hair and is wearing a black HHH shirt.)

TEENAGER: Excuse me? Are you Bruce Richards?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Yes, that's me.

TEENAGER: (Shaking Bruce's hand heartily.) Oh, man, it's so cool to meet you! I'm a big fan; I'm at all the NAPW shows. I was in the front row at the three way ladder match last year.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Wow, I'm impressed. You're coming to the next show, right?

TEENAGER: You bet! I wouldn't miss it! Ravager versus Chris Casino, "LDK" and "The Show", (makes The Horns with his fists) and Superstar Rules, baby!

BRUCE RICHARDS: But let's not forget...

TEENAGER: Oh, no way I would forget the four-way, sir! It's gonna be a barn-burner!

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Smiling.) I'm glad you agree.

TEENAGER: Simply Beautiful, man, I tell you, I can't wait to see him. At Sole Survivor? Oh man, he was a one man wrecking crew! He's gonna take that match, no question!

(Bruce stares at him, partly angry, partly confused at just how this young man could possibly not have remembered who he was talking to. The teenager smiles and stares back at him, then realizes what he just said, and starts stammering.)

TEENAGER: Uh, but maybe not, because, you know, there's three other people in that match, and you're no slouch yourself, you could mabe take him, no way you could totally take him, okay, well I'm gonna go now, good luck on Tuesday night, sir!

(The teenager scampers away. Bruce stares after him, that mixture of anger and confusion slowly fading.)

BILL FLEMING: Wow. I'm surprised that guy can run so fast with his feet in his mouth.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Shakes his head.) Nah, Bill, it's all right. He's right: SB's flying high right now. That kid's allowed to root for anyone he wants.

BILL FLEMING: Maybe not right to your face.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Nodding.) Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with being a Simply Beautiful fan. I mean, I'm a Simply Beautiful fan. At SoleSurvivor, I was cheering for him in that "I Quit" match. I wouldn't have volunteered to be his tag team partner if I didn't respect him.

BILL FLEMING: I can sense a "but" coming on...

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Shrugs.) I just hope that fan doesn't feel too bad when I win the match, is all.

BILL FLEMING: Aaaaaand there we go. Water off a duck's back, that's my guy.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Seriously, who am I to hate someone just because he's a fan of another wrestler? That kid wasn't intentionally insulting me. He just likes Simply Beautiful. Doesn't mean he doesn't like me. Because when I go out there, people like him are going to be cheering for me just as hard as Andrew. I let fly with a moonsault, they're going to scream. I go over the top rope with a plancha, they're going to stand on their chairs. I pull out the Chart Attack, and they're going to count "One, Two, Three" along with the referee.

BILL FLEMING: Preaching to the choir, my man.

(A few feet away a guy in a U of A Golden Bears jersey is standing with a couple of his friends, espousing the virtues of a famous professional wrestler.)

GOLDEN BEAR: Yeah, sure, Sean Michaels put on a good show at 'Mania, but who ends up getting the straps? (BLEEP)ing Cena, of course. That's why I don't watch WWE any more, man; they don't know what they're doing writing over there. I'm more into the indie promotions. You know, A1E, TNA, EUWC, all that stuff.

BILL FLEMING: (Rolling his eyes.) Real indie.

GOLDEN BEAR: You want to talk about talent, man, you think about Lindsay Troy, you think about Yori Yakamo, and you think about "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan. That guy's a wrestler, dude; if the jerks at WWE had any brains they'd get a guy like that on the payroll, and just watch the money roll in.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Interjecting.) You like Dan Ryan?

GOLDEN BEAR: (BLEEP) yeah I like Dan Ryan.

BRUCE RICHARDS: You know he's coming to town, right?

GOLDEN BEAR: You're shitting me? Dan Ryan's coming here? Like, to sign autographs or something?

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Shaking his head.) He's wrestling.

GOLDEN BEAR: A1E's doing a show in Edmonton?

BRUCE RICHARDS: No, he's coming to participate in a match with a local federation. Have you ever heard of the NAPW?

GOLDEN BEAR: Who?

(Bill Fleming rolls his eyes again, but Bruce just keeps going.)

BRUCE RICHARDS: Look, if you want to see Dan Ryan, on Tuesday night head down to Polish Hall at seven o'clock.

GOLDEN BEAR: You shitting me?

BRUCE RICHARDS: I would never shit you, my friend. I'll see you there?

GOLDEN BEAR: (BLEEP) yeah! (He puts his hand up for a high-five; Bruce regards it warily, then awkwardly obliges. The Golden Bear slaps his hand enthusiastically.) Tuesday night, dude!

BILL FLEMING: (Snorts.) He's really into the indie promotions, huh?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Look, Bill, the guy's a tool, okay? But he likes wrestling, so if he wants to see Dan Ryan, then why shouldn't he see him? And when he shows up Tuesday night, he'll get an entire show featuring some of the best wrestlers in this whole industry, and if he likes it, maybe he'll come back. Bringing in people like Ryan is a way of raising our profile, and I'm all about that. Getting more people in to the seats, showing them what they have in their very own backyard. Getting a little recognition for our own sakes. And just like a name like Dan Ryan can bring in the fans, if he has a good match he can spread the word to other companies. NAPW's got a really good opportunity here, and I'm not going to squander it. I'm going to beat Dan Ryan on Tuesday, and he's going remember the NAPW. He's going to remember me.

(A chubby goth kid in a Tool t-shirt comes up to Bruce and Bill and spits on their feet.)

GOTH: You have no chance, Bruce "The Bitch", you're just going to fall to Sebastien Martyr, he's going--

(Bruce Richards shoves the guy aside and walks past him. The kid stumbles into a bookshelf and falls, knocking the table over and collapsing.)

BILL FLEMING: What happened to not disliking someone just because they're a fan of someone else?

BRUCE RICHARDS: That kid's a special case. (Fleming looks at him quizzically.) He spat on my shoes! Besides, he's "hardcore"; he can handle it. Just as "dark and tortured" as his hero. If Martyr wants to go around using props from The Wizard of Oz, he's not as hardcore as he wants people to think he is. What's next, a promo with the three of us represented by stuffed PowerPuff Girl dolls?

BILL FLEMING: I hope you're Buttercup. She's bad-ass.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Bill, seriously.

BILL FLEMING: Right, right, not helping.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Sebastien Martyr wants to pull words out of his ass and call them facts, he's more than welcome to do so. The guy lives in a fantasy world where I'm a drooling manchild, he's Dr. Giggles, and Brian Bruno's a role model. Someone needs to slap some sense into that fool. Good thing there's three of us ready to do so. And when all's said and done, I want to pin HIM the worst of all. Slap that "I've never been beaten" out of his mouth. It'll be good for him. An opportunity to grow.

BILL FLEMING: (Checking his watch.) Okay, we have forty-five minutes. Can we please go to the checkout now?

BRUCE RICHARDS: All right. I can't see anything else here I want. So, who's this guy you have me seeing?

BILL FLEMING: He comes very highly reccommended. His training regimen is supposed to have amazing results...

(The two men walk off talking about the upcoming workout as we fade to black.)