Post by Fatso Sazuki on Apr 12, 2007 0:05:54 GMT -5
--Many years ago, there was a tribe of.. How can I put this, OVERWEIGHT jap-am's(Short for Japanese Americans) who had used the last of their hard earned money to fly to the United States of America in hopes of living the "American Dream" or perhaps, just getting an autograph from him. Many of them did not survive through the year, starving and eventually being 'forced' to resort to canabalism. Two of the three that did survive, were Namo Sazuki and Shiro Sazuki who trekked from Vineland, New Jersey all the way over the Walt Witman and into a fantasy land that they could not have, in a thousand years have imagined could exist.. They entered ChinaTown. Here, they knew they could make it in the world. First, they started out as merchants on the streets.. selling the stray animals to chinese restaurants and buffets.. They saved all of this money, and three years later they opened up their very own buffet and named it "Tasty of China". Later that year, Since Namo could not help his wife Shiro reproduce... Shiro hired a young, scrawny, wirey teen 'escort' to assist her, promising the young man that he'd be commitment free. The young man obliged, losing his "V" card and pregnating a woman he'd never see again in the process. This was in April of 1984.
From the time he was born, Namo made sure the kid atleast never question as to why he appeared so different from his father. That is, until the year of 1994, The kid they named "Fatso" after Namo's grandfather, questioned his father, asking him "Daddy, Why I no rook rike you?" His father was stunned... Thus explaining to his son what his mother did.. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a brief history lesson on the man you will be following around for the next several months..--
_________________________________________________________________________________________
"Oh I wanna be keepin you warm..."
[The voice.. so quick.. so jamican.. It's none other then "Sean Paul" his song, Temperature is blasting through two small white speakers placed on either side of a flat screen computer monitor.. We also hear the faint clicking and clattering of someone typing furiously.. As we view the screen, we see that the person is talking to serveral people at once on his "AIM". We pan around and away from the monitor to see a man sitting there in his chair, about 6'2, with an odd mask on.. The mask is white, with patchy blonde hair and a a goofy face. We can see that this room is a bedroom, as the walls are covered with posters of "Run DMC" "LL COOL J" "The Fresh Prince" "Lita Ford" and "Jackie Chan". About three feet behind the chair sits an unkept bed, with clothes scattered on the floor as this man seems to not care too much about the appearance of his bedroom.]
"Fatso! FATSO!!"
[Along with the shouting from the door, is a loud banging.. Frustrated, "Fatso" throws his chair away from him and goes to the door, swinging it open..It is what we are guessing to be his mother... As she is in a red robe, with her hair up in pins and her face covered with a facial masque.]
Fatso: "What?"
Shiro: "You need to turn down that moosic! It's too roud, your father is tryin to sreep!"
Fatso: "God, Okay mom.. Reave me arone now!"
Shiro: " I got one more thing terr you boy!"
Fatso: "What now mom?!"
Shiro: "Don't forget, you take pirr before you sreep tonight!"
Fatso: "Ok mom.. I gotta get back to my chatroom! God, I was talking about the new wrestring game for Xbox..God.."
Shiro: "Those vieo games gonna meress you head up! You no prayin them before bed are you?"
[Fatso hufFatsoluvsurmom loudly letting his mom know he is now agitated]
Shiro: "What you huffin for boy? You know, no nice porish girr gonna make you babies, you keep this vieo game stuff up!"
Fatso: "Porish girrs are ugry anyway mom.. I want a nice ratin american girr to carr my boo."
Shiro: "Ok.. I reave you arone now son."
[Fatso slams the door shut on his mother and goes back to his computer, picking up the chair.. He then gets a new "IM" from "CutieWitABootie" If we could see Fatso's face... He'd be happy right now.. so he accepts the chat and they begin talkin.]
FatsoLuvsurmom: Hey there.
CutieWitABootie: Hey Fatso.
Fatsoluvsurmom: How are you?
CutieWitABootie: I'm doin good.. just got back from chess club you?
Fatsoluvsurmom: Just pimp smacked my mom..
CutieWitABootie: **Giggles** You're so brave.
Fatsoluvsurmom: Before that, I killed three cockroaches with my bare hands.. It was a bloody affair, but I am ok.
CutieWitABootie: You're so awesome Fatso, How am I lucky to have you?
Fatsoluvsurmom: I don't know..
[Fatso looks up, above the monitor at, well apparently, the girl he is talkin to right now.. The piCutieWitABootieure is of an overweight, gothic dressing latino girl, about 18 years old.]
CutieWitABootie: Want to come over tonight?
Fatsoluvsurmom: Are your mom and dad home?
CutieWitABootie: They are sleepin.
Fatsoluvsurmom: I will come over then.. do you have the new Jack Johnson?
CutieWitABootie: Of Course!
Fatsoluvsurmom: Ok, I will be over in ten Mel-Mel.
CutieWitABootie: Ok babez.. Luvs ya!
Fatsoluvsurmom: Luvz ya back!
[With that, Fatso signs out of his screen name and getsup from the chair.. picking up a a pink track jacket off his floor, he walks out of his room, wearing jeans and a "Black Sheep" shirt, the jacket and black and white tennis shoes. He walks to the right in the hallway and goes out of the next door he see's entering his front yard.. He grabs his old fashioned red and silver mountain bike and hops on, slowly striding through the streets of ChinaTown until he gets to the next street over.. He tosses the bike down, and walks into Mel's yard.. Mel's house is the same as Fatso.. but when you live in ANY seCutieWitABootieion of Philadelphia, you really don't have a whole lot of options. Mel opens her window, and lets down a knotted rope, in which Fatso climbs.. making it through her window, her room is lit by a black light, with Slipknot and Korn posters all over the walls. To the left is a huge bed, where Fatso sits, being embraced by Mel. Who is wearing a black shirt with black, baggy KIKWEAR jeans, her dyed black hair down, and enough makeup on to atleast be passable as a crackwhore.]
Mel: I missed you baby.
Fatso: I missed you too..
Mel: How was your day?
Fatso: It was good. I worked, came home.. did battre with those cockroaches...pimpsrapped my momma.. finished the packing, for my trip to Canadia.
Mel: Why do you have to go Fatso?
Fatso: Wrestring is my rife's dream Mel. I must not deter from my dreams. Rike father says.. He says to me "Fatso, you not make it as successfurr american.. so you do what makes the green paper.." And I forrow my father.. because he is arways right.
Mel: You're right..
[Mel reaches behind her, and grabs a twin-pack of twinkies, unwrapping the treats, and shoving both of them into her mouth at once..devouring them before continuing to talk to her baby.]
Fatso: How was schoor today?
Mel: The kids keep makin fun of me.. telling me that I am fat.. and when I get sad, you know.. I eat more and more... eating makes me happy inside.. well, eating and you..
Fatso: Werr Mer, I wirr make you most happy come my debut in the N-A-P to the W.
Mel: How can I be happy from that?
Fatso: I am doing battre with biggest cockroach of arr!
Mel: Who?
Fatso: Kenny Krenshov!
[Mel's face goes pale... and she looks at Fatso with a worried look on her face.]
Mel: Are you sure you want to do that babe?
Fatso: I am sure.. I am going to crush that man rike a cockroach.. He is big and srow and dumb.. rike sroth.. but sroth's are more of a charrange then a cockroach.. Kenny boy wirr be no charrange for the Japamerican behemoth himserf!
[Mel jumps on Fatso, saddling him.]
Mel: Talkin like that makes me...
Fatso: Horny baby, I make you horny do I?!
Mel: Oh yess pappi!
Fatso: Oh yes marrmmmii!!
[With that, the scene ends before you can see what goes on next.. Be thankful for that too, because Mel has to buy a new bed everytime they do that.. Seriously.. she's too big to be doing that.. anyway... the scene comes to an end.
From the time he was born, Namo made sure the kid atleast never question as to why he appeared so different from his father. That is, until the year of 1994, The kid they named "Fatso" after Namo's grandfather, questioned his father, asking him "Daddy, Why I no rook rike you?" His father was stunned... Thus explaining to his son what his mother did.. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a brief history lesson on the man you will be following around for the next several months..--
_________________________________________________________________________________________
"Oh I wanna be keepin you warm..."
[The voice.. so quick.. so jamican.. It's none other then "Sean Paul" his song, Temperature is blasting through two small white speakers placed on either side of a flat screen computer monitor.. We also hear the faint clicking and clattering of someone typing furiously.. As we view the screen, we see that the person is talking to serveral people at once on his "AIM". We pan around and away from the monitor to see a man sitting there in his chair, about 6'2, with an odd mask on.. The mask is white, with patchy blonde hair and a a goofy face. We can see that this room is a bedroom, as the walls are covered with posters of "Run DMC" "LL COOL J" "The Fresh Prince" "Lita Ford" and "Jackie Chan". About three feet behind the chair sits an unkept bed, with clothes scattered on the floor as this man seems to not care too much about the appearance of his bedroom.]
"Fatso! FATSO!!"
[Along with the shouting from the door, is a loud banging.. Frustrated, "Fatso" throws his chair away from him and goes to the door, swinging it open..It is what we are guessing to be his mother... As she is in a red robe, with her hair up in pins and her face covered with a facial masque.]
Fatso: "What?"
Shiro: "You need to turn down that moosic! It's too roud, your father is tryin to sreep!"
Fatso: "God, Okay mom.. Reave me arone now!"
Shiro: " I got one more thing terr you boy!"
Fatso: "What now mom?!"
Shiro: "Don't forget, you take pirr before you sreep tonight!"
Fatso: "Ok mom.. I gotta get back to my chatroom! God, I was talking about the new wrestring game for Xbox..God.."
Shiro: "Those vieo games gonna meress you head up! You no prayin them before bed are you?"
[Fatso hufFatsoluvsurmom loudly letting his mom know he is now agitated]
Shiro: "What you huffin for boy? You know, no nice porish girr gonna make you babies, you keep this vieo game stuff up!"
Fatso: "Porish girrs are ugry anyway mom.. I want a nice ratin american girr to carr my boo."
Shiro: "Ok.. I reave you arone now son."
[Fatso slams the door shut on his mother and goes back to his computer, picking up the chair.. He then gets a new "IM" from "CutieWitABootie" If we could see Fatso's face... He'd be happy right now.. so he accepts the chat and they begin talkin.]
FatsoLuvsurmom: Hey there.
CutieWitABootie: Hey Fatso.
Fatsoluvsurmom: How are you?
CutieWitABootie: I'm doin good.. just got back from chess club you?
Fatsoluvsurmom: Just pimp smacked my mom..
CutieWitABootie: **Giggles** You're so brave.
Fatsoluvsurmom: Before that, I killed three cockroaches with my bare hands.. It was a bloody affair, but I am ok.
CutieWitABootie: You're so awesome Fatso, How am I lucky to have you?
Fatsoluvsurmom: I don't know..
[Fatso looks up, above the monitor at, well apparently, the girl he is talkin to right now.. The piCutieWitABootieure is of an overweight, gothic dressing latino girl, about 18 years old.]
CutieWitABootie: Want to come over tonight?
Fatsoluvsurmom: Are your mom and dad home?
CutieWitABootie: They are sleepin.
Fatsoluvsurmom: I will come over then.. do you have the new Jack Johnson?
CutieWitABootie: Of Course!
Fatsoluvsurmom: Ok, I will be over in ten Mel-Mel.
CutieWitABootie: Ok babez.. Luvs ya!
Fatsoluvsurmom: Luvz ya back!
[With that, Fatso signs out of his screen name and getsup from the chair.. picking up a a pink track jacket off his floor, he walks out of his room, wearing jeans and a "Black Sheep" shirt, the jacket and black and white tennis shoes. He walks to the right in the hallway and goes out of the next door he see's entering his front yard.. He grabs his old fashioned red and silver mountain bike and hops on, slowly striding through the streets of ChinaTown until he gets to the next street over.. He tosses the bike down, and walks into Mel's yard.. Mel's house is the same as Fatso.. but when you live in ANY seCutieWitABootieion of Philadelphia, you really don't have a whole lot of options. Mel opens her window, and lets down a knotted rope, in which Fatso climbs.. making it through her window, her room is lit by a black light, with Slipknot and Korn posters all over the walls. To the left is a huge bed, where Fatso sits, being embraced by Mel. Who is wearing a black shirt with black, baggy KIKWEAR jeans, her dyed black hair down, and enough makeup on to atleast be passable as a crackwhore.]
Mel: I missed you baby.
Fatso: I missed you too..
Mel: How was your day?
Fatso: It was good. I worked, came home.. did battre with those cockroaches...pimpsrapped my momma.. finished the packing, for my trip to Canadia.
Mel: Why do you have to go Fatso?
Fatso: Wrestring is my rife's dream Mel. I must not deter from my dreams. Rike father says.. He says to me "Fatso, you not make it as successfurr american.. so you do what makes the green paper.." And I forrow my father.. because he is arways right.
Mel: You're right..
[Mel reaches behind her, and grabs a twin-pack of twinkies, unwrapping the treats, and shoving both of them into her mouth at once..devouring them before continuing to talk to her baby.]
Fatso: How was schoor today?
Mel: The kids keep makin fun of me.. telling me that I am fat.. and when I get sad, you know.. I eat more and more... eating makes me happy inside.. well, eating and you..
Fatso: Werr Mer, I wirr make you most happy come my debut in the N-A-P to the W.
Mel: How can I be happy from that?
Fatso: I am doing battre with biggest cockroach of arr!
Mel: Who?
Fatso: Kenny Krenshov!
[Mel's face goes pale... and she looks at Fatso with a worried look on her face.]
Mel: Are you sure you want to do that babe?
Fatso: I am sure.. I am going to crush that man rike a cockroach.. He is big and srow and dumb.. rike sroth.. but sroth's are more of a charrange then a cockroach.. Kenny boy wirr be no charrange for the Japamerican behemoth himserf!
[Mel jumps on Fatso, saddling him.]
Mel: Talkin like that makes me...
Fatso: Horny baby, I make you horny do I?!
Mel: Oh yess pappi!
Fatso: Oh yes marrmmmii!!
[With that, the scene ends before you can see what goes on next.. Be thankful for that too, because Mel has to buy a new bed everytime they do that.. Seriously.. she's too big to be doing that.. anyway... the scene comes to an end.