12 Dudes of Christmas

[Scott [NAPW Staff]]

(Lights up. It's Christmas in the Dudes' apartment! There's a little Christmas tree up in a corner and wrapping paper and gift everywhere! There's present marked for everyone, in the spirit of the holidays... yes, even one marked for Bruce "The Beast" Richards. Tiffany, Cam and Mike are all in the midst of wrapping presents it would seem, and as they wrap, music begins playing in the background. Is it the beginning of a musical number?)

Cam: (Sings.) On the first day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany... an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: Over Kyle.

Cam: On the second day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany... TWO title belts (Holds up the NAPW tag titles.), and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: Stylin' Kyle.

Cam: On the third day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany... The Beast's THIRD diploma.

Mike: (Looks.) What is this, horticulture?

Cam: Two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: Kyle ROBERTS.

Cam: On the fourth day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany… FOUR Rex for Prime Minister T-shirts.

Mike: (Slips one on.) Jeez! These are awesome!

Cam: The Beast’s third diploma, two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: Little Red.

Cam: On the fifth day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany… FIVE MOVES OF D!OOM!

(Tiffany has Mike twisted into a clumsy Pleasant Cycling.)

Mike: (Writhing in pain.) WHY!?

Cam: Four Rex for PM tees, three Beast diplomas, two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: Still over Kyle.

Cam: On the sixth day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany… SIX assaults from Ravager.

Mike: Don’t even joke about that dude.

Cam: FIVE MOVES OF D!OOM! Four Rex for PM tees, three Beast diplomas, two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: Thanks, Coach!

Cam: On the seventh day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany… SEVEN recordings of Minstrel’s laughter.

Mike: (Holds up a tape deck.) HahahahahaHAHAHahahAhahaHAHA!

Cam: Six assaults from Ravager, FIVE MOVES OF D!OOM! Four Rex for PM tees, three Beast diplomas, two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: One, two, three.

Cam: On the eighth day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany… EIGHT of Lobo’s shot-puts.

Mike: (Tries to juggle them, fails miserably.)

Cam: Seven laughing Minstrels, six Ravager beat-downs, FIVE MOVES OF D!OOM! Four Rex Calibur tees, a BSc in Horticulture, two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: Over… ah, you get the idea.

Cam: On the NINTH day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany… NINE Chris Casinos.

Mike: (Playing with Chris Casino action figures.) “I’m the future!” “No I’M the Future!”

Cam: Eight Lobo shot-puts, seven laughing Minstrels, six Ravager beat-downs, FIVE MOVES OF D!OOM! Four Rex Calibur tees, three Beast bachelor degrees, two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: “NO! I’M THE FUTURE!” (Cash Out on the whole pile of action figures.)

Cam: On the TENTH day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany… TEN wanted posters.

Mike: (Holding a wanted poster with Thunder and Tempest’s faces on it.) We warned you guys, seriously.

Cam: Nine Chris Casinos, eight Lobo shot-puts, seven laughing Minstrels, six Ravager beat-downs, FIVE MOVES OF D!OOM! Four of Rex’ tees, three Beast bachelor degrees, two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: This is what happens when you break the law!

Cam: On the ELEVENTH day of Christmas, I got from Tiffany… ELEVEN months of Coach Jago.

Mike: (Coach Jago’s face has been pasted on every month of a beefcake calendar.) Hey! Where’s July?

Cam: Ten wanted posters, nine Chris Casinos, eight Lobo shot-puts, seven laughing Minstrels, six Ravager beat-downs, FIVE MOVES OF D!OOM! Four of Rex’s tees, three Beast bachelor degrees, two title belts, and an undisputed pinfall victory.

Mike: Seriously! Tiffany, did you tear a page out?

Cam: (Big finale!) ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHIRSTMAS, I GOT FROM TIFFANY… TWELVE JACK JONES VINTAGE BOBBLE-HEADS.

Mike: (Sits amidst a sea of bobbling Jack “Attack” Jones figures.) Best... gift... EVER.

Cam: Eleven months of Jago, ten wanted posters, nine Chris Casinos, eight Lobo shot-puts, seven laughing Minstrels, six Ravager beat-downs, FIVE MOVES OF D!OOM! Four of Rex’s tees, three Beast bachelor degrees, two title belts…

Tiffany, Mike and Cam: AAAAAND… a fast counting referee! Thanks Senior Referee Dick Kiebiech! And Merry Christmas, every one!