Post by The Doomriders on Mar 22, 2007 14:37:39 GMT -5
[The scene is rather mild. Not hot, not even close to hot – but mild enough to notice that mother nature is ushering out the winter and springing inward with buds and blooming. It’s busy. There’s people everywhere. It of course can be defined as the air polluted state of the Edmonton International Airport. A man is arguing with one of the trickster employees over a voucher claim, while his wife tries to stop their young boy from running away from them. Perhaps they beat him? Perhaps he just wants to get away for a little while. A perfect place to do so, as Macaulay Culkin can agree with,
Our protagonists; Tommy Deathrow and Billy Kryenik are sitting, with their chins on theirs chests, waiting for another city to roll up besides Edmonton and wave them into the convoy. Billy raises his head, he looks surprisingly focused considering his eyes are close to being glued shut. Tommy goes into his pocket and pulls out a piece of Spearmint gum. He unwraps it slowly, and tosses it on his tongue; ready to be devoured.
Billy yawns to himself and leans back in his waiting area chair. Tommy pats his carry-on bag which is presumably filled with smuggled liquour, porno magazines and his championship belt.]
Tommy: Why the (BLEEP) are we here so god damn early? The earth worms aren’t even awake yet.
Billy: I have to get back to Ontario.
Tommy: What the (BLEEP) for? You got a hot date?
Billy: Well let’s just say this. When we land in Windsor, I’m getting off.
Tommy: What are we doing in Windsor?
Billy: It’s not what “we’re” doing in Windsor. You’re staying on the plane and heading to Toronto. I’m going to be getting off to check something out.
Tommy: What the (BLEEP)?
Billy: Yeah, I grew up there man… I need to go back for a day or two. It’s been a decade and change since I’ve been there.
Tommy: Well why the hell do I have to go to Toronto, when you’re just getting off in Windsor? Why the (BLEEP) am I even here? I could be at home, sleeping off a sweet night of sin.
Billy: You’re going early to get us a hotel room, and find us some shit to do in Toronto. I haven’t been there in a long time either. Hell, you’ve never been there. It’ll be good for you to scope out the city. It’s a fun place.
Tommy: A fun place? A fun place is Mama Mud Flaps on “stick it where you wanna” night. Toronto is nothing more than just another town to me.
Billy: Quit being such a little bitch. You don’t think Toronto has a place like that? Or several? (BLEEP), it has over 3 Million People. It’s gotta have something fun…
Tommy: Fine, but you owe me all the drinks i can handle. Like i have nothing better to do than find you fun. I can have fun with a breast exam pamphlet an my hand.
Billy: Right… so like i said find us a place to stay an I’ll meet up with you later. Try not to get locked up and I’ll show you the directions to the Bovine Sex Club.
Tommy: I love me some Cows…
Billy: Cows? Oooh. Bovine. Hah. No no, there's no cows you (BLEEP)ing idiot. It's on Bovine St. Dumb ass.
Tommy: Well duh rolls eyes and looks around I knew that. That was a joke. I was just foolin ya... awkward pause But really, no animals?
Billy: But anyway, you find shit to do and I'll be there the next day. It's no big deal. I just want to see if my old house is still standing, or if my old buddies are still in the neighborhood. Besides, I have someone for you to meet once I get into Toronto. So you might as well get your drinking out of the way, because this guy doesn't take to kindly to drunks like you.
And no, no animals. Lots of strippers though.
Tommy: Doesn't like drinking? What, is he one of those “holier than thou” people or what? Some kind of wise guy? (BLEEP), what kinda people did you used to roll with? Besides I don’t drink… I just like to stay hydrated.
Billy: Well, he's was my trainer. I haven't spoken to him in years. But i was looking around on the internet the other day and I saw his school was still up and running. So i figured we'd pay him a visit... He'd be good for us to train with. Especially considering we both have two matches fight at Sole Survivor. This guy is a drill sergeant. He will get us in tip top shape. But from what I remember... He didn't like me much.
Tommy: Wow imagine that. Someone not liking the dream child Kryenik. That must have been the lost chapter in the book…
Billy: You’re funny… (BLEEP). Naw man, this guy - he rode me and rode me like a (BLEEP)ing scumbag the entire time I was in his training school. He was the meanest mother (BLEEP)er I’ve ever met. But I wouldn’t want to have been trained by anyone else. He cut my teeth in the wrestling business. He prepared me for what was yet to come… and he’s been 100% right about my whole career.
Besides, don’t you think we should be in the best physical shape for it? I mean, it’s my home province… it’s the City I started wrestling in for god sakes. I want to make sure that the people who used to come see me back in the day, will be outright impressed when they see me now. TWO MATCHES man.
Tommy: Two EASY matches man. And what, do you think I’m not already in top shape? Well I am a lil’ soft around the edges. So i may go along but just to make sure you don’t get jumped on the way there... I wouldn`t wanna have to talk to the police or file a missing body report.
Billy: Good.
Tommy: (BLEEP). Why do i always get talked into these lousy touch up acts of yours man. We have accomplished so much on our own. For real. It hasn’t been because we trained or anything. It’s because of the inner fighting spirit we were born with…
[punches Billy in the arm]
Billy: Thanks for that.
Tommy: Don’t cry man, I’ll buy you a new rabbit to talk too.
Billy: What?
Tommy: A new Giggles for Billy? Does Billy want a new wabbit? Awww little baby Billy.
Billy: Ha Ha (BLEEP) off. I know you think it’s all about will and spirit, just like I do… and that’s about 80% of the battle man. It’s all about heart and how much you can take. Hell we can dish out more punishment then the Torture Rack of the King George era… But we need to be in shape man. It’ll do us good to have this guy train us… If he’ll have us anyway. I need to call him. He probably won’t even remember me. He was such a dickhead to me that I think he’d delete the memory of me the moment I walked out the door. He always told me I was too “green” and I wouldn’t accomplish anything. He was such a douche bag.
Tommy: Well then what the (BLEEP) are we doing? Why bother going to see your old Trainer if he was such a dickhead? I don’t need any extra heat, but if he is an (BLEEP) to me – then I’m going to mushroom slap him and teabag him in the center of the ring.
Billy: I just think it’s a good idea.
Tommy: You’re (BLEEP)ed in the head. God damn, I always get accused of being a retard, but you’ve taken the cake here. “My names Billy and I like to go back to train with guys who used to cut me up all the time.” You’re an idiot.
Billy: Look, I see your point. But that was so long ago. Besides, you ever hate something when its happening – but look back on it when you’re older and appreciate it?
Tommy: (BLEEP) no.
Billy: Well picture you did. Picture one of the worst experiences of your life being one of your greatest as well.
Tommy: Hmmm I think I see what your saying Billy. It’s like loosing your virginity to a fat bitch. First it sucks because she’s fat and she’s crushing you while she rides an eats at the same time. But then again your you were drunk so it didn’t matter, so you can blame the booze. Then looking back at it you can say to yourself “Hey least i did that bitch a favor...” She owes me one now. Her doing me probably made big changes for that girl. She’s probably a star now. An actress making the big bucks an telling people how I was once inside of her. Despite being 13 at the time…
Billy: Tommy, I’m glad you could find something to relate my point too… I KNOW you love the fatties… But If its the girl I’m thinking of she later committed suicide. She left a note saying something about repressed memories an not being able to live with it anymore…
Tommy: …
Billy: I’m just kidding man. Ha Ha.
Tommy: Good, I didn’t care anyway. As far as I’m concerned, she was begging for it. I just took it to her. What would you do if you had a fat bitch clamped to your leg for three or four hours? Damn near killed me.
Billy: Tommy, you need to find a hobby… This is exactly why I want you to start going to the Gym with me on a regular basis. So you can keep your mind off all the (BLEEP)ed up shit you’ve done and you’ll probably do. I mean Christ man, that was what? 5 years ago. Let it go.
Tommy: Maybe. It’s more fun to think about her piggy mouth squeelin’ though. Especially when I was reaming back on her pig tails. Ha Ha
Billy: Oh man, we’ve gone way off here. Ok but you get what I’m saying right? In Toronto, I was treated like an animal… but look what it turned me into. One of the most dangerous men in wrestling today. If it wasn’t for that Drill Sergeant mentality and the “In the Army” lectures and drills, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
I want to go back and show HIM what has come of me… The last time he saw me, I was limping my way out of his gymnasium after he straight up kicked my ass.. I want to show him that I’ve finally made something of my career. I want to invite him to the front row of Sole Survivor so he can watch you and perform. It’ll blow his mind.
Tommy: I’ll blow his mind anyway. Once he see’s me grab Krenshov and toss that giant around like a rag doll, he won’t know whether to applaud or to cry in fear. I’m going to make sure that our tag titles stick around our waists. I don’t give a (BLEEP) who is watching. I don’t care if we have Lou Thesz, Ric Flair, Buddy Rogers, and Burno Sammartino sitting in the front row… I’m going to put a SUPERSTAR sized hurt on all three of those (BLEEP)ing tag teams.
Billy: Don’t even get me started. I love that these odds are against us. You know why?
Tommy: Why?
Billy: Because every time the odds are against us, we walk out there with huge chips on our shoulders and we dare the Devil to knock them off. Think back to when we were fighting Casino and Krenshov at Cold Snap, everyone has hated on us. But, remember what happened? We went out there and we tore those two (BLEEP)ers a new (BLEEP). We stomped them with fire and we smothered them with gasoline. It was one hell of a blaze. Then of course, we go for the tag team titles and we completely destroy the minute-men champions Midnight Express and BAM! We’re the tag team champions.
So that being said, I’m glad that NAPW management put The Unmentionables, the Midnight (BLEEP)buddies and Next Gender into the match up. I’m glad that there is three teams. That just means that we can beat the hell out of more than two people this time. It means we can make our legacy grow that much stronger. And It means that we will have to dig down deeper to prevail and when we do… we will be the most dominating tag team in NAPW history. (BLEEP) D-X, (BLEEP) the Dudes, (BLEEP) the Delivery Men, or any other tag team that’s been memorable in the past year and a half in NAPW. The Doomriders are the elite team. A unique mixture of Nitro Glycerin and Gun Powder. Once we explode, we blow everything out of the water. No questions asked.
Tommy: I’m going to grab Clint by the balls and slap around that new tattoo of his. Let’s see how he likes it. The (BLEEP)ing idiot got a tattoo a few days before his match… You know how long it takes for it to heal. It’s not supposed to have any irritation. But when I’m done with it, the Bull is going to look more like a smear and Clint’s going to feel like he was put on a meat hook at the slaughter house.
Billy: Clint has no idea what the Bull represents. You know what a Bull represents to me?
Tommy: Steak?
Billy: Ha Ha, no. It represents an animal that just puts its head down and charges. No thought, no preparation, just brute force. That’s all fine and well, but what do you do when the target steps out of the way? It’ll run right through a wall and the target gets an opportunity to strike. Like a matador, I’ll play with him. Waving my pink cape in his face. I’ll watch his eyes get all red and he’ll charge. But as soon as he comes near me, I’l side step and stab him with my sword, impaling that son of a bitch to the point of no return. Then what? The Midnight Cowboys are (BLEEP)ed. God knows Stone won’t have a chance at taking us out. Stones more liable to trip over his own feet, then hit a drop toe hold.
Tommy: Here’s the deal, after I make Clints skin into paste, I’m going to gouge out Santiago’s eyes and rip off his mask. So then I can make him look at his ugly ass face with his own two eyes, kick him in the sack and give him the most devastating Deathrow Driver that he’ll ever have the privilege of receiving.
Billy: Next Generation ain’t shit. I dare both of those imported (BLEEP)ers to come at us right off the hop. I’d love to get my hands around Sakai’s throat so I can choke the life right out of him and send him back to Japan on medical leave. They don’t deserve to be in the ring with any of us, let alone go for the gold.
Tommy: Ok, we’ll talk about them on the plane. Who the hell is this Trainer of yours anyway? I know you’re all strung up about me meeting him, but what (BLEEP)ing credentials does he have? I mean honestly, has he ever been in the big league?
Billy: Nope.
Tommy: Then what the hell…
[Over the P.A. system an announcement is made FLIGHT 218 EDMONTON TO WINDSOR AND TORONTO IS NOW BOARDING Billy and Tommy look at one another and grab their carry-on bags. It’s finally time for their flight. The people around them all sigh with relief and start to line up in front of the boarding terminal.]
Tommy: As I was saying.
Billy: look, don’t worry about who he is yet. I’ll introduce him to you in good time. I have to call him first anyway. You just focus on getting us a hotel and stuff to do.
Tommy: And you can have fun riding your (BLEEP)ing trike around your old neighbourhood… But give me the directions to that Sex Club you told me about.
Billy: Yeah, Yeah.
Attendent: Tickets please.
[Billy and Tommy both hand her their ticket and walk through the gate…
To Be Continued]
Our protagonists; Tommy Deathrow and Billy Kryenik are sitting, with their chins on theirs chests, waiting for another city to roll up besides Edmonton and wave them into the convoy. Billy raises his head, he looks surprisingly focused considering his eyes are close to being glued shut. Tommy goes into his pocket and pulls out a piece of Spearmint gum. He unwraps it slowly, and tosses it on his tongue; ready to be devoured.
Billy yawns to himself and leans back in his waiting area chair. Tommy pats his carry-on bag which is presumably filled with smuggled liquour, porno magazines and his championship belt.]
Tommy: Why the (BLEEP) are we here so god damn early? The earth worms aren’t even awake yet.
Billy: I have to get back to Ontario.
Tommy: What the (BLEEP) for? You got a hot date?
Billy: Well let’s just say this. When we land in Windsor, I’m getting off.
Tommy: What are we doing in Windsor?
Billy: It’s not what “we’re” doing in Windsor. You’re staying on the plane and heading to Toronto. I’m going to be getting off to check something out.
Tommy: What the (BLEEP)?
Billy: Yeah, I grew up there man… I need to go back for a day or two. It’s been a decade and change since I’ve been there.
Tommy: Well why the hell do I have to go to Toronto, when you’re just getting off in Windsor? Why the (BLEEP) am I even here? I could be at home, sleeping off a sweet night of sin.
Billy: You’re going early to get us a hotel room, and find us some shit to do in Toronto. I haven’t been there in a long time either. Hell, you’ve never been there. It’ll be good for you to scope out the city. It’s a fun place.
Tommy: A fun place? A fun place is Mama Mud Flaps on “stick it where you wanna” night. Toronto is nothing more than just another town to me.
Billy: Quit being such a little bitch. You don’t think Toronto has a place like that? Or several? (BLEEP), it has over 3 Million People. It’s gotta have something fun…
Tommy: Fine, but you owe me all the drinks i can handle. Like i have nothing better to do than find you fun. I can have fun with a breast exam pamphlet an my hand.
Billy: Right… so like i said find us a place to stay an I’ll meet up with you later. Try not to get locked up and I’ll show you the directions to the Bovine Sex Club.
Tommy: I love me some Cows…
Billy: Cows? Oooh. Bovine. Hah. No no, there's no cows you (BLEEP)ing idiot. It's on Bovine St. Dumb ass.
Tommy: Well duh rolls eyes and looks around I knew that. That was a joke. I was just foolin ya... awkward pause But really, no animals?
Billy: But anyway, you find shit to do and I'll be there the next day. It's no big deal. I just want to see if my old house is still standing, or if my old buddies are still in the neighborhood. Besides, I have someone for you to meet once I get into Toronto. So you might as well get your drinking out of the way, because this guy doesn't take to kindly to drunks like you.
And no, no animals. Lots of strippers though.
Tommy: Doesn't like drinking? What, is he one of those “holier than thou” people or what? Some kind of wise guy? (BLEEP), what kinda people did you used to roll with? Besides I don’t drink… I just like to stay hydrated.
Billy: Well, he's was my trainer. I haven't spoken to him in years. But i was looking around on the internet the other day and I saw his school was still up and running. So i figured we'd pay him a visit... He'd be good for us to train with. Especially considering we both have two matches fight at Sole Survivor. This guy is a drill sergeant. He will get us in tip top shape. But from what I remember... He didn't like me much.
Tommy: Wow imagine that. Someone not liking the dream child Kryenik. That must have been the lost chapter in the book…
Billy: You’re funny… (BLEEP). Naw man, this guy - he rode me and rode me like a (BLEEP)ing scumbag the entire time I was in his training school. He was the meanest mother (BLEEP)er I’ve ever met. But I wouldn’t want to have been trained by anyone else. He cut my teeth in the wrestling business. He prepared me for what was yet to come… and he’s been 100% right about my whole career.
Besides, don’t you think we should be in the best physical shape for it? I mean, it’s my home province… it’s the City I started wrestling in for god sakes. I want to make sure that the people who used to come see me back in the day, will be outright impressed when they see me now. TWO MATCHES man.
Tommy: Two EASY matches man. And what, do you think I’m not already in top shape? Well I am a lil’ soft around the edges. So i may go along but just to make sure you don’t get jumped on the way there... I wouldn`t wanna have to talk to the police or file a missing body report.
Billy: Good.
Tommy: (BLEEP). Why do i always get talked into these lousy touch up acts of yours man. We have accomplished so much on our own. For real. It hasn’t been because we trained or anything. It’s because of the inner fighting spirit we were born with…
[punches Billy in the arm]
Billy: Thanks for that.
Tommy: Don’t cry man, I’ll buy you a new rabbit to talk too.
Billy: What?
Tommy: A new Giggles for Billy? Does Billy want a new wabbit? Awww little baby Billy.
Billy: Ha Ha (BLEEP) off. I know you think it’s all about will and spirit, just like I do… and that’s about 80% of the battle man. It’s all about heart and how much you can take. Hell we can dish out more punishment then the Torture Rack of the King George era… But we need to be in shape man. It’ll do us good to have this guy train us… If he’ll have us anyway. I need to call him. He probably won’t even remember me. He was such a dickhead to me that I think he’d delete the memory of me the moment I walked out the door. He always told me I was too “green” and I wouldn’t accomplish anything. He was such a douche bag.
Tommy: Well then what the (BLEEP) are we doing? Why bother going to see your old Trainer if he was such a dickhead? I don’t need any extra heat, but if he is an (BLEEP) to me – then I’m going to mushroom slap him and teabag him in the center of the ring.
Billy: I just think it’s a good idea.
Tommy: You’re (BLEEP)ed in the head. God damn, I always get accused of being a retard, but you’ve taken the cake here. “My names Billy and I like to go back to train with guys who used to cut me up all the time.” You’re an idiot.
Billy: Look, I see your point. But that was so long ago. Besides, you ever hate something when its happening – but look back on it when you’re older and appreciate it?
Tommy: (BLEEP) no.
Billy: Well picture you did. Picture one of the worst experiences of your life being one of your greatest as well.
Tommy: Hmmm I think I see what your saying Billy. It’s like loosing your virginity to a fat bitch. First it sucks because she’s fat and she’s crushing you while she rides an eats at the same time. But then again your you were drunk so it didn’t matter, so you can blame the booze. Then looking back at it you can say to yourself “Hey least i did that bitch a favor...” She owes me one now. Her doing me probably made big changes for that girl. She’s probably a star now. An actress making the big bucks an telling people how I was once inside of her. Despite being 13 at the time…
Billy: Tommy, I’m glad you could find something to relate my point too… I KNOW you love the fatties… But If its the girl I’m thinking of she later committed suicide. She left a note saying something about repressed memories an not being able to live with it anymore…
Tommy: …
Billy: I’m just kidding man. Ha Ha.
Tommy: Good, I didn’t care anyway. As far as I’m concerned, she was begging for it. I just took it to her. What would you do if you had a fat bitch clamped to your leg for three or four hours? Damn near killed me.
Billy: Tommy, you need to find a hobby… This is exactly why I want you to start going to the Gym with me on a regular basis. So you can keep your mind off all the (BLEEP)ed up shit you’ve done and you’ll probably do. I mean Christ man, that was what? 5 years ago. Let it go.
Tommy: Maybe. It’s more fun to think about her piggy mouth squeelin’ though. Especially when I was reaming back on her pig tails. Ha Ha
Billy: Oh man, we’ve gone way off here. Ok but you get what I’m saying right? In Toronto, I was treated like an animal… but look what it turned me into. One of the most dangerous men in wrestling today. If it wasn’t for that Drill Sergeant mentality and the “In the Army” lectures and drills, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
I want to go back and show HIM what has come of me… The last time he saw me, I was limping my way out of his gymnasium after he straight up kicked my ass.. I want to show him that I’ve finally made something of my career. I want to invite him to the front row of Sole Survivor so he can watch you and perform. It’ll blow his mind.
Tommy: I’ll blow his mind anyway. Once he see’s me grab Krenshov and toss that giant around like a rag doll, he won’t know whether to applaud or to cry in fear. I’m going to make sure that our tag titles stick around our waists. I don’t give a (BLEEP) who is watching. I don’t care if we have Lou Thesz, Ric Flair, Buddy Rogers, and Burno Sammartino sitting in the front row… I’m going to put a SUPERSTAR sized hurt on all three of those (BLEEP)ing tag teams.
Billy: Don’t even get me started. I love that these odds are against us. You know why?
Tommy: Why?
Billy: Because every time the odds are against us, we walk out there with huge chips on our shoulders and we dare the Devil to knock them off. Think back to when we were fighting Casino and Krenshov at Cold Snap, everyone has hated on us. But, remember what happened? We went out there and we tore those two (BLEEP)ers a new (BLEEP). We stomped them with fire and we smothered them with gasoline. It was one hell of a blaze. Then of course, we go for the tag team titles and we completely destroy the minute-men champions Midnight Express and BAM! We’re the tag team champions.
So that being said, I’m glad that NAPW management put The Unmentionables, the Midnight (BLEEP)buddies and Next Gender into the match up. I’m glad that there is three teams. That just means that we can beat the hell out of more than two people this time. It means we can make our legacy grow that much stronger. And It means that we will have to dig down deeper to prevail and when we do… we will be the most dominating tag team in NAPW history. (BLEEP) D-X, (BLEEP) the Dudes, (BLEEP) the Delivery Men, or any other tag team that’s been memorable in the past year and a half in NAPW. The Doomriders are the elite team. A unique mixture of Nitro Glycerin and Gun Powder. Once we explode, we blow everything out of the water. No questions asked.
Tommy: I’m going to grab Clint by the balls and slap around that new tattoo of his. Let’s see how he likes it. The (BLEEP)ing idiot got a tattoo a few days before his match… You know how long it takes for it to heal. It’s not supposed to have any irritation. But when I’m done with it, the Bull is going to look more like a smear and Clint’s going to feel like he was put on a meat hook at the slaughter house.
Billy: Clint has no idea what the Bull represents. You know what a Bull represents to me?
Tommy: Steak?
Billy: Ha Ha, no. It represents an animal that just puts its head down and charges. No thought, no preparation, just brute force. That’s all fine and well, but what do you do when the target steps out of the way? It’ll run right through a wall and the target gets an opportunity to strike. Like a matador, I’ll play with him. Waving my pink cape in his face. I’ll watch his eyes get all red and he’ll charge. But as soon as he comes near me, I’l side step and stab him with my sword, impaling that son of a bitch to the point of no return. Then what? The Midnight Cowboys are (BLEEP)ed. God knows Stone won’t have a chance at taking us out. Stones more liable to trip over his own feet, then hit a drop toe hold.
Tommy: Here’s the deal, after I make Clints skin into paste, I’m going to gouge out Santiago’s eyes and rip off his mask. So then I can make him look at his ugly ass face with his own two eyes, kick him in the sack and give him the most devastating Deathrow Driver that he’ll ever have the privilege of receiving.
Billy: Next Generation ain’t shit. I dare both of those imported (BLEEP)ers to come at us right off the hop. I’d love to get my hands around Sakai’s throat so I can choke the life right out of him and send him back to Japan on medical leave. They don’t deserve to be in the ring with any of us, let alone go for the gold.
Tommy: Ok, we’ll talk about them on the plane. Who the hell is this Trainer of yours anyway? I know you’re all strung up about me meeting him, but what (BLEEP)ing credentials does he have? I mean honestly, has he ever been in the big league?
Billy: Nope.
Tommy: Then what the hell…
[Over the P.A. system an announcement is made FLIGHT 218 EDMONTON TO WINDSOR AND TORONTO IS NOW BOARDING Billy and Tommy look at one another and grab their carry-on bags. It’s finally time for their flight. The people around them all sigh with relief and start to line up in front of the boarding terminal.]
Tommy: As I was saying.
Billy: look, don’t worry about who he is yet. I’ll introduce him to you in good time. I have to call him first anyway. You just focus on getting us a hotel and stuff to do.
Tommy: And you can have fun riding your (BLEEP)ing trike around your old neighbourhood… But give me the directions to that Sex Club you told me about.
Billy: Yeah, Yeah.
Attendent: Tickets please.
[Billy and Tommy both hand her their ticket and walk through the gate…
To Be Continued]