Post by Sebastien Martyr on Mar 18, 2007 0:08:18 GMT -5
(For time placement, this promo was taped prior to the latest Prince Darko joint. The setting is really nice: an upscale Italian Restaurant full of people. The camera pans until we see Intern Pete on a date with a plain looking woman. He is dressed to impress and his girl is uh.. plainly attired. They seem to be having a good time, both smiling and enjoying what seems to be lasagna. Just then we see the mood change. Sebastien Martyr in a black on black suede suit, slicked back hair, sunglasses as dark as the ally’s he hangs out in, and he tops off the attire with his new dragon cane. He flashes his vampire styled dental implants and pulls up a chair to Intern Pete’s date. He grabs a microphone from the camera man and begins his own investigation, just like Pete does. )
Martyr: NAPW viewers, I have the honor of welcoming the hardest working free employ of the NAPW... INTERN PETE.
(Martyr stands and applauds, while encouraging the restaurant to do the same. Pete looks embarrassed, but his date however seems to be infatuated with Sebastien.)
Martyr: How does it feel to have this very intimate moment taped for television?
Pete: ...
Martyr: Doesn’t feel good does it? No.. you don’t like this at all. You would prefer me to leave, but Pete we all signed that agreement for the cameras to tape us. Even interns are under the microscope. (turning toward Pete’s date) Sally how does it feel to be live on television?
Pete: Her name is Rebecca...
Martyr: Sally we don’t have all day... how does it feel?
Sally/Rebecca: You’re Sebastien Martyr! The big time wrestler! I’ve been asking Pete to bring me an autograph of you since you started, and he hasn’t done it yet.
Martyr: Hmm... Seems like Sally isn’t too happy, Pete! Now I’m here to ask the questions, as I have been waiting to get some answers. You guys taped me at graveyard while I was having a moment of silence a few weeks ago. Now you wasn’t there, but I did find out it was under a whim of yours Mr. Pete, that they knew where to locate me. Now you need to tell me how you knew where to find me that day, and what you know.
Pete: I don’t know anything.. it was a lucky guess.
Martyr: I WASN’T EVEN IN CANADA! Now tell me how you knew where I’d be. I left no clues, I send the camera crew emailed locations for my interviews. I don’t live under these hot cameras like the other guys. I don’t like my privacy tampered with, and you sir... you tampered.
Pete: You... I ...
(Pete looks frightened to the core.)
Martyr: YOU TAMPERED! You have around three minutes to live unless you tell me who told you or how you found out!
Pete: (nervously he confesses) I have a friend in the airport business, and he found out through some connections. They followed you every move until you spotted them.
Martyr: Sally, do you want that autograph?
Pete: Her name is Rebecca...
Sally/Rebecca: Yes I do!
(She smiles big, and seems to be unaffected by the situation at hand.)
Martyr: To get it, you must do me a favor. I want you to throw that glass of red wine at Pete, and then tell him to never call you again. Can you do that?
(Pete looks confused and stares at Martyr. He then looks at his date and receives the glass of wine to the face.)
Sally/Rebecca: Don’t call me again, Pete!
(Sebastien was true to his word and writes on a napkin: “To Sally, Start wearing make up!- Sebastien Martyr.” She leaves as Martyr motions for her to move.)
Martyr: Now... You think this was fun? Was all of your work getting you noticed? It got you noticed by the wrong man, didn’t it? You messed with me, and my life. I don’t need all of these wrestlers finding out my business. Thankfully the camera men that filmed that piece were kind enough to play “let’s make a deal.” You weren’t lucky enough to be useful to me. Now let me ask some tough questions and you better answer them in a way that pleases me.
(Pete nods, almost scared to do anything else.)
Martyr: Do you think Tommy Deathrow is better than me?
Pete: (thinking hard before answering) No, no one is better than you Martyr.
Martyr: No one is better than me? How about Simply Beautiful, or the current champ Ravager? Don’t think that maybe they can whoop my ass?
Pete: Maybe Rav...
(Pete stops and thinks about the consequences of the answer. )
Pete: Maybe Ravager could last three minutes, but no more than that.
Martyr: Fair enough, do you find Tommy Deathrow to be a rather woman like fella, who acts like he has PMS every week?
Pete: Are you trying to get me killed?
Martyr: Answer the question, Pete. You want to die now, or at least have the opportunity to hide?
Pete: (hesitant, and reluctant) Tommy Deathrow is a bitch. He bitches about everything like a woman who is PMSin’.
Martyr: Do you think YOU could beat Tommy Deathrow?
Pete: No, but I’m sure you will beat his ass Tuesday.
Martyr: Not exactly what I’m looking for... Try that again.
Pete: (he looks as if the answer might actually kill him) I think I could (mumbles) Tommy.
Martyr: I didn’t quite catch that, and I did see some starving pigs in a field outside the city... You know they can consume a pound of uncooked flesh in a under a minute.
Pete: (visibly sweating) I COULD KICK TOMMY DEATHROW’S ASS! Anyone could! You happy. I am going to have to hide from that man for the rest of my time in NAPW.
Martyr: Hide from him, you just said you could kick his ass. (laughs) I wouldn’t worry about him. That man is obsessed with “respect.” Something he gives to NO ONE. But he pretends, maybe even believes in his own sick mind, that people should respect him. He acts like he has done all of these great things in the NAPW, but he hasn’t done anything. Where’s the single gold Tommy? WHAT! Oh no, apparently without a partner he can’t seem to put enough wins together to be a singles champ. To bad man, I heard Joey Malone might have an opening for number once contender to his belt. But even I think Extreme Jobber championship is a little above you. You need to maybe bring out your famous Long Beach Wrestling title. A match that never even made it to any form of television, but you apparently won. A belt you hold proudly! You are a singles champ! Or did the Bee bitch slap your ass and take it from you. I can’t Wouldn’t matter because not one wrestler would ever recognize a cardboard belt with tin foil taped to it that reads LBW. You know you and your mom are quite a championship family. She won the BJ belt in South Central LA. The sad thing is... she beat YOU in the finals.
Pete: Why are you like this? Why all these smart ass comments and attitude?
Martyr: You talk to me like you have a right too. You son are so close to a Revolutionizing ass kicking that my foot is an inch from your backside. You stalk me for weeks, wanting to be the man who uncovers the mysteries of the walking question mark. Or maybe you was trying to ask for that signature for Ol’ Sally. Or maybe you wanted to trump your paid counterpart Mr. Reynolds. You sir are a man who is nothing, and will never rise above that. You are the Tommy Deathrow of journalism. You are a coat tail riding, self absorbed, ass hole, who talks only to amuse himself. You think you inform, entertain or make any of these people care? You and him are just parasites, and you are going to witness him losing in his on match.
Pete: What about The Cowboys and Foundation?
Martyr: I have to commend you on still wanting to be a reporter. I’m more than confident in the abilities of my partners. They seem to have the same goal as me, and that’s kicking ass. We have no prior problems, and no reason not to work well together. The Foundation can’t trust Tommy, and no one can trust the Foundation. They seemed to have said no to my offer of just laying Tommy out and avoided a messy, blood filled contest. Now they must meet the same fate as the other men I’ve faced. All three men will be Sacrificed for the good of NAPW. The man who can’t win to save his life teaming with the Prince of pointless blather, and Tommy “I love me” Deathrow, are going to be found on the losing end of a one-sided war. The Midnight Cowboys with one pissed of Martyr, shall ride a victorious night on the final Tuesday Night fight, all the way to Toronto for Soul Survivor. (Stares at Pete) Now Pete, think about the consequences of your actions... cause this is your one and only warning!
(Sebastien gets up and leaves, as Pete just hides his head in his hands.)
Martyr: NAPW viewers, I have the honor of welcoming the hardest working free employ of the NAPW... INTERN PETE.
(Martyr stands and applauds, while encouraging the restaurant to do the same. Pete looks embarrassed, but his date however seems to be infatuated with Sebastien.)
Martyr: How does it feel to have this very intimate moment taped for television?
Pete: ...
Martyr: Doesn’t feel good does it? No.. you don’t like this at all. You would prefer me to leave, but Pete we all signed that agreement for the cameras to tape us. Even interns are under the microscope. (turning toward Pete’s date) Sally how does it feel to be live on television?
Pete: Her name is Rebecca...
Martyr: Sally we don’t have all day... how does it feel?
Sally/Rebecca: You’re Sebastien Martyr! The big time wrestler! I’ve been asking Pete to bring me an autograph of you since you started, and he hasn’t done it yet.
Martyr: Hmm... Seems like Sally isn’t too happy, Pete! Now I’m here to ask the questions, as I have been waiting to get some answers. You guys taped me at graveyard while I was having a moment of silence a few weeks ago. Now you wasn’t there, but I did find out it was under a whim of yours Mr. Pete, that they knew where to locate me. Now you need to tell me how you knew where to find me that day, and what you know.
Pete: I don’t know anything.. it was a lucky guess.
Martyr: I WASN’T EVEN IN CANADA! Now tell me how you knew where I’d be. I left no clues, I send the camera crew emailed locations for my interviews. I don’t live under these hot cameras like the other guys. I don’t like my privacy tampered with, and you sir... you tampered.
Pete: You... I ...
(Pete looks frightened to the core.)
Martyr: YOU TAMPERED! You have around three minutes to live unless you tell me who told you or how you found out!
Pete: (nervously he confesses) I have a friend in the airport business, and he found out through some connections. They followed you every move until you spotted them.
Martyr: Sally, do you want that autograph?
Pete: Her name is Rebecca...
Sally/Rebecca: Yes I do!
(She smiles big, and seems to be unaffected by the situation at hand.)
Martyr: To get it, you must do me a favor. I want you to throw that glass of red wine at Pete, and then tell him to never call you again. Can you do that?
(Pete looks confused and stares at Martyr. He then looks at his date and receives the glass of wine to the face.)
Sally/Rebecca: Don’t call me again, Pete!
(Sebastien was true to his word and writes on a napkin: “To Sally, Start wearing make up!- Sebastien Martyr.” She leaves as Martyr motions for her to move.)
Martyr: Now... You think this was fun? Was all of your work getting you noticed? It got you noticed by the wrong man, didn’t it? You messed with me, and my life. I don’t need all of these wrestlers finding out my business. Thankfully the camera men that filmed that piece were kind enough to play “let’s make a deal.” You weren’t lucky enough to be useful to me. Now let me ask some tough questions and you better answer them in a way that pleases me.
(Pete nods, almost scared to do anything else.)
Martyr: Do you think Tommy Deathrow is better than me?
Pete: (thinking hard before answering) No, no one is better than you Martyr.
Martyr: No one is better than me? How about Simply Beautiful, or the current champ Ravager? Don’t think that maybe they can whoop my ass?
Pete: Maybe Rav...
(Pete stops and thinks about the consequences of the answer. )
Pete: Maybe Ravager could last three minutes, but no more than that.
Martyr: Fair enough, do you find Tommy Deathrow to be a rather woman like fella, who acts like he has PMS every week?
Pete: Are you trying to get me killed?
Martyr: Answer the question, Pete. You want to die now, or at least have the opportunity to hide?
Pete: (hesitant, and reluctant) Tommy Deathrow is a bitch. He bitches about everything like a woman who is PMSin’.
Martyr: Do you think YOU could beat Tommy Deathrow?
Pete: No, but I’m sure you will beat his ass Tuesday.
Martyr: Not exactly what I’m looking for... Try that again.
Pete: (he looks as if the answer might actually kill him) I think I could (mumbles) Tommy.
Martyr: I didn’t quite catch that, and I did see some starving pigs in a field outside the city... You know they can consume a pound of uncooked flesh in a under a minute.
Pete: (visibly sweating) I COULD KICK TOMMY DEATHROW’S ASS! Anyone could! You happy. I am going to have to hide from that man for the rest of my time in NAPW.
Martyr: Hide from him, you just said you could kick his ass. (laughs) I wouldn’t worry about him. That man is obsessed with “respect.” Something he gives to NO ONE. But he pretends, maybe even believes in his own sick mind, that people should respect him. He acts like he has done all of these great things in the NAPW, but he hasn’t done anything. Where’s the single gold Tommy? WHAT! Oh no, apparently without a partner he can’t seem to put enough wins together to be a singles champ. To bad man, I heard Joey Malone might have an opening for number once contender to his belt. But even I think Extreme Jobber championship is a little above you. You need to maybe bring out your famous Long Beach Wrestling title. A match that never even made it to any form of television, but you apparently won. A belt you hold proudly! You are a singles champ! Or did the Bee bitch slap your ass and take it from you. I can’t Wouldn’t matter because not one wrestler would ever recognize a cardboard belt with tin foil taped to it that reads LBW. You know you and your mom are quite a championship family. She won the BJ belt in South Central LA. The sad thing is... she beat YOU in the finals.
Pete: Why are you like this? Why all these smart ass comments and attitude?
Martyr: You talk to me like you have a right too. You son are so close to a Revolutionizing ass kicking that my foot is an inch from your backside. You stalk me for weeks, wanting to be the man who uncovers the mysteries of the walking question mark. Or maybe you was trying to ask for that signature for Ol’ Sally. Or maybe you wanted to trump your paid counterpart Mr. Reynolds. You sir are a man who is nothing, and will never rise above that. You are the Tommy Deathrow of journalism. You are a coat tail riding, self absorbed, ass hole, who talks only to amuse himself. You think you inform, entertain or make any of these people care? You and him are just parasites, and you are going to witness him losing in his on match.
Pete: What about The Cowboys and Foundation?
Martyr: I have to commend you on still wanting to be a reporter. I’m more than confident in the abilities of my partners. They seem to have the same goal as me, and that’s kicking ass. We have no prior problems, and no reason not to work well together. The Foundation can’t trust Tommy, and no one can trust the Foundation. They seemed to have said no to my offer of just laying Tommy out and avoided a messy, blood filled contest. Now they must meet the same fate as the other men I’ve faced. All three men will be Sacrificed for the good of NAPW. The man who can’t win to save his life teaming with the Prince of pointless blather, and Tommy “I love me” Deathrow, are going to be found on the losing end of a one-sided war. The Midnight Cowboys with one pissed of Martyr, shall ride a victorious night on the final Tuesday Night fight, all the way to Toronto for Soul Survivor. (Stares at Pete) Now Pete, think about the consequences of your actions... cause this is your one and only warning!
(Sebastien gets up and leaves, as Pete just hides his head in his hands.)