Post by Sebastien Martyr on Mar 16, 2007 1:01:09 GMT -5
(A huge bonfire is roaring. The location isn’t clear, but it is night time. Then we see the usual scary figure appear. It is Sebastien Martyr. He clutches a walking cane and the camera zooms in on the top of it. It is a golden dragon. Martyr approaches the flames and moves his hand next to the fire.)
Martyr: So much to talk about after such an eventful night in the NAPW. Where do I begin? Do I hype Soul Survivor dos? Do I talk about Rees winning the unified Television-Provincial belt? Shall I discuss the horrible TNA pay per view? How about Diana Ross night on American Idol? No... let’s talk about who is still standing here in the NAPW... and who have recently met their maker so to speak.
(Sebastien Martyr pulls out a picture of Dez Carter.)
Martyr: I read on NAPW-online.com that the former Kiniski Cup Champion has lost his smile. He is taking some time off. He makes this decision after a match with who? SEBASTIEN MARTYR! Oh, don’t act like you didn’t know who it was. I took a man who hasn’t done anything worthwhile in a long, long, looonnnnngg time, and put him on the shelf. He is a one hit wonder and his time is up. NAPW doesn’t need his kind around here. I showed him the Revolution of this industry and he might never come back. So Dez Carter here’s your chance to go out in a blaze of glory.
(Sebastien Martyr sets the picture on fire. Then he pulls out a photo of Marcus Chamberlain.)
Martyr: This guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was a bystander, not innocent, but yet not the target. I had to get rid of his worthless self, to get at my target. Marcus has been released because if you can’t even get the courage up to defend your honor the next show... Rex “Allah” Caliber doesn’t need you. I am showing Rex every week, who he doesn’t need to put on television. Or maybe I’m embarrassing his “promising stars” so badly that he can’t do anything with them. Rex might be wondering why I’m doing it. Is it help or is it harm? Well a blind man can see that those guys couldn’t draw a dime with pen, paper, a picture of a dime and few dimes in front of them. In fact, Marcus would probably draw a blank! It’s hard to draw anything with pounding headaches and concussion symptoms. Marcus, enough laughing at you and your sorry skills... enter HELL!
(Sebastien burns the picture of Chamberlain, and pulls out a picture of Adam Benjamin.)
Martyr: True to his word... Adam Benjamin is no longer going to “entertain” us with his skills. Sacrificial lamb he was, I shall miss Adam. Me and him had so many good times. Like the first Sacrifice, or the second... or the one in the match that forced him to leave. Yes! I am the kiss of death apparently, as three men come in contact with me, and they all seem to be vanishing. I have rid this promotion of three boring, unentertaining individuals and did it with.... class. Adam Benjamin hop on the hot train back to England, we don’t need you!
(He burns that photo as well. Then he presents pictures of his upcoming opponents. Tommy Deathrow, who is dressed as Santa Claus. Plus his partners Thomas Young and Prince Darko.)
Martyr: This week I no longer have the same level of competition. I’m not facing unoriginal, untalented wrestlers with no future. These men can’t be called that. Well not all of them... there’s Thomas Young! What have you ever done in this federation? You live in the shadow of your brother Jeff James. You know JJ right? The things I’ve read state: “Greatest Television Champion in NAPW History.” All those champions and he represented that championship the best. You talk TV champ, you talk James. Where’s Thomas Young in all of this? Losing match after match. His tag team partner didn’t want to lose anymore, so he goes out and WINS A TITLE. That’s right, he won the Television title. He proved he can be money in this business. He proved his isn’t a constant failure. He proved that HE can win. Thomas Young... you might just need to chalk it up as experience and realize that you aren’t cut out for this business. You had some fun, had some laughs, surround yourself with people who are better than you... but you aren’t anything. You seem like a good kid, but good kids still get hit the SACRIFICE! This week it’s on a steel chair.
Martyr: Thomas Young has a partner... Prince Darko. I don’t know this guy as much. You seem to be low key and not on anyone’s radar. You got a partner who loses all these matches, and costs you tag team wins. You have this itch to be champ again, and the one belt you want more than anything is the tag team title. Am I close there Prince? Well you got a chance to do something about evening up the odds. You have this slack partner, so you need to handicap the champs. Tommy is your partner this week, and maybe.. he gets hit in the head with a Royal Shovel. Maybe he gets hit ten times with that shovel. He takes the loss, and you got the tag champions cut in half. Rex Caliber might be looking to strip him of the titles due to his injury, and maybe he rewards the tough bastard who knocked out STD. He throws you guys in the four way for the vacant belts. You see how good that sounds Prince? Now if you don’t like that plan, think of plan B. That plan involves you getting hit with a shovel, then Sacrificed on a steel chair. Why? Simple math... you are one of thirty guys entered in the Survivor match. You don’t want to be a target and right now that’s exactly what you are Prince. You can change that with a simple shovel shot at STD.
Martyr: Tommy Deathrow... The man who painfully goes into each match after filming forty five minute promos. He does two, three sometimes four of these loonnng repetitive interviews, each damn match. My God how many times can one talk about loving on animals, drinking, how great they are and still find a way to mention his opponent. He sometimes makes sense, but only if you are drunker than he was when he shot the damn thing. This man might be tough as nails, and he might be the sexiest catholic priest of all time, but Tommy Deathrow isn’t nothing but a jealous man. You think it don’t bother him that his partner is considered one of the best wrestlers in the world, and he is considered a mere sideshow. He talks about it too. But for every mention of it by him, it’s like a thousand times as much as he thinks about it. He held down poor KKP for almost a year. It took his former hated foe, former partner, former friend to give him that gold. He couldn’t win a belt on his own, he couldn’t win anything unless someone carried him. KKP wasn’t strong enough to do that, but Sick Billy’s back had built up enough to carry your ass. You sir are riding his coat tails, and he should just let you fight for those tag belts by yourself, and worry about winning the big belt. So come on man, bring on forty minutes of drunken babble that is more disturbing than Michael Jackson performing at a Chucky Cheese. You are going to feel a lot of pain, and by the time you make it through this match, the four way tag match at Survivor, you won’t be nothing to worry about in main event. I’ll have an easier time eliminating you, than you have of getting a three way with your mom and a donkey... and II heard it only took you three minutes to convince the donkey.
Martyr: Finally there’s my partners. You guys are also in the Survivor match. I respect you guys fully. I dig the whole cowboy deal. That’s your thing. You can count on me to inflict as much pain on those piss ants, as I did the last three guys I encountered. If we cross paths in the main event of Survivor, so be it. But trust me, as everything I say has a way of happening...I’m not about to jeopardize losing a match to these guys. The Cowboys are former tag champions. You won in three months what it took Tommy Deathrow a year to do. Our team will be rock solid. As for STD, and the Foundation? I think those guys are going to implode before the show. They can’t coexist and they know it. No rules, no tags, pure violence... I am FINALLY HOME and I’m bringing some Midnight Cowboys from HELL!
(Sebastien Martyr smiles as the fire goes out all at once.)
Martyr: So much to talk about after such an eventful night in the NAPW. Where do I begin? Do I hype Soul Survivor dos? Do I talk about Rees winning the unified Television-Provincial belt? Shall I discuss the horrible TNA pay per view? How about Diana Ross night on American Idol? No... let’s talk about who is still standing here in the NAPW... and who have recently met their maker so to speak.
(Sebastien Martyr pulls out a picture of Dez Carter.)
Martyr: I read on NAPW-online.com that the former Kiniski Cup Champion has lost his smile. He is taking some time off. He makes this decision after a match with who? SEBASTIEN MARTYR! Oh, don’t act like you didn’t know who it was. I took a man who hasn’t done anything worthwhile in a long, long, looonnnnngg time, and put him on the shelf. He is a one hit wonder and his time is up. NAPW doesn’t need his kind around here. I showed him the Revolution of this industry and he might never come back. So Dez Carter here’s your chance to go out in a blaze of glory.
(Sebastien Martyr sets the picture on fire. Then he pulls out a photo of Marcus Chamberlain.)
Martyr: This guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was a bystander, not innocent, but yet not the target. I had to get rid of his worthless self, to get at my target. Marcus has been released because if you can’t even get the courage up to defend your honor the next show... Rex “Allah” Caliber doesn’t need you. I am showing Rex every week, who he doesn’t need to put on television. Or maybe I’m embarrassing his “promising stars” so badly that he can’t do anything with them. Rex might be wondering why I’m doing it. Is it help or is it harm? Well a blind man can see that those guys couldn’t draw a dime with pen, paper, a picture of a dime and few dimes in front of them. In fact, Marcus would probably draw a blank! It’s hard to draw anything with pounding headaches and concussion symptoms. Marcus, enough laughing at you and your sorry skills... enter HELL!
(Sebastien burns the picture of Chamberlain, and pulls out a picture of Adam Benjamin.)
Martyr: True to his word... Adam Benjamin is no longer going to “entertain” us with his skills. Sacrificial lamb he was, I shall miss Adam. Me and him had so many good times. Like the first Sacrifice, or the second... or the one in the match that forced him to leave. Yes! I am the kiss of death apparently, as three men come in contact with me, and they all seem to be vanishing. I have rid this promotion of three boring, unentertaining individuals and did it with.... class. Adam Benjamin hop on the hot train back to England, we don’t need you!
(He burns that photo as well. Then he presents pictures of his upcoming opponents. Tommy Deathrow, who is dressed as Santa Claus. Plus his partners Thomas Young and Prince Darko.)
Martyr: This week I no longer have the same level of competition. I’m not facing unoriginal, untalented wrestlers with no future. These men can’t be called that. Well not all of them... there’s Thomas Young! What have you ever done in this federation? You live in the shadow of your brother Jeff James. You know JJ right? The things I’ve read state: “Greatest Television Champion in NAPW History.” All those champions and he represented that championship the best. You talk TV champ, you talk James. Where’s Thomas Young in all of this? Losing match after match. His tag team partner didn’t want to lose anymore, so he goes out and WINS A TITLE. That’s right, he won the Television title. He proved he can be money in this business. He proved his isn’t a constant failure. He proved that HE can win. Thomas Young... you might just need to chalk it up as experience and realize that you aren’t cut out for this business. You had some fun, had some laughs, surround yourself with people who are better than you... but you aren’t anything. You seem like a good kid, but good kids still get hit the SACRIFICE! This week it’s on a steel chair.
Martyr: Thomas Young has a partner... Prince Darko. I don’t know this guy as much. You seem to be low key and not on anyone’s radar. You got a partner who loses all these matches, and costs you tag team wins. You have this itch to be champ again, and the one belt you want more than anything is the tag team title. Am I close there Prince? Well you got a chance to do something about evening up the odds. You have this slack partner, so you need to handicap the champs. Tommy is your partner this week, and maybe.. he gets hit in the head with a Royal Shovel. Maybe he gets hit ten times with that shovel. He takes the loss, and you got the tag champions cut in half. Rex Caliber might be looking to strip him of the titles due to his injury, and maybe he rewards the tough bastard who knocked out STD. He throws you guys in the four way for the vacant belts. You see how good that sounds Prince? Now if you don’t like that plan, think of plan B. That plan involves you getting hit with a shovel, then Sacrificed on a steel chair. Why? Simple math... you are one of thirty guys entered in the Survivor match. You don’t want to be a target and right now that’s exactly what you are Prince. You can change that with a simple shovel shot at STD.
Martyr: Tommy Deathrow... The man who painfully goes into each match after filming forty five minute promos. He does two, three sometimes four of these loonnng repetitive interviews, each damn match. My God how many times can one talk about loving on animals, drinking, how great they are and still find a way to mention his opponent. He sometimes makes sense, but only if you are drunker than he was when he shot the damn thing. This man might be tough as nails, and he might be the sexiest catholic priest of all time, but Tommy Deathrow isn’t nothing but a jealous man. You think it don’t bother him that his partner is considered one of the best wrestlers in the world, and he is considered a mere sideshow. He talks about it too. But for every mention of it by him, it’s like a thousand times as much as he thinks about it. He held down poor KKP for almost a year. It took his former hated foe, former partner, former friend to give him that gold. He couldn’t win a belt on his own, he couldn’t win anything unless someone carried him. KKP wasn’t strong enough to do that, but Sick Billy’s back had built up enough to carry your ass. You sir are riding his coat tails, and he should just let you fight for those tag belts by yourself, and worry about winning the big belt. So come on man, bring on forty minutes of drunken babble that is more disturbing than Michael Jackson performing at a Chucky Cheese. You are going to feel a lot of pain, and by the time you make it through this match, the four way tag match at Survivor, you won’t be nothing to worry about in main event. I’ll have an easier time eliminating you, than you have of getting a three way with your mom and a donkey... and II heard it only took you three minutes to convince the donkey.
Martyr: Finally there’s my partners. You guys are also in the Survivor match. I respect you guys fully. I dig the whole cowboy deal. That’s your thing. You can count on me to inflict as much pain on those piss ants, as I did the last three guys I encountered. If we cross paths in the main event of Survivor, so be it. But trust me, as everything I say has a way of happening...I’m not about to jeopardize losing a match to these guys. The Cowboys are former tag champions. You won in three months what it took Tommy Deathrow a year to do. Our team will be rock solid. As for STD, and the Foundation? I think those guys are going to implode before the show. They can’t coexist and they know it. No rules, no tags, pure violence... I am FINALLY HOME and I’m bringing some Midnight Cowboys from HELL!
(Sebastien Martyr smiles as the fire goes out all at once.)