Post by Bruce "The Beast" Richards on Mar 11, 2007 16:59:51 GMT -5
TIFFANY: I don't think you have anything to worry about.
(Fade up. Bruce "The Beast" Richards is lying back in his hotel room bed, dressed casually in a brown sweater and blue jeans, remote control in his hand, watching Hockey Night in Canada. Tiffany McIntire pops out of the hotel bathroom in a white robe and a towel around her head.)
TIFFANY: Did you hear what I said?
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Not moving his eyes from the screen.) Did you say something?
TIFFANY: Oh, sorry, I forgot. Oilers are on the screen, Bruce can't hear a word I say. They aren't even any good this season.
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Raising his hand.) One, the Oilers aren't playing tonight. This is Ottawa and Toronto, in the not-as-well-known-but-still-sort-of-epic Battle of Upper Canada. Two, don't badmouth my home team.
TIFFANY: (Sighing.) Fine.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Good. So, what were you saying earlier?
TIFFANY: I said I don't think you have anything to worry about in your match on Tuesday.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Ah, of course.
TIFFANY: I mean, Brian's a nice enough guy, I guess, or at least he used to be. And he's certainly a force to be reckoned with in the ring, now that he's a nonstop amusement park of pain in the ring. (Affects carnival barker's voice.) "Come one, come all, to Brian Bruno's Carnival of Violence!"
BRUCE RICHARDS: "Ride the Tilt-A-Whirl of Vengeance!"
TIFFANY: "Take a spin on the Ferris Wheel of Doom - if you dare!!!"
BRUCE RICHARDS: "You must be at least this tall to hate!"
TIFFANY: Hee!
BRUCE RICHARDS: You were going somewhere with this, I take it?
TIFFANY: Right, sorry. Anyways, he's like a rabid dog in the ring, but how's that working out for him lately? Last Tuesday, he got eliminated by Kevin Kodiak.
BRUCE RICHARDS: And he BEAT Dez Carter the show before that.
TIFFANY: Castle pinned him at Cold Snap.
BRUCE RICHARDS: And he defeated the Grade "A" Alberta (BLEEP)s the week before that.
TIFFANY: Well, if you'd stop pointing out all the ways that I'm wrong...
BRUCE RICHARDS: Well, if you would stop cherry-picking the facts, it wouldn't be so easy to poke holes in your argument. That's bad debate skills, Tiffany.
TIFFANY: I'm so sorry I wasn't on the debate team in University like you were, Bruce.
BRUCE RICHARDS: It's okay. Very few people can be like me.
TIFFANY: (Scoffing as she goes back into the bathroom to finish getting ready.) Thank god for that. I don't know if anyone could handle two of you.
BRUCE RICHARDS: I dunno. I think it'd be nice to have a conversation with someone who agrees with me for once.
TIFFANY: Knowing you, you would find SOMETHING to argue with yourself about.
BRUCE RICHARDS: True. But at least that way, I'd have someone of a high enough caliber to make this a challenge with for a change. I mean Bruno's decent, but he's no Bruce The Beast. He can challenge for the Provincial Title to his heart's content if he wants, but I think last week he proved just how far away he is from the heavyweight championship level. Whereas me? (Looks at his BattleBowl ring.) I know I'm good enough for that belt. I've got the proof right here in my hand. I know, any given night of the week, I'm better than Brian Bruno. Poor guy isn't going to have a chance. Shame really: he deserves better than being given the bum's rush. Put him up against Castle again, he might be able to handle it. But against me? He'd better show up wearing his old football padding, the way I'm going to toss him around.
TIFFANY: That's right, honey. You keep talking yourself up like that. (She comes out of the bathroom in a shimmering blue blouse and a black skirt.) What do you think?
BRUCE RICHARDS: I think I need to change.
TIFFANY: Get on it, then.
(Bruce tears into his suitcase as we fade to black.)
Edited for formatting.
(Fade up. Bruce "The Beast" Richards is lying back in his hotel room bed, dressed casually in a brown sweater and blue jeans, remote control in his hand, watching Hockey Night in Canada. Tiffany McIntire pops out of the hotel bathroom in a white robe and a towel around her head.)
TIFFANY: Did you hear what I said?
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Not moving his eyes from the screen.) Did you say something?
TIFFANY: Oh, sorry, I forgot. Oilers are on the screen, Bruce can't hear a word I say. They aren't even any good this season.
BRUCE RICHARDS: (Raising his hand.) One, the Oilers aren't playing tonight. This is Ottawa and Toronto, in the not-as-well-known-but-still-sort-of-epic Battle of Upper Canada. Two, don't badmouth my home team.
TIFFANY: (Sighing.) Fine.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Good. So, what were you saying earlier?
TIFFANY: I said I don't think you have anything to worry about in your match on Tuesday.
BRUCE RICHARDS: Ah, of course.
TIFFANY: I mean, Brian's a nice enough guy, I guess, or at least he used to be. And he's certainly a force to be reckoned with in the ring, now that he's a nonstop amusement park of pain in the ring. (Affects carnival barker's voice.) "Come one, come all, to Brian Bruno's Carnival of Violence!"
BRUCE RICHARDS: "Ride the Tilt-A-Whirl of Vengeance!"
TIFFANY: "Take a spin on the Ferris Wheel of Doom - if you dare!!!"
BRUCE RICHARDS: "You must be at least this tall to hate!"
TIFFANY: Hee!
BRUCE RICHARDS: You were going somewhere with this, I take it?
TIFFANY: Right, sorry. Anyways, he's like a rabid dog in the ring, but how's that working out for him lately? Last Tuesday, he got eliminated by Kevin Kodiak.
BRUCE RICHARDS: And he BEAT Dez Carter the show before that.
TIFFANY: Castle pinned him at Cold Snap.
BRUCE RICHARDS: And he defeated the Grade "A" Alberta (BLEEP)s the week before that.
TIFFANY: Well, if you'd stop pointing out all the ways that I'm wrong...
BRUCE RICHARDS: Well, if you would stop cherry-picking the facts, it wouldn't be so easy to poke holes in your argument. That's bad debate skills, Tiffany.
TIFFANY: I'm so sorry I wasn't on the debate team in University like you were, Bruce.
BRUCE RICHARDS: It's okay. Very few people can be like me.
TIFFANY: (Scoffing as she goes back into the bathroom to finish getting ready.) Thank god for that. I don't know if anyone could handle two of you.
BRUCE RICHARDS: I dunno. I think it'd be nice to have a conversation with someone who agrees with me for once.
TIFFANY: Knowing you, you would find SOMETHING to argue with yourself about.
BRUCE RICHARDS: True. But at least that way, I'd have someone of a high enough caliber to make this a challenge with for a change. I mean Bruno's decent, but he's no Bruce The Beast. He can challenge for the Provincial Title to his heart's content if he wants, but I think last week he proved just how far away he is from the heavyweight championship level. Whereas me? (Looks at his BattleBowl ring.) I know I'm good enough for that belt. I've got the proof right here in my hand. I know, any given night of the week, I'm better than Brian Bruno. Poor guy isn't going to have a chance. Shame really: he deserves better than being given the bum's rush. Put him up against Castle again, he might be able to handle it. But against me? He'd better show up wearing his old football padding, the way I'm going to toss him around.
TIFFANY: That's right, honey. You keep talking yourself up like that. (She comes out of the bathroom in a shimmering blue blouse and a black skirt.) What do you think?
BRUCE RICHARDS: I think I need to change.
TIFFANY: Get on it, then.
(Bruce tears into his suitcase as we fade to black.)
Edited for formatting.