Post by KRENSHOV on Mar 11, 2007 11:53:34 GMT -5
(OOC: If you haven't read the theads "another dumb question" posted by Prince Darko and "Guys" by Thomas Young on The Locker Room board, then you won't completely understand the premise of this roleplay.)
“Welcome, take a seat boys,” Eli’s voice echoed in the small gymatorium. The wooden floors hadn’t been waxed in decades, the lighting sucked, everything about this place was shady. In the center of the gymatorium held a wrestling ring, somewhat smaller and definitely cheaper looking than an NAPW ring, and in front there were three seats, one for Eli himself, two for Krenshov and Jay O’Brien. The Untouchable tag team had no idea what Eli was up to, but they took their seats and looked at Eli with questionable eyes. “Boys, I figured you both deserved a little entertainment before you go into this match on Tuesday. So, I bring to you, none other than The Royal Foundation, Prince Darko and Thomas Young!”
Was he serious? Jay had no idea what was going on, and Krenshov was on edge. Then the tension eased as two midgets dressed as Young and Darko waddled out from the locker room area and into the ring. “Eli, you’re a riot,” Jay hooted with laughter in his voice. Kenny smiled and crossed his arms, ready for whatever was next.
The one dressed as Thomas Young looked as specially challenged as the real deal, and the one dressed as Darko, well, a cheap mask and terrible tights in midget size and you have someone that looks more credible than Darko himself. Both midgets jumped up on the turnbuckles, posing as if there was an actual crowd, then Young stuck his head through the middle and bottom ropes and pointed at Krenshov. He shouted something cruel, but can you ever take anything a small person says seriously? No, you just tilt your head and say, “awe.”
“And their opponents, the Kurtis Miniatures with Lyndsey Valentine,” Eli bellowed, as “The Show” or “The Last Action Hero” or “Piece of Shit”, whatever Chad Kurtis calls himself this week, comes out with a small plastic replica of the Television title. Honestly, you can barely tell the difference from the real thing. Following the midget moniker of the group comes his brother, Mathew Kurtis, and bitch, Lyndsey Valentine wearing an incredibly skimpy outfit. A bite sized referee comes out and gets in the ring to officiate this “match.”
The four get ready to square off, with Mini-Lyndsey on the outside, but before the referee can call for the bell, Thomas Young tells him to wait, and retrieves a microphone tucked away in his back pocket. “I just want to clear the air,” he said with his squeaky voice, “Krenshov is a bitch!” The beast grunted a small laugh as the midget taunted him, somewhat like the real Young attempts to, “I beat his ass a long time ago, all by myself in a handicapped match!” Ok, you have to admit, the oxymoron is amusing. “After I beat him, he complained, he whined to everyone! Ever since then, I’ve been living the life of success, with several tag team title shots, and wins over prestigious names like… like… like… wait, Darko have we won any matches?” Darko extra-small shakes his head no, and looks down at the ground in dismay. “That’s not the point,” Young squeaked, “the point is that Krenshov has gone no where in his career. Look at it, he has won match after match, but has he ever gotten a tag team title shot like me? No! He joins that joke of a group, the Untouchables. I mean, they only have the Pure Honor Champion, and the Provincial Champion in their group, while in the Foundation, Darko and Jeff James were Television Champions once!” Kenny finally cracks, and laughs at the impersonation, because it’s almost dead on. “Face it Kenny, you know I’m better than you! You know I can beat your ass whenever I feel like it, you just keep attacking me from behind! If you hadn’t caught me off guard in that Battle Royale, I would have smacked the spit out of your mouth Kenny! You just watch yourself on Tuesday!”
Young throws the microphone down and yells something incoherent, and the referee signals for Eli to ring the bell. Eli obliges as he taps a stick on a cowbell, and the match is underway!
Chad Kurtis runs full steam at Young and blasts him over the head with the faux plastic Television title, and it shatters as Young stumbles back. Darko and Mathew flail their stubby little arms at each other in fury, neither really achieving anything. Little Lindsey dances over to Jay O’Brien, making the English man laugh and blush. She jumps into the lap of Jay, with her tiny little legs hang almost two feet from the ground. Little Lindsey throws her hands up into her hair, and grinds into Jay, doing her best to be seductive. “I always knew the bitch wanted it,” Jay hooted, both Kenny and Eli laughed hysterically, clapping their hands.
Mathew Mini knocks Pint-sized Darko with a push, and instantly goes to the ropes to yell in to the small audience, “Lyndsey get off of him! Get off of him right now!” Darko comes up behind and rolls his opponent up, and the referee counts, 1… 2… 3! Darko and Young win! The Lollipop Kingdom’s Foundation jumps around with their hands in the air, celebrating their first win in recent history. Chad Kurtis stomps around and jumps to the outside and looks for something underneath the ring. Darko pulls a small flask from his back pocket to take a victory swig of fine whiskey. As he sips, the small Prince stumbles backwards and falls on his back, unable to handle is liquor and passes out drunk. Young shakes his head in embarrassment and tries to shake Darko to wake him, but it is to no avail.
Chad Kurtis returns to the ring with a BB gun! He takes aim at Young, as Thomas turns around and POP! Young falls to the mat, squealing in pain. “MY EYE, MY EYE! SOMEBODY HELP, MY EYE!” The referee rips the gun away from Chad and tries to separate the mess, as Little Lyndsey jumps out of Jay’s lap and blows him a kiss goodbye.
Eli beats the cowbell with his stick, “alright my little friends, we appreciate you coming down here to put on this little show for us, and your checks will be in the mail shortly.” All six midgets get up in a line, and take a bow. Nobodies hurt, just a little fun. As they exit the ring and filter in a single filed line to the back, nobodies sure, but they think they third each of the midgets hum the tune of “Oompa-Loompa” from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory.
“I have to hand it to you Eli, you know how to put on a good show,” Jay said.
Eli stands in front of the Untouchable tag team, “I just wanted to give you guys a good time, and so you can really understand how big—or in this case, little of a joke your opponents really are. You two are going up against two teams of nobodies, two teams that have never accomplished anything. You guys are teaming up with the Cowboys, and while they aren’t much better, I’d rather have them on my side than those four clowns any day of the week.” Eli moves his head from side to side, “before I go on about the Cowboys, there are some things that need to be addressed—Young, for instance. Kenny, I want you to shut him up, permanently. While you have beat the hell out of him on several occasions, and eliminated him from the Battle Royale… he persists on bringing up history—flawed history. So, come this Tuesday, let’s see a Total Eclipse, or squeeze the life out of him with a bear hug, shall we?”
Kenny grunts and shakes his head up and down in agreement, he’s eager to shut Thomas up as well. “Then, Next Generation... Rex loves these guys for whatever reason. First a given title shot next week, then he decides to throw Next Generation into our title shot at Sole Survivor II? Why? What have they done? If he wants to play that game, then fine, we can play too. Regardless of whether Sakai and San Diego come up as champions this week, let’s make sure they don’t walk out of the arena. A stretcher or a body bag will suffice for their travels. Agreed?”
Jay and Krenshov say nothing, they just sternly nod. “Then we have the Cowboys. These two are… a little off the wall. They don’t like us, and we certainly don’t like them—but of course, Rex decides to make the Untouchables life harder than it already is. This match should be Untouchables VS Cowboys to decide who really deserves the title shot at Sole Survivor. Instead, Rex stirs the pot, trying to get inside of your heads. Don’t let him. I’m not saying trust the Cowboys, be watchful and leery, don’t let your guard down, but DO NOT think of them as your opponents on Tuesday. After the match, I don’t care what the two of you do. Beat the Midnight out of them, shake their hands, take them out to dinner, I don’t care. But do NOT let this match fall apart because they are your soon to be opponents. Rex has us under the microscope right now, and if this match ended in a loss because of the tension with the Cowboys, then he will use all of his power to yank the title shot from us. Do you both understand?”
Kenny takes a deep breath in, not enjoying the fact that he HAS to work with the Cowboys, and Jay reluctantly nods. “I know you two do all the work in the ring, but I have had to work every angle and call in a lot of favors to ensure this title shot. Trust me; Rex is not a man of principles. He’ll do what he wants on a whim, and a win at the Battle Royale does not completely secure your title shot… especially a shaky win.”
Eli looks at both of them, and he knows they understand that this is a sticky situation, but he doesn’t know if Krenshov will be able to maintain his composure in the ring. “Alright, get some rest, it’s going to be one hell of a night come Tuesday.”
“Welcome, take a seat boys,” Eli’s voice echoed in the small gymatorium. The wooden floors hadn’t been waxed in decades, the lighting sucked, everything about this place was shady. In the center of the gymatorium held a wrestling ring, somewhat smaller and definitely cheaper looking than an NAPW ring, and in front there were three seats, one for Eli himself, two for Krenshov and Jay O’Brien. The Untouchable tag team had no idea what Eli was up to, but they took their seats and looked at Eli with questionable eyes. “Boys, I figured you both deserved a little entertainment before you go into this match on Tuesday. So, I bring to you, none other than The Royal Foundation, Prince Darko and Thomas Young!”
Was he serious? Jay had no idea what was going on, and Krenshov was on edge. Then the tension eased as two midgets dressed as Young and Darko waddled out from the locker room area and into the ring. “Eli, you’re a riot,” Jay hooted with laughter in his voice. Kenny smiled and crossed his arms, ready for whatever was next.
The one dressed as Thomas Young looked as specially challenged as the real deal, and the one dressed as Darko, well, a cheap mask and terrible tights in midget size and you have someone that looks more credible than Darko himself. Both midgets jumped up on the turnbuckles, posing as if there was an actual crowd, then Young stuck his head through the middle and bottom ropes and pointed at Krenshov. He shouted something cruel, but can you ever take anything a small person says seriously? No, you just tilt your head and say, “awe.”
“And their opponents, the Kurtis Miniatures with Lyndsey Valentine,” Eli bellowed, as “The Show” or “The Last Action Hero” or “Piece of Shit”, whatever Chad Kurtis calls himself this week, comes out with a small plastic replica of the Television title. Honestly, you can barely tell the difference from the real thing. Following the midget moniker of the group comes his brother, Mathew Kurtis, and bitch, Lyndsey Valentine wearing an incredibly skimpy outfit. A bite sized referee comes out and gets in the ring to officiate this “match.”
The four get ready to square off, with Mini-Lyndsey on the outside, but before the referee can call for the bell, Thomas Young tells him to wait, and retrieves a microphone tucked away in his back pocket. “I just want to clear the air,” he said with his squeaky voice, “Krenshov is a bitch!” The beast grunted a small laugh as the midget taunted him, somewhat like the real Young attempts to, “I beat his ass a long time ago, all by myself in a handicapped match!” Ok, you have to admit, the oxymoron is amusing. “After I beat him, he complained, he whined to everyone! Ever since then, I’ve been living the life of success, with several tag team title shots, and wins over prestigious names like… like… like… wait, Darko have we won any matches?” Darko extra-small shakes his head no, and looks down at the ground in dismay. “That’s not the point,” Young squeaked, “the point is that Krenshov has gone no where in his career. Look at it, he has won match after match, but has he ever gotten a tag team title shot like me? No! He joins that joke of a group, the Untouchables. I mean, they only have the Pure Honor Champion, and the Provincial Champion in their group, while in the Foundation, Darko and Jeff James were Television Champions once!” Kenny finally cracks, and laughs at the impersonation, because it’s almost dead on. “Face it Kenny, you know I’m better than you! You know I can beat your ass whenever I feel like it, you just keep attacking me from behind! If you hadn’t caught me off guard in that Battle Royale, I would have smacked the spit out of your mouth Kenny! You just watch yourself on Tuesday!”
Young throws the microphone down and yells something incoherent, and the referee signals for Eli to ring the bell. Eli obliges as he taps a stick on a cowbell, and the match is underway!
Chad Kurtis runs full steam at Young and blasts him over the head with the faux plastic Television title, and it shatters as Young stumbles back. Darko and Mathew flail their stubby little arms at each other in fury, neither really achieving anything. Little Lindsey dances over to Jay O’Brien, making the English man laugh and blush. She jumps into the lap of Jay, with her tiny little legs hang almost two feet from the ground. Little Lindsey throws her hands up into her hair, and grinds into Jay, doing her best to be seductive. “I always knew the bitch wanted it,” Jay hooted, both Kenny and Eli laughed hysterically, clapping their hands.
Mathew Mini knocks Pint-sized Darko with a push, and instantly goes to the ropes to yell in to the small audience, “Lyndsey get off of him! Get off of him right now!” Darko comes up behind and rolls his opponent up, and the referee counts, 1… 2… 3! Darko and Young win! The Lollipop Kingdom’s Foundation jumps around with their hands in the air, celebrating their first win in recent history. Chad Kurtis stomps around and jumps to the outside and looks for something underneath the ring. Darko pulls a small flask from his back pocket to take a victory swig of fine whiskey. As he sips, the small Prince stumbles backwards and falls on his back, unable to handle is liquor and passes out drunk. Young shakes his head in embarrassment and tries to shake Darko to wake him, but it is to no avail.
Chad Kurtis returns to the ring with a BB gun! He takes aim at Young, as Thomas turns around and POP! Young falls to the mat, squealing in pain. “MY EYE, MY EYE! SOMEBODY HELP, MY EYE!” The referee rips the gun away from Chad and tries to separate the mess, as Little Lyndsey jumps out of Jay’s lap and blows him a kiss goodbye.
Eli beats the cowbell with his stick, “alright my little friends, we appreciate you coming down here to put on this little show for us, and your checks will be in the mail shortly.” All six midgets get up in a line, and take a bow. Nobodies hurt, just a little fun. As they exit the ring and filter in a single filed line to the back, nobodies sure, but they think they third each of the midgets hum the tune of “Oompa-Loompa” from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory.
“I have to hand it to you Eli, you know how to put on a good show,” Jay said.
Eli stands in front of the Untouchable tag team, “I just wanted to give you guys a good time, and so you can really understand how big—or in this case, little of a joke your opponents really are. You two are going up against two teams of nobodies, two teams that have never accomplished anything. You guys are teaming up with the Cowboys, and while they aren’t much better, I’d rather have them on my side than those four clowns any day of the week.” Eli moves his head from side to side, “before I go on about the Cowboys, there are some things that need to be addressed—Young, for instance. Kenny, I want you to shut him up, permanently. While you have beat the hell out of him on several occasions, and eliminated him from the Battle Royale… he persists on bringing up history—flawed history. So, come this Tuesday, let’s see a Total Eclipse, or squeeze the life out of him with a bear hug, shall we?”
Kenny grunts and shakes his head up and down in agreement, he’s eager to shut Thomas up as well. “Then, Next Generation... Rex loves these guys for whatever reason. First a given title shot next week, then he decides to throw Next Generation into our title shot at Sole Survivor II? Why? What have they done? If he wants to play that game, then fine, we can play too. Regardless of whether Sakai and San Diego come up as champions this week, let’s make sure they don’t walk out of the arena. A stretcher or a body bag will suffice for their travels. Agreed?”
Jay and Krenshov say nothing, they just sternly nod. “Then we have the Cowboys. These two are… a little off the wall. They don’t like us, and we certainly don’t like them—but of course, Rex decides to make the Untouchables life harder than it already is. This match should be Untouchables VS Cowboys to decide who really deserves the title shot at Sole Survivor. Instead, Rex stirs the pot, trying to get inside of your heads. Don’t let him. I’m not saying trust the Cowboys, be watchful and leery, don’t let your guard down, but DO NOT think of them as your opponents on Tuesday. After the match, I don’t care what the two of you do. Beat the Midnight out of them, shake their hands, take them out to dinner, I don’t care. But do NOT let this match fall apart because they are your soon to be opponents. Rex has us under the microscope right now, and if this match ended in a loss because of the tension with the Cowboys, then he will use all of his power to yank the title shot from us. Do you both understand?”
Kenny takes a deep breath in, not enjoying the fact that he HAS to work with the Cowboys, and Jay reluctantly nods. “I know you two do all the work in the ring, but I have had to work every angle and call in a lot of favors to ensure this title shot. Trust me; Rex is not a man of principles. He’ll do what he wants on a whim, and a win at the Battle Royale does not completely secure your title shot… especially a shaky win.”
Eli looks at both of them, and he knows they understand that this is a sticky situation, but he doesn’t know if Krenshov will be able to maintain his composure in the ring. “Alright, get some rest, it’s going to be one hell of a night come Tuesday.”