Post by D! on Nov 1, 2005 18:38:37 GMT -5
Lights up. It's backstage NAPW, with a large TV sitting on a dolly in the middle. D! walks into frame, evidently a little sore from Monday's post-match beatdown.
D!: Well, well, well. Look who's the new #1 contender for the NAPW title. It's yours truly, and for all of the pain I ought to be feeling, I feel like I've just lost my virginity at a Disneyland on the moon--I've never felt better. So for those of you out there questioning what kind of shape I'm in, let me tell you Monday Night's main event will go on as scheduled: it'll be D!--One letter, said real loud--challenging The Plague--There is no cure for The Plague!--for the biggest prize in Alberta. And with that match comes a whole new set of challenges . . . but for right now, I've got some pressing business to deal with.
First, The Decapitators: I can't thank you guys enough. I didn't really get a chance to thank you last night, but you showed ol' Armor All that you can't just be laughed at and dismissed, and that's why you're my pick to win Thursday night. Good luck guys, and I'll get you guys back in the future.
Which, of course, leads me to Viking. (Holds up hands.) No, wait, it's not what you think. I'm not mad at you, I'm not gonna rub my win in your face, either, 'cause that's not sporting. No. I'm worried about you, guy. I've had all day to think about it, but something after my match was bugging me--really bugging me--and it wasn't until I got to review last night's show that I could put a finger on what it was. Here, watch the TV . . .
The TV screen comes alive, playing a clip from one of Viking's promos.
VIKING: I want you to think about where you can buy a newspaper... go through the want ads and see if you can find a job as a janitor... because when I'm done with you... you'll be nothing better then a piece of garbage...
D!: Well, things didn't exactly go as you'd predicted, but let's face it: what if you're the guy with the wrong job? I mean, don't get me wrong, I've only met you last night, but WOW, were you ever unhappy. Talk about negative energy. So maybe you're not happy as a singles wrestler--or a one-man tag-team, if that's what you think you are now--but I'd say you need to ditch professional wrestling, big guy. I figured you went into it against your will--maybe your village chief forced you into it--but there's much more to you, Viking. I've seen it, and all of the NAPW fans have seen it. (Holds hands up to heart.) I want you to see it. All of the talent that's buried deep inside of you. Why, if you only saw yourself how others see you, you could be . . .
Viking back stage a NAIT after losing the match to D is throwing chairs around the locker room... knocking over tables...
D!: An interior designer. Hell, it's in your genes, you're from the land of IKEA, for the love of Odin! So swap your furry boots for Birkenstocks and pull on a black turtleneck! I see you as being a great Minimalist: "This has got to go! This has got to go!" Plus people will finally love you for being an out-of-control eccentric! Or maybe . . .
"D to me stands for defeat! "
D!: A first-grade teacher.
"a Plague needs to be destroyed so it does not spread... "
D!: A doctor!
"...(grabs the driver and throws him onto the street and forces him to get into the car and drive)..."
D!: A cab driver.
"Usually I don't make a habit of looking ahead..."
D!: A cab driver.
"remember this date October 31...2005..."
D!: A personal secretary.
"IF YOU WATCHED THE REPLAY OF THE END OF THE MATCH YOU WOULD SEE THE REF COUNTED WAY TO FAST!..."
D!: A conspiracy theorist.
"I come all this way and my limo is not here! "
"you take the time to learn about your opponent... "
"Remember that kid this ain't golf "
"I don't agree with that thought because it is plain and simple"
"THIS IS YOUR FIRST MATCH "
D!: A rocket scientist. Or maybe, peanut, after Alberta saw you run your mouth and still lose to a man you've called nothing but a pretender, maybe you'd rather be . . .
"What a nightmare I got my butt kicked by Viking!"
D!: Anyone other than you.
Finally, to the fans of NAPW: the men and women who didn't know me but cheered me anyways . . . do not miss the Nov. 7th Monday Night Fight. It you loved what you saw on Hallowe'en, Monday's main event will blow you out of the water.
D! turns to leave, but stops on the balls of his feet.
D!: Oh, and Plague? We'll talk.
D! exits. Lights down.
D!: Well, well, well. Look who's the new #1 contender for the NAPW title. It's yours truly, and for all of the pain I ought to be feeling, I feel like I've just lost my virginity at a Disneyland on the moon--I've never felt better. So for those of you out there questioning what kind of shape I'm in, let me tell you Monday Night's main event will go on as scheduled: it'll be D!--One letter, said real loud--challenging The Plague--There is no cure for The Plague!--for the biggest prize in Alberta. And with that match comes a whole new set of challenges . . . but for right now, I've got some pressing business to deal with.
First, The Decapitators: I can't thank you guys enough. I didn't really get a chance to thank you last night, but you showed ol' Armor All that you can't just be laughed at and dismissed, and that's why you're my pick to win Thursday night. Good luck guys, and I'll get you guys back in the future.
Which, of course, leads me to Viking. (Holds up hands.) No, wait, it's not what you think. I'm not mad at you, I'm not gonna rub my win in your face, either, 'cause that's not sporting. No. I'm worried about you, guy. I've had all day to think about it, but something after my match was bugging me--really bugging me--and it wasn't until I got to review last night's show that I could put a finger on what it was. Here, watch the TV . . .
The TV screen comes alive, playing a clip from one of Viking's promos.
VIKING: I want you to think about where you can buy a newspaper... go through the want ads and see if you can find a job as a janitor... because when I'm done with you... you'll be nothing better then a piece of garbage...
D!: Well, things didn't exactly go as you'd predicted, but let's face it: what if you're the guy with the wrong job? I mean, don't get me wrong, I've only met you last night, but WOW, were you ever unhappy. Talk about negative energy. So maybe you're not happy as a singles wrestler--or a one-man tag-team, if that's what you think you are now--but I'd say you need to ditch professional wrestling, big guy. I figured you went into it against your will--maybe your village chief forced you into it--but there's much more to you, Viking. I've seen it, and all of the NAPW fans have seen it. (Holds hands up to heart.) I want you to see it. All of the talent that's buried deep inside of you. Why, if you only saw yourself how others see you, you could be . . .
Viking back stage a NAIT after losing the match to D is throwing chairs around the locker room... knocking over tables...
D!: An interior designer. Hell, it's in your genes, you're from the land of IKEA, for the love of Odin! So swap your furry boots for Birkenstocks and pull on a black turtleneck! I see you as being a great Minimalist: "This has got to go! This has got to go!" Plus people will finally love you for being an out-of-control eccentric! Or maybe . . .
"D to me stands for defeat! "
D!: A first-grade teacher.
"a Plague needs to be destroyed so it does not spread... "
D!: A doctor!
"...(grabs the driver and throws him onto the street and forces him to get into the car and drive)..."
D!: A cab driver.
"Usually I don't make a habit of looking ahead..."
D!: A cab driver.
"remember this date October 31...2005..."
D!: A personal secretary.
"IF YOU WATCHED THE REPLAY OF THE END OF THE MATCH YOU WOULD SEE THE REF COUNTED WAY TO FAST!..."
D!: A conspiracy theorist.
"I come all this way and my limo is not here! "
"you take the time to learn about your opponent... "
"Remember that kid this ain't golf "
"I don't agree with that thought because it is plain and simple"
"THIS IS YOUR FIRST MATCH "
D!: A rocket scientist. Or maybe, peanut, after Alberta saw you run your mouth and still lose to a man you've called nothing but a pretender, maybe you'd rather be . . .
"What a nightmare I got my butt kicked by Viking!"
D!: Anyone other than you.
Finally, to the fans of NAPW: the men and women who didn't know me but cheered me anyways . . . do not miss the Nov. 7th Monday Night Fight. It you loved what you saw on Hallowe'en, Monday's main event will blow you out of the water.
D! turns to leave, but stops on the balls of his feet.
D!: Oh, and Plague? We'll talk.
D! exits. Lights down.