Post by "The Devastator" Kurt Castle on Feb 25, 2007 13:52:59 GMT -5
(Lights up at the home office of Kurt Castle in good ‘ole Las Vegas. Castle sits at this desk with his arms folded and his feet kicked up. The NAPW Provincial Belt rests in his lap. The belt gleams as the lights bounce off of it from different angles. Castle is self-promoting, as he wears pair of blue jeans and the NEW Kurt Castle t-shirt. Available now at NAPW.ca . Represent the greatest Provincial Champion of all time for only $23.95 USD. I guess that’s about five hundred Canadian dollars. Oh well, it’s worth the investment. The camera zooms in and Castle begins to speak.)
KC: They said it couldn’t be done. They all said that never would a group of individuals be able to run roughshod through the NAPW roster and put themselves in a position or total power and control. Especially not in such a short span of time. But as usual, we go the distance to not only tell everybody how wrong they are, but we PROVE to every last one of them how wrong they really are. Look at the shock and dismay we created last week. And when the eastern Atlantic monster hopped in the ring and dawned a new color, we watched as the rest of this company AGAIN shrunk at our feet. We watched as fear and anguish grew on the face of every man in this place, as they all realized that this is no joke. They realize that we are dead ass serious about the mission that we must complete.
(Castle gives an evil smirk to the camera)
KC: What exactly does that mission entail? Many have thoughts and wacked ass theories about the Untouchables, and what exactly it is that we plan to do. Well I’ll let all you fools in on this. Nobody can possibly know what we have in store. Nobody can even comprehend exactly what it is they will do in the near future. But you can take this to the bank. Tuesday Night at Road For the Gold, the Untouchables will drop a bombshell on the whole world. You think the carefully orchestrated events of last week were shocking, well tune in this week and be amazed.
(Castle grows increasingly confident as he continues. He’s one of six men on planet Earth that know how big Tuesday night will be. He is assured that the Untouchables will change the face of NAPW forever to come.)
KC: This week, these moronic, welfare collecting, trailer trash Canadians will get more for their money then they deserve. Sure, every title in the company will be on the line. But more importantly, these people get to lay witness to the only two TRUE champions in this place. The league MVP Chris Casino gets to lay to rest the legend of the longest running TV champion of all time. C’mon Jeff James? Gimme a (BLEEP)ing break.
(Castle can’t help but to laugh at the thought of James. This guy’s stock has gone through the floor since his over hyped championship run came to an end. You don’t believe me? Look who he lost to last week. My point exactly.)
KC: And then “The Devastator” gets to backhand yet another punk trying to break out of the midcard cycle. Johnny Rotten, and all the Revlon that he can cake on his face, will attempt to come to the ring and make a name for himself at my expense. That kid needs to figure out the TRUTH of the situation before it comes back to bite him in the ass. But we’ll get back to him.
(Castle waves his right index finger in front of the camera. There is one other topic that first needs to be discussed.)
KC: I need to let the truth be told about this little World Title Match that will be headlining this weeks card. First off, it’s a travesty to have every member of the Untouchables in action, and have a couple of washed up baby boomers like Ravager and “The Lollypop Kid” headline this card. It’s quite obvious to everyone that the NAPW title has turned into a paper belt. The beholder is nothing more than a figurehead for this company. Besides, seeing as how our current champion came to be, even a Canadian mook can tell that neither of these men deserve to be champion.
KC: Ravager? Ole Bobby aint nothing more that an Untouchable reject. We never wanted his ass, and we’re the only reason he even walked out of Cold Snap with that belt. That’s why he played all you fans for weeks anyway. He prayed on everything in his sole that the Untouchables would save him sorry ass and lead him to promised land. And at Cold Snap, Bobby boy finally took the ball and ran with it and finally won a world title match against a weak and gullible man in Evan Cartwright. By the way Evan, how’s that ankle? I hope you get well soon. We got plenty more where that came from. But c’mon Ravie, with all the failed attempts you’ve had at becoming world champion, you knew you had to win one eventually. How many chances did it take you though? Anyone could have won that belt with seven or eight different opportunities. I got money that says even a Johnny Rotten could have won ONE eventually. It’s people like Ravager that made the Untouchables dorm in the first place. Talent licking ass kissers like him get opportunity after opportunity, while real talent like ourselves are expected to put you over. Well that shit ain’t happening no more.
(Castle switches focus to the challenger for the NAPW Championship. Castle does have a slim bit of respect for the toothless newfie. Castle knows everything he has accomplished, but also knows that Rees is no longer the number one bad guy in this company. Rees has been surpassed by Castle himself, and Loyd knows that his time is running out.)
KC: Loyd Rees. You’ve disguised your fear and agony over recent weeks by pumping yourself up to be something you’re not. You even went and made up a fictional championship to legitimize yourself. C’mon Loyd, you think people really care about the Republic of Newfoundland, or you for that matter. Any damn fool can spend twenty or thirty bucks to buy a plastic wanna-be belt to drape around their waste. Your obsession of having to be a champion reminds me of a child’s need to have a security blanket. You’ve so insecure about your fading career, you need any prop you can find to give yourself the least bit of confidence. I got an idea for a prop though. Try sticking a set of dentures in your rotted mouth for a change. I get tired of watching gobs of spit ending up on camera lenses all across this country while you try to enunciate simple words like “d’his” and “d-hat”. You got about as good of a chance of being the number one man in this company as Ravager does of getting a recount on his Untouchables membership. Got d’hat Larry?!
(Castle switches gears to his task at hand for this coming TNF. Johnny Rotten. For Kurt it’s just another day in the life of NAPW’s “quality control” man. Week after week Castle turns back punks just like Rotten that try to make the jump and play with the big boys. Castle realizes just how grossly underpaid he was when on the NAPW payroll. Good thing he found a man that appreciates all that he does.)
KC: Johnny, you’re nothing but a kid with a pipe dream. Just like Tommy Deathrow was, and just like Brian Bruno was. I hear the same shit out of you people over and over again. All I hear is “I want to be the Provincial Champion”. “I want to get in the ring and prove that Kurt Castle aint shit”. “This is my chance to show the world my true worth”. God, I get sick and tired of that shit.
KC: So when you finally get backed into a match with me, things change a little bit don’t they. It’s easy to talk a big game when you think you’ll never be good enough to step into the ring with me. Sure it is Johnny. It’s called jealousy. And I completely understand why your are consumed by it.
(Castle takes his feet down and stands up from the chair he was sitting in. He drapes the Provincial Belt over his shoulder so the camera can get a good look at it. Johnny Rotten may want to freeze-frame this part. That way he can get a good look at Castle “lunch”. Johnny said it himself, he can’t even hold down crackers. He better have a bigger appetite than that if he wants to take down “The Devastator”
KC: The worst thing about this entire week, was having to waste my valuable time watching the torture that Rotten wells as a promo. There’s so many other things I could be doing with my time. How long is it going to take before people like him begin to realize that it doesn’t matter what you do outside of this ring. No one cares if you finally lost your virginity to a crack head hussy that only slept with with you because you had a rock and a light bulb. Ya know Johnny, if I were in your situation I would be smiling about that, let alone putting it on tape for the whole world to see.
KC: When I faced Bruno, it was injured knee routine that he played to save face for his eventual demise. And now you’ve decided to follow suit, using the food poisoning line to rectify an excuse for your eventual demise. I don’t think you got food poisoning though Johnny. No, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it is. A mixture of anxiety and 150 proof fear. Fear that your career and medioric rise will be ended quicker than you “ended” with your lady friend in your next promo. Do you have any idea about the kind of man you’re even going to face.
(Castle thinks to himself for a moment. He moves around to the front of the desk and sits down on the edge of it.)
KC: A while back, one of those mainstream wrestling feds had a man on their roster they referred to as “Mr. Monday Night”. Little did you know, but the very man that you’re little beady eyes are looking at right now is NAPW’s version. And for now on you my friend are to refer to me as “Mr. Tuesday Night” You still don’t get it do you? Since I turned this company upside down towards the end of last year, I’m the only man in this company to wrestle at every TNF. I have become the backbone of that show, and the ONLY wrestler that the fans come to see. I know if may deflate you a little bit to come to the realization that no one is coming to watch you. You can find some solace in the fact that you were given the privilege to compete against the most consistent man in this vespool.
(Castle starts to think about one comment in particular from the recent promo from the face paint misfit)
KC: I heard you loud and clear Rotten. I heard you talk about not being the man. I heard you admit that you weren’t THE man, but merely A man. Quite frankly I wouldn’t even give you credit for being that. You nothing but a bottom feeding coward that wants nothing less but to actually have to back up his comments. And the fact of the matter is, you just can’t do it.
KC: Sure you (BLEEP)ing idiot, lay you’re whole plan out on the table for me to see. Tell me how you’ll stoop to any level to get a hold of my belt. Some crowd favorite you are. These fans cheer you for god knows what reason, but out of your few lack luster victories, your manager is responsible for more or them than you are. It must be your lucky day though. ‘Cause you just found a man that will play the same game as you. Fact is, the game you want to play, is something that we’ve been doing since before you know what wrestling was. But then again, I’ve seen all you’re matches. You STILL don’t know what wrestling is.
KC: I’m one of the few men around here that is proactive instead of reactive. You want to tell me point blank that you’ll cheat to beat me? You want to tell me to my face that I’d better watch for a desperation chairshot from your manager when I’ve got you beaten into submission. Well, thanks for the heads up. I may just have to make sure that Jeff Fox is out of the equation before the bell even rings. Trust me bitch, I’ve got the man power to do it.
(Vintage Castle as he pulls a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and puts them on. He grabs the belt off of his shoulder and uses it as a mirror and makes sure his hair is perfect. His nose slowly rises to the sky, as is someone has blown his ego up like a hot-air balloon.)
KC: Time up Johnny. You were unprepared for this match when it was announced, and you’ll be unprepared to the beating you’re sure to receive on Tuesday night. You know why? Cause you’re going up against the greatest Provincial Champion of all time, the truth of NAPW, Mr. Tuesday night, and the only that can tell you how wrong you are, then go out and prove it to you. That’s why they call me “The Devastator”, and that’s why I’m Untouchable.
(Castle gets up close on the camera. He whispers the following line.)
KC: And Johnny misfit……..That’s the DAMN TRUTH!!!
(Screen goes black.)
KC: They said it couldn’t be done. They all said that never would a group of individuals be able to run roughshod through the NAPW roster and put themselves in a position or total power and control. Especially not in such a short span of time. But as usual, we go the distance to not only tell everybody how wrong they are, but we PROVE to every last one of them how wrong they really are. Look at the shock and dismay we created last week. And when the eastern Atlantic monster hopped in the ring and dawned a new color, we watched as the rest of this company AGAIN shrunk at our feet. We watched as fear and anguish grew on the face of every man in this place, as they all realized that this is no joke. They realize that we are dead ass serious about the mission that we must complete.
(Castle gives an evil smirk to the camera)
KC: What exactly does that mission entail? Many have thoughts and wacked ass theories about the Untouchables, and what exactly it is that we plan to do. Well I’ll let all you fools in on this. Nobody can possibly know what we have in store. Nobody can even comprehend exactly what it is they will do in the near future. But you can take this to the bank. Tuesday Night at Road For the Gold, the Untouchables will drop a bombshell on the whole world. You think the carefully orchestrated events of last week were shocking, well tune in this week and be amazed.
(Castle grows increasingly confident as he continues. He’s one of six men on planet Earth that know how big Tuesday night will be. He is assured that the Untouchables will change the face of NAPW forever to come.)
KC: This week, these moronic, welfare collecting, trailer trash Canadians will get more for their money then they deserve. Sure, every title in the company will be on the line. But more importantly, these people get to lay witness to the only two TRUE champions in this place. The league MVP Chris Casino gets to lay to rest the legend of the longest running TV champion of all time. C’mon Jeff James? Gimme a (BLEEP)ing break.
(Castle can’t help but to laugh at the thought of James. This guy’s stock has gone through the floor since his over hyped championship run came to an end. You don’t believe me? Look who he lost to last week. My point exactly.)
KC: And then “The Devastator” gets to backhand yet another punk trying to break out of the midcard cycle. Johnny Rotten, and all the Revlon that he can cake on his face, will attempt to come to the ring and make a name for himself at my expense. That kid needs to figure out the TRUTH of the situation before it comes back to bite him in the ass. But we’ll get back to him.
(Castle waves his right index finger in front of the camera. There is one other topic that first needs to be discussed.)
KC: I need to let the truth be told about this little World Title Match that will be headlining this weeks card. First off, it’s a travesty to have every member of the Untouchables in action, and have a couple of washed up baby boomers like Ravager and “The Lollypop Kid” headline this card. It’s quite obvious to everyone that the NAPW title has turned into a paper belt. The beholder is nothing more than a figurehead for this company. Besides, seeing as how our current champion came to be, even a Canadian mook can tell that neither of these men deserve to be champion.
KC: Ravager? Ole Bobby aint nothing more that an Untouchable reject. We never wanted his ass, and we’re the only reason he even walked out of Cold Snap with that belt. That’s why he played all you fans for weeks anyway. He prayed on everything in his sole that the Untouchables would save him sorry ass and lead him to promised land. And at Cold Snap, Bobby boy finally took the ball and ran with it and finally won a world title match against a weak and gullible man in Evan Cartwright. By the way Evan, how’s that ankle? I hope you get well soon. We got plenty more where that came from. But c’mon Ravie, with all the failed attempts you’ve had at becoming world champion, you knew you had to win one eventually. How many chances did it take you though? Anyone could have won that belt with seven or eight different opportunities. I got money that says even a Johnny Rotten could have won ONE eventually. It’s people like Ravager that made the Untouchables dorm in the first place. Talent licking ass kissers like him get opportunity after opportunity, while real talent like ourselves are expected to put you over. Well that shit ain’t happening no more.
(Castle switches focus to the challenger for the NAPW Championship. Castle does have a slim bit of respect for the toothless newfie. Castle knows everything he has accomplished, but also knows that Rees is no longer the number one bad guy in this company. Rees has been surpassed by Castle himself, and Loyd knows that his time is running out.)
KC: Loyd Rees. You’ve disguised your fear and agony over recent weeks by pumping yourself up to be something you’re not. You even went and made up a fictional championship to legitimize yourself. C’mon Loyd, you think people really care about the Republic of Newfoundland, or you for that matter. Any damn fool can spend twenty or thirty bucks to buy a plastic wanna-be belt to drape around their waste. Your obsession of having to be a champion reminds me of a child’s need to have a security blanket. You’ve so insecure about your fading career, you need any prop you can find to give yourself the least bit of confidence. I got an idea for a prop though. Try sticking a set of dentures in your rotted mouth for a change. I get tired of watching gobs of spit ending up on camera lenses all across this country while you try to enunciate simple words like “d’his” and “d-hat”. You got about as good of a chance of being the number one man in this company as Ravager does of getting a recount on his Untouchables membership. Got d’hat Larry?!
(Castle switches gears to his task at hand for this coming TNF. Johnny Rotten. For Kurt it’s just another day in the life of NAPW’s “quality control” man. Week after week Castle turns back punks just like Rotten that try to make the jump and play with the big boys. Castle realizes just how grossly underpaid he was when on the NAPW payroll. Good thing he found a man that appreciates all that he does.)
KC: Johnny, you’re nothing but a kid with a pipe dream. Just like Tommy Deathrow was, and just like Brian Bruno was. I hear the same shit out of you people over and over again. All I hear is “I want to be the Provincial Champion”. “I want to get in the ring and prove that Kurt Castle aint shit”. “This is my chance to show the world my true worth”. God, I get sick and tired of that shit.
KC: So when you finally get backed into a match with me, things change a little bit don’t they. It’s easy to talk a big game when you think you’ll never be good enough to step into the ring with me. Sure it is Johnny. It’s called jealousy. And I completely understand why your are consumed by it.
(Castle takes his feet down and stands up from the chair he was sitting in. He drapes the Provincial Belt over his shoulder so the camera can get a good look at it. Johnny Rotten may want to freeze-frame this part. That way he can get a good look at Castle “lunch”. Johnny said it himself, he can’t even hold down crackers. He better have a bigger appetite than that if he wants to take down “The Devastator”
KC: The worst thing about this entire week, was having to waste my valuable time watching the torture that Rotten wells as a promo. There’s so many other things I could be doing with my time. How long is it going to take before people like him begin to realize that it doesn’t matter what you do outside of this ring. No one cares if you finally lost your virginity to a crack head hussy that only slept with with you because you had a rock and a light bulb. Ya know Johnny, if I were in your situation I would be smiling about that, let alone putting it on tape for the whole world to see.
KC: When I faced Bruno, it was injured knee routine that he played to save face for his eventual demise. And now you’ve decided to follow suit, using the food poisoning line to rectify an excuse for your eventual demise. I don’t think you got food poisoning though Johnny. No, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it is. A mixture of anxiety and 150 proof fear. Fear that your career and medioric rise will be ended quicker than you “ended” with your lady friend in your next promo. Do you have any idea about the kind of man you’re even going to face.
(Castle thinks to himself for a moment. He moves around to the front of the desk and sits down on the edge of it.)
KC: A while back, one of those mainstream wrestling feds had a man on their roster they referred to as “Mr. Monday Night”. Little did you know, but the very man that you’re little beady eyes are looking at right now is NAPW’s version. And for now on you my friend are to refer to me as “Mr. Tuesday Night” You still don’t get it do you? Since I turned this company upside down towards the end of last year, I’m the only man in this company to wrestle at every TNF. I have become the backbone of that show, and the ONLY wrestler that the fans come to see. I know if may deflate you a little bit to come to the realization that no one is coming to watch you. You can find some solace in the fact that you were given the privilege to compete against the most consistent man in this vespool.
(Castle starts to think about one comment in particular from the recent promo from the face paint misfit)
KC: I heard you loud and clear Rotten. I heard you talk about not being the man. I heard you admit that you weren’t THE man, but merely A man. Quite frankly I wouldn’t even give you credit for being that. You nothing but a bottom feeding coward that wants nothing less but to actually have to back up his comments. And the fact of the matter is, you just can’t do it.
KC: Sure you (BLEEP)ing idiot, lay you’re whole plan out on the table for me to see. Tell me how you’ll stoop to any level to get a hold of my belt. Some crowd favorite you are. These fans cheer you for god knows what reason, but out of your few lack luster victories, your manager is responsible for more or them than you are. It must be your lucky day though. ‘Cause you just found a man that will play the same game as you. Fact is, the game you want to play, is something that we’ve been doing since before you know what wrestling was. But then again, I’ve seen all you’re matches. You STILL don’t know what wrestling is.
KC: I’m one of the few men around here that is proactive instead of reactive. You want to tell me point blank that you’ll cheat to beat me? You want to tell me to my face that I’d better watch for a desperation chairshot from your manager when I’ve got you beaten into submission. Well, thanks for the heads up. I may just have to make sure that Jeff Fox is out of the equation before the bell even rings. Trust me bitch, I’ve got the man power to do it.
(Vintage Castle as he pulls a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and puts them on. He grabs the belt off of his shoulder and uses it as a mirror and makes sure his hair is perfect. His nose slowly rises to the sky, as is someone has blown his ego up like a hot-air balloon.)
KC: Time up Johnny. You were unprepared for this match when it was announced, and you’ll be unprepared to the beating you’re sure to receive on Tuesday night. You know why? Cause you’re going up against the greatest Provincial Champion of all time, the truth of NAPW, Mr. Tuesday night, and the only that can tell you how wrong you are, then go out and prove it to you. That’s why they call me “The Devastator”, and that’s why I’m Untouchable.
(Castle gets up close on the camera. He whispers the following line.)
KC: And Johnny misfit……..That’s the DAMN TRUTH!!!
(Screen goes black.)