Post by Matthew Kurtis on Feb 24, 2007 15:45:45 GMT -5
(((The scene opens and we find "The Angry American" Matthew Kurtis sitting at a corner table in a small bar that could be called "seedy". Matthew has one leg propped up on the table and is leaning back in his chair against the wall. In front of him are 5 or 6 empty Budweiser long necks, and a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels. He is watching Lyndsey bent over a pool, and sink the eight as she beats some poor bar regular for the third straight time but he is too busy staring at her ass to care that he's losing. She puts down the cue stick and walks over to Matthew and sits in his lap...)))
MATTHEW: Good game,Sweetheart how did the guy take losing all three straight?
LYNDSEY:He was too busy staring at my ass to care I think. By the way,why is the NAPW camera-crew here with us tonight?
MATTHEW:Well,as you know,Lynds,I have a match this week with NAPW newcomer Newfy Jack and thought I'd cut this promo in a setting he seems to be very familiar with and that's a bar. You see Jackie after watching the two promos that you've done so far here,I've got you figured out,I know exactly what you are,and what you are is just a mean drunk who's likes to fight.And Boy I beat up my first mean drunk when I was sixteen and my father and I got into it.
LYNDSEY:You got that impression,too? Hell I thought is was just me to be honest.
MATTHEW:Impression? Hell he flat out said his "training" regimen is drinking a couple of kegs of "Newfy Juice" ,whatever the Hell that is, and a case of beer. I mean Damn he's killed so many brain cells that carries around a dead fish with him and talks to it, and it's not even a quality fish like a swordfish,or a marlin. It's a cod,the kind they make fish sticks out of, for crying out loud. I mean he have at least had the decency to have that big mouth singing bass with him, and then maybe his promo would have even less generic.
LYNDSEY: I know what you mean Baby,if it wasn't for the fish that would just like a million other "I'm gonna kick your ass" promos out there. As it is there wasn't much more to it than that any way.
MATTHEW: I know he uses bowling references and then he's a train? Dude stick with one image,but then I guess it must be all the dead brain cells. See Jackie you seem to be suffering from the same disease that affects alot of the newcomers here lately. That is "Too Big for your Britches Syndrome" and it is accompanied by diarrhea of the mouth. That's where you come out and win your first match or two and are all ready to start talking title shots. Jackie it ain't happening, because like you said the more you win the more you get noticed. Well,Son, sadly for you this week I'm going to win. I mean I ain't about to lose to some loopy drunk with beer muscles who carries around a dead fish. You're up against the "Big Blue Ass-Kicker" this Tuesday and drunk,sober or anywhere in between I'm always going to be better. I don't care if you're a so-called "Hardcore Icon". You can bring your keg of Newfy Juice and Charlie,Flipper,Shamu,Jabberjaw,Nemo,Aqua Man,Ariel,Jaws or whatever kind of marine-life or in Charlie's case still-life you want to. But it's not going to change the outcome of the match at all.
LYNDSEY:Nemo? Ariel? Kinda got carried away there "Big Daddy". But I see your point. The whole fish thingy is really weird,but I guess he had to do something to stand out.
MATTHEW:I understand wanting to stand out,but the best way I've found to do it is by flat out kicking ass in the ring. Win,lose,or draw I always kick ass and after I hit you with the Bluegrass Bomb and get the one,two,three. Jackie maybe if you enough of your brain cells still work you'll realize that is was just my time...ASS KICKIN' TIME!
(((Matthew grabs the whiskey bottle,takes a long swig of it and hands it to Lyndsey who does the same and then puts it down. The two get up and walk to an empty pool table and start racking up the pool balls as the scene fades to black.)))
MATTHEW: Good game,Sweetheart how did the guy take losing all three straight?
LYNDSEY:He was too busy staring at my ass to care I think. By the way,why is the NAPW camera-crew here with us tonight?
MATTHEW:Well,as you know,Lynds,I have a match this week with NAPW newcomer Newfy Jack and thought I'd cut this promo in a setting he seems to be very familiar with and that's a bar. You see Jackie after watching the two promos that you've done so far here,I've got you figured out,I know exactly what you are,and what you are is just a mean drunk who's likes to fight.And Boy I beat up my first mean drunk when I was sixteen and my father and I got into it.
LYNDSEY:You got that impression,too? Hell I thought is was just me to be honest.
MATTHEW:Impression? Hell he flat out said his "training" regimen is drinking a couple of kegs of "Newfy Juice" ,whatever the Hell that is, and a case of beer. I mean Damn he's killed so many brain cells that carries around a dead fish with him and talks to it, and it's not even a quality fish like a swordfish,or a marlin. It's a cod,the kind they make fish sticks out of, for crying out loud. I mean he have at least had the decency to have that big mouth singing bass with him, and then maybe his promo would have even less generic.
LYNDSEY: I know what you mean Baby,if it wasn't for the fish that would just like a million other "I'm gonna kick your ass" promos out there. As it is there wasn't much more to it than that any way.
MATTHEW: I know he uses bowling references and then he's a train? Dude stick with one image,but then I guess it must be all the dead brain cells. See Jackie you seem to be suffering from the same disease that affects alot of the newcomers here lately. That is "Too Big for your Britches Syndrome" and it is accompanied by diarrhea of the mouth. That's where you come out and win your first match or two and are all ready to start talking title shots. Jackie it ain't happening, because like you said the more you win the more you get noticed. Well,Son, sadly for you this week I'm going to win. I mean I ain't about to lose to some loopy drunk with beer muscles who carries around a dead fish. You're up against the "Big Blue Ass-Kicker" this Tuesday and drunk,sober or anywhere in between I'm always going to be better. I don't care if you're a so-called "Hardcore Icon". You can bring your keg of Newfy Juice and Charlie,Flipper,Shamu,Jabberjaw,Nemo,Aqua Man,Ariel,Jaws or whatever kind of marine-life or in Charlie's case still-life you want to. But it's not going to change the outcome of the match at all.
LYNDSEY:Nemo? Ariel? Kinda got carried away there "Big Daddy". But I see your point. The whole fish thingy is really weird,but I guess he had to do something to stand out.
MATTHEW:I understand wanting to stand out,but the best way I've found to do it is by flat out kicking ass in the ring. Win,lose,or draw I always kick ass and after I hit you with the Bluegrass Bomb and get the one,two,three. Jackie maybe if you enough of your brain cells still work you'll realize that is was just my time...ASS KICKIN' TIME!
(((Matthew grabs the whiskey bottle,takes a long swig of it and hands it to Lyndsey who does the same and then puts it down. The two get up and walk to an empty pool table and start racking up the pool balls as the scene fades to black.)))