Post by Simply Beautiful on Feb 22, 2007 10:59:14 GMT -5
Fade in. The sexiest referee since Rex Caliber (OOC: Hi Bo!) the one and only Simply Beautiful, stands in front of a black and white NAPW banner. Wearing, of course, he brand spankin' new NAPW referee t-shirt - and looking pretty damn good while he's doing it - hey, is the italics guy a homo or what? I bet you're wondering. No, I've got a wife and kids. One's pretty ugly, but he still counts. Anyway, here's SB!
SB: Looks like NAPW's got a new sheriff in town. (whips his shades off and tosses them overhead) And if you think SB ain't excited to be callin' the NAPW Title match - you're DREAMIN'! On one side, you have Ravager - ok, I'll admit, we have something of a professional friendship. But hey, when I win my Four Way Elimination and become the NEW Number One Contender you're fair game, bub. And I'll do anything it takes to be NAPW Champ - but surely you know that already.
SB: And then, on the other side - well, you've got my own personal whippin' post, Lloyd Christmas, er, Rees. That's two and oh, pal. Now, add in the three losses your sex slave has one-on-one with me. You can use a calculator, if your head explodes before the match we'll be stuck giving a title shot to Casino. That's FIVE and ROCK when you two guys face me man on man. That's pretty God damn pathetic, wouldn't you say? Of course, Banks will celebrate his handicap win like the World War II vets comin' home from Germany, but anyone born with the normal amount of chromosomes knows that he's a little bitch who can't beat SB by himself, even if the hand of God interfered.
SB: And yes, Dave, you made me tap out after five minutes of pain and Rees kicking me off the ropes. But, uh...well, check out this footage. Roll it!
TNF 1/30/07
ELEVATED HALF BOSTON CRAB!! This time "The Chairman" has nowhere to go and Ol'Salty can see this. Once again Ol'Salty is on the apron and Morgan turns her back on the action to deal with the former fisherman. BANKS IS TAPPING!!
SB: Ok, that oughta be enough to shut you up. If it isn't...I'll just beat you up again. Back to Lloyd - you say that my win will eat at me? Ehhhh, not so much! You see, you tried to screw me again. You tried to cheap shot me again. But again, I proved that I'm just the better man. It hurts to hear that, don't it? Probably hurts as much as that face of yours - not that I give a shit. But, we'll both get another crack at each other - and next time, I'll leave a little less doubt. But that's not my job next week. My job is to call a fair match...
SB: Now, I'm sure the question on everyone's mind is this - will I be able to be fair? (smiles) Have you ever met a more honest man in your life? I think not. If Rees pins Ravager, I'll keep counting till I hit three or till Ravager kicks out. Likewise if Rees gets pinned. If one of 'em can't take anymore and decides to tap, I'll let the timekeeper know immediately and stop the match.
SB smiles again, bigger one this time.
SB: And if one of 'em tries to cheat...SB's size twelves'll fit right up your asses, believe you me!
SB: But any way you slice it, the winner of this match better not get too attached to the Big Gold Belt. Because on March Thirteenth, in Regina, Saskatchewan, it's MINE!
AND THAT'S NOT JUST THE COOLEST, THAT'S NOT JUST THE BEST, THAT'S SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL!
fade out.
SB: Looks like NAPW's got a new sheriff in town. (whips his shades off and tosses them overhead) And if you think SB ain't excited to be callin' the NAPW Title match - you're DREAMIN'! On one side, you have Ravager - ok, I'll admit, we have something of a professional friendship. But hey, when I win my Four Way Elimination and become the NEW Number One Contender you're fair game, bub. And I'll do anything it takes to be NAPW Champ - but surely you know that already.
SB: And then, on the other side - well, you've got my own personal whippin' post, Lloyd Christmas, er, Rees. That's two and oh, pal. Now, add in the three losses your sex slave has one-on-one with me. You can use a calculator, if your head explodes before the match we'll be stuck giving a title shot to Casino. That's FIVE and ROCK when you two guys face me man on man. That's pretty God damn pathetic, wouldn't you say? Of course, Banks will celebrate his handicap win like the World War II vets comin' home from Germany, but anyone born with the normal amount of chromosomes knows that he's a little bitch who can't beat SB by himself, even if the hand of God interfered.
SB: And yes, Dave, you made me tap out after five minutes of pain and Rees kicking me off the ropes. But, uh...well, check out this footage. Roll it!
TNF 1/30/07
ELEVATED HALF BOSTON CRAB!! This time "The Chairman" has nowhere to go and Ol'Salty can see this. Once again Ol'Salty is on the apron and Morgan turns her back on the action to deal with the former fisherman. BANKS IS TAPPING!!
SB: Ok, that oughta be enough to shut you up. If it isn't...I'll just beat you up again. Back to Lloyd - you say that my win will eat at me? Ehhhh, not so much! You see, you tried to screw me again. You tried to cheap shot me again. But again, I proved that I'm just the better man. It hurts to hear that, don't it? Probably hurts as much as that face of yours - not that I give a shit. But, we'll both get another crack at each other - and next time, I'll leave a little less doubt. But that's not my job next week. My job is to call a fair match...
SB: Now, I'm sure the question on everyone's mind is this - will I be able to be fair? (smiles) Have you ever met a more honest man in your life? I think not. If Rees pins Ravager, I'll keep counting till I hit three or till Ravager kicks out. Likewise if Rees gets pinned. If one of 'em can't take anymore and decides to tap, I'll let the timekeeper know immediately and stop the match.
SB smiles again, bigger one this time.
SB: And if one of 'em tries to cheat...SB's size twelves'll fit right up your asses, believe you me!
SB: But any way you slice it, the winner of this match better not get too attached to the Big Gold Belt. Because on March Thirteenth, in Regina, Saskatchewan, it's MINE!
AND THAT'S NOT JUST THE COOLEST, THAT'S NOT JUST THE BEST, THAT'S SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL!
fade out.