Post by "LDK" Lloyd Rees on Jan 28, 2007 22:02:43 GMT -5
~We open on the banks of the Thompson River, Kamloops, British Columbia. The area looks some what familiar. Plenty of foot prints cover the snowy ground. Then, something else comes into the picture that looks familiar, it is the very same boulder that currant NAPW Champion, “Perfection” Evan Cartwright, sat just a few short days ago trying to sort though his painstaking run as the top dog in the NAPW. Today thought there is no Evan. No one has seen him since his foolish little act. No, this time the mood is a little lighter hearted. The Camera slowly backs up to reveal everyone’s favorite Evil Newfie duo, “The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees and “Manager t’da Stars” Ol’Salty. They have taken a spot on that very boulder, no doubt making light of Evan’s recent decisions. Lloyd takes a long haul off Ol’Salty’s trademark flask, hands it back, and starts to speak.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Can ya f**k’n believe it Salty?
~Ol’Salty quick to take a swing off the flask just returned to him, speaks.~
Ol’Salty: Believe what b’y?
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Believe d’hat me good buddy Evan Cartwright was crazy…Stupid enough t’throw da NAPW Championship in da river and d’hen jump in right behind it?! What a Champion we have d’ese days!? So, much better d’han when I was Champion…S**t!
~Another round of sips from the flask as Lloyd continues.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: But ya know Salty, not everyone seems t’tink d’hat Evan’s crazy. Some seem t’tink d’hat da pressure of hold’n da biggest prize dis promotion has t’offer is a real burden; have’n t’preform t’yer greatest ability every night, go’n toe t’toe with some of da best talent da NAPW has t’offer, represent’n da NAPW and everyting she stands fer. Maybe fer some (Cough-cough) Ravager, dis is a scary ting. But, fer me…It comes natural!! Ya see Ravager, what yer look’n at right now is what a true Champion is made of and I have proved d’hat time and time again while you’re exactly da opposite of what da NAPW needs right now. And I…I’m da solution d’hat dis place needs t’bring it back t’where it was in November. A place where da top wrestler, not only in da NAPW, but it da whole wrestle’n world holds it Championship!! Ravager, sure you’ve been around here since da begin’n, and I’m sure ya have wrestled in Canada, USA, China, Korea, Abudabi, and Tim-Buck-F**k’n-Too, but do ya honestly tink yer ready t’be on da top, on top of da NAPW? A promotion d’hat I single handedly put on da map?? Hell no!! And come Tuesday night yer go’n t’find out first hand what all da talk about “Da East Coast Sensation” is about!!
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: But ferget Ravager, I wonder what really did happen t’our outstand’n champ Salty??
Ol’Salty: Well, we know he never frozen t’death right here in dis spot. Hell, we’d all know d’hat by now.
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Plus, I wouldn’t wish d’hat on him. I mean I don’t like da guy, and he’s probably da worst Champion ever t’grace da NAPW rankings, but I don’t want t’sink t’da level of Chris Casino…
Ol’Salty: I understand d’hat…
~More sips of hard liquor are passed back and forth.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Ya know what though Salty…
Ol’Salty: What’s d’hat?
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: One of da mysteries has been solved...“Sick” Billy’s whereabouts. It appears he finally got off his drink’n binge after win’n da Canada Cup and made it t’Kamloops. Thanks a lot Billy. I was start’n t’get worried d’hat ya weren’t go’n t’show…But, I’m still concerned. I mean after wait’n fer ya t’open yer mouth ya make an appearance and all ya talk about is d’ose Larrys, Da Untouchables. Ferget about Krenshov, ferget about Castle, ferget about Casino, ferget about yer upcome’n title shot, and concentrate in da task at hand, try’n and I do me try’n, t’get a win over “da former NAPW Television Champion, da three time and longest reign’n NAPW Provincial Champion in history, da two time NAPW Champion, da 2006 ENN 250 #1 wrestler, da technical terror, da top wrestler in da business t’day, da one and da only…LLOYD REES!!”
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: But serious Salty, we came out here t’see if we could get any information on Evan’s location…
Ol’Salty: I ain’t got a click no clue Lloyd b’y…
~Ol’Salty hops off the boulder and starts to look around the area like a real CSI. After about five minutes of walking around, staring at the ground, Ol’Salty sits back on the rock.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Anyting?
Ol’Salty: No b’y…
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Christ!! We’re less d’han thirty six hours away from one of da biggest Main Event in da history of Tuesday Night Fights and Evan is go’n t’ruin it cause he scared. D’hat’s right! I said it! I’m sorry I let da sercret out buddy, but da people had t’know. I mean, some of d’hem tink d’hat yer seriously injured after yer stunt, but we can’t let da charade continue…
Ol’Salty: You’ve know dis all along?
~Ol’Salty chuckles lightly at the obviously false accusation.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Yes! Dis whole ting was set up as a reason fer Evan t’miss da match on Tuesday. I mean he’ll be back fer Cold Snap cause he ain’t scared of Ravager, and I don’t blame him who would be. So, “Da Lemondrop Kid” has solved his second mystery for da day…Where is da Champ?? I’ll tell ya where! He’s chill’n on his couch back in Cairo, Illinois where he’s safe from get’n embarrassed on Tuesday night.
~Another sip off the flask keeps Lloyd warm in the Canadian cold.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: So, there ya go Salty another hard day be’n me…
Ol’Salty: Ha! Come’on Lloyd b’y! Banks is wait’n back in town…
~The scene fades as Lloyd and Ol’Salty make their way back to town.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Can ya f**k’n believe it Salty?
~Ol’Salty quick to take a swing off the flask just returned to him, speaks.~
Ol’Salty: Believe what b’y?
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Believe d’hat me good buddy Evan Cartwright was crazy…Stupid enough t’throw da NAPW Championship in da river and d’hen jump in right behind it?! What a Champion we have d’ese days!? So, much better d’han when I was Champion…S**t!
~Another round of sips from the flask as Lloyd continues.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: But ya know Salty, not everyone seems t’tink d’hat Evan’s crazy. Some seem t’tink d’hat da pressure of hold’n da biggest prize dis promotion has t’offer is a real burden; have’n t’preform t’yer greatest ability every night, go’n toe t’toe with some of da best talent da NAPW has t’offer, represent’n da NAPW and everyting she stands fer. Maybe fer some (Cough-cough) Ravager, dis is a scary ting. But, fer me…It comes natural!! Ya see Ravager, what yer look’n at right now is what a true Champion is made of and I have proved d’hat time and time again while you’re exactly da opposite of what da NAPW needs right now. And I…I’m da solution d’hat dis place needs t’bring it back t’where it was in November. A place where da top wrestler, not only in da NAPW, but it da whole wrestle’n world holds it Championship!! Ravager, sure you’ve been around here since da begin’n, and I’m sure ya have wrestled in Canada, USA, China, Korea, Abudabi, and Tim-Buck-F**k’n-Too, but do ya honestly tink yer ready t’be on da top, on top of da NAPW? A promotion d’hat I single handedly put on da map?? Hell no!! And come Tuesday night yer go’n t’find out first hand what all da talk about “Da East Coast Sensation” is about!!
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: But ferget Ravager, I wonder what really did happen t’our outstand’n champ Salty??
Ol’Salty: Well, we know he never frozen t’death right here in dis spot. Hell, we’d all know d’hat by now.
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Plus, I wouldn’t wish d’hat on him. I mean I don’t like da guy, and he’s probably da worst Champion ever t’grace da NAPW rankings, but I don’t want t’sink t’da level of Chris Casino…
Ol’Salty: I understand d’hat…
~More sips of hard liquor are passed back and forth.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Ya know what though Salty…
Ol’Salty: What’s d’hat?
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: One of da mysteries has been solved...“Sick” Billy’s whereabouts. It appears he finally got off his drink’n binge after win’n da Canada Cup and made it t’Kamloops. Thanks a lot Billy. I was start’n t’get worried d’hat ya weren’t go’n t’show…But, I’m still concerned. I mean after wait’n fer ya t’open yer mouth ya make an appearance and all ya talk about is d’ose Larrys, Da Untouchables. Ferget about Krenshov, ferget about Castle, ferget about Casino, ferget about yer upcome’n title shot, and concentrate in da task at hand, try’n and I do me try’n, t’get a win over “da former NAPW Television Champion, da three time and longest reign’n NAPW Provincial Champion in history, da two time NAPW Champion, da 2006 ENN 250 #1 wrestler, da technical terror, da top wrestler in da business t’day, da one and da only…LLOYD REES!!”
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: But serious Salty, we came out here t’see if we could get any information on Evan’s location…
Ol’Salty: I ain’t got a click no clue Lloyd b’y…
~Ol’Salty hops off the boulder and starts to look around the area like a real CSI. After about five minutes of walking around, staring at the ground, Ol’Salty sits back on the rock.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Anyting?
Ol’Salty: No b’y…
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Christ!! We’re less d’han thirty six hours away from one of da biggest Main Event in da history of Tuesday Night Fights and Evan is go’n t’ruin it cause he scared. D’hat’s right! I said it! I’m sorry I let da sercret out buddy, but da people had t’know. I mean, some of d’hem tink d’hat yer seriously injured after yer stunt, but we can’t let da charade continue…
Ol’Salty: You’ve know dis all along?
~Ol’Salty chuckles lightly at the obviously false accusation.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Yes! Dis whole ting was set up as a reason fer Evan t’miss da match on Tuesday. I mean he’ll be back fer Cold Snap cause he ain’t scared of Ravager, and I don’t blame him who would be. So, “Da Lemondrop Kid” has solved his second mystery for da day…Where is da Champ?? I’ll tell ya where! He’s chill’n on his couch back in Cairo, Illinois where he’s safe from get’n embarrassed on Tuesday night.
~Another sip off the flask keeps Lloyd warm in the Canadian cold.~
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: So, there ya go Salty another hard day be’n me…
Ol’Salty: Ha! Come’on Lloyd b’y! Banks is wait’n back in town…
~The scene fades as Lloyd and Ol’Salty make their way back to town.~