Post by Bruce "The Beast" Richards on Jan 28, 2007 20:37:35 GMT -5
(Interior, Tiffany McIntyre's apartment. Tiffany is listening to Jewel and quietly doing the dishes, when the phone rings.)
TIFFANY: Hello?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Honey?
TIFFANY: Bruce, where ARE you?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Still at the airport.
TIFFANY: You need me to come pick me up.
BRUCE RICHARDS: No, the airport in Los Angeles. The flight was delayed because some jackass wouldn't throw out his Power Drink.
TIFFANY: It was Kyle, wasn't it?
BRUCE RICHARDS: DON'T want to talk about it. Anyhow, babe, I need you to do me a BIG favour.
TIFFANY: What's that?
BRUCE RICHARDS: I need you to do a promo for me.
TIFFANY: WHAT? Why me? Can't you and Kyle do one from the airport? You've done them before!
BRUCE RICHARDS: Yeah, but Tony ran out of batteries, and there's nowhere we can plug his camera in.
TIFFANY: Can't you use Kyle's camera phone?
BRUCE RICHARDS: No. His stuff's been...confiscated. Tiffany, it's not like you're a stranger to the business or anything. Just slap something together so that the Ninja and Ex don't think we've forgotten about them.
TIFFANY: Although they're not exactly memorable...
BRUCE RICHARDS: See! You're on fire already! (Mumbling off-camera.) Look, I have to go. I'll call you when we get back in to town.
(He hangs up. Tiffany stares at the phone, and then dials another number.)
TIFFANY: Hello? Yeah, I need your help.
(Cut to a fade-up from black. It's still Tiffany's apartment; the camera focuses on her blue loveseat behind a table with a doily and flowers on it. Suddenly, Kyle Roberts leaps on screen and bounces on the couch. Well, it's not exactly Kyle. It's Tiffany in a green suit that is WAY too big for her, sunglasses, and dots of eyebrow pencil on her face.)
TIFFANY: Woooooo! I'm Kyle Roberts, the number one man in Albertan sports entertainment, and I'm here to talk to YOU good people about time! Specifically, the past, the present, and the motherlovin' FUTURE!
(Bruce "The Amy" Richards comes in, in a black suit that is way WAY too big for her, and a drawn-on beard. The cowboy hat is falling off her head. She looks...uncomfortable.)
AMY: You don't mean Chris Casino, do you? That guy makes me angry. Sorry. Angry-er/
TIFFANY: No, man, I mean the future of the New & Improved D-X! Wooo!
AMY: Oh yes. The New & Improved D-X. Which is us.
TIFFANY: Once upon a time, in the land of Medicine Hat, two bronzed demigods appeared in a local wrestling federation and brought it to near-regional fame and fortune. But, realizing that they were being held back by the two EVIL owners, the wrestling phenomena - Bruce and myself - decided to leave to go to greener pastures. Sure, mistakes were made, and hearts were broken, but we eventually paid our debt back to the spineless cockroaches that ran the federation and everything was fine.
AMY: UNTIL!
TIFFANY: Until the even MORE evil owner of their new federation started going on a crazy, rabies-induced crusade against our heroes! And he signed an alliance with the Medicine Hat jerkwads, who sent their best men after them.
AMY: Best men? I thought they sent the Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner.
TIFFANY: They did. Like I said: best men.
AMY: Oh dear. Well, I should have realized it. You see, the talent of GWA's roster doesn't even come CLOSE to comparing to the NAPW.
TIFFANY: I bet you have a lame chart to prove it!
AMY: I sure do! (Holds up a piece of paper with two columns. On one side, it says "GWA" with "Sucks" in blue crayon; on the other it says "NAPW" with "Rocks" in red crayon.)
TIFFANY: (Out of character.) That's not a chart.
AMY: (Out of character.) I ran out of time! I panicked!
TIFFANY: (Back in character.) The point is, while the Ninja's a good guy to have out for a beer or iced tea, and The Expositioner's a good guy to have around for...elaboration of what's currently happening in the same room as you are, the point is, they're not great wrestlers.
AMY: We're great wrestlers!
TIFFANY: Yes, we are! I may be an under-medicated loudmouth--
AMY: (Giving her the hairy eyebrow.) And I may be a manic-depressive ogre--
TIFFANY: (Shooting a look right back.) --but that doesn't mean we won't mop the floor with them!
AMY: It's true! I will mop the floor AND do the dishes with them! And if I have time, clean out the catbox!
TIFFANY: (Out of character.) Overdoing it. (Back in character.) So LOOK OUT, Gastown, because The New & Improved D-X will be sending your best tag team back to the sticks with their tails between their legs - and we won't be nice about it either!
(The two girls hold grim faces at the camera for a few seconds, then break character.)
AMY: Do you think it was good enough?
TIFFANY: Meh, whatever. Seriously, it's GASTOWN.
AMY: You don't think you went a LITTLE over-the-top?
TIFFANY: I was compensating! You were a dead fish in there!
AMY: (Rolling her eyes.) Whatever, I need to wash this makeup off me. We still going out tonight?
TIFFANY: A Sunday night with the boys stranded out of the country? You KNOW we're taking advantage of this.
AMY: I hear there's a new Jennifer Garner movie...
TIFFANY: (Clapping her hands.) Eee! Wash that face, girl: we're going to the Cineplex!
(The girls rush to the bathroom as we fade out.)
TIFFANY: Hello?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Honey?
TIFFANY: Bruce, where ARE you?
BRUCE RICHARDS: Still at the airport.
TIFFANY: You need me to come pick me up.
BRUCE RICHARDS: No, the airport in Los Angeles. The flight was delayed because some jackass wouldn't throw out his Power Drink.
TIFFANY: It was Kyle, wasn't it?
BRUCE RICHARDS: DON'T want to talk about it. Anyhow, babe, I need you to do me a BIG favour.
TIFFANY: What's that?
BRUCE RICHARDS: I need you to do a promo for me.
TIFFANY: WHAT? Why me? Can't you and Kyle do one from the airport? You've done them before!
BRUCE RICHARDS: Yeah, but Tony ran out of batteries, and there's nowhere we can plug his camera in.
TIFFANY: Can't you use Kyle's camera phone?
BRUCE RICHARDS: No. His stuff's been...confiscated. Tiffany, it's not like you're a stranger to the business or anything. Just slap something together so that the Ninja and Ex don't think we've forgotten about them.
TIFFANY: Although they're not exactly memorable...
BRUCE RICHARDS: See! You're on fire already! (Mumbling off-camera.) Look, I have to go. I'll call you when we get back in to town.
(He hangs up. Tiffany stares at the phone, and then dials another number.)
TIFFANY: Hello? Yeah, I need your help.
(Cut to a fade-up from black. It's still Tiffany's apartment; the camera focuses on her blue loveseat behind a table with a doily and flowers on it. Suddenly, Kyle Roberts leaps on screen and bounces on the couch. Well, it's not exactly Kyle. It's Tiffany in a green suit that is WAY too big for her, sunglasses, and dots of eyebrow pencil on her face.)
TIFFANY: Woooooo! I'm Kyle Roberts, the number one man in Albertan sports entertainment, and I'm here to talk to YOU good people about time! Specifically, the past, the present, and the motherlovin' FUTURE!
(Bruce "The Amy" Richards comes in, in a black suit that is way WAY too big for her, and a drawn-on beard. The cowboy hat is falling off her head. She looks...uncomfortable.)
AMY: You don't mean Chris Casino, do you? That guy makes me angry. Sorry. Angry-er/
TIFFANY: No, man, I mean the future of the New & Improved D-X! Wooo!
AMY: Oh yes. The New & Improved D-X. Which is us.
TIFFANY: Once upon a time, in the land of Medicine Hat, two bronzed demigods appeared in a local wrestling federation and brought it to near-regional fame and fortune. But, realizing that they were being held back by the two EVIL owners, the wrestling phenomena - Bruce and myself - decided to leave to go to greener pastures. Sure, mistakes were made, and hearts were broken, but we eventually paid our debt back to the spineless cockroaches that ran the federation and everything was fine.
AMY: UNTIL!
TIFFANY: Until the even MORE evil owner of their new federation started going on a crazy, rabies-induced crusade against our heroes! And he signed an alliance with the Medicine Hat jerkwads, who sent their best men after them.
AMY: Best men? I thought they sent the Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner.
TIFFANY: They did. Like I said: best men.
AMY: Oh dear. Well, I should have realized it. You see, the talent of GWA's roster doesn't even come CLOSE to comparing to the NAPW.
TIFFANY: I bet you have a lame chart to prove it!
AMY: I sure do! (Holds up a piece of paper with two columns. On one side, it says "GWA" with "Sucks" in blue crayon; on the other it says "NAPW" with "Rocks" in red crayon.)
TIFFANY: (Out of character.) That's not a chart.
AMY: (Out of character.) I ran out of time! I panicked!
TIFFANY: (Back in character.) The point is, while the Ninja's a good guy to have out for a beer or iced tea, and The Expositioner's a good guy to have around for...elaboration of what's currently happening in the same room as you are, the point is, they're not great wrestlers.
AMY: We're great wrestlers!
TIFFANY: Yes, we are! I may be an under-medicated loudmouth--
AMY: (Giving her the hairy eyebrow.) And I may be a manic-depressive ogre--
TIFFANY: (Shooting a look right back.) --but that doesn't mean we won't mop the floor with them!
AMY: It's true! I will mop the floor AND do the dishes with them! And if I have time, clean out the catbox!
TIFFANY: (Out of character.) Overdoing it. (Back in character.) So LOOK OUT, Gastown, because The New & Improved D-X will be sending your best tag team back to the sticks with their tails between their legs - and we won't be nice about it either!
(The two girls hold grim faces at the camera for a few seconds, then break character.)
AMY: Do you think it was good enough?
TIFFANY: Meh, whatever. Seriously, it's GASTOWN.
AMY: You don't think you went a LITTLE over-the-top?
TIFFANY: I was compensating! You were a dead fish in there!
AMY: (Rolling her eyes.) Whatever, I need to wash this makeup off me. We still going out tonight?
TIFFANY: A Sunday night with the boys stranded out of the country? You KNOW we're taking advantage of this.
AMY: I hear there's a new Jennifer Garner movie...
TIFFANY: (Clapping her hands.) Eee! Wash that face, girl: we're going to the Cineplex!
(The girls rush to the bathroom as we fade out.)