Post by David Banks on Jan 25, 2007 14:16:50 GMT -5
The glowing neon sign of "Eh's" overly Canadian restaurant flickered twice before finally burning out. Its night time. The camera begins a slow pan back wards, revealing a lone tranche coated figure, standing under the dim glow of a street light. The figure finally shifts his attention toward the camera, removes his hands for his pockets and pulls back the hood. It's none other then The Chairman himself, David Banks.
David Banks: My return to NAPW was supposed to be a grand occasion. It was a night that these fans had been waiting for. Finally their chairman has returned, and once again their lives have purpose. Now they can actually stand and watch this company. Lets be honest here, we all know that after I was suspended for simply being smarter then everyone else, there was nothing here. D-X tag team champions again... boring. Ravager chases the big title again... who cares? Chris Casino returns again... and still nobody gives a damn. I mean, why else do you think Winchell came running back to me BEGGING me to come back? I'll tell you why, because David Banks equals ratings baby. David Banks equals ticket sales. I was the hottest star in this company, and the only way it was going to survive was to bring me back.
Heh
The funny thing about this whole situation is the fact that NAPW is still trying to keep me down. I'm basically opening up Tuesday Nights Fights. I know what you're thinking. Thats a slap to my pretty little face. People like North Gunderson, Dez Carter, and the Kurtis Brothers should be on opening matches. For me it's just insulting. It's nothing new though, NAPW has been trying to keep me down for a while. This is just another attempt to keep me from where I belong. With the alliance between Lloyd Rees and I, they can try as they might but they will never get the best of us.
David can't help but chuckle a bit, thinking about how he was thrown all over the totem pole. After regaining his composer, he looks back at the camera and continues talking in his usual tone of voice.
The year of 2006 was filled with death. Steve Irwin had his ass kicked by a sting ray, the god father of soul, James Brown finally croaked, and Saddam Hussein got what was coming to him in the form of a public execution and a noose for his troubles. Full of death I say. So why not make 2007 another year of famous deaths? I need to make a statement. I have to get back to the status I was at before I left. And what better way to make that statement then by killing the career of Simply Beautiful.
so I ask you my brothers and sisters... please bow your heads and lets have a moment of silence in the memory of Beautiful's soon to be deceased career. Yeah right, like he deserves a moment of silence. If you want a moment of silence, just listen to the crowd anytime he drops one of his insomnia curing promos. There will be enough silence there to last you a lifetime my friend.
I bet you think you're soooo freaking funny, huh SB? Taking shot after shot at me behind my Back. Now look whose laughing you dirty little closet dweller. Thats right bitch. It's me. Laughing all the to TNF's while you sit in the hospital, with 6 stitches and an egg on the back of your head. Yeah, I jumped you form behind. Did I have fun doing it? Of course! I would have done it for free, but hey, a man gotta eat. Does that make me any less of man? No sir. Because you see, what some people may call a "cowardly attack" is nothing compared to what I'll do to you Tuesday. If you would like to make it to Cold Snap in one piece, I suggest you stay home friend. Whats that!? You found the cowardly lion's c-c-c-c- courage? Better return it quick if you plan on surviving these next few weeks. Hell, it's doubtful you'll survive this promo. So grab yourself a plate of hospital food, sit back, relax, and listen as I hit you with these lyrical miracle that will have you breathing through a machine.
All eyes on him? You bet. Knowing this, David flashes that trademark smile, oozing with superior confidence.
You know, for a guy who calls himself an "icon" and the greatest wrestler in the world, you sure as hell haven't done much to prove that delusional statement. After going on a 4-0 losing strike, you actually had the nerve to grab a camera crew and let that garbage swimming around in your tiny head come spewing out your mouth. You cried like a little whiny bitch, because Chad Kurtis got a title shot before you. Not much of a surprize there is it? I mean, everything about you screams bitch. From your Ellen Degeneres hair-cut you got from the drive thru at Super cuts, to the tight jeans you wear. that and the fact you challenge "The Whipping Boy" Chad Kurtis, to what you thought would be an easy win to pump life back into your deflated ego.
So what if you have beaten me in the past. My shoulder still hurts from carrying you through our matches. Once again I'll make This the most exciting match of the night and why? Because people love me. They want to see their hero carry you through another five-star classic, and prove that your nothing but a pretender. Unlike your career in GWF, people will actually be watching this. Unlike your career in GWF this will be entertaining. And most definitely unlike your career in GWF, there won't be a bunch of no name clowns for you to kick around, making all the way to the top. I'll make sure to buy you a pair of parachute pants. You'll need something to slow your fall after I bitch slap your ass from the top of the world, back to the depths of mediocrity. After all, that is where you belong.
I'm in my element now, SB. I'm more dedicated to my craft then I've ever been. I actually feel a bit sorry that you have to be the first in line, but I will make an example out of you. Lloyd and I have to put the rest of this federation on notice. It won't be long before he holds NAPW on his shoulders again, and I'm as hungry as ever. There isn't enough gold in Canada that can satisfy my voracious appetite. Anyone that wants to get in our way can either stand down or get put down. Once I'm finished with Simply Barry Horrowitz, we'll take out the rest of the federation. But until then, everyone should do themselves a big favor... and stay the hell out of our way.
Go ahead, SB. Respond to everything I said. Hell, I can tell the world what you want to say now. Originally, you were go to say what an honor it is to face me. You were going to say how much effort you were going to put into this this match. You were going to say how great it is to face me again, and how this is going to be a match between two great competitors. You know, kind of like how you and Ravager gave each other verbal blow jobs. But after this verbal decimation I just dropped on you, I'm willing to bet you change your tune. Come at me son. Tell me how much I want to be you, when everyone knows that you were biting my lines while I was gone. I believe you told Casino that you would give him a "verbal beating". So try to play the insult game, but remember you're going against the best. Keep trying to do what I do, so the whole world can see you fail.
I know you too well. You'll step into my world, play my game, and end up committing career suicide... that saves me the trouble. One way or the other, when it come down to the your career, it's simply...
David snaps his finger and the entire scene fades to black.
... lights out..
*You were just verbally PWNED by David Banks*
*Don't forget to buy the new David Banks t-shirt "Charismatically Challenged Not Permitted" only at NAPW.ca!*
David Banks: My return to NAPW was supposed to be a grand occasion. It was a night that these fans had been waiting for. Finally their chairman has returned, and once again their lives have purpose. Now they can actually stand and watch this company. Lets be honest here, we all know that after I was suspended for simply being smarter then everyone else, there was nothing here. D-X tag team champions again... boring. Ravager chases the big title again... who cares? Chris Casino returns again... and still nobody gives a damn. I mean, why else do you think Winchell came running back to me BEGGING me to come back? I'll tell you why, because David Banks equals ratings baby. David Banks equals ticket sales. I was the hottest star in this company, and the only way it was going to survive was to bring me back.
Heh
The funny thing about this whole situation is the fact that NAPW is still trying to keep me down. I'm basically opening up Tuesday Nights Fights. I know what you're thinking. Thats a slap to my pretty little face. People like North Gunderson, Dez Carter, and the Kurtis Brothers should be on opening matches. For me it's just insulting. It's nothing new though, NAPW has been trying to keep me down for a while. This is just another attempt to keep me from where I belong. With the alliance between Lloyd Rees and I, they can try as they might but they will never get the best of us.
David can't help but chuckle a bit, thinking about how he was thrown all over the totem pole. After regaining his composer, he looks back at the camera and continues talking in his usual tone of voice.
The year of 2006 was filled with death. Steve Irwin had his ass kicked by a sting ray, the god father of soul, James Brown finally croaked, and Saddam Hussein got what was coming to him in the form of a public execution and a noose for his troubles. Full of death I say. So why not make 2007 another year of famous deaths? I need to make a statement. I have to get back to the status I was at before I left. And what better way to make that statement then by killing the career of Simply Beautiful.
so I ask you my brothers and sisters... please bow your heads and lets have a moment of silence in the memory of Beautiful's soon to be deceased career. Yeah right, like he deserves a moment of silence. If you want a moment of silence, just listen to the crowd anytime he drops one of his insomnia curing promos. There will be enough silence there to last you a lifetime my friend.
I bet you think you're soooo freaking funny, huh SB? Taking shot after shot at me behind my Back. Now look whose laughing you dirty little closet dweller. Thats right bitch. It's me. Laughing all the to TNF's while you sit in the hospital, with 6 stitches and an egg on the back of your head. Yeah, I jumped you form behind. Did I have fun doing it? Of course! I would have done it for free, but hey, a man gotta eat. Does that make me any less of man? No sir. Because you see, what some people may call a "cowardly attack" is nothing compared to what I'll do to you Tuesday. If you would like to make it to Cold Snap in one piece, I suggest you stay home friend. Whats that!? You found the cowardly lion's c-c-c-c- courage? Better return it quick if you plan on surviving these next few weeks. Hell, it's doubtful you'll survive this promo. So grab yourself a plate of hospital food, sit back, relax, and listen as I hit you with these lyrical miracle that will have you breathing through a machine.
All eyes on him? You bet. Knowing this, David flashes that trademark smile, oozing with superior confidence.
You know, for a guy who calls himself an "icon" and the greatest wrestler in the world, you sure as hell haven't done much to prove that delusional statement. After going on a 4-0 losing strike, you actually had the nerve to grab a camera crew and let that garbage swimming around in your tiny head come spewing out your mouth. You cried like a little whiny bitch, because Chad Kurtis got a title shot before you. Not much of a surprize there is it? I mean, everything about you screams bitch. From your Ellen Degeneres hair-cut you got from the drive thru at Super cuts, to the tight jeans you wear. that and the fact you challenge "The Whipping Boy" Chad Kurtis, to what you thought would be an easy win to pump life back into your deflated ego.
So what if you have beaten me in the past. My shoulder still hurts from carrying you through our matches. Once again I'll make This the most exciting match of the night and why? Because people love me. They want to see their hero carry you through another five-star classic, and prove that your nothing but a pretender. Unlike your career in GWF, people will actually be watching this. Unlike your career in GWF this will be entertaining. And most definitely unlike your career in GWF, there won't be a bunch of no name clowns for you to kick around, making all the way to the top. I'll make sure to buy you a pair of parachute pants. You'll need something to slow your fall after I bitch slap your ass from the top of the world, back to the depths of mediocrity. After all, that is where you belong.
I'm in my element now, SB. I'm more dedicated to my craft then I've ever been. I actually feel a bit sorry that you have to be the first in line, but I will make an example out of you. Lloyd and I have to put the rest of this federation on notice. It won't be long before he holds NAPW on his shoulders again, and I'm as hungry as ever. There isn't enough gold in Canada that can satisfy my voracious appetite. Anyone that wants to get in our way can either stand down or get put down. Once I'm finished with Simply Barry Horrowitz, we'll take out the rest of the federation. But until then, everyone should do themselves a big favor... and stay the hell out of our way.
Go ahead, SB. Respond to everything I said. Hell, I can tell the world what you want to say now. Originally, you were go to say what an honor it is to face me. You were going to say how much effort you were going to put into this this match. You were going to say how great it is to face me again, and how this is going to be a match between two great competitors. You know, kind of like how you and Ravager gave each other verbal blow jobs. But after this verbal decimation I just dropped on you, I'm willing to bet you change your tune. Come at me son. Tell me how much I want to be you, when everyone knows that you were biting my lines while I was gone. I believe you told Casino that you would give him a "verbal beating". So try to play the insult game, but remember you're going against the best. Keep trying to do what I do, so the whole world can see you fail.
I know you too well. You'll step into my world, play my game, and end up committing career suicide... that saves me the trouble. One way or the other, when it come down to the your career, it's simply...
David snaps his finger and the entire scene fades to black.
... lights out..
*You were just verbally PWNED by David Banks*
*Don't forget to buy the new David Banks t-shirt "Charismatically Challenged Not Permitted" only at NAPW.ca!*