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Post by Scott [NAPW Staff] on Dec 11, 2005 21:18:53 GMT -5
(TIFFANY is just finishing her story to the children.)
TIFFANY: …the jesters were able to humiliate the Stylish King. The evil king ran away, never to be seen again, and the Brutish Beast, angry at the Stylish King for abandoning him, chased after him for the rest of their days. The jesters were praised for their guile, and were named kings of the land! And they all lived happily ever after!
KIDS and TIFFANY: (In unison.) The End!
(The camera pulls back to reveal that what we just saw was on a television in a sports bar. Think “Happy Hour with Happy Marsden” from SCTV for the set-up. MIKE and CAMERON, the Dudes, are sitting at the bar watching the story-time program while drinking some beers. As the show ends, the turn to face the camera. They are all smiles.)
MIKE: Jesus! We should have put a spoiler warning at the beginning of this video. Seems the novel based on next Monday’s fight is already out on the shelves. Totally ruined the ending.
CAM: I liked the part where the Stylish King was baiting bears.
MIKE: We’re sitting here in our favourite sports bar - Bailey’s Bar & Grill - here in Wetaskiwin, enjoying some brews, and watching the TV.
CAM: Hey Stylin’ Kyle, we’ve got another story for you. The story of your life.
(The Dudes chuckle and sip their beers.)
MIKE: See, we know you once wrestled in MJP.
CAM: How could we NOT. Jesus, man, you’re a legend out there!
MIKE: A living legend!
CAM: Bigger even than Bigfoot! And just as hairy!
MIKE: Everyone who so much as steps into the Riverview gym on a wrasslin’ night knows about your legend eventually. Heck, I was told about you backstage on my first night! However, we were willing to not bring up your past, because, frankly, we didn’t want to embarrass you.
CAM: But seeing how you seem to want to embarrass yourself? See, the difference between you and the Dudes, is that the Dudes are patient. That’s how we roll, by waiting for life to come to us. In MJP, we made a name for ourselves by proving that. We showed up night after night, and yeah, we lost a lot.
MIKE: A lot.
CAM: But we always gave it our best, and the fans liked that. They liked us. So opportunities came our way. Unlike some people.
MIKE: Like Little Red Riding Roberts. The guy who couldn’t wait around to take his bumps in the wrestling world, and threw a fit when, after his first year in the business, he wasn’t handed the MJP Championship.
CAM: The guy who then ran away from Moose Jaw, and never came back.
MIKE: The night before their first big show. Which he was booked on.
CAM: A REAL legend. Kyle Roberts, the man who ran away like a six-year-old who didn’t get a toy for Christmas. You claim that you were waiting around for your shot, but that shot just wasn’t coming fast enough, now was it?
MIKE: You’re an elusive legend, too. Like the Yeti. Seeing as no one around there’s seen you since. Which makes me wonder… has anyone seen your antler masked mug in Medicine Hat recently? Or did you run away from there too?
(Cam and Mike laugh and have another drink of beer.)
CAM: See, Riddler, you’re right. When you get started in wrestling, you have to pay your dues. That earns you… what’s that called, Mike?
MIKE: Respect, Cam.
CAM: Right, respect. The respect of the fans, the respect of your fellow wrestlers… oh, and self-respect. That’s important too.
MIKE: So we can at least understand why you don’t like to think about that time. Because you sacrificed all that respect for those shiny title belts you’re so proud of. The ones you’re “trusted” with. The ones you “earned” by betraying the vaunted trust of MJP.
CAM: Does The Beast even know this story? I’d guess he doesn’t, seeing as he doesn’t seem to realise that your such a joke, even WE can get a kick out of it. And we’re a pretty big joke ourselves! Bruce, dude, take it from us, keep Kyle on a leash, just to be safe.
MIKE: (Snaps his fingers)Oh jeez! We almost forgot about Bane! Dude, what’s with the home office? When I said unwind, I didn’t mean blow your paycheque on a fancy set-up. Your staged “afternoon with the Beast” promo was totally lame. Must have been stressful to put together on such short notice too, and you really don't need anymore stress.
CAM: And where’s all the money coming from? Your psyche-slash-business degree? Which led you to have a brilliant job as a wealthy full-time psychologist who does his own accounting? Or your wrestling career? The one where you only wrestle in small Canadian indie promotions? Yeah. We didn’t think that’s where the money comes from.
MIKE: So next time we’re out Christmas shopping, we’ll totally come visit you guys at that electronics store that Stylin’ Kyle let slip about. Seriously dude, there’s no shame in having a job on the side. It gets the bills paid, and lets you buy those fancy cigars.
CAM: Though you shouldn’t be smoking them anyway, you know, being as you claim to be a professional athlete.
MIKE: And really, if you hate Kyle as much as you seem to imply that you do, maybe you should just drop the charade and find a partner you do like. If you’re as good as you say you are… can’t you win the title belts with anyone watching your back? I’m sure there’s a few other guys with a second hand bad ass gimmick that you’d do very well with!
CAM: Seriously, get rid of Little Red, and totally have Coach Jago as your partner. That guy has class. He’ll make you look good!
(The Dudes have another drink.)
MIKE: So, this Monday Night Fights, will history repeat itself? Will Little Red Riding Roberts rear his head again? Will you run away when you aren’t given your way? When you can’t handle the competition?
CAM: Or will Bruce finally snap and drop you on your head? Seeing as you DID end his unbeaten streak – single handedly – in that hardcore match.
MIKE: My guess is that’s the “problem” Bane has with Riddler, seeing as HIS streak will only have ended come Monday.
(Mike and Cam clink their pints together and drain them.)
CAM: So prove to us, this Monday, that you’re NOT the bad joke of MJP anymore. Prove to us how you earned those belts, how you earned the “trust” of the wrestling business. And we’ll eat our words. Happily. We’ll take it all back, heck we’ll go back to Moose Jaw and tell everyone “Stop making fun of Kyle, he’s a pretty kickass guy.” Seriously. And do it for the Beast, too. He may kill you if you don’t.
MIKE: And we’re devastat – (pause) Well we’re sorr- (another pause) Okay we’re amused that we got a rise out of you after our promo the other day. We weren’t even trying to piss you off… heck, we offered you an olive branch! Come hang out with the Dudes, we said. Take a load off, and chill out. Well, if, after Monday Night Fights, you’re still around, that offer still stands.
CAM: Come on, let’s go shoot a game of pool before we head back into town.
(The Dudes rise and leave the scene as the lights go down.)
TIFFANY: …the jesters were able to humiliate the Stylish King. The evil king ran away, never to be seen again, and the Brutish Beast, angry at the Stylish King for abandoning him, chased after him for the rest of their days. The jesters were praised for their guile, and were named kings of the land! And they all lived happily ever after!
KIDS and TIFFANY: (In unison.) The End!
(The camera pulls back to reveal that what we just saw was on a television in a sports bar. Think “Happy Hour with Happy Marsden” from SCTV for the set-up. MIKE and CAMERON, the Dudes, are sitting at the bar watching the story-time program while drinking some beers. As the show ends, the turn to face the camera. They are all smiles.)
MIKE: Jesus! We should have put a spoiler warning at the beginning of this video. Seems the novel based on next Monday’s fight is already out on the shelves. Totally ruined the ending.
CAM: I liked the part where the Stylish King was baiting bears.
MIKE: We’re sitting here in our favourite sports bar - Bailey’s Bar & Grill - here in Wetaskiwin, enjoying some brews, and watching the TV.
CAM: Hey Stylin’ Kyle, we’ve got another story for you. The story of your life.
(The Dudes chuckle and sip their beers.)
MIKE: See, we know you once wrestled in MJP.
CAM: How could we NOT. Jesus, man, you’re a legend out there!
MIKE: A living legend!
CAM: Bigger even than Bigfoot! And just as hairy!
MIKE: Everyone who so much as steps into the Riverview gym on a wrasslin’ night knows about your legend eventually. Heck, I was told about you backstage on my first night! However, we were willing to not bring up your past, because, frankly, we didn’t want to embarrass you.
CAM: But seeing how you seem to want to embarrass yourself? See, the difference between you and the Dudes, is that the Dudes are patient. That’s how we roll, by waiting for life to come to us. In MJP, we made a name for ourselves by proving that. We showed up night after night, and yeah, we lost a lot.
MIKE: A lot.
CAM: But we always gave it our best, and the fans liked that. They liked us. So opportunities came our way. Unlike some people.
MIKE: Like Little Red Riding Roberts. The guy who couldn’t wait around to take his bumps in the wrestling world, and threw a fit when, after his first year in the business, he wasn’t handed the MJP Championship.
CAM: The guy who then ran away from Moose Jaw, and never came back.
MIKE: The night before their first big show. Which he was booked on.
CAM: A REAL legend. Kyle Roberts, the man who ran away like a six-year-old who didn’t get a toy for Christmas. You claim that you were waiting around for your shot, but that shot just wasn’t coming fast enough, now was it?
MIKE: You’re an elusive legend, too. Like the Yeti. Seeing as no one around there’s seen you since. Which makes me wonder… has anyone seen your antler masked mug in Medicine Hat recently? Or did you run away from there too?
(Cam and Mike laugh and have another drink of beer.)
CAM: See, Riddler, you’re right. When you get started in wrestling, you have to pay your dues. That earns you… what’s that called, Mike?
MIKE: Respect, Cam.
CAM: Right, respect. The respect of the fans, the respect of your fellow wrestlers… oh, and self-respect. That’s important too.
MIKE: So we can at least understand why you don’t like to think about that time. Because you sacrificed all that respect for those shiny title belts you’re so proud of. The ones you’re “trusted” with. The ones you “earned” by betraying the vaunted trust of MJP.
CAM: Does The Beast even know this story? I’d guess he doesn’t, seeing as he doesn’t seem to realise that your such a joke, even WE can get a kick out of it. And we’re a pretty big joke ourselves! Bruce, dude, take it from us, keep Kyle on a leash, just to be safe.
MIKE: (Snaps his fingers)Oh jeez! We almost forgot about Bane! Dude, what’s with the home office? When I said unwind, I didn’t mean blow your paycheque on a fancy set-up. Your staged “afternoon with the Beast” promo was totally lame. Must have been stressful to put together on such short notice too, and you really don't need anymore stress.
CAM: And where’s all the money coming from? Your psyche-slash-business degree? Which led you to have a brilliant job as a wealthy full-time psychologist who does his own accounting? Or your wrestling career? The one where you only wrestle in small Canadian indie promotions? Yeah. We didn’t think that’s where the money comes from.
MIKE: So next time we’re out Christmas shopping, we’ll totally come visit you guys at that electronics store that Stylin’ Kyle let slip about. Seriously dude, there’s no shame in having a job on the side. It gets the bills paid, and lets you buy those fancy cigars.
CAM: Though you shouldn’t be smoking them anyway, you know, being as you claim to be a professional athlete.
MIKE: And really, if you hate Kyle as much as you seem to imply that you do, maybe you should just drop the charade and find a partner you do like. If you’re as good as you say you are… can’t you win the title belts with anyone watching your back? I’m sure there’s a few other guys with a second hand bad ass gimmick that you’d do very well with!
CAM: Seriously, get rid of Little Red, and totally have Coach Jago as your partner. That guy has class. He’ll make you look good!
(The Dudes have another drink.)
MIKE: So, this Monday Night Fights, will history repeat itself? Will Little Red Riding Roberts rear his head again? Will you run away when you aren’t given your way? When you can’t handle the competition?
CAM: Or will Bruce finally snap and drop you on your head? Seeing as you DID end his unbeaten streak – single handedly – in that hardcore match.
MIKE: My guess is that’s the “problem” Bane has with Riddler, seeing as HIS streak will only have ended come Monday.
(Mike and Cam clink their pints together and drain them.)
CAM: So prove to us, this Monday, that you’re NOT the bad joke of MJP anymore. Prove to us how you earned those belts, how you earned the “trust” of the wrestling business. And we’ll eat our words. Happily. We’ll take it all back, heck we’ll go back to Moose Jaw and tell everyone “Stop making fun of Kyle, he’s a pretty kickass guy.” Seriously. And do it for the Beast, too. He may kill you if you don’t.
MIKE: And we’re devastat – (pause) Well we’re sorr- (another pause) Okay we’re amused that we got a rise out of you after our promo the other day. We weren’t even trying to piss you off… heck, we offered you an olive branch! Come hang out with the Dudes, we said. Take a load off, and chill out. Well, if, after Monday Night Fights, you’re still around, that offer still stands.
CAM: Come on, let’s go shoot a game of pool before we head back into town.
(The Dudes rise and leave the scene as the lights go down.)