Post by Bruce "The Beast" Richards on Nov 19, 2005 21:20:48 GMT -5
(Bruce "The Beast" Richards and "Stylin'" Kyle Roberts are standing behind a table. "Stylin'" Kyle is in a t-shirt and jeans, with a cast and supports on his left shoulder. The Beast is wearing his trademark hat, coat, and tie. Spread across the table is a selection of foreign objects: a ring bell, a claw hammer, a baseball bat, a frying pan, Stanley Cup commemorative flatware, a chain, a barbed-wire wrapped four-by-four, and The Decaps' weapon of choice, a Singapore cane.)
The Beast: Good evening. We're here to clear up a few things about Monday night's hardcore match.
"Stylin'" Kyle: That's right, Bruce. And this isn't just for the Decapitators' benefit: this is for everyone. Pay attention, guys: you just might learn a thing or two. Now, for those of you who may not have tuned in earlier, Axe and Diamond put on a pretty disgusting show. We thought about re-playing selected highlights of it for you, but quite frankly, we'd rather not.
The Beast: Breaking a Singapore cane over Diamond's back, denting a stop sign over his head...We were shocked, that's right, shocked by their display.
"Stylin'" Kyle: Apparently, their years of underaged drinking has pickled their already weak brains. We were surprised that Commissioner Winchell allowed that kind of thing on the air. It's setting a bad example for the slack-jawed peons out there in the audience.
The Beast: (Picking up the claw hammer.) Axe, Diamond, let me remind you how a Hardcore match works: I hit you repeatedly with all kinds of objects, hard enough to break bones and cause internal bleeding. It has destroyed far, far better men than you. In fact, the "legend" himself, Mick Foley, nearly lost his career - and his life - because of it. I put a lot of thought into this match, and the rest of the NAPW locker room are treating it like, what a game?
"Stylin'" Kyle: Listen, using breakaway props to show how tough you are may make for good television, but think of the example you're setting for the fans, some of whom are even dumber than the two of you put together. As much as you chumps act like cartoon characters - you're not. (Picks up a baseball bat.) If you get hit hard enough in the head with one of these things, you might not get up.
The Beast: Now, Kyle and I have come to expect some level of ridiculousness from you two beer-guzzling boneheads, but this just sets the bar even lower.
"Stylin'" Kyle: So please, Axe, whatever you do: please don't show up to Monday's match hung-over.
The Beast: It's not that I don't want to hurt you - because I do - but I don't want to have to break bad news to your parents twice in less than two weeks. Trust me: that's not something I look forward to doing.
(The Tag Team Champions turn around and walk away from the table. As the camera pans down to the array of potentially devastating devices, we catch a glimpse of the phrase on the back of The Beast's jacket: "Never Trust The Beast.")
The Beast: Good evening. We're here to clear up a few things about Monday night's hardcore match.
"Stylin'" Kyle: That's right, Bruce. And this isn't just for the Decapitators' benefit: this is for everyone. Pay attention, guys: you just might learn a thing or two. Now, for those of you who may not have tuned in earlier, Axe and Diamond put on a pretty disgusting show. We thought about re-playing selected highlights of it for you, but quite frankly, we'd rather not.
The Beast: Breaking a Singapore cane over Diamond's back, denting a stop sign over his head...We were shocked, that's right, shocked by their display.
"Stylin'" Kyle: Apparently, their years of underaged drinking has pickled their already weak brains. We were surprised that Commissioner Winchell allowed that kind of thing on the air. It's setting a bad example for the slack-jawed peons out there in the audience.
The Beast: (Picking up the claw hammer.) Axe, Diamond, let me remind you how a Hardcore match works: I hit you repeatedly with all kinds of objects, hard enough to break bones and cause internal bleeding. It has destroyed far, far better men than you. In fact, the "legend" himself, Mick Foley, nearly lost his career - and his life - because of it. I put a lot of thought into this match, and the rest of the NAPW locker room are treating it like, what a game?
"Stylin'" Kyle: Listen, using breakaway props to show how tough you are may make for good television, but think of the example you're setting for the fans, some of whom are even dumber than the two of you put together. As much as you chumps act like cartoon characters - you're not. (Picks up a baseball bat.) If you get hit hard enough in the head with one of these things, you might not get up.
The Beast: Now, Kyle and I have come to expect some level of ridiculousness from you two beer-guzzling boneheads, but this just sets the bar even lower.
"Stylin'" Kyle: So please, Axe, whatever you do: please don't show up to Monday's match hung-over.
The Beast: It's not that I don't want to hurt you - because I do - but I don't want to have to break bad news to your parents twice in less than two weeks. Trust me: that's not something I look forward to doing.
(The Tag Team Champions turn around and walk away from the table. As the camera pans down to the array of potentially devastating devices, we catch a glimpse of the phrase on the back of The Beast's jacket: "Never Trust The Beast.")