Warren vs "Sick" Billy Kryenik

[Chris Casino]

Post RP's in this thread.

[warren]

[Whoa. You know where it is. The magical Circle K somewhere, anywhere in Anytown, USA. But this time the grainy black and white image is showing clearly the top half of REBEL Pro Wrestling's Warren, lookin' straight into the camera. Somethin' is different about his face.]

"You know it's this whole wrestling gig, I don't have much training or experience you know? I ain't gonna sit here and tell some bogus lies about how I know what it's like and I been there and back. No way dude! That's not War-style. People keep saying to me, Warren, what are you doing in REBEL Pro Wrestling? And I'm like, well, they were hiring..."

"And you know REBEL's done three shows and I've only had one match, a totally heinous encounter with the monster Caliban. The big ugly jerk put me through a table! And then the week after, I tried to get something back on the dude and he put me through another table. I spent two weeks after that on a major bummer, wondering what to do next."

"What happens, REBEL gets me to referee a match between Caliban and this guy from NAPW, The Beast. That was a pretty gnarly match-up to be a part of, and it sucks that The Beast lost the match. I didn't want to count three but I said to him and everybody else that I'd call it down the middle and I didn't want to be a lamewad liar. And then after the match you know what happens?"

[Warren turns his head left to right rapidly, mouth half-open and brows furrowed in dismay. He's got somethin' on his mind.]

"Well that mondo dweeb Caliban tried to beat up The Beast some more, and I tried to make a difference. I don't know what came over me, you know, but I tried. And I got thrown out to the floor and man, that really hurt! And I'm sick and tired of being everybody's punchin' bag. Maybe I'm not a total hardcore dude but I got me some pride, you know?"

"It felt pretty good kicking that Nightmare On Elm Street reject Iago out from ringside. But you know what I really want?"

[Warren looks at the camera, his bottom lip jutting out. He pushes some hair out of his eyes.]

"I want a win."

"So here's the thing. I get a match again, my second REBEL match! Dude, that's totally awesome. And I get put in a match with this guy named "Sick" Billy Kryenik. I've heard a little bit about this dude, he's a tough dude. And he was a tag champion in NAPW til just a couple weeks ago. He's like, a superstar, and they put him against me. Whoa. Like, whoa. This could be my shot, buuuuuuuuddy."

"But I thought about it dude, and I think I figured something out. I think they gave this match expecting Billy Kryenik to go into it and basically get an easy win. A most non-triumphant turn of events that is. Well, I got a few words for "Sick" Billy Kryenik, and none of them are "pin me, pay me."

[Pause.]

"Billy Kryenik, dude, you're a tough dude! You've been a champion, you've won big matches, you're like, totally hardcore dude! I know you've done things and seen stuff I've never seen. And you're looking at the big Tagstravanza event in NAPW in a few weeks, where you can probably get back your sweet tag titles. But dude, don't look past the W-man! I'm not goin' to be your easy win, I'm not goin' to let somebody beat me up or just walk all over me. That is totally not cool. Maybe like, nobody gives me a chance, not even my mom, hi mom!, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up! When Def Leppard's drummer lost an arm, did HE give up? NO! He kept playing the drums dude, and now he's the most excellent one-armed drummer on the planet! If the dude from Def Leppard didn't give up, there's no way I'm going to give up!"

"And then you know, maybe they've announced it or not, but I'm going to tell all of you a big secret, but promise to keep it secret until they announce if they didn't announce it yet, dudes. I'm going to be in Tagstravaganza, and my partner is going to be a super tough guy from California named The Crusher. Now I don't know too much about The Crusher yet, but I kinda realize that people don't give him too much credit. So me and The Crusher, we're on a totally non-bogus mission to show all the dudes in REBEL Pro and even then up in Canada that we're not just jokes or guys to get beaten up. I think me and Crusher can go up to NAPW's Tagstravamostexcellentganza and come out the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS of NAPW! And dude, that would be tubular to the Nth degree!"

"Like, it all starts with you, Billy Kryenik. Because maybe I won't win, but maybe I will win! No way I'm going to be pushed around anymore! Billy Kryenik, I'll see you in the ring! And I will be most triumphant... dude."

[Warren walks towards the camera and reaches out of sight, looking for the on/off button.]

[Klik.]

[warren]

[static]

Caliban reaches down and YANKS the young man out of the corner, and into an overhead press. He then steps to the ropes, Warren shaking his head "no!" The crowd's screams increase and Caliban, with a ROAR, HURLS WARREN INTO THE FOURTH ROW! ELIMINATION!

[flash]

Warren somehow gets to his feet, and then the monster raises him over his head for a gorilla press drop! He's holding up there, Warren shaking his head no --- OH MY GOODNESS! WARREN THROWN OVER THE TOP ROPE AND INTO THE CROWD! UNBELIEVABLE! THIS IS JUST LIKE AT NAPW SOLE SURVIVOR II, and Warren ... was caught by the crowd! And what's this? Somebody in the back once again fired up "Paradise City," Warren is being crowd-surfed around the ring!

[flash]

Warren is out on his feet, what more can be done? Oh no! Caliban grabs him by the back of the head as Miranda and Iago have... pulled a table out from under the ring and set it up outside! Oh no! Caliban lifts Warren up high THE HEART OF DARKNESS! Crash! The table explodes into splinters as Warren is forcefully driven through it from almost twelve feet in the air, the crowd is chanting "HOLY SHIT" as they rightly should.

[flash]

Iago, Miranda and Caliban also look towards the curtain as Guns N' Roses continue to blast. A figure hopes the guard rail and scampers up to the top turnbuckle.

It's Warren!

He yells at Caliban who turns around just as Warren takes to the air! Caliban catches him and holds him like a dog would hold a chew toy! Samoan Drop! Warren is writhing in pain as Caliban looms over him.

[flash]

As Richards is waving to the fans, Caliban slips into the ring and attacks a distracted "Beast!" Richards is taken to the mat with a flurry of kicks and punches and suddenly WARREN of all people shoves him away! The crowd explodes at Warrens guts but the poor boy looks ready to wet himself. Caliban swings and Warren ducks underthe fist! The monster spins around and Warren jabs a thumb to the eye! Warren hooks the head of Caliban and goes for a sliced bread #2! However the monster Caliban simply throws him off and Warren sails down to the floor and hard against the ring barrier! Caliban takes a look at the crumpled Warren down below him and turns just in time to get clotheslined over the top rope by Bruce Richards! The monster lands with a heavy thud and the crowd again explodes for "the Beast!"

[the scene pauses, flickering. zoom out... on the scene, which is clearly playing on a television on VCR. The camera pulls back more and more until two heads are seen watching the TV, one looking intent, the other slouched way down in his chair. The two heads are the heads of

WARREN
and
THE CRUSHER!]

THE CRUSHER: Alright Warren, you see all the times you've been in the ring for the past month. It doesn't look the greatest, but...

WARREN: Ouch, dude. Don't I have any highlights?

THE CRUSHER: Well I looked, you did throw Iago out of ringside!!! He deserved it!

WARREN: That creepy man. But this week I don't get Caliban, I get the toughest dude of tough dudes, Billy Kryenik. Man, I want to beat him, but how can I beat Billy Kryenik? He's wrestled in like... I don't even know what, dude, like totally heinous matches with thumbtacks and barbed wire!

THE CRUSHER: Warren Billy Kryenik wrestled in a TaiPei deathmatch in NAPW, with glass glued around his fists against TOMMY Deathrow, he wrestled in a stairway to hell barbed wire ladder match, he is the most violent man in wrestling today! But you know what, I've learned something through football and wrestling in my career. They say in football that on Any Given Sunday, any team can win, and in wrestling it's true too. On any given night, anybody can be a winner. And that means you too, you just have to believe in yourself and prepare!

WARREN: ... dude, GLASS TAPED AROUND HIS WRISTS? Oh man, I'm gonna die. I'm too young to die, there are slurpee flavors I haven't tried yet! Dude, I haven't even seen Iron Maiden play live yet! Kurt, dude, what do I do? Caliban was one thing but this dude Kryenik...

THE CRUSHER: Okay man, you need to relax! I'm going tell you something. Over a year ago I wrestled Rex Caliber for the NAPW TV Title, and nobody gave me a chance. But I BEAT Rex Caliber in the middle of the ring and became the first ever TV Champion, and nobody can ever take that away from me.

You can go into Tuesday night and you might go in thinking you can't win. But you have to go in every match and leave it all in the ring, give 110%. My old coach used to say "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take," which makes more sense for basketball but it applies to every sport, even life. Warren, you are going to go in and you can beat Billy Kryenik, and if you do that, then you've beaten the former NAPW Tag Champions just two weeks before you and I go into Tagstravaganza. And I know that together we can win!!!

[Warren looks at Crusher, gulping, brushing messy hair out of his face.]

THE CRUSHER: Come on Warren, what about all that stuff you said a couple days ago? " Because maybe I won't win, but maybe I will win! No way I'm going to be pushed around anymore! Billy Kryenik, I'll see you in the ring! And I will be most triumphant... dude.""

WARREN: Things looked worse the morning after, dude. But... Kurt James, you're right, my excellent friend. I can't sit here worrying about getting my butt kicked until Tuesday! That's bogus!

THE CRUSHER: That's right!

WARREN: I can't look at Billy Kryenik's history and how good he is and give up before I've even started! That's totally lame!

THE CRUSHER: You got it!

WARREN: I mean, Slash wouldn't go on stage and not give you everything he possibly can in most triumphant guitar solos! How can I go out and not give everything I possibly can? That'd be bogus AND lame, dude!

THE CRUSHER: You sound ready to make some highlights now, Warren! And this tape will then be...

WARREN: EXCELLENT!

[Warren holds up his hand for a Highest of Fives. Crusher slaps it, loudly. Warren shakes his stinging palm in the air.]

WARREN: Dude, owwwww!

THE CRUSHER: Sorry Warren, I don't always know my own strength. Now let's get to the gym and train.

WARREN: Awww, dude, but it's 2:30, that's when they put on the fresh hot dogs at the "K!"

THE CRUSHER: Hot dogs can wait, winning is forever!

[Warren and Crusher walk out of the scene, and then the camera fades.]



[Crusher used with permission]