Post by nexusone on Oct 3, 2006 22:38:18 GMT -5
LETHAL;
definition states it to be: gravely damaging or destructive.
LOTTERY;
definition states it to be: 1: a drawing of lots used to decide something, usually a prize.
2 : an event or affair whose outcome is or seems to be determined by chance
LETHAL LOTTERY:
An event whose outcome has a chance to be gravely damaging or destructive. An affair of which by chance you could win a prize... in this case a trip to Battle Bowl.
definition states it to be: gravely damaging or destructive.
LOTTERY;
definition states it to be: 1: a drawing of lots used to decide something, usually a prize.
2 : an event or affair whose outcome is or seems to be determined by chance
LETHAL LOTTERY:
An event whose outcome has a chance to be gravely damaging or destructive. An affair of which by chance you could win a prize... in this case a trip to Battle Bowl.
The event is underway as "LETHAL DOSAGE" an instrumental song by the band Mudvayne plays through the arena.
As the entrance music for Lethal Lottery comes to an end, another familiar music begins to play over the speakers of Edmonton’s Polish Hall. Harry Hibbs rendition of “Fighting 59” instantly brings waves of booing to the NAPW faithful. Ol’Salty emerges from behind the curtain, boos gaining volume now, and then, just what the crowd we’re dreading The NAPW Provincial Champion walks out Republic of Newfoundland Flag in hand and the NAPW Provincial Title around his waist. The Newfie duo head to the ring, Lloyd slides in and heads to the corner, waving the old Pink, White, and Green and exposing the Provincial strap for everyone to see while Ol’Salty grabs a microphone and heads into the ring. Ol’Salty takes a long haul off his trademark flask and then starts to talk.
Ol’Salty: SHUT UP!!
Boos ring even louder now.
Ol’Salty: Show some respect fer what stands here in front of ya right now! All ye Albertan piece’s of trash are witnessing greatness. A history maker! The man that will soon be da only man t’ever hold both da NAPW Provincial Championship and da NAPW Championship, and just incase ya didn’t hear…“Da former NAPW TV Champion, three time, present NAPW, and longest reigning Provincial Champion, da only man in NAPW history t’win matches via pinfall, submission, top-rope elimination, count-out, knock-out, first blood, ladder, and a casket full of ketchup, da only man in wrestle’n t’make Rex Caliber tap, “Da East Coast Sensation”, “Da Lemondrop Kid”, da one and da only…LLOYD REES!!”
Hearing Lloyd’s trademark rant coming from Ol’Salty drives the NAPW fans crazy. All types of items are being thrown into the ring, but Lloyd seems to be enjoying every moment of it. Ol’Salty hands Lloyd the microphone and as the booing fans subside, Lloyd starts to speak.
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Now d’hat you a**holes have finally showed a little respect fer “Da Lemondrop Kid”, let me fill you in on a few tings…First off, you are now look’n at da man d’hat has held dis title fer a record seventy-eight days. I have beat every challenger d’hat has come me way and d’hat ain’t about t’change. Da NAPW Provincial Title belongs t’me, and soon, so will da NAPW Championship…D’hat’s right! On October 11th, yer soon t’be ex-NAPW Champion D!, and yers truly are go’n t’go one on one fer da NAPW Championship in a 30 Minute Ironman Match, and dis time da match is go’n t’end a little different d’han it did on September 12th…
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: Ya see, back on d’hat wonderful day in September, I taught D! a lesson, and D! learnt just like Pavlov’s Dog d’hat ya don’t f**k with or under estimate “Da East Coast Sensation”. Now, almost a month later, D! is about t’undergo another life change’n lesson. Da simple fact d’hat a 30 Minute Ironman Match is right me ally. Yer look’n at da top wrestler in da NAPW t’day, da technical terror, and da man da is go’n t’school D! fer a whole 30 minutes…
“The Lemondrop Kid” Lloyd Rees: But, I’ve wasted enough of me time on ye pieces of trash t’night…I got a party t’crash!
Wait... We have company!
RIGHT. BEFORE. MY. EYES!
D! enters to a rowdy crowd, drunk from the tailgate party.
D!: You done missed the party bub... I brought you some Real Ale, Alberta beef burgers, a funny email from Jon Tees, and these too admire from a far...
D! holds up his two belts.
D!: You know what it must be great for a guy like you, a "Newfie" to be in Alberta. You know since Alberta has things like Jobs, Security... WOMEN. Things Newfoundland don't have. Is that why Salty is with you all the time. But anyways I heard you have a plan for the CHAMP. You're going to do this, that, this other thing, a couple other moves and all with Ketchup in 30 minutes of boring repeated promo material. That right? Or do actually have the thoughts of putting me to sleep with that crap, and stealing my belt during my half hour nap.
D! gets in the ring and is face to face with Rees.
D!: Fact is... You are in a match that is going to test us both in every facet, mentally and physically. 30 minutes is all the time I need to take your best shots, get up from them, ask for more, then reverse what you give me. But to tell you the truth... I'm done talking.
D! drops the Mic, but Rees reacts quickly. The punches are flying and then Ol' Salty with an attack from behind. Rees catches D! with the DDT from the Green.
CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK!!
D! IS HURT!! All the refs are at the ring, and trying to pull Rees off. They can't do it. Rees is dominating the champ after a cheapshot from Salty. Rees finally lets go then holds up the Provincial and NAPW belts.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to LETHAL LOTTERY 2006! Tonight will feature four tag team, single-fall bouts. The eight men on the four winning tag teams will then compete later on in the evening in the BATTLEBOWL Battle ROYAALLEEE, with the winner receiving an NAPW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE SHOT!
Highlights of the stars in action first is shown on the screen, while you hear this:
Strangers... these men aren't strangers. Ravager, the former Provincial Champ, former NAPW champ has teamed with his lottery partner before. It wasn't a career highlight for either man. His partner was king of tag team wrestling, holding the tag titles a record amount of time. Singles success is not a stranger to him either. Former Provincial champ, is now looking toward the Kiniski Cup. These two men face off with Krusty Kid Paul, a stablemate of both men under the Winchell administration. KKP and Evan are part of Violence International. Paul's partner is the man who lost to Evan last week... after a bad call by the referee. Would have North gotten up ten seconds later? Who knows... but tonight will we know who the best is in Violence International? Will Ravager and Evan be better at teaming than a few months ago? Will North overcome his controversial loss?
Kill Radio’s “Pull Out” hits and out from behind the curtain comes a very intense KKP, looking to show to himself, the world, and most importantly Evan that he is no pushover.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, from Kitchener, Ontario…KRUSTY KID PAUL!
Big pop in the Polish Hall for the always crowd pleasing Gunderson, as he steps out to"A Better Way" by The Salads. He hits the ring, glares at referee Henry Andrews, the same man who cost him his match with Cartwright on Action!, and shares an awkward hand pound with KKP.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his tag team partner, accompanied to the ring by Tex, from Denver, Colorado, weighing in at Two-Hundred Pounds…NORTH! T! GUUUUUNNDEEERRSOOONNN!
Sam and Dave blast over the loudspeakers and the NAPW faithful are quick to boo, though a small smattering of cheers can be heard among longtime fans. Cartwright and Ravager head out as a unit. They go to the ring, cool, calm and collected, ready for the LETHAL LOTTERY!
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents, weighing in at an impressive combined weight of Four Hundred Thirty-Two and a quarter pounds, from Cairo, Illinois, and Brooklyn, New York, respectively….”PERFECTION” EVAAAANNNN CAARTWRIGHHT And RAAAAVAGERR!
Starting the action off in the ring is Gunderson and Ravager. North ties up Ravager, spins around behind the smaller man and takes his feet out from under him. Quick to counter is Ravager, as he spins about gets to his feet, hitting an excellent bail-out dropkick, planting both feet square in the sternum of Gunderson, sending both men to the mat. Ravager is up first but is caught by a European Uppercut, and a fall-away hip toss. Ravager bounces right up and walks into another Gunderson hip toss! Ravager gets up, dusts himself off, and moves in on Gunderson. An arm drag attempt by Gunderson is nullified by a vicious inverted neck-breaker by the former NAPW Champeen. He picks his opponent up by the head and plants a stiff DDT, cranium first goes Gunderson to the mat. Ravager contemplates making the tag, but Cartwright is preoccupied, staring at Tex in a quite inappropriate manner! Gunderson takes advantage of his opponents’ lack of concentration and rolls up Ravager! ONE, TWO, NO SIR! Ravager barely escapes, but he doesn’t escape North’s charging Clothesline! Down to the mat goes Ravager! He’s up quickly again and from seemingly out of nowhere the Silent Assassin himself hits a match altering Business is Business! Gunderson is laying face up, counting the number of lights that make up the ceiling of the Polish Hall! Ravager makes his tag now to Cartwright, who tries to go for the win right here before his running buddy KKP can even get in the ring! WHEELBARROW! North is in AGONY! He may have even tapped…if he wasn’t so close to the ropes, and to his tag team partner!
Tag is made and KKP is in the ring. Evan offers his hand to his Violence International brethren. KKP is cautious, but eventually accepts. Evan raises his hand, and tells him….”Got ya!” KKP has no time to react before Evan spikes his fist right into his throat! “UGHHH!” comes the bellow of Paul, as he drops to the mat, looking desperately everywhere for air. But all he gets is a sleeper hold! Evan wants to keep the bigger KKP down on the mat and find a way to make him tap. He places a knee on the back of Paul, and shifts from a sleeper to a modified Surfboard! Paul doesn’t like this, he’s screaming in pain! Evan wrenches it on, but KKP gets a foot on the ropes to break the hold. Quick boot to the head from Cartwright. KKP struggles to his feet, only to be met with a quite devastating ROARING ELBOW! SHADES OF TANAKA! KKP goes night-night! Or does he? Cartwright looks to put Krusty right into the bottle opener, KKP's own move, but takes far too long…LOW BLOW! Cartwright can do little but stumble blindly over to Ravager, and make his tag! Ravager is in the ring and he’s flying right at KKP…SPINE-BUSTER! KKP wants the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-SHOULDER!
Whoa Nellie, it looked like that Spine-buster was it! KKP tags North Gunderson back in, and North is ascending the turnbuckle. What in the hell is this man thinking? Ravager to his feet…FLYING CLOTHESLINE? NO! GUNDERSON SAILS RIGHT PAST RAVAGER!...but not before grabbing the back of his head as he went over and nailing him with a ring-rocking BLOCKBUSTER! SENSATIONAL move by North! Cover now!
ONE…TWO…SAVED BY CARTWRIGHT! Evan is laying the wood to North, and this prompts KKP to charge right the hell in! It’s pandemonium, and Henry Andrews looks to damn AFRAID to do anything about it! All four men are in the ring knocking the hell out of each other! Gunderson with a SHINING WIZARD on RAVAGER!! Holy Mackerel! Both men go over the top rope and to the outside, leaving, Evan Cartwright, and Krusty Kid Paul, in the ring together…a recipe for disaster, no doubt about it! KKP is working on Evan, he seems to have him beat! Ravager clotheslines North on the outside. Evan is taking punishment from KKP. But Wait! He ducks a punch and slides behind KKP…GERMAN! GERMAN! GERMAN! Evan smiles and covers Paul.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS, “PERFECTION” EVAAANNN CAARRTWRIGHHT and RAAAAAVAGGGGEERRRRR!
Wait a damn minute! Neither one of those guys was even legally in that match! What the hell was Andrews looking at, that’s the SECOND STRAIGHT WEEK he cost North T. Gunderson a possible victory, and this time he’s cost him a shot at the NAPW title! KKP is pissed off in the ring and is in Andrews face. Andrew jets to the back, but Cartwright and Ravager are all smiles as they walk up the ramp to the locker room. Their tickets punched for tonight’s BATTLEBOWL!
On the screen again, the next wrestlers are shown, with this tease played.
The burning sensation is still there. The fire. Usually a figurative term used to describe deep disdain, and even hate. This isn't figurative and is literally the case for "Outlaw" Patrick Kidd. One week ago, a Pure Honor's match ended, and Kidd's eyesight went up in smoke. The seemingly handicapped Outlaw would not take the advice of others. Kidd with his eyesight still not 20/20, and bright lights deterring him further... WILL COMPETE IN LETHAL LOTTERY! But with his partner, the very man who blinded him: The Superstar himself. They step in the ring with the hottest wrestler in the NAPW, the current NAPW Television Champion: The Yellow Chicken. His tag team partner is a man who has to evolve in his wrestling style to simply survive, Mr. Patrick Bickle. One week before they go into huge matches at Hostile Hangover... they take on a vision impaired, fearless Outlaw, and the Superstar who impaired his vision. Who will survive?
"The Chicken Song" brings out the NAPW Television champ. He looks happy and is showing off the Chicken logo on the belt. He slaps hands with fans and dances toward the ring. The fans are going crazy for the prince of poultry.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first weighing in at Two hundred Sixty-Five pounds, the current NAPW Television Champion: THE YELLOOOOOOOWW CHIIIIIIICKENN!!
Broken Social Scene begins playing "Ibi Dreams of Pavement", the crowd is confused expecting DJ Shadow to bring out Bickle. Mr. Maps leads the way and Patrick Bickle comes out. In his effort to evolve into the new Bickle, has changed his music too.The crowd explodes with cheers and Bickle smiles just a tad bit.
FRANK WARBURTON: His Lottery chosen partner hails from New York City, weighs in tonight at One hundred Seventy-Six pounds, the former Kiniski Cup holder, PAAAAATRIICK BIIIIIICCKKLLE!!!
Alice in Chains starts up, and boos reign down like Hitler's entered a Jewish barmitzvah. Tommy, Thomas, Tom Deathrow, the man with several names and several moves of torture looks stoned faced and focused. He believes he is the most dominant man in wrestling and the sexiest too. He has the opportunity to get a shot at the NAPW belt, but must win this match first.
FRANK WARBURTON: And-
Tommy steals the Mic.
TOMMY: Let's get the blind bastard out here and do this (BLEEP)... I got a battle royal to win a little later.
With that "Rebirth" plays and Patrick Kidd comes to through the curtain. No cane tonight, but is wearing tinted goggles. He must be shielding the arena lights. Fans take pictures, as they tend to do and he just looks down and holds his hand up to block the flash. No intro for Kidd as Frank was told to leave by Tommy.
The ref tonight is Dick Kiebiech. Kidd and Tommy jaw some, with Tommy starting the match. Bickle is ready on the other side. The bell sounds. Tommy and Bickle circle each other. Bickle and Tommy lock up. Bickle goes for a Fujiwara arm-bar quickly and Tommy goes to the ropes. Dick calls for the break, which he gets. Bickle cracks his neck, and Tommy goes over to Kidd. He slaps Patrick Kidd on the chest and it's a tag. Kidd enters staring a hole through Tommy. The two Patricks tie up and Kidd with a side headlock. He slings Bickle down to the mat, retaining the headlock. Bickle gets to the ropes, and Kidd releases the move cleanly. The two rise to their feet. Yellow Chicken is dancing on the ring apron and Kidd gets distracted. Bickle lands a dropkick to the knee of Kidd. Bickle moves quickly with a side mount on Kidd. He locks Kidd legs together for an attempt at a Bow and Arrow. Tommy comes in to stop it. Tommy kicks the head of Bickle. Tommy then leaves the ring. Deathrow really wants to win, and is showing it. Bickle tags in Yellow Chicken. He goes to the downed Kidd and Kidd with a leg trip. He turns Chicken over and grabs his legs. He flips with them into a pinning position.
ONE.
TWO.
NO SIR... Chicken is kicks out. Kidd doesn't stop and drops an elbow that MISSES. Chicken nails a Peck or head-butt if you will. He hit's another to Kidd who is on his knees. Kidd tries to get up and Chicken nails with a right hand. Kidd falls backward into his corner and turns around, slapping Tommy. Tommy curses him, but Chicken comes over and puts their heads together, for a double Noggin Knocker. Tommy flies off the apron. Kidd is down and rolls outside. Bickle sees his opportunity. He is in the ring, he... he... does the chicken dance? Double Chicken Dance in the ring. Tommy is back in. He is exchanging punches with his opponents. Kidd rolls in. Dick is losing control of the match. Kidd runs and nails TOMMY WITH A CLOTHESLINE. Chicken and Bickle move away. Kidd looks up, moves his goggles up, and sees Chicken and Bickle, then looks down at Tommy. He tells Tommy: "I thought you were them" and goes to his corner. Bickle returns to his corner. Chicken locks on the Fujiwara arm-bar and Tommy can't escape his like he did Bickle's. Kidd in for the save. Chicken gets up, as Kidd leaves. He drags Tommy to his corner, lands a head-butt and tags in Bickle. He holds Tommy's arm out and Bickle clubs it. Then does an arm wringer. Bickle scoops Tommy up and slams him hard. Dropping a leg drop on the arm of Tommy. Bickle tries it again and MISSES. Tommy pops Bickle in the face with a boot. Bickle is on the mat and it's
T...N...T!!! Total Nonstop Tommy. Tommy finishes it up and drops a knee on the still taped shoulder of Bickle. And another knee. He keeps the knee there, grabs the arm and stretches Bickle. Chicken in for the save, but Kidd stops him. Kidd knew what was coming. Yellow Chicken and Kidd going toe to toe, crowd erupting. The ref is trying to get them out of the ring. Tommy looks pissed. He lets go of the move, clocks Chicken and pushes Kidd.
TOMMY: I had him beat. The ref can't see him tap with you in the God Damned ring.
School boy, Drop kick combo from Chicken and Bickle on Deathrow.
ONE.
TWO.
Kidd with the save. Tommy fights them off and goes for a tag. Kidd comes in, goes after Bickle's shoulder. CATTLE MUTILATION!! Bickle is yelling in pain. Tommy is chasing Chicken around the ring, trying to make sure he doesn't get involved. Bickle is hanging on. Yellow Chicken climbs on top, as the beer drinking Tommy is out of gas. FLYING HEAD-BUTT!! The mutilation ends as Kidd has gotten hit hard. Chicken rips off the goggles, then gets Bickle to the corner and they tag out. Kidd gets put in the CROSS-FACE CHICKEN WING. Tommy looks for a moment. He smiles at Kidd in pain. Kidd's squinting to see Tommy not helping. Tommy finally breaks it up. Bickle is out of commission in his corner. Tommy is made to leave the ring as Kiebiech has had it with the saves. He warns Tommy that he'll get DQ'ed if he does it again. Kidd crawls for a tag. Tommy tags him. Kidd is holding his head, from the huge head-butt and the loss of oxygen from the cross-face chicken-wing. Tommy charges at Yellow Chicken. Chicken side steps and CROSS FACE CHICKEN WING ON TOMMY. Kidd is going to enter the ring and Dick tells him one more step it's a DQ. Tommy is fading fast. Tommy gets to the ropes. Bickle is calling for the tag. He gets it. Kidd gets one from Tommy. Kidd is squinting.. He no longer has the goggles. He is trying to see who to attack and then he feels someone behind him. Kidd turns around and it's
THE CRIMSON TIDE...
ON
DICK KIEBIECH!!!
Tommy is cursing Kidd to no end. Tommy nails Kidd, and Kidd fires back. They are going at it tooth nail, punch after punch. It's going to the floor. Security is out there to stop them from fighting into the crowd. Dick Kiebeich is slowly moving and calling for the bell.
FRANK WARBURTON: Winners by disqualification.... THE YELLOW CHICKEN AND PATRICK BICKLE.
Security has them under control as this thing isn't over.
Part Dos... SOON!