TAGSTRAVAGANZA II - Gauntlet 2

[Ryan Ro [NAPW]]

TAGSTRAVAGANZA II

The NAPW Tag Team champions will put their titles on the line... against 11 other teams. Two separate, random entrance gauntlet matches will take place. The winning team of each gauntlet match will then go on to the main event, a tag match for the Championships within the confines of a 15 foot high STEEL CAGE. LDK and Banks have their work cut out for them, but will their new alliance with NAPW Owner Rex Caliber give them an advantage? They already have the champion advantage, entering last in the smaller bracket...

This is a huge opportunity not only for the titles, but for one team to make a huge statement to the wrestling world. Expect surprises, intensity and violence, all for the coveted NAPW tag team titles!

Gauntlet 2
Bluegrass Mafia
Kevin Kodiak & Link Van Haggard
"The Career Killer" Jake Phoenix & Donovan Astros
Celtic Assassins
Jeff James & Dio Muerte
"LDK" Lloyd Rees & David Banks (c)

[Link Van Haggard]

The scene opens up to an underground Heavy Metal concert. Some unknown band trying to make a name for them selves is playing. Now the crowd starts to get in a Mosh Pit, people dealing out blows to each other left and right as the band goes on playing their song that seems to drive these fools to act barbaric. Now the scene starts to zoom out into a V.I.P room and in that room you find Link Van Haggard wearing black baggy pants, and no shirt exposing his tattoos. On his right you see a man dressed like Link with a Mo Hawk, way too many piercing and a lot of tattoos, and on his left is a drop dead gorgeous blonde standing at 5’5. Link has his arm around her as he listens to the band play.

Tracy: Babe you are awesome.

Matt: Yeah Link you are going to rock the house.

Link smiles as his best friend and girl friend.

Matt: So Link who is your first match against? I want to see you get your first win.

Link: I have a Tag Team Gauntlet Match alongside some guy called Chris Kodiak for the NAPW World Tag-Team Straps. But I’ll worry about them later down the road as for now I will enjoy the concert and my two favorite people in the world.

They all look back and watch the concert, the scene fades out and when it fades back in they are in a bar and everyone seems to be crowded around one area as you hear them all chant CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! The camera goes through the crowd to reveal Link Van Haggard and his best friend Matt in the middle of a drinking competition. Link seems to be totally wasted and is swerving back and forth on his chair. Now they taken another shot glass and they both down it in one gulp. Link stands up and a couple of guys rush forward to help him but Link shoes them away. Link starts to speak with a heavy slur.

Link: Ok guys now how many of you are NAPW fans?

All the guys surrounding them shout, and Link falls back onto his seat.

Link: Now how many of you have watched it recently.

The same reaction as before comes from the guys.

Link: Now who wants to see me do some impressions of NAPWguys?

They all shout Hell Yeah. There’s a man wearing ZZ Top style sunglasses. Link grabs them off his face and puts them on, he begins strutting.

Link: Look at me look me. I’m a member of the Bluegrass Mafia.

All the guys surrounding him laugh at him and he returns sunglasses to the guy.

Link: Man you guys are my best friends.

Matt: HEY!

Link: Don’t worry Matt I still love you. Hey how bout we all do a sing along.

Link (singing): Everyone can see us together, as we walk on by. And we fly like birds of a feather, I won't tell no lie All the people around us they say, can they be that close. Just let me state for the record Were giving love like a family does.

Everyone: We are family, we are family.
I got all my sisters with me
we are family
Get up everybody sing
we are family we are family.
I got all my sisters with me; I got all my sisters with me.
We are family; we are family
Get up everybody sing.

Matt: Living life is fun and we've just begun to get our share of this worlds delights
High hopes we have for the future and our goal's in sight no we don't
Get depressed Here's what we call the golden rule have faith in you and the things
You do and you won't go wrong oh no this is a family joint yeah yeah.

Everyone: WE are family we are family
I got all my sister's with me
We are family we are family
Get up everybody sing it to me sing it now

Get up everybody jump
Get up get up get up get up get up get up

We are family we are family
I got all my sisters with me I got all my sisters
Get up everybody
Oh oh oh oh yea.


The only sober guy in the bar the bar tender is on the floor laughing hysterically. Now Link goes and hugs all of the guys.


Link: Man if it weren’t for you guys there would be no Link Van Haggard. Bar Tender do you have any hard alcohol.

Bar Tender: yeah let me get you some.

Link takes a swig of it and collapses on the floor and passes out and the scene fades out.

[Murder City Devils]

We fade into the Stately Towers Edmonton, room 1357, where Donovan Astros is relaxing after the Eight Man Tag match at Supershow I. For someone who just scored the biggest win of his NAPW career, pinning Chad Kurtis in the middle of the ring, Astros doesn't look too particularly pleased. Sitting next to Astros is a shopping bag and on the other side of the room is his luggage, perhaps on the way out for a flight back to Los Angeles.

ASTROS - This should have been the best night I've ever had here. Kurtis Boys, I did what I've said all along I was going to do, shut you up in the middle of the ring, and I did. No tights being held, no interference, no shenanigans, you've got not a God damned thing to complain about! All you can do is comfort yourself in the fact that you lost to the best damned wrestler on God's green Earth!

Astros shakes his head and looks back up at the camera even angrier.

ASTROS - Instead, Chris Casino, you needed to get the last word in. How you led our team to victory, how you did this, you did that, how we're rookies and need to be carried... WHO GOT THE FALL, Chris? Who got his hand raised? Who got the job done when all you could do is tag in and out with Sebastien Martyr?

Astros smirks, almost growling.

ASTROS - You're lookin at him, Chris. You're looking at someone with 10 years experience in the ring, someone who knows every trick of the trade whether he needs to use them or not! I don't need your coddling or your help, thank you very much! And you're damned lucky we're in separate matches this Tuesday, because not only am I pissed off at you, but Jake Phoenix is pissed off at you and-

Suddenly, the door crashes open and slams against the wall, knocking one hinge loose. Jake Phoenix has arrived, and he's not in a good mood.

ASTROS - Jake, I was just talking about the way you and I were mistreated by those ungrateful bastards, Chris Casino and Seb-

PHOENIX - (BLEEP) 'em. And (BLEEP) the rest of them too. How much longer am I gonna be stuck in this tag team crap? How much longer am I gonna be stuck against these Bluegrass bitches, and how much longer is that stupid bitch Lyndsey gonna hang around like a turd that won't flush? HOW MUCH LONGER?

ASTROS - One more night, Jake... I've got the lineup for Tagstravaganza, and they're in our Gauntlet. Along with a pair of REBEL misfit teams, the Celtic Assassins and Dio Muerte and Jeff James. Add in Kevin Kodiak... didn't you cripple him a few weeks ago?

PHOENIX - Guess I didn't cripple 'em enough, he's comin' back for more, just like the (BLEEP) Kurtises. How many times'm I gonna have to put them down before they get the (BLEEP)ing hint?

ASTROS - I don't know, I would have thought me pinning that whiny punk No-Show Chad Kurtis right smack dab in the middle of the ring would have shut them up for good. But add in Kevin Kodiak and some new guy, add us, and there's really only one obstacle to us becoming the tag team champions, Jake.

PHOENIX - Yeah? What's that?

ASTROS - We got the tag champs in our half of the bracket. "LDK" Lloyd Rees and David Banks. Rex Caliber's golden boys, the New Crimes.

PHOENIX - So what? There ain't no new crimes, just the same ol' - assault and battery, attempted murder, non-attempted murder, all the good stuff. I don't give a (BLEEP) whose golden boys they are, I'll bash their heads in just the same.

ASTROS - Well, ever since they've hooked up with the boss, Rex Caliber, and gotten a team name, they've been on a huge roll, and Jake, I've been thinking, we need a name and gear to take us to the next level, not just of tag team wrestling, but of marketability!

Phoenix just looks at Astros like he's grown an extra head and arm and was named President of the Galaxy. He's speechless.

ASTROS - Here, Jake, try one of these on.

Astros digs into the bag to his side and pulls out a black T-shirt and tosses it over to Jake. As Phoenix stares at the shirt, figuring out how to make Astros's impending death look like a suicide, Astros pulls a second shirt out and puts it on. The black T-shirt has "Murder City Devils" in red on the front.

PHOENIX - Murder City Devils?

ASTROS - You like it, Jake?

Phoenix opens the shirt and stares down at it. If this pause was any more pregnant, it'd have triplets. Finally... Phoenix slowly nods.

PHOENIX - It ain't bad. It ain't bad at all.

ASTROS - Bluegrass Mafia, Celtic Assassins, New Crimes, Dio and James, and those two other guys, it's time you gave the Devils their due! Come this Tuesday, everyone in NAPW is going to come to one undeniable conclusion.

PHOENIX - Facin' Astros is a bitch. Facin' me? Pure hell. But facin' both of us?

Phoenix finally puts on the shirt.

PHOENIX - That's murder.

Fade out.

[Dio Muerte]

MEH DEE TATION!

Dio Muerte I guess it's time to light up the life I live. Escaping darkness, exposing my face in the light.

The lights turn on. Dio Muerte is found inside a class room sitting on a wooden chair facing the wall with his back turned to camera.

Exposing my brain a bit. Maybe I'll rid this mask of mine, shave my hair, then get a glass skull. Then you'll get a full tour at how my head works. OR WE CAN SAVE MONEY! TELL THE WORLD GOOD NEWS! Switch to Geico and tighten the (BLEEP) UP! Pay attention. Life isn't sweet. I made it sour. You know why? Cause I never had a sugar tooth. You know why? I had to be the parrot fish. Feasting on jagged edges growing sharp tongue, using the razors as dental floss. Sharpening my bite, leaving scabs on beef. My mouth is why I get in trouble. These molar pistols, dental cannons, bazooka teeth of mine. All the cause of my damnation. I will not hire a dentist to pick them out and place dentures in. (BLEEP) no, I will never do a such a thing. I'll let plaque build up on my dental features. I'll allow them to decay away, letting microorganism take inhabitant in my mouth, closing my throat shut. That's before I even think about dentures. Because I'm real to my cause and I don't allow myself to be dictated by what anyone says. People who debate and have counter statements for my oral fire power are peace activist in a war.

A war, that's all it is, a war.

I've been through wars. I escape clean. The war tried to put an end to guns and ammo. The war tried to close down my ammunition surplus with my own weapon. MY OWN WEAPON! Where is the justice. What happened to rules of war? But, they were not successful. Yes it did render me to sleep. I awoke without any nightmares. The war, doesn't talk about me the way I talk about them. The war knows I'll be back with my buddy ol' pal ol' friend ol' chum. When this war takes place, everyone will feel pain. The watchers will leave with bruised and battered retinae. Vocal chords will be stretched and warped. A lesson will be taught to the crowd, apathy to violence. The violence that's placed on the TV screens and in the consoles that Lefts and Rights bitch about from left to right will be a pleasant vacation in Aruba, while sipping on a Shirley Temple.

Now this competition.


I'd only be a liar if I associated them as competition. Call me what you will. A liar I'll never be. And yet, I never win shit. I can send a message a thousand times. I can speak what I feel. I can speak the truth. I can counter attack whatever a man has to say. People would come on, they would try to sound smart, I'd reduce their IQ's to single digits. What do I get in return? I know a man, IMB, he does the same thing just multiply it by four two's and fans adore him, respect follows him like a black cloud. I guess sometimes being a genius in the world of idiots isn't worth the trip back home. I don't even have enough to retire on. Could I even look back at this and smile? Could I even look back at this and feel good about it? Would it even matter if I did? Would they care? Would they reel me back in? Would I try to find out? Do I care? Or do I just love to wrestle?
If I can't answer this, how will anyone else be able too?

"No Cars" by Akforty begins to ring. Which by the way can be be found exclusively at www.myspace.com/Akforty

Dio Muerte Yo.

Jeff James Where are you?

Dio Muerte Thinking and shit.

Jeff James Always. You ever go outside and do shit?

Dio Muerte I thought about it once.

Jeff James So did you go outside?

Dio Muerte I had to finish thinking about other shit, by the time I was done, I had to go to sleep.

Jeff James You have a bed time?

Dio Muerte Yeah, time for me to go to bed. Hell you thought I meant?

Jeff James Nothing. Anyways, meet me outside my place, man. I got something to show you.

Dio Muerte Hell is it?

Jeff James I was walking down the street, then I saw it. It struck me hard, it had a very deep meaning to it. Probably the most symbolic work of art I ever seen in my life.

Dio Muerte I'm on my way.

Fades

[Donovan Astros]

We fade into a living room, well-lit and spacious. Not the usual scene for the man on camera, Donovan Astros, who is wearing the new "Murder City Devils" T-shirt, available at merchandise stands at every NAPW event! Astros isn't smirking or growling, in fact, he's smiling and cheery. Something must be up.

ASTROS - Hi there, NAPW fans!

That voice is too sunny for such a bitter, angry man.

ASTROS - That's right, it's me, Donovan Astros, one half of the hottest tag team in wrestling today, the Murder City Devils AND the man that defended NAPW's honor by pinning that REBEL misfit Chad Kurtis in the middle of the ring, one, two, three last Tuesday at Supershow I!

Astros pauses for effect, for applause that will never come.

ASTROS - Now I know a lot of you think I'm the biggest scumbag walking NAPW's hallways, you know, since I did have my buddy and tag team partner Jake Phoenix target and attack Lyndsey Valentine and give her a Tombstone back at the REBEL Open battle royal a couple weeks back. Or maybe you think I'm a horrible person for not feeling any sympathy for Matthew Kurtis and the No-Show's sick little brother when they couldn't be bothered to show up for their singles matches against us a few more weeks back!

Astros seems almost thrilled to talk about the things he's done.

ASTROS - But like I've said since day one here, it doesn't matter to me what you think. I know some of you out there love what I do. I know a lot more of you hate what I do. But all of you keep watching what I do. And this Tuesday at Tagstravaganza, you'll get to watch the Murder City Devils do a whole lot more.

Astros points to the shirt, as smug confidence is beginning to overtake the happy smile from before.

ASTROS - You see, looking over the list of teams, what we can do in NAPW in one night is unbelievable and unprecedented. Pinfall victories over the NAPW Tag Team champions, the NAPW Provincial champion, and either the NAPW Heavyweight champion or the last Pure Honor champion all in one night all on the way to winning the Tag Team titles! That's what the Murder City Devils can do... no, that's what Jake Phoenix and I WILL do this Tuesday night.

Finally, the trademark Astros smirk comes to the forefront. This is a confident, self-assured man who has no doubt what he's saying is true.

ASTROS - Ambitious? You bet. Difficult? Of course. But it's not impossible. Not by a long shot. The face of greatness is about to become the face of NAPW and have the greatest night anyone's ever had here! So whether you like me or hate me, get used to seeing the best damn wrestler on God's green Earth for a long, long time, and get used to seeing him on top, because after Tagstravaganza, there will be one name synonymous with NAPW.

Astros is almost basking at this point in the glory he's painted for himself.

ASTROS - Donovan Astros IS the Savior of NAPW, and he's here to stay.

Fade out.

[Celtic Assassins]

"The Scottish Wrecking Machine" Al Thoes. "The Irish Adonis" Bobby O'Brady. Walking through downtown Edmonton. The sky has clouded over. It's starting to rain. Which makes the mood even better between the two men.

Thoes: So. You and Caliban good friends now, are ye?

O'Brady: You were the one daft enough to challenge him.

Thoes: We needed some motivation. Especially since you didn't get the job done against Roberts the week before!

O'Brady: You were spending all your time trying to get the fans to cheer you. And not enough time trying to win a bloody match! Look what happened when you put your focus on the match! With the exception of Richards, you were the first REBEL performer to take Caliban to the limit! You fought with every ounce of your bein' to take him down. Still didn't work, but hey, you came closer to winning than in in our last few matches. Just the pick me up we need for Tagstravaganza!

Thoes: can I trust you this time Bobby? Or are you going to go to banks and Rees to talk them into "toughening me up"?

O'Brady: I think the prospect of winning the tag titles should be enough. Or how about defending our status as Tagstravaganza champions?

Thoes: Things are different this year...

O'Brady: Aye, we're not on the same roll we were last...

Thoes: More teams, new stipulations, it's a whole new bloody situation! And I'm not sure I can trust you.

O'Brady: Lad, you can trust me. Everything I've done, has been for the team. I only want what's best for us. What worked last year won't work again this year. New rules, new teams, new tactics. But the result will be the same boyo. We're winning. All you have to do is trust me. You may not like everything I come up with, but in the end, it'll all work out. The NAPW tag titles will be ours once more. And then we'll go back to Raleigh and win the REBEL titles. We'll MAKE those people cheer us.

Thoes: Or die trying?

O'Brady: Sarcasm doesn't suit you lad. Now come on. We got to get out of the pissin' rain. Don't want to catch nothin' before our return to glory.

O'Brady walks off. Thoes pauses a second, and mutters as he follows.

Thoes: Aye. Glory...

Fade to Black

[Link Van Haggard]

The scene opens up in what appears to be a balcony of a hotel room and it is on the top floor. Link is standing on it wearing a pair of blue faded jeans and a black T-Shirt. There is a glass table on the balcony and 4 metal chairs surrounding them. The sun is just coming out over the horizon and there is not a single cloud in the sky. Then the sliding glass door behind him opens and out steps his radiant girl friend Tracy. She walks over in a pair of tight blue jeans and a tight red and white shirt. She goes over to Link and gives him a soft kiss on the lips and then wraps her arm around his waist.

Tracy: So Link, are you ready for your guest appearance on the Timothy Key show today?

Link Van Haggard: Yeah of course I'm ready this is my time to voice my opinion about my opponents and I'm not going to waste that chance. It will be my turn to talk the smack if I want to. When do we have to leave any way because I could stay here staring at the sunrise for ever.

Tracy: That’s what I came out to tell you we have got to leave right now.

Link looks at his watch with a puzzling glance.

Link Van Haggard: Really isn't it kind of early and the show isn't on until one o'clock.

Tracy: Yeah but they need to get you into wardrobe then makeup and the producer will have to talk with you. And all of that stuff but they told me you had to be there at a specific time and now is that time.

Link Van Haggard: Fine, fine let’s go.

Tracy’s face lights up as she grabs him by the arm and starts to drag him out of the hotel room. They walk down the hall and get in front of the elevator and as they do a little girl and her family come up beside them. The elevator opens and Link holds the door for them he gets in and presses the first floor button and the little girl comes and presses all of the buttons on the elevator and Link mouth drops to the floor. Her parents just sit there and smile as the elevator stops on every floor of the 64 floor hotel. After about five floors Link grabs Tracy and they walk to the stair way and start the long trek to the first floor. After 15 floors Tracy drops to the floor in exhaustion Link walks over to her.

Link Van Haggard: Come on Tracy we have got to keep going.

Tracy: I can't go any further I think I'm going to die.

Link picks her up to her feet and puts her on his back piggy back style and continues going down the stairs. Link reaches the bottom of the stairs and she hops off and skips into the lobby as they do the family comes out of the elevator with grins on their face. Link lifts his hand and flips them off and they gasp and cover their little girls’ eyes. They walk out of the lobby and over to the valet service and tell them to go get his car the man looks in his little key box for his keys.

Valet: Um sir your keys aren't here.

Link Van Haggard: What the (BLEEP) do you mean my keys aren't there.

Valet: Apparently one of our valets has decided to take your car out on a joy ride.

Link's face turns from shock to anger in seconds.

Link Van Haggard: So what the (BLEEP) are you going to do about this?

Valet: We are going to try and track down the guy and he will be suspended with out pay for a month.

Link Van Haggard: And what the (BLEEP) am I supposed to do in the mean time? I have a guest appearance on the Timothy Key show today and I need to be there now,

Valet: You could take a taxi and we will pay for all of your travel expenses until your car is returned.

Link Van Haggard: Damn right you will now where is the taxi?

The valet turns to his left and whistles and a taxi pulls in front of Link the valet talks to the cab driver as Link and Tracy slide into the back of the cab.

Valet: Once again sir I am very sorry for what happened and I have already told the cab driver where you were going.

Link Van Haggard: All right lets get a move on.

The cab driver begins to drive out of the hotel parking lot and towards the studio where the show takes place. They drive for 15 minutes in total silence and then they arrive at the back entrance to the studio. Link gets out of the car and thanks the cab driver as he drives away. Link and Tracy go through the back entrance and are immediately are bombarded by backstage personnel. People are shouting out actions at Link telling him to go places as Link just nods his head. Eventually one of them walks over and grabs Link and drags him into the dressing room.

Assistant Producer: Hi I'm the assistant producer and this will be your dressing room we have already picked out what you will be wearing while you are on the show and make up will be here in 30 minutes. Any questions?

Link Van Haggard: No.

Assistant Producer: All right, Roy the producer will be with you in 15 minutes to discuss the show. Don't go any where.

She walks out of the door and Link has a few moments to him self and then a man that looks stressed out busts through the door. His hair is messed up and his tie is lowered.

Roy: Link listen we don't have a lot of time so listen and pay attention. Timothy will call you out 15 minutes into the show and you will walk out and wave to the audience, then you will sit down in the chair next to Timothy. All the questions that he asks you I want you to answer them in complete sentences. And make sure you look either at Timothy or at the camera, did you get all of that?

Link Van Haggard: Yep I got it thanks for everything.

Roy nods his head and rushes out of the door and then another person walks through the door and starts to put make up on Link. They stop and then they pick up Link and strip him of his clothes and dress him in nicer jeans and a black dress shirt. Then they push him out of the room and he can hear the theme song marking the beginning of the show begins to play. Link walks to the side of the set to wait for his introduction. Then Timothy announces him and an instrumental version of Man In The Box by Alice in Chains plays as he walks through the curtain and waves at the audience then he sits down next to Timothy.

Timothy Key: I'd like to introduce everyone to Link Van Haggard from the NAPW. thanks for coming on the show Link.

Link Van Haggard: Thanks for having me Timothy.

Timothy Key: No problem, Link Van Haggard will teaming with NAPW veteran Kevin Kodiak in the NAPW TAGSTRAVAGANZA II Gauntlet match, what are your thoughts going into this match?

Link Van Haggard: Well I'm very confident going into this match seeing as how I'm with a very experienced partner, I feel that we’ll be able to dominate the other teams in the match up and ultimately win the Championship gold.

Timothy Key: Those are strong words from a man who has yet to face an opponent in a professional ring. Some of the teams are former tag-team champions themselves what are your thoughts on this?

Link Van Haggard: These guys can have as much experience as they want it doesn't affect me in any way. And while they are running their mouths off about how they are better then me and how they will dominate the entire match I will be training and preparing for this. It’ll be my biggest match in the NAPW for a while most probably and I have to be ready for it fully and can not go in there blind sided by my opponents. I have studied all of their tapes and know all of their moves and I am ready for them.

Timothy Key: Yeah I think you showed them right there, now how about Lloyd Rees and David Banks the current champions they seem to be the biggest threat of them all.

Link Van Haggard: LDK and Banks can think that they are the bomb and everything but in reality they are nothing compared to me and Kodiak they have no skill in the ring and it is all outside charisma. They look to the only real competition in this match. Now they all like to consider me the under dog because I haven’t fought before but I'll be the one on top of the dog pile at the end of the night along with Kodiak and there will be no denying it that we are the best out of all of them and there is nothing that they can do to prove me wrong.

Timothy Key: How about the Jake Phoenix and Donovan Astros you aren't worried about them?

Link Van Haggard: Timothy to tell you the truth I'm not worried about them at all they are nothing to me and will continue to be nothing to me. They are the worst of enemies so how can they work together cohesively as a team? So yeah I'm not worried about Phoenix and Astros.

Timothy Key: After this match what is the next step for Link Van Haggard?

Link Van Haggard: Well of course what is next for me is defending the Tag-Team Championship along with my partner Kevin Kodiak, providing that we win the TAGSTRAVAGANZA II Gauntlet series AND the Steel Cage Match for the straps. If we don’t win this, which I seriously doubt, then I’ll try probably head to the NAPW’s Provincial Championship Division, and try my luck there. But I'm focusing more on this event then the future because that is how I work I worry about the present and not the future.

Timothy Key: All right that is it Link thank you for coming and I hope you will come back real soon.

Link gets off his chair and shakes Timothy's hand and walks off the set and the scene fades away.

[David Banks]

Our scene quickly fades into a shot of a gorgeous park somewhere in the state of North Carolina. The trees are large and lush with green leaves as the grass emulates that of a freshly manicured fairway at one of the world’s finest golf courses. Around the center of this spectacular scene are scattered picnic tables with built in chessboards. Seated at these tables are mostly senior citizens who live out their retirement years in this area. Pigeons, ducks, geese, all kinds of birds are roaming around happily as many of the senior citizens toss them pieces of bread and bird feed. A few happy middle aged couples can be seen riding their bikes along a beautiful bike trail that goes on within an long, romantic passage surrounded and encompassed by trees. Young kids toss frisbies to their pet dogs as school is evidently out for now and they are excited about summer coming soon. With so many things going on, it is hard to pick one thing to focus in, however, we manage to zoom in on a current game of chess going on. It is between an elderly man wearing thick, black rimmed glasses. He has a walker seated next to his bench and has his false teeth floating in a glass of water next to the board. Across from him is David Banks, rubbing his chin as he eyes the pieces on the board. Behind David are his partners in crime, "LDK" Lloyd Rees, Static, and Bob... not that Bob. Everyone is decked out in the lastest Crime gear and golfing hats turned backwards. Bob has a dumb smile on his face as he claps and cheers for David. Behind the old man are a number of his retirement buddies, cheering him on. Including one lady in particular who has her hand on her chest, looking on edge. David grabs a piece, his knight, and finally makes a move and takes out the old man’s pond.

David Banks: The knight is one of the most unique pieces in all of chess. When it moves, it can move two squares horizontally and one square vertically, or two squares vertically and one square horizontally. The complete move is always going to look like an “L.” Unlike the other pieces, the knight can hop over all other pawns and pieces to get to its destination. The move is one of the longest surviving moves in history, unchanged since the 600s. Because of this, it appears in almost all national chess games. The knight is the only piece that can be in position to attack a king, queen, bishop, or rook without being reciprocally attacked by that piece.

Static: Who the hell is he talking to?

Lloyd Rees: He always gets like dis play'n chess.

David Banks: It’s almost like the knight is the Charismatic Collossus of the chess world. It’s unique, standing out above all of the other chess pieces... the same way I stand out as the sole charismatic voice of the wrestling world. It can hop all of the pawns and pieces that stand in its way, which is what I do to midcarders and these wannabe main-eventers on a daily basis. It’s nationally known, one of the constants of the trade... and everyone knows that David Banks is a household name. But most importantly, it’s in a position to attack the leaders of the board. It can take over the king of the board without being in a position to be hit back. That’s the essence of David Banks. I’m about to hit the leader of New Alberta Pro Wrestling and there’s nothing he can do to get back at me.

David Banks: Right after I kick your ass!

Old Man: You damn younguns will never shlurn!

Some spit flies from the old man and lands on the table, oozing off of Davids’ queen

David Banks: Damnit, old geezer, how bout you put your gah damn teeth back in, that’s disgusting.

Old Man: The name isn’t “geezer” it’s Gunther and I never play chess with my teeth in, they distract me.

David rolls his eyes as Gunther makes a sharp move with his queen and gets David in check mate. David can’t believe it as he stares at his king in disbelief, checking out each possible escape, only to find out they’re all blocked up. David slams his fists down on the table, causing some of the pieces to fall over.

David Banks: This game sucks!

The group of old people start to go crazy in celebration as the old woman behind Gunther removes her teeth, turns Gunther around and plants a nice, long, sloppy kiss on his lips and gums. David grimaces in horror at this sight and quickly jumps to his feet. He grabs the glass with Gunther’s teeth in them and tosses it across the table and onto the bike trail where it shatters to pieces. Gunther gets up in anger and grabs his walker.

Gunther: That’s it!! C’mon gang, let’s get him!

Together, they all start to move as fast as they can after the Crimes trio, who just turn around and walk away at their normal speed. Bob seems a bit paranoid as he can hear them yelling behind them. He turns around and sees that, walking at their normal pace, has distanced them quite a bit. Bob takes a sigh of relief.

Bob: Man, that was close... I don’t think we could’ve taken all of them.

Lloyd Rees: Give me a dame break, d'heir a bunch of old people, what are d'hey go'n t'do? Viagra us t'death?

Static: Man, that would have really sucked.

David Banks: I will say this, though... fighting those oldies back there would’ve given us more of a challenge then facing teams like Jeff James and Dio Muerte, Celtic Assassins, Bluegrass Mafia, and the other losers this Tuesday. I mean, I’ve taken my fair share of candy away from babies and I’ve bitch slapped quite a few tricks in my time, but nothing will compare to the ease with which I will dismantle these midcarders at Tuesday Night Fight this week. The really sad thing is that this match is a Gauntlet for my Tag Team title.

Lloyd Rees: Our Tag Team Titles.

David Banks: Right.

Static: Haha, man those old people are a mile behind us now, man do they move slow... oh man, did you see that? One of the legs just broke off of Gunther’s walker and he fell over, that was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!

David Banks: Good for Gunther... but I’m done with those old people... let’s get back to the ten Loserteers and their shot at my Tag Team Title.

Lloyd Ress: Our Tag Team Titles..

David Banks: Gotcah Rees my man. Back at the Supershow, I dropped the proverbial “ball”... I (BLEEP)ed up, my bad. Sure I didn't lose my belt, but I shouldn't have let thing go down like that. Its a new day! Now, I’m ready to move on and (BLEEP) up these losers. I can’t say as though I know much about any of them other than that Dio Muerte is able to perform something no other wrestler has been able to do before. The guy is remarkably able to suck and blow at the same time, now that, my friends, is an art!

Static: Oh shit, too bad I’ve never met a chick who could do that.

David Banks: Tell me about it, Static... that would be the best trick ever. Unfortunately, Muerte isn’t a bitch... okay, well he is a bitch, but he doesn’t have a p*ssy. Well, okay, maybe he is a p*ssy and he quite possibly could HAVE a p*ssy, but I most definitely would never (BLEEP) him. So, he doesn’t count. However, despite me having about as much respect for Muerte as I have for Gunther back there, I will say I’m not going to allow for any let downs this Tuesday. The Tag Team Titles are something we have held for the past few weeks now. Something we have no problem defending against all challengers. So, you can best be assured that I’m going to do all I can to keep it, and if that includes lowering myself to face some douchebag like Dio Muerte again, then so be it.

David Banks: But he isn't the only one. Jake Phoenix and Donovan Astros are douchebags as well. Don't know the guys, don't really care. I just hope that whatever disease they have isn't contagious, cause it'll be hard to get chicks when you're changing colors.

Static: I know. Guess that's why Michael Jackson goes after little boys.

Lloyd Rees: Probably. And I don't tink d'hat we should go down d'hat road. Da Celtic Assassins, can be violent at times. Probably because d'hey can't get any women. Well, along with no women, d'hey ain't gettin' any gold either. I mean, I'm a former NAPW Television Champion, a two-time NAPW Champion, a four-time and current NAPW Provincial Champion, da TECHNICAL TERROR, da best wrassler in da business t’day, da one and da only... LLOYD REES! NAPW is me playground. And I'm da big bad bully, whose gonna make d'hose bitches eat dirt and go run'n home t'mommy. And, afterwards, hopefully a more worth opponent presents d'hem selves... won’t matter though, me b'ys... because, one way or da other, all of NAPW's superstars will get wasted Crime style.

David Banks: Ah the Crimes... Laughing all the way to the bank.

The three Crimes and Bob cross a street, exiting the park and treating the old people like members of the NAPW roster... leaving them in their dust!

FADE OUT!!

["LDK" Lloyd Rees]

-After schooling a few old men in a random location in North Carolina, we open on a airplane bound for St. John’s, Newfoundland. NAPW Tag Team Champions “LDK” Lloyd Rees and David Banks, sitting next to each other in first class, speak.-

David Banks: I can not believe that as long as we been partners we have never made it down to your hometown Lloyd…

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: Me either. Yer in fer a treat me friend…

David Banks: I believe I am but why Lloyd, when we are in for our first and biggest title defense, are we heading down to Bell Island, Newfoundland? I mean, should we not be preparing for our match?

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: Dis trip is about prepare’n fer our match Banks. Da people of me hometown have been fight’n a battle as tough as da one we face at Tagstravaganza II for hundreds of years. I want you t’see it first hand, t’see where I get me drive fer victory.

David Banks: Are you saying I don’t have any drive Lloyd?

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: Not at all Banks. Even fer wrasslers da like of us, Tagstravaganza is go’n t’be a war and I want us t’be on da same page. Dis little trip will do just d’hat…

David Banks: Not to sure I understand…

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: Have I ever let ya down befer Banksie?

David Banks: Well, no…

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: It will all make sense in the next couple days.

David Banks: Where is John?

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: He is wait’n fer us d’ere…

-Scene fades.-

---

This promo was prerecorded...

-As the camera comes on we are focused on a banner for Tagstravaganza II. Random faces of the people involved in the event cover the banner; Chris Casino, Kyle Roberts, Donovan Astros, and Jeff James just to name a few. In the middle, proudly sporting their NAPW Tag Team Championship belts are currant champions “LDK” Lloyd Rees and David Banks. Enter stage right, The New Crimes. Rees pushes John Salty in his wheel chair. Rees and Banks flank their manager as “Wrestling’s Smartest Man” starts to speak.-

John Salty: So da time has finally come fer me NAPW Tag Team Champions t’make da first defense of d’eir titles and what a defense it will be!! Tagstavaganza II!! Where me b’ys will do what d’hey do best; prove all da naysayers wrong as d’hey destroy every team d’hat gets tossed in d’eir faces, go straight t’da Steel Cage main event, and make a mockery out of whatever unlucky team makes it out of Gauntlet One. I mean, who in dis ting really stands a chance against d’ese two men?

-Salty points to David Banks.-

John Salty: “Da Charismatic Colossus” David Banks. Da best pure athlete in all da wrasslin’ world, a hit with da ladies, and if ya know what’s good fer ya, yer frig’n hero!! Banks alone could walk into Tagstravaganza, defend da titles, and meet up with da rest of da Crimes fer a busy night on da town but, see’n as how dis is a tag team event, nobody could have a better partner d’han…

-John motions to NAPW Provincial Champion, Lloyd Rees.-

John Salty: Da TECHNICAL TERROR, Grand Slam Winner, da one and da only…“LDK” Lloyd Rees!!

-The camera turns to Rees.-

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: Tagstravaganza II!! An event d’hat is quickly become’n one of da top events in da yearly calendar of da NAPW. An event d’hat is surely bound for glory as one of da most excite’n events in all da wrasslin’ world. An event where da odds are severely stacked against da Champs!! Typical of da NAPW and da way d’hey treat da people who make dis promotion what it is t’day. But, obviously me words don’t mean a whole lot around here cause dis s**t has been happen’n t’me since I walked all over Millar and won da NAPW Provincial Title fer da first time. So, how do we solve d’ese issue if we can’t do it with words…?

-Camera focuses on Banks.-

David Banks: We walk into Tagstravaganza and do what we do best; kick the a**es of every silly a** tag team who thinks they even stand the slightest of chances against The New Crimes!! It doesn’t matter if your name is Darko, Beautiful, Kodiak, or O’Brady in the end you have to face the unstoppable team of Banks and Rees, NAPW Tag Team Champions, Crimes, simply…THE BEST!!

-Back to Rees.-

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: Like me ol’cock Banks here just said; we’re walk’n into Tagstravaganza da champs, and though hell and high water, be it a miracle, be it just what ya come t’expect from athletes da like of Banks and meself, we will walk out of da Steel Cage with our heads and our titles held high!!

-Fade.-

---

-Bell Island, Newfoundland. John Salty sits on the porch of his modest home. John is still unable to walk after the attack by Brian Bruno a few weeks ago but, time will heal the wounds, hopefully. The camera focuses on “Wrestling’s Smartest Man” and he starts to speak.-

John Salty: A few weeks ago I was brutally assaulted by one, Brian Bruno. No action has been taken against him fer his actions. Da police have done nothing, da NAPW or REBEL Pro have done nothing so, I have come t’da conclusion d’hat I will have t’take matter in me own hands. Bruno will have t’pay fer his actions da only utter way I know, inside da ring…

-After a swig from his trademark flask, John continues.-

John Salty: So, I have a challenge fer Bruno. At da next REBEL Pro show, June 5th, t’me own personal delight, we are go’n t’see me main man, Lloyd Rees, and Brian Bruno inside a Steel Cage/Steel Chair Match. No escape!! No pinfalls!! No submission!! Da only way to win is to get yer steel chair off the roof of da cage, and d’hen, feel free t’do what ever you will with d’hat same chair…Are ya man enough Bruno?

RING! RING!! RING!!!

-John’s phone rings on the table.-

John Salty: Yello…?

-“LDK” is on the other side.-

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: Hey John…

John Salty: Where are ya?

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: We’re in da airport in Raleigh…

John Salty: So, yer on yer way?

“LDK” Lloyd Rees: Yes B’y! Well be d’ere later t’night…

John Salty: Alright b’y, we’ll see ya d’hen…

-John hangs up the phone.-

John Salty: And we’ll see you on June 5th Bruno!!

-Fade.-

[Murder City Devils]

We fade in to a terminal at Los Angeles International, where Jake Phoenix and Donovan Astros are sitting, waiting for their flight, presumably to Edmonton for Tagstravaganza. Phoenix is wearing the new Murder City Devils shirt and black sweats, looking surly as usual. Astros, on the other hand, while sporting the Murder City Devils shirt himself and black slacks, is looking more dour, almost introspective.

ASTROS - Can you feel it, Jake?

PHOENIX - It? What the (BLEEP) is "it"?

ASTROS - The electricity in the air... we're on the cusp of something tremendous, Jake. One of the greatest nights of our lives.

PHOENIX - I thought we were about to beat the hell out of a bunch of punks in NAPW and win the tag team titles. Somethin' change?

ASTROS - No, Jake, nothing's changed, but it's not just a bunch of punks we're going to beat the heck out of! Think about it. Lloyd Rees and David Banks, they're the Tag Team champions, right?

PHOENIX - Yeah, what about 'em?

ASTROS - And Rees, he's the Provincial champion too.

PHOENIX - You got a point or what?

ASTROS - Yeah, I've got a point. They're entering last in our gauntlet, so we have to beat them to make the finals, to make it inside that steel cage. And one of the teams that could be in there with us, with the Murder City Devils, is Simply Beautiful and Ravager. Ravager, the NAPW champion.

PHOENIX - So what? What's it (BLEEP)ing matter, Donnie? You pin Ravager, you ain't gonna be the NAPW champ. I beat up Rees, I don't get the Provincial title. So they ain't no different than anybody else in there - we gotta beat 'em all to a pulp regardless of who they are!

ASTROS - But you don't get it, Jake... when we beat them... when we beat them all, we'll have beaten every champion in this promotion. This is more than just the Tag Team titles, Jake... This is where the Murder City Devils put a stranglehold on NAPW! Rex Caliber's looking for someone to take the NAPW title off of Ravager so that he can get his hands on him... who else could he give it to but one of us after we beat everyone that matters in one night?

Phoenix takes his shades off, and turns to face Astros, straddling the chair he's in.

PHOENIX - See, that's your problem, Donnie - you're always thinkin' too far ahead. If you do this, then you can do that, and then you can do that, this, that, whatever. Then when somethin' goes wrong, you (BLEEP)ing freak out and bitch and moan and get in a tizzy over it forever. You did it before and you're gonna do it again.

Astros looks down at the ground and sighs.

ASTROS - I know what I've done, Jake. I let my ego get in the way. I let it get in the way down in California, I let it get in the way in Reno... and I'm kind of afraid-

PHOENIX - You're afraid? (BLEEP) that. You ain't got a reason to be afraid. I ain't sittin' here and proppin' you up, but lemme make it clear - I wouldn't be putting up with this shit if I didn't think we could take over around here. You're damn good - as much as I (BLEEP)ing hate to admit it, you beat me, so you gotta be good. But it's a waste if we can't focus. You wanted to do this tag team thing, we're gonna do this tag team thing. You and I, we've had tag straps before, and there ain't nobody in this stupid gauntlet match that's gonna stop us from getting these tag straps too.

Astros looks back up at Phoenix.

ASTROS - You're right.

Astros smiles.. then cuts a trademark smirk.

ASTROS - New Crimes. Kurtis Boys. Dio and James. Kodiak and Haggard. Celtic Assassins. There's nothing to fear. There's nothing to be afraid of.

PHOENIX - Ain't no reason to be afraid, boys - 'cause there ain't a (BLEEP)ing thing you can do about what's gonna happen to you on the 22nd.

ASTROS - Like us or not, NAPW, it's time to give the Devils their due.

We fade out as Astros and Phoenix snarl into the camera.

[Kevin Kodiak]

camera opens on a wide city view of downtown Vancouver, as the camera sweeps across it focuses on the Pacific Coliseum and zooms in towards it. The marquee outside says.."Memorial Cup 2007 watch the future stars of tommorrow...today!" The crowd files into the building to watch the top Junior hockey teams in Canada vie for the Memorial Cup.
The camera follows the crowd inside, a large display sponsored by one of the large beverage companies has a table in front of it, and sitting at the table is a rather large figure, it is none other than Kevin Kodiak

the camera approaches Kodiak, and he notices once again the camera crew from NAPW had found him.

KK: " Hey you guys seem to always find me..and of course with some time off, and the Memorial Cup here in the backyard of NAPW, you just know this is the place to find me. If I aint training, or travelling or in the ring, my second home is inside an arena the houses Jr. A. Hockey. Last week I was in Prince George and watch the Royal Bank Cup, now I am here. With so much time between cards now in NAPW, what did you expect me to do. There is some great hockey being played here in this tourney to crown the best team in Canada... or North America for that matter with two teams from the USA. "

Kodiak signs a few more autographs, and takes a bottle of the beverage that is sponsoring the display, and gets up out of his chair. Walking from behind the table he moves to a quieter place on the concourse and signals for the the camera to follow him.

KK:" Hey I am sort of happy to see you..as I have to voice my opinion about this weeks Tagfest. As you may have seen, I am in there in the 2nd round. That's all right with me...but there have been a few developments since i tossed my touque into the ring. First off about a week ago I get a special deliver of chinese food to my place.. the food was great, and as you all know I only eat chinese food from one of the best places around, Taste of China, the place owned by the parents of Fatso Sazuki, who was listed as my partner for this tag extravaganza... i get to the fortune cookie..open it and out pops a note..." Sorry Kevin but your luck change for worst... I have to help parents cater buffet dinner on tag nite, so now you go alone. Fatso" Hey what up with that!! Here I figure me and Fatso win it all...and after we are off for a great buffet and party of chinese food... but now I am out in middle of this thing with only one paddle to row my boat. "

Kodiak takes off his toque and scratches his head in wonderment

KK: "So now what am I gonna do?? this thing is gonna happen in the next few days..and need a partner. The only thing I can do is contact the commish and tell him of my problem. He says dont worry we have the answer for you. So I leave it in his hands. I go about my business, go to some hockey games, do my training, and well figure I will be put in with one of the best from NAPW. Not thinking much about it, I get an email, telling me that I am in with some guy from New Zealand, now I dont know much about that place, never been there, and not really interested in going, but I do know they filmed Lord of The Rings there. So I am not sure about the kind of people that live there. "

Kodiak shakes his head.... as if he can not believe it...

KK: "So I figure I am gonna hook up with one of them Maori natives, one tough son of a gun.. or someone who has been there and back.. but no... I draw this 21 year old kid who has never been in the ring, trained by an ex wrestler, and now thrown in the tourney only because of some buffet that stole my original partner.
His name is Link Van Haggard, and geez I know more about Hobbits then about him. Never been in a pro wrestling match, and I wonder if he even knows how do many basic wrestling moves. This is what the NAPW had in mind for me. Well you know what fans, and you guys running NAPW, that is fine with me, I will take this kid teach him a few things, tell him not to get into trouble, and let me handle the tough stuff, and maybe we just might surprise some of you all!!"

Kodiak seems to want to get going, as he hears the start of the next period of the game, and wants to get back to watch.

KK: "NAPW, you just never know where the next surprise may come from. It wont the first time something unexpected happens, nor will it be the last. But I am telling you, give us a chance, Van Haggard and myself will bring what ever we got to the ring, so dont take us lightly, we will show up with 110% in our pockets."

Kodiak walks away, a few fans chase him for an autograph as he walks back to his seat to watch the next game.

camera fades to black.

[Celtic Assassins]

A video. From NAPW Action, over a year ago. May 11, 2006 to be precise. The Celtic Assassins versus the nFa. We are near the end of the match, and "The Lemondrop Kid" Lloyd Rees and Ol' Salty are leaving. Bayman Jakey is left all alone, and the Assassins finish with the Celtic Crusher.

O'Brady: That was the beginnin'. Of our "respectable" faze. You know, where we were taken seriously? It had it's ups.

Video of the Celtic Assassins taking out Mr. Slick and Joey Malone, Stiff Competition, Team Man, Dream Come True, and Kabukimono.

O'Brady: And there were downs.

Video of the count out loss to Cartwright and Kryenik, costing the Assassins the tag titles.

O'Brady: But there are things that can not be taken away from us. The Celtic Assassins won Tagstravaganza last year, and we beat the top team in the industry to do it.

Video of the final round of Tagstravaganza '06, with Al Thoes pinning Kyle Roberts.

O'Brady: And we beat the top team in the industry AGAIN to win the NAPW tag titles.

Video of the December 5, 2006 Tuesday Night Fights, and Kyle Roberts on the receiving end of a Celtic Crusher.

O'Brady: 2007 has out and out sucked for us. Few wins. Even less respect. Of all the active teams in the NAPW or REBEL right now, we've served the longest, and with the most consistency. And yet we're laughed at. Booed by the Carolina fans. Looked at as nothing more than some kind of "curiosity". We've given our bloody lives for this sport, for the fans. And to win gold. We've come up short once already for the REBEL tag belts. But we have another shot real soon. But when we get that shot, we'll be brining the NAPW tag titles with us. Be cause we're going to be the Two Time Tagstravaganza champions. Two time NAPW Tag Team Champions. And the first team to hold both REBEL and NAPW gold at the same time. We're going to change this industry one way or another. We're going to start by tearing through every team in our gauntlet. Lloyd Rees, you escaped our wrath once, you won't again, even with Banks and the Crimes with you. Jeff James and Dio Muerte? All you boys will be known for is being not good enough for The Foundation. The Bluegrass Mafia have blown chance after chance. Jake Phoenix and Donovan Astros can't even decide who gets the bloody pinfall, and Kodiak and Van Haggard have never teamed ONCE, let alone in a tournament such as this. We will break every team in front of us. And Once we get to the finals... well, there are a few more boys there who I'd like to bloody up in a cage.

Ravager.

Kyle Roberts.

Casino.

The Foundation.

Al and I are coming for tag gold. He may not appreciate the methods, but he'll bloody well appreciate the results. The Celtic Assassins are coming back to the top. And nobody is going to stop us.

A video of the Celtic Crusher being delivered to Evan Cartwright, Bayman Jakey, Moose Millar, Joey Malone, Jeff James, Dutch Flanagan, Kyle Roberts, Prince Darko, and the Assman.

O'Brady: And even if they try. It won't do a bit of good.

Fade to Black.

[Dio Muerte]

Transportation.

The scene fades back in. Dio Muerte is right outside Jeff Jame's apartment complex. He dials up Jeff James.

Dio Muerte I'm here.

Jeff James Okay, hold on, wait.

Cuts to Jeff James walking towards Dio Muerte.

Jeff James Look, come follow me. When you see it you'll love it.

Dio Muerte What it is it man?

Jeff James The surprise would be ruined. Just follow me this way, man.

It cuts to the parking lot. We find both men standing in front of what seems to be a large car, it hides under a white cover.

Dio Muerte Man, that's the used 02 Tahoe.

Jeff James Almost right.

Jeff James then pulls the cover off of the car. It's a used 04 Tahoe. It‘s dark as midnight, hot fiery flames run through out the car like marathon. The grill read “Back Up” in serious font. Lexani rims so high above the ground the car reaches the sky. The tint can only be described as darkness.

Jeff James Look at this.

Jeff plays with the rims and they spin!

Jeff James Isn’t it great?

Dio Muerte I don’t know man, it doesn’t seem like you.

Jeff James What do you mean?

Dio Muerte It’s not you, this is something that Darko and Thomas would get, to prove how much better they are. This is just a bunch of bullshit on a car that we’ll never need.

Jeff James Don’t you ever want to stick out?

Dio Muerte I’ve been sticking out for all my life, I don’t need a car. You don’t need a car either. We’re a good team and you’re great singles.

Jeff James Yeah I know, but, I’ve always wanted a car like this. Look inside the car.

Jeff James opens the door, black leather seats, TV’s everywhere, a mini chandelier as lights.

Jeff James A chandelier man, A CHANDELIER! No one has that now-a-days!

Dio Muerte People don’t have a purpose for it now-a-days.

Jeff James Look at this, there is a TV in the steering wheel, TV’s in the DASH BOARD! TV’s in the headrest. People don’t do stuff like that man, look at it. It’s amazing isn’t it?

Dio Muerte Why the hell would you have a TV in the steering wheel. You’re driving, you don’t need something like that. That’s car crash on demand.

Jeff James Speaking of which, this shit comes with on demand pay per view.

Dio Muerte You think if they put this much effort in placing bull shit in a car they would fine a cure for cancer.

Jeff James I know what’ll get you to shut up. Look, it’s one of those Sirius satellite radio things. They have bunch of radio stations, all song no commercials at all.

Dio Muerte I got an MP3 player and I can download.

Jeff James I know what it is, you’re stressed, sit down.

Dio Muerte takes a sit in the drivers seat.

Jeff James Press this button.

Dio Muerte A massager? You trying to seduce me?

Jeff James Nah man nah. I’m trying to calm you down, you seem uptight.

Dio Muerte I’m not uptight, I just think it’s pointless to add all this in a car. A car should take me from point A to point B. I don’t even use a car. I got me a bike and my MP3 player. I get around fine. If I need to go long distance, I’ll get on a plane. Other then that, a tricked out Tahoe with stuff I won’t need is out of the question.

Jeff James You seen the sound system in the trunk?

Dio Muerte Are you listening?

Jeff James Come on.

Jeff James presses a button on the door panel and pop goes the trunk. Sub woofers galore with amps stretched across the trunk and, yes, more TV’s.

Dio Muerte Where the hell are you putting the groceries?

Jeff James Middle row.

Dio Muerte You can’t be serious.

Jeff James Yeah why?

Dio Muerte You've just been MTV-lized.

Jeff James Whatever, lets go test this beast out.

Fades

["The Show" Chad Kurtis]

Scene begins the morning after the big NAPW-Rebel show as "The Bluegrass Mafia" has just finished watching tape of their last several match-ups.

Matthew: What the hell has been wrong with us lately. I mean have we done something to piss-off Karma. I mean it doesn't seem to matter how well prepared we are or how well we wrestle we can't walk away with a win! I thought until we watched the tapes this morning we may have been missing our focus, but except for the 8 man tag match it seems that we were just beat at our own game!

Chad: I know what you mean I mean we use to own "The Foundation" , but what since they came to Rebel they are like unbeatable or something. Hell, I couldn't even get a win after executing a CK Finale off the top of a ladder. We must have done something to piss-off the wrestling gods.

Matthew: I don't give a damn about what we did or didn't do to the wrestling gods. I just know it's time for "The Bluegrass Mafia" to regain whatever it is that makes us an unmovable force in the world of wrestling. I just don't know exactly how we are going to do it just yet.

Lyndsey: Now c'mon, boys I know we all hate to lose, but don't you think you are being a little hard on yourselves. I mean we did put on some pretty impressive battles lately we just keep coming up just short of our goal!

Chad: Just short of goal, impressive matches, no offense, Lynds, but do we look like we are looking for moral victories here! The answer is no! I mean we know that we have the skills to prevail, so the question is why haven't we been living up to our expections, lately!

Matthew: Lyndsey, baby, in this case Chad is right in this sport you are either the winner or the loser, there ain't no room for second place. So, the question is how can we get our intensity back, and "The Big Blue Ass-kicker" thinks he has the answer!

Chad and Lyndsey: Do tell ,Do tell!

Matthew: Chad, I think me and you need to go our separate ways this week. From the time we finish this conversation until Sunday morning, we need to do what ever it takes to light a fire back under the ass of "The Bluegrass Mafia". Chad, I mean you need to use this time to train and get focused, I don't want to see you on "Cold Pizza" or "The Best Damn Sports Show Period", or hear anything about you running around with Haylie Duff. I know you two have a thing, but this week is about getting the wrestling pumping back in your veins!

Chad: I understand, big man, and I know exactly what I need to do to put the thunder back in my chest, and the lighting back in my veins. When we walk down the ramp for "Tagstravaganza II" nobody is going to know what hit them. 'Cause this is the time the ship is going to come for "The Bluegrass Mafia"! Come "Tagstravaganza II", "The Innovator of Offense", "The Last 'Action' Hero", "The True Prime Time Player", "The Show" Chad Kurtis is going to show "The Murder City Devils", "The Celtic Assassins", Kodiak & Haggard, James and Muerte, "LDK" and Banks what the true meaning of intensity is, plus I am going to introduce them to agony of defeat!

Lyndsey: Seems both my boys are getting focus for their shot at the NAPW tag team championship. Damn I fell sorry for the other boys. I mean when "The Big Blue Ass-Kicker" and "The True PTPer" are on the same page they are simply unbeatable!

Matthew: Picking up his and Lyndsey's bags.That's right we've been talking the talk and now is the time to walk the walk. Chad I'll see you later and then come Tagstravaganza we'll commence to kicking ass.

[Dio Muerte]

Let me drive, man, damn!

The scene opens up to Dio Muerte sitting in passenger side in the Used 04 Modified Tahoe. While Jeff James is having a hard time trying to master stick shift.

Dio Muerte Let me drive.

Jeff James Last time I let you drive, you drove on the wrong side of the road and took a door out.

Dio Muerte Nah man, you did. You opened the door, remember.

Jeff James You told to me to open it, you said a car would crush.

Dio Muerte Akforty also said you got breathing problems, is that true?

Jeff James No.

Dio Muerte Okay then. Now let me drive.

Jeff James No, you're gonna crash my baby.

Dio Muerte You can't even drive stick and you're telling me, I'm going to crash. That's funny.

Jeff James Look, I'll get a hold of it.

Dio Muerte How did you even get it into the parking lot?

Jeff James Don't worry about it.

Dio Muerte Okay, drive on to the street.

Jeff James Don't doubt me man, I'll prove you wrong.

The car lets out a big "ERRRRRRNNNNNGGGG"

Jeff James That's that "It must be working" sound.

Dio Muerte No, that's that "I can't drive for shit" sound.

Jeff James Shut up, watch this.

The car moves, then stops, moves, then stops. This cycle goes on and on. They finally make it out of the parking lot and into the street.

Dio Muerte At this rate we'll never get anywhere. Let me drive.

Jeff James Nah, look, I got it.

Dio Muerte Look, I promise I won't drive on the wrong side of the road.

Jeff James Okay fine, only because I trust you.

Both men exit the car and switch the seats. Dio Muerte begins to drive the car at ease, switching between gears effortless. The two finally stop at a red light. Three girls rush the car. A red head, blond and a brunete. All three look like a Britney Spears music video extra.

All Three Girls Hi Jeffery.

Jeff James Hello.

All Three Girls Sucks that you didn't beat your evil brother up for the win.

Jeff James Things happen.

All Three Girls Wow, you're so deep. Isn't he dreamy?

Jeff James Thanks.

All Three Girls Where are you off to?

Jeff James Just cruising around with my friend.

All Three Girls Wow, he has chauffeur.

Jeff James Not really, he's my friend that can drive well.

All Three Girls Can we come?

Jeff James Sure, why not.

All three girls enter the car.

It now breaks into an aside with Dio Muerte and Jeff James

Dio Muerte I hope you know these girls are under aged and if cops find us with these girls in the back seat, we're toasted.

Jeff James How do you know they're under aged?

Dio Muerte Notice the skank like outfit. Notice the lack of breasts and ass to fit the skank like outfit. Look at how they chew gum, play with hair, strawberry berry pink lip gloss. That goofy smile. Look at their shirts, it's tight, cuts off at the naval. And their shirts say some novelty bullshit dealing with them being ultra fine or ultra bitches. The skirts, real high up, but they have garbage ass legs to fill them. Just like I said before, real skank like outfit, but they lack the parts to fill it in.

Jeff James You really think?

Dio Muerte Yeah man. On top of that, they're not real wrestling fans.

Jeff James How come?

Dio Muerte How come they were able to recognize you, but, not me. Meaning, they probably seen your face in a magazine.

Jeff James Good point, but, what do we do know? If we kick them out, they might make a scene.

Dio Muerte You're right. We gotta drive them around.

Jeff James And we gotta ask to borrow one of there cell pones.

Dio Muerte Why?

Jeff James If they really are under aged teens as you say, their phones will have cameras.

Dio Muerte We can document everything that's going on, so if we end up at court we're home free.

Jeff James Exactly!

The aside breaks away and they drive off, put up the windows and turn on the AC. Jeff James turns around in his seat and faces the three girls.

Jeff James So do you guys have a cell phone right?

All Three Girls Yes, we do. Why?

Jeff James Well don't you three want to prove to your friends that you met Jeff James?

All Three Girls Yeah!

Red Hair Girl Here.

She hands Jeff James her phone. He plays with it and finds the video section.

Jeff James How long does it record for?

Red Head Girl Three Hours, it's a prototype, my daddy gave it to me.

Jeff James That's cool. So, how old are all of you guys?

All Three Girls You know.

Jeff James Um, no, I don't.

All Three Girls If you add all three of us we're over the age of twenty.

Jeff James This sounds like an algebra problem.

All Three Girls Wow, you're funny too. He's so dreamy.

Jeff James Yeah, I guess. So how long have you guys been in this car?

All Three Girls Oh, stop playing stupid, you know we just got in.

Jeff James So what school do you guys go to?

All Three Girls Well...uh... you see... we're ... we're just got to this town and we haven't...uh.... actually found a school to go to yet. Yeah. A school to go to... yeah.

Jeff James What grade are you in?

All Three Girls You see.....we're not from America so it's uh a kinda uh different, yeah, different we're from.

Jeff James From where?

All Three Girls Haiti.

Jeff James You guys aren't dark skinned.

All Three Girls Uhhh... foreign...uh... exchanged students, yeah, exchanged.

Jeff James What grade were you in before you went to Haiti.

All Three Girls We left to Haiti such a long time ago, we were in Kindergarten.

Jeff James Oh okay. So what part in Haiti?

All Three Girls Um...Porte..au...Prince.

Jeff James And you guys aren't dead?! That's a miracle.

Blond Haired Girl Why?

She then receives a quick elbow from the brunete for the outburst.

Jeff James All the violence.

Blond Haired Girl Violence?

She receives another quick elbow, this one harder, she lets out an "Ow"

Jeff James Yeah, little kids walk around with AK's and M4's robbing, kidnapping and killing.

brunete We'll we're lucky enough to have security around us, protecting us, you know.

Jeff James Yeah. I guess.

All Three Girls Sooooo, this is a sweet ride. How much did it cost you?

Jeff James Actually I got it for free.

All Three Girls Did you steal it?

Jeff James Nah, some guy was selling it, he said he needed the money to pay off debts. It wasn't too much.

The blond haired girl notices a green button.

Blond Haired Girl What does this button do.

Jeff James I personally don't know.

Blond Haired Girl Should I?

Jeff James I don't think so.

The blond haired girl doesn't listen, she goes and presses the green button. It activates the hydraulics, since the girls don't have their seat belts on, their heads bump on the celling of the car. They all crush the mini chandelier with their heads and let out a girl "UH!"

Dio Muerte This car had hydraulics, damn.

Jeff James I think they're knocked out.

Dio Muerte Dumb ass bitches.

Jeff James The hell are we going to do with the bodies?

Dio Muerte Get rid of them.

Jeff James What do you mean, get rid of them?

Dio Muerte Pull over and dump the bodies.

Jeff James Where?

Dio Muerte We can find a bus stop or something.

Jeff James Lets make a U-turn and dump them where we found them.

Dio Muerte Too many people, they might think we tried to seduce them and rape.

Jeff James Yeah.

Dio Muerte Oh look, coppers right behind us. Act cool.

Sirens begin to play

Jeff James But, we need to cover the girls.

Dio Muerte Look, go back there, move them to the third row. Then jump back to the second row, k?

Jeff James I gotcha.

While Dio Muerte pulls over, Jeff James does as he's told and completes the task simultaneously with the cops arrival.

Cop Good afternoon, what in the world is up with the mask?

Dio Muerte I'm an ugly person.

Cop Ha, you're funny. Well, I'm here to tell you the tint is too dark. I'm giving a warning, because I like ya' sense of humor.

Dio Muerte Thank you.

Cop Alright. Geez, with tint like that it looks like you're trying to kidnap three minors and have a friend place them in the third row and jump back to the second row and have him finished right when I pull up to you, because you two are truly innocent and you're not trying to kidnap them. They're just knocked out, because the blond one hit the hydraulics button and their heads hit the mini chandeliers. But you know I wouldn't believe you, because it looks very shady.

Dio Muerte Oh, never. That's low and despicable. Sir, that's down preposterous.

Cop Exactly and if that were too happen, I would shove this hand gun down your throat and pull the trigger.

Dio Muerte I'm glad that's not me.

Cop Yes, because I hate violence. Well good day.

Dio Muerte Bye.

Dio Muerte drives off and Jeff James hops back to the passenger seat.

Jeff James Damn, that was close.

Dio Muerte For real, we have to dump these girls now.

It cuts away and cuts back. Two hours have passed, it's night now. The two men pull up into the suburbs of a totally different town. They stop at a bus stop. No one seems to be around.

Dio Muerte Okay, lets dump 'em.

Both men work diligently on taking the girls out of the car. They lay the girls on top of each other like a triple decker sandwich. This would be any teenage boys fantasy to see these girls laid out like this. But, you would be considered one sick, sick, sick man if you were over eighteen.

Jeff James goes to place the cell phone on top of the blond haired girl.

Dio Muerte The hell are you doing?

Jeff James Returning the phone.

Dio Muerte No, don't.

Jeff James Why not?

Dio Muerte Whenever it is that they regain consciousnesses, they might delete the video and take us to court. We'll have no counter statement.

Jeff James Good thinking.

Both men hop back into the used 04 highly modified Tahoe. Leaving the girls laid out like pastry on the bus stop. The men drive off laughing at how stupid the blond girl is and the fact she picked Haiti. Out of all the countries in the world, she picked Haiti.

Fades