What would a "Bruce Richards" be?

[Bruce "The Beast" Richards]

(Sunday evening. Bruce Richards is sitting in the familiar surroundings of the back room of the Nexus One Sports Club. He’s sifting through a pile of papers; two large three-ring binders are also open on the table in front of him, as is a pitcher of coffee. He scratches his head and takes a sip of coffee as he makes a few notes. The door to the back room opens and in walks the sexiest man on Calgary Trail, former NAPW Heavyweight Champion, former NAPW Tag Team Champion, and current NAPW owner and general manager, “The Nexus One” Rex Caliber.)

REX CALIBER: How’s it going, big guy?

BRUCE RICHARDS: These books are really badly organized. I’m having a really hard time understanding them.

REX CALIBER: Well, as far as I can gather from his secretary, Joey didn’t take financial advice from anyone.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Well, he sure as hell should have. Your finances are a mess.

REX CALIBER: Well, that’s why I have YOU here to look at things for me, (knocks on Bruce’s head) Mister “I Have A Business Degree”. You can make more sense of these books than I can. I’m not a businessman, I’m an ideas man.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Any ideas on how you’re going to get more money?

REX CALIBER: Besides introducing the NAPW Sandwich Selection at the Nexus One Sports Club?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Yeah, besides that. (Stomach growls.)

REX CALIBER: Sounds like you could use one of the new specials. How about a Stylin’ Kyle?

BRUCE RICHARDS: I’ve never been a fan of ham and cheese sandwiches, thanks.

REX CALIBER: A Bob Ravager?

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Making a face.) Smoked turkey? No thanks.

REX CALIBER: A Lemondrop Kid?

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Shuddering.) Deep-fried oysters and mayonnaise don't mix well with coffee, Rex.

REX CALIBER: How about a Chris Casino?

BRUCE RICHARDS: I don’t remember seeing that one on the menu.

REX CALIBER: Ah, it’s just baloney on white bread.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Zing!

REX CALIBER: Well, if you need anything, let me know.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Will do. (Goes back to his books, but Rex doesn’t go anywhere.) I can’t help but notice you’re still here.

REX CALIBER: You doing okay?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Of course I’m okay.

REX CALIBER: Well, I just wanted to check. I got you doing a lot of favours for me this weekend, making radio appearances, signing autographs on menus, looking over the books…and I don’t want you to think that you’re being overworked or anything. You know, now that I’m your boss, things are going to be a little different. It’s not all friendship here.

BRUCE RICHARDS: I know, Rex. I’m doing you favours because you’re my friend AND because I kind of like the idea of getting a paycheque every two weeks. I’m looking out for the NAPW. I’m not expecting you to give me a job or anything. The silent partner gig’s never been my cup of tea. Besides, it would take my mind off the real work.

REX CALIBER: Kickin’ ass and takin’ names!

BRUCE RICHARDS: I already got me a name, Rex.

REX CALIBER: Stone Zellor. Seems like a talented enough kid: fast, talented, took the tag titles away from you…he reminds me of me.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Har de har har.

REX CALIBER: Ah, you’ll be fine against this kid. You’re not just some tag team specialist; you’ve proven you’re able to take chumps on one on one before, too. Hell, you got a BattleBowl ring, don’tcha? You’re a superstar, bubba! I mean, not as big as me, and probably not as big as D! in his day, but…you’re probably in the top five. Top ten, definitely.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Smiles.) Wow, great pep talk, Rex.

REX CALIBER: Ah, you don’t need me to tell you you’re going to take it to Stone. You’re tougher, you’re more experienced, you’re fueled by the power of RAW FURY. He’s goin’ down faster than Tiffany after a few vodka slimes!

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Smiling.) Who told you?

REX CALIBER: (Smiling broader.) Voice of experience, Bruce.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Didn’t I overhear her telling you she’d rather eat glass than go on a date with you?

REX CALIBER: (Shocked.) Where did you hear that?

BRUCE RICHARDS: You see, Rex, when two people have a committed relationship, they actually COMMUNICATE with one another…

REX CALIBER: Talking’s just time that would be better used (BLEEP)ing.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Can we please get off this topic? Normally Kyle would interject with a non-sequitur and we’d get on track, but it’s not working so well without him.

REX CALIBER: Fair enough. So, how do those books look, bubba?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Seriously? You need more money, and fast.

REX CALIBER: Well, maybe if we had some big names, we'd draw a bigger crowd.

BRUCE RICHARDS: You have big names! You’ve got me, don’t you? I’m a superstar!

REX CALIBER: Ah, I was just strokin’ yer ego earlier, tough guy.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Whatever. You’ve got Chris Casino, Bob Ravager, Evan Cartwright--

REX CALIBER: The New & Improved D-X.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Chuckles.) You don't have them any more. The previous owner made that really clear.

REX CALIBER: Man, you think I'm going to run this federation like Joey Malone? I'm The Nexus One, baby! I'm on top of things, I'm proactive, I'm going to heal this federation with the power of my Rex Appeal!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Right.

REX CALIBER: Look, Bruce. I do right by my friends. And when doing right by my friends lines up with a good business decision, then I'd be a Joey Malone not to take it.

BRUCE RICHARDS: What are you saying?

REX CALIBER: (Raises an eyebrow.) Maybe D-X doesn't have to be over after all...

(Fade to black.)


(Rex Caliber used with permission.)