Who Pissed in Yer Cornflakes?

["LDK" Lloyd Rees]

~Signal Hill, St. John’s, Newfoundland, home of the first trans-Atlantic wireless transmission, we find the self proclaimed Republic of Newfoundland Champion, Lloyd Rees, staring out into the open ocean. It’s cold! But, Lloyd is dressed for the harsh conditions atop St. John’s highest peak. Having had enough of the sights and sounds, Lloyd heads back toward his rental car. He opens the door, rest one hand on the roof, looks in to the camera, and starts to speak.~

“The Lemondrop Kid”: I did it again b’y…

~Lloyd pulls his scarf tight around his neck to protect him from the cold.~

“The Lemondrop Kid”: I’ve went and made somebody so frig’n mad d’hat d’hey cursed a blue streak and ramble on about how d’hay are go’n t’make me pay for all da s**t d’hat I’ve caused, blah, blah, blah…Dis time, d’hat certain someone is da former NAPW Pure Honor Champion, Simply Beautiful. I mean look at yerself Beautiful. Yer so enraged d’hat ya couldn’t even get yerself cleaned up fer a TV appearance; scruffy beard, wife-beater, and torn jeans. What kind of NAPW “star” do ya tink ya are?! Let me tell ya exactly what kind of “star” ya are! Yer da kinda guy who struts around da NAPW, look’n pretty, and talk’n da talk. Hell, you’ve even compiled yerself a good record, a title reign, and a so-called win over “Da Lemondrop Kid”. But, when we compare a “star” like yerself t’a “STAR” like me we see da big difference…

“The Lemondrop Kid”: Look at me history make’n career. Sure, I may not have da looks, or an impressive record like yerself, but when people look at da career of “Da East Coast Sensation” d’hey know d’hat it is a career d’hat made a difference in da business. A career d’hat actually meant someting, a career d’hat future wrasslers will look up to. Hell!! I can hear d’hem now…

~In his best mainlander accent.~

“That Lloyd Rees, he was hell of a wrestler. He had the mic skills, the in ring skills, and he brought the NAPW to the top in the wrestling world. I even remember when he made the NAPW Championship worth something again.”

~Lloyd sits in the car, puts the key in the ignition, and turns it over. Rees closes the door, rolls down the window, and continues to speak.~

“The Lemondrop Kid”: FEAR?! What in da name of Jesus do I have t’fear from you Beautiful?! Da fact d’hat ya got a disqualification win over me, da fact d’hat ya put on a half decent show’n at Cold Snap, s**t!! Da only ting I got t’fear from you is d’hat I don’t get me a** sued fer beat’n ya so bad dis Tuesday. Sure yer tough, Hell!! Yer Simply Beautiful!! But, ya ain’t “Da Lemondrop Kid”!! Ya see SB, just like I told ya befer, yer just another step’n stone fer me on me way t’claim’n me third reign as NAPW Champion and bring’n back mean’n and honor t’da title d’hat is supposed t’represent us all…

“The Lemondrop Kid”: But, Tuesday is yer big chance, yer time t’shine, yer chance at NAPW greatness!! A chance t’do all d’hose tings ya want t’do t’me. Ya know; take me out, redeem yerself, and shut me fat f**k’n mouth. Well, ya know what I say Beautiful?? BRING WHAT YA GOT!! Cause yer go’n t’need it all when it comes time fer ya t’step into da squared circle with “da former NAPW Television Champion, da three time and longest reign’n NAPW Provincial Champion, two time NAPW Champion, da only man worthy of hold’n a title in da NAPW, da technical terror, da top wrassler in da business t’day, “Da East Coast Sensation”, Da Lemondrop Kid”, da one and da only…LLOYD REES!!!”

~Lloyd rolls the window up as his egotistical trademark rant comes to an end. Rees puts the car in drive, but before he can pull away he rolls the window down and looks into the camera.~

“The Lemondrop Kid”: Ya hate me Beautiful?! Isn’t d’hat a tad bit harsh?

~Lloyd rolls the window up and drives away.~